Cherished

by Kim Cash Tate

  He lowered his mic and waited as the lights dimmed and his face appeared on-screen, then he walked down the steps and stood with Kelli.

  “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father,” Brian was saying on-screen, his face shadowed, a soft piano playing. “And I saw that big-time in my own life, from the grandmother God gave me, from the mother and father who gave me life . . . and from the best friend he gave me in high school— Kelli London.”

  Cedric and Lindell turned to Kelli, stunned, along with Cyd and Stephanie. None of them knew Kelli had decided to go public with her part in the story. Brian had been stunned himself when he saw the final script. But she said she felt God prodding her to be transparent, to let go of needless shame, in order to touch others. Still, it clearly wasn’t easy for her.

  Brian clasped her hand, sure her heart was beating as hard as his.

  “Kelli was the best friend I could’ve asked for,” on-screen Brian was saying. “We shared a love of school, basketball, and music. In fact, Kelli was into music way more than I was. She wrote songs and she could sing, and I was sure one day she’d be a big star. I was the science nerd, and even though she didn’t love it, she’d indulge me with fifty trips a month to the Science Center—and I’m only exaggerating a little.”

  The crowd giggled as young actors on-screen were shown inside the Science Center, wrestling a dinosaur.

  “After two years of close friendship, we began dating, and it was innocent enough . . . for a while.” The video showed a young couple walking through the hallways at school, holding hands. “But at the end of high school, I made a choice. Instead of keeping purity in the forefront of my mind, I wanted our relationship to go ‘deeper.’ Guess you could say we both did. And one day, we acted on that.

  “I misused God’s good and perfect gift.”

  The music turned a little ominous as the couple on-screen entered a bedroom, the door closing behind them. Brian took a peek behind him at Mrs. London. Her eyes were riveted to the screen.

  On-screen Brian was walking down a lonely sidewalk at night. “Three weeks later, I learned she was pregnant. I spent some time thinking about what I should do.” He looked at the camera. “Know what I came up with? I decided to follow up that first bad choice with a terrible choice. I walked away from Kelli and our baby. I wasn’t even with her when she went to the clinic.”

  Brian could feel the stares around him. His stare was on the screen as he tried to hold it together. Kelli was wiping tears.

  “My choice was all about me. I’d done my grandmother proud. I was headed for college, first in my family, ready for a career in science, maybe a Nobel Prize. I didn’t want to be weighed down. But when I got to college, I was weighed down—with guilt. I couldn’t believe what I’d done to Kelli, to our baby—to God. I had sinned against Him, and I could barely stand the sight of myself.”

  The video showed a man anguished at his bedside, on his knees. “It was there in college, in the middle of the night, that I pleaded for forgiveness, and my life changed forever. I saw God in ways I’d never really seen Him, as a God of great mercy and grace. I recommitted my life to Him, and He led me down paths I never could’ve imagined . . . including this path of ministry through music.”

  Brian walked through a field of grass, with blue sky overhead. “But there was still a problem, a choice needing to be made. As hard as it would be, I needed to find Kelli and tell her how sorry I was. Seven years after I’d walked out on her, I did find her—and trust me, it was hard.” He looked into the camera again. “But remember what I said about grace and mercy? Took some time but she forgave me, and something happened beyond my wildest dreams. She became my co-collaborator on my second album, called Love Letters.

  “But something even greater than that happened. Together we wrote a song for our baby, and it’s the first release from the album— ‘I Will Love You.’ We only ask you to do one thing as you listen. Think about the most important people in your life, and make the choice to love them hard now, while they’re with you.”

  The song began playing, and on-screen, different images appeared of parents with their babies and children, couples, friends enjoying life, and back to babies.

  By the end of the song, Brian had taken the stage again. As the lights came up, he was rocked by what he saw—people in tears across the room. He lifted the microphone. “I’d like to introduce my friend and co-collaborator on this album, Kelli London.”

