Would You, Could You

by Felicia Mires

  The lawyer sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. Bryce continued to ignore him.

  "If you help the widow, I'll make sure the judge hears about it when it comes time for sentencing."

  "Agreed...but fifty thousand is really all I have."

  "I want it in writing," added the lawyer.

  Bryce pulled a document out of the folder and slid it across the table.

  The lawyer scanned it and nodded.

  Bryce held up a ballpoint, and Mr. Cutter signed on the dotted line. The jury would never hear about this arrangement. It would seem too much like an admission of guilt for the lawyer to allow it in court, but that didn't matter to Bryce. Lisa and Julianne would get some much-needed assistance.

  He rose and turned to the door.

  Chapter 12

  Would You, Could You...When I'm Gone

  Lisa shook her head, not sure she understood the lawyer seated across from her on her couch. "You're saying my husband had a hidden savings account?"

  "No, Mrs. Engles. I'm saying he had a clause in the insurance on his business which pays off to the beneficiary after the accounts of the business have been settled. I'm sorry it's taken so long, but we had to be sure. The accountants assure me the money is yours."

  "How much is it?"

  "Fifty thousand dollars. I know it's not much..."

  It may not be much to him, but it was to her. She could quit this job. They could move.

  He held up a check and rose.

  "Thank you, Mr. Dawson."

  Lisa took the check, still in a daze. She had to turn in her notice right away and send out her resume to the schools where she wanted to teach.

  Mr. Dawson cleared his throat. "You're quite welcome, Mrs. Engles. If I can be of any further assistance, call my office."

  After he left, Lisa sank onto the couch. This could change everything for her and Julianne. She'd been thinking it was time for Julianne to get to know Roger's parents. The relationship had become strained after she married him. They didn't agree with his desire to "get religious," and they hadn't agreed with his desire to marry someone ten years younger with no social connections. They had chosen not to be a part of Roger's new life.

  Now that he was gone, Julianne and her grandparents needed the chance to come together. Lisa would give them that...for Julianne's sake, but it meant a move to Boston.

  Lisa glanced at the coffee table where she'd laid the latest missive from Bryce. She hadn't had a chance to read it yet. Actually, she'd been putting it off. His letters had gotten harder and harder to read as he continued to share what God was doing in him and how much he wanted to be a part of their lives.

  If they moved, he wouldn't be able to find them. Another reason to leave right away. No more letters, no more contact, no more missing what might have been. No regrets.

  She tore open the letter.

  Darling Lisa,

  The trial starts this week. I guess you already know that. Your lawyer informed me of your intention to skip the process. I think I understand how you feel. It's over for you. Why hear the details? Why put Julianne through that?

  I want you to know the case is solid. The suspect already turned in a plea and is cooperating with the prosecutor. He says he had no knowledge of a plan to harm Roger, and I believe him. Not that it makes a difference for you and Julianne. I just wanted you to know.

  I miss you, princess. When all this is over, I'm coming to see you. I hope we can sit down and talk.

  God has been showing me some things about myself. I'm a little too self-reliant. Ok, maybe a lot. Trust is a hard thing, especially where you and Julianne are concerned. If I trust God, then I have to believe that He'll work out our relationship.

  I know. You don't want a relationship. Just pray about it. That's all I ask.

  And your forgiveness. Not that I deserve it, but I'm asking. Please forgive me.

  Bryce

  Lisa stared into space. Forgive him.

  A hard knot formed in her stomach. It had pretty much stayed there since the night Bryce had revealed his part in Roger's death. She didn't know if she could forgive him. She just wanted it over.

  She reached for the phone to see if her boss was available. She had a resignation to turn in.

  * *

  Bryce stared at the young woman seated behind the booth. She blinked. "Mr. White? Did you hear me? I said Mrs. Engles is no longer here."

  "How long? I mean...how long ago did they leave?"

  "About a week and a half, I think."

  "Did she leave a forwarding address?"

  "No, sir." The girl offered him a weak smile. "I couldn't tell you anyway, but she really didn't."

  "I see. Thank you."

  Bryce turned away and walked out of the resort. That explained why his last letter had been returned. No forwarding address.

  Which might stop the rest of the world, but it wouldn't stop him. He had resources at the FBI. He would find them.

  His steps faltered as he neared his vehicle. Did Lisa hate him so much that she'd run away?

  He got in the car.

  First, he would find them. Then he would determine if he would follow them. Perhaps receiving the fifty thousand had helped her re-locate. Perhaps it had nothing to do with him.

  Perhaps pigs could fly. No forwarding address meant she didn't want any further contact with him.

  But he wasn't completely without hope. Until the move, she had read all his letters...hopefully. For all he knew, she had torched them without reading them. But he was going with hope. He wanted them back...no matter what it took to convince them.

  He reached for his phone and made a call. When he hung up, he started the car.

  Boston. From what he remembered, Roger's family was from Boston. Why would Lisa move there?

  Maybe she needed more time than he'd thought. His boss had been pushing him to take another assignment. Should he do it? Just one more before he resigned? What if Lisa met someone in Boston while he was gone? Her attraction to him showed she was ready to move on. She was now on the rebound twice. What would prevent some man from taking his place? The thought was agonizing.

  What do I do, Lord? This waiting thing is not me.

  No lightning bolts flashed from the sky, but his phone rang. He picked it up. His boss. Looked like he was going back to work.

  God, please keep Lisa and Julianne safe and show me a way to bring us together...if that's what you want.

  Lately, that had been the hardest thing to say...if that's what you want. He'd spent years doing things his way. God's way was still a mystery, but that's what he wanted. God's way.

  * *

  Lisa put the car in park and clasped Julianne's hand in her own. "It will be all right."

  "Would you look at that place?" Julianne eyed the red-brick mansion in front of them. "What is it...three stories?"

  "Looks like it. Julianne, they're just people...like you and me."

  "Not like you and me or Daddy wouldn't have moved away from them. They didn't want us. What makes you think they will now?"

  "I wrote them. I already told you they want to meet you."

  Julianne scowled. "It's me and you or nothing."

  "Yes." Lisa nodded, a feeling of thankfulness swelling in her heart for the bond she had with Julianne.

  They got out of the car.

  A butler met them at the door and escorted them to a large, well-ordered room. "Please have a seat. Mr. and Mrs. Engles will be right with you."

  Julianne turned in a circle, studying every nook and cranny, each shelf and piece of bric-a-brac that littered every surface.

  "It looks stuffy. I'm scared to sit."

  "You needn't be." A silver-haired woman with a stiff bearing entered the room and flicked her wrist at a settee. "Please be seated...else I will be forced to stand."

  "At our age, that is a distinct disadvantage," said a tall, graying man with a slightly more relaxed air about him.

  He waited beside Lisa and Julianne un
til they sat then chose the chair closest to them.

  He smiled at Julianne. "You have your father's eyes."

  Julianne frowned. Before Lisa could say anything, Mrs. Engles held up an autocratic hand.

  "Yes, you definitely resemble my mother's side of the family. Came over on the Mayflower, you know."

  Julianne crossed her arms over her chest, and Lisa hid a sigh. Did these people not know how to converse with a teenager?

  The butler arrived with a tea tray, which he wheeled before the older woman. She gave him a sharp glance. "No cheesecake?"

  "I'm sorry, Madam. Cook said it will be ready in ten minutes. She hopes you and your guests will enjoy the tea cakes until then."

  He withdrew. Apparently, he didn't expect a reply.

  Mrs. Engles raised her glance to Julianne. "I'm sorry. Your father loved cheesecake. I wanted you to try his favorite recipe. Would you care for a cup of tea and a cookie while we wait?"

  Lisa turned to Julianne. She had thawed somewhat at the mention of cheesecake. She nodded at her grandmother then looked at Lisa. "Mom, do you want tea and cookies or do you want to wait for cheesecake?"

  "Cookies are fine."

  Mrs. Engles poured out four cups, and Mr. Engles waited until Lisa and Julianne had added cream and sugar before reaching for his own. He added another sugar cube.