  The room thundered louder than it had initially for Brian. Kelli made her way to the stage, and Brian took her into his arms. For long seconds they held one another, the crowd never once letting up. Finally, they turned to face everyone and waited another long while until the noise died down.

  Brian sighed into the microphone. “Well. What did you think?”

  He and Kelli looked at one another and smiled when the crowd erupted again. Brian held up his hand. “I am so blown away by your response. God showed up in a big way on that song, didn’t He?” Brian paused while a few whistles sounded. “But wait, that’s just one song on the album. We’ve got twelve, and each one is a love letter. Volunteers are passing through the crowd right now to give you a handout so you can read what each love letter is about as the song plays.”

  He held up a copy of the CD. “And of course, we’ve got the CD available here tonight. I love this artwork on the cover, but I especially love what it says at the top: Alien, featuring Kelli London.”

  Kelli leaned over to take a look. “I hadn’t seen that. You put my name on the cover?”

  He smiled at her, then addressed the crowd. “Kelli and I would love to meet you. We’ll be over at the signing table.”

  She whispered as they walked down the steps. “I’m signing too?”

  Brian took her hand. “Of course you are.”

  Mrs. London was one of the first people they saw in the crowd. He couldn’t read her expression.

  She looked from Kelli to Brian, then back to Kelli. “Why am I just hearing this tonight? Why didn’t you tell me, Kelli? I would’ve been there for you.”

  “I know.” Kelli barely made eye contact. “There are a lot of things I should’ve done. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry, too, Mrs. London. I wasn’t the person you thought I was.”

  She stared them both down, shaking her head, then pulled them into a hug. “Pretty smart, Kelli, letting me find out through that video. Who could stay mad after watching that? It was too powerful.” She looked at them again. “Brian, you made some wrong choices— we all do—but you’re still the thoughtful young man you always were.” She noticed a line growing behind them. She gave them the eye. “We’ll talk more later, all right?”

  Kelli and Brian glanced at one another. “All right,” they said.

  Monica approached them next, her eyes teary. “Brian, I see why you didn’t let me hear that particular song until now.” She glanced at Kelli. “I knew you two had a history, but I didn’t know it ran that deep. That was so moving. I could only praise God as I listened.”

  Brian was grateful for this first bit of feedback. “I appreciate that, Monica. It wasn’t easy to tell that story.”

  “But it’ll impact so many. I know it will.” She looked at Kelli. “I loved that song when you played it for me, but I see now why it wasn’t meant to be. You two were meant to do it together.” She paused. “Actually, you were meant to do this whole album together. What a beautiful story.”

  Kelli smiled, hanging on to Brian’s hand. “Thank you, Monica. That means a lot to me.”

  Brian spotted the teen girls whose shirts he had signed, waiting behind Monica. He pulled Kelli forward and introduced her to them.

  The smiley giggles were gone. One of them was crying.

  Kelli let Brian’s hand go and hugged her. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m eighteen,” she said, “and I made the same choice last year.” Her chest heaved. “I know God forgives me, but I couldn’t forgive myself. I grew up in
a good Christian family, and they don’t even know. I felt so alone, like I was the only one who had done something like this.” She looked at Brian. “Thank you. I loved you before, but I really love you now. That video was so freeing for me, just to be able to focus on God’s grace and mercy.”

  Kelli smiled. “That’s the song that’s playing right now. His grace and mercy have covered you.” She tugged on the girl’s hand. “It took me a long time to believe that, so I’m telling you now— believe it. Okay?”

  The girl nodded, fresh tears spilling. “Can I dedicate that same love song to my baby?”

  Kelli glanced at Brian, her own tears welling, and he knew what she was thinking. She couldn’t believe the song was already providing comfort to someone else.

  “Oh, absolutely you can,” Kelli said.

  For the next hour, they heard similar stories from people in the signing line. Many, though, simply shared how moved they were by the video and song. Brian and Kelli sat side by side, marveling at the reactions, focusing on each individual. But although Brian was encouraged, he wasn’t totally relieved. This was a highly supportive crowd. What would happen Tuesday when the song was officially released? What would the masses say? What would they think of him?

  Brian’s ear was tuned to the sequence of the songs. When the last track neared the end, he told Kelli they needed to wrap it up and head back to the stage. As soon as the crowd saw them up there, they howled as if they hadn’t seen them all night.

  “Does that mean you liked Love Letters?” Brian asked.

  As they yelled affirmation, Brian looked at Kelli. “Can you believe this? All those hours, all that prayer.”

  Kelli smiled. “God is faithful.”

  Brian faced the crowd again. “Now that you’ve had a chance to hear all the songs, for the rest of the evening—”

  “Hey! Wait!”

  He turned. Logan was coming up the stairs.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” Brian said, “one minute, please. This is Logan Duncan, our assistant worship pastor here at Living Word.”

  The crowd gave Logan a shout-out, especially the ladies.

  Logan whispered in Brian’s ear.

  “You’re saying they haven’t heard all the songs?” Brian’s jaw dropped as he listened. He checked the back of the CD. “There’s a hidden bonus track on my album?”

  He stared at Kelli with a look of shock. A second later he had his arm around Logan with a wide grin.

  “Okay, I have a confession to make, everybody,” he said. “You heard twelve love letters—a love letter to our baby, to the world, to those who are suffering, to young men and young women, to the least of these, to fellow aliens”—he waited as they cheered—“to the fearfully and wonderfully made, and so on.” He paused. “But there’s one love letter you haven’t heard yet—my love letter to Kelli.”

  Gasps and choruses of “Aww . . .” sounded from the crowd.

  Kelli’s hand went to her chest as she looked at Brian.

  “You all heard what I put her through, how I misused God’s good and perfect gift . . . when I should’ve cherished her, as God does. My friend here, Logan, did the song with me, and I’m dedicating it to Kelli. We’re about to perform it live. It’s called ‘Cherished.’”

  thirty-four

  AS A CHAIR WAS BROUGHT ONSTAGE FOR KELLI, SHE didn’t even try to hold back her emotion. Brian had written a love song for her? And included it on his album for the world to hear? She couldn’t keep her hands still as she sat. These last few weeks, she’d begun to wonder if he cared about her—even as her own feelings grew, though she’d barely admitted it to herself. It was too much to process.

  As she focused on the first lines of the song, as the melody entered her soul, she couldn’t keep it together. It was absolutely beautiful, Logan crooning the chorus that let her know she was cherished.

  Brian rapped the verses partially facing the crowd but mostly facing her. She stared at him through her tears, hanging on every word, words penned specifically for her. He’d written them in such a way that a listener could think of them as God’s love, but Brian had already said it . . . this was dedicated from him to her.

  Logan sang the last part of the song, and when it ended, he hugged her and left the stage. Kelli was about to stand, but Brian motioned for her to remain where she was. He lowered himself to one knee, and the crowd went wild.

  “Brian . . .” she said. It was all she could say.

  He reached inside his jacket, pulled out a velvet box, and opened it. Kelli closed her eyes, trying to grasp what was happening.

  “Can I please have quiet?” Brian asked the crowd.

  Suddenly one could hear a pin drop.

  “Kelli London . . .”

  She opened her eyes again, and they locked immediately with Brian’s.

  “. . . you are the best friend I could ever ask for, the best collaborator I could ever work with, and the only woman I want to spend my forever with on this earth. I love you, Kelli. Will you marry me?”

  Marry him? He was asking her right here to marry him?

  Someone eased onstage to hand her a microphone. She held it, her eyes sweeping the crowd. It was so quiet, everyone awaiting her answer. She gulped, looking at Brian again.

  “I honestly doubt there’s anyone else on this earth I’d rather spend my life with, Brian . . .” She gazed downward and finally brought her eyes back up to meet his again. “But a short while ago, we weren’t even speaking. I’m not saying no. I just need time . . . to wrap my mind around this, around us . . . to be . . . sure.”