  "Michael, I already put sugar in it. You know what the doctor said."

  He shrugged as he offered Julianne a grin. "My granddaughter is here."

  Julianne stared at him as if unsure how to respond. Lisa could only guess at her daughter's thoughts. They had chosen to abandon her at an early age. What did they want now?

  Mrs. Engles took a sip of tea and sighed. "Very nice. I enjoy a cup of tea in the afternoon. I'm so glad you're here to share it with me, Julianne."

  "Really, cuz I thought you kicked my dad and me out."

  Lisa nearly choked on her tea, but Mrs. Engles merely shook her head.

  "Not at all. It was not our desire for your father to move away." She glanced at Lisa. "We had certain reservations about his decision to marry someone so...young, but surely we can get past that."

  "Of course," said Lisa at the same moment Julianne shook her head.

  "I don't know, Mrs. Engles. What are your intentions?"

  "Julianne, please call me grandmother or grandma or nana...I really don't care." She glanced at her husband. "We would just like to be your grandparents."

  He nodded. "Very much."

  Julianne nibbled a cookie as she dug at the carpet with the toe of her shoe. She had worn the skirt and blouse that Bryce had bought her. Lisa had made no comment on it, but she couldn't help wondering. Did thoughts of Bryce give Julianne courage? Of a certainty, she had come out of herself with him. Maybe the outfit gave her that same sense of boldness.

  The butler came in with a silver tray and set it on the tea cart then left without a word.

  Mrs. Engles raised a brow at Lisa as she lifted a knife. "It's very good."

  "A small sliver."

  She handed Lisa a plate and turned to Julianne. "Well, young lady, would you like to try your father's favorite dessert?"

  "That's very manipulative, you know. As if I don't love my father if I don't want the cheesecake. Or that I'm rejecting you if I don't try it."

  Once again, Lisa nearly choked. What had gotten into Julianne? She was never this outspoken with adults...maybe with Bryce, but no one else.

  Mrs. Engles frowned, studying the knife in her hand. "Rather outspoken, aren't you? I suppose you're right. It is good, though. I thought...I thought you might like it."

  "Until lately, cheesecake was my favorite."

  "Really? What happened?" asked her grandfather.

  "I puked it out my nose."

  He laughed. "Ate too much? Your father did that once with rice pudding. He'd been sick with a little flu."

  "Yes," Mrs. Engles nodded. "And cook thought it might settle his stomach."

  "But he sneaked into the kitchen and ate the whole bowl."

  She nodded again. "Threw up all night."

  "Never ate it again as I recall." Her grandfather beamed at Julianne.

  "Well, I'd hate to give up cheesecake. May I have just a little? I don't want to waste it."

  Her grandmother responded by slicing a thin wedge and handing it over.

  Julianne took a tentative bite then nodded. "Not bad. It tastes a lot like the cheesecake at River Glades."

  "The resort where you've been staying?"

  She nodded.

  Lisa put her plate on the tea cart. How in the world did they know that? Had they kept track of her and Julianne?

  Julianne set her plate and cup on the tray. "Thank you."

  "Would you like anything else?"

  Julianne glanced at both her grandparents. "I'd like to know what you want."

  "We'd like to spend time with you. You could stay with us...go on trips. Do you like to travel?"

  "I want you to understand something. Lisa is my mother. You take the both of us or nothing. I'm old enough to know what I want. If you try to separate me from her, I'll tell a judge what I want. I can be very convincing. And if you try to kidnap me or hide me from her, I have someone in the FBI who will find me."

  "Julianne!" Lisa grabbed her hand. "That is quite enough."

  Mr. Engles laughed. "I think we understand you. How about supervised visits, with your...mother in attendance, until you feel comfortable that we won't kidnap you?"

  "I'm so sorry," said Lisa.

  Mrs. Engles held up a hand. "It's regrettable that Julianne feels this way, but...understandable. Would you both be free for dinner this weekend? Friday night? We could introduce you-"

  "No strangers."

  "Julianne, don't interrupt your grandmother