  Low murmurs sounded throughout the crowd as Brian closed the velvet box and stood, avoiding her gaze. Kelli wished the crowd would all disappear, that she could talk to him further, alone. She was moved to her very core by what he’d done, and she hated to do this to him. But they’d barely been in touch lately. What was he thinking?

  She rose from the chair and turned to leave the stage, but when she glanced at Brian, she couldn’t. She took his hand and led him center stage.

  “This evening has been so incredible,” she said, speaking into the mic. “Your presence, your enthusiasm, your feedback on the songs—all of it far surpassed our expectations. But please, I don’t want you to leave with the impression that my response just now is any reflection on Brian. In fact, my admiration of him just went through the roof. It’s just, to me, marriage is a lifelong commitment, and I need to be sure of my own heart.”

  Kelli gripped his hand still. “I want you to leave knowing that this man is the real deal. He loves the Lord, and he loves this music ministry. He didn’t tell you this, but he recently gave up a personal ambition to attain a PhD in biochemistry because he felt this was God’s calling on his life.” She turned toward him. “Brian Howard, to me, you are the most special guy on the planet—and we could even say you’re out of this world.”

  Brian and Kelli embraced, and the crowd whistled and cheered again. Their music played over the speakers as they left the stage and people began leaving. They took more pictures and heard more stories, but Kelli still couldn’t wait to get him alone. They needed to talk.

  THAT MOMENT CAME HOURS LATER AS KELLI AND BRIAN stole away to an all-night diner. They placed their order, handed the menus to the server, and stared at one another across a small booth.

  “Brian,” she began, “what were you thinking, asking me to marry you like that? It’s not like we’d been seeing one another. For all I knew, you were dating Monica.”

  “Monica?” Brian looked hurt, frustrated. “I told her months ago that I couldn’t pursue a relationship with her . . . because of you.”

  “Well, how would I know that? You weren’t pursuing a relationship with me either.”

  Brian sighed. “I went about things the wrong way—obviously. After spending so much time together on this album, I knew, Kelli. I knew I wanted to spend my life with you. But I thought if I pursued you outright, if I told you I’d fallen in love with you all over again, you’d tu
rn and run. So I asked God to pursue you for me.”

  “What?”

  “Well, deep down, I kind of thought you might be falling for me again too. But I thought you’d be afraid to trust me, given what I did. So I prayed for God to knit our hearts together again. And I don’t know . . . when ‘Cherished’ came together the way it did, I got excited about this idea of surprising you with the song and a proposal in front of everyone—which I thought was from God.” He sighed again. “I made such a fool of myself.”

  Kelli reached for his hand across the table. “Your prayer was answered, though.”

  “Which one?”

  “For God to pursue me for you and knit our hearts together. Even though we haven’t talked much the last couple of months, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” She stared into his eyes, wondering how much of her heart to reveal. She decided to trust him with it. “It became clear to me that . . . I’d fallen in love with you again.”

  Emotion filled Brian’s eyes. “When you didn’t say it onstage, I thought . . .”

  “I don’t know why I couldn’t say it. Part of me was still holding back, I guess. But I do, Brian. I love you. I wonder if I ever really stopped.”

  He grabbed her other hand, and they lingered that way a few moments. “So what now?” he asked finally. He glanced at his coat pocket with a sheepish look. “I’ve still got this ring.”

  Kelli smiled. “I’m excited, actually. I’m looking forward to enjoying our friendship again, enjoying you again . . . allowing our love to grow.” She squeezed his hand. “I think we’ll know what to do about that ring in God’s time.”

  Brian looked at her. “I felt so low on that stage. I wanted to be celebrating our engagement tonight.” He paused. “But I feel like we’re celebrating something just as special—our love. And that’s a gift I thought we’d never have again. I’m thankful, Kel.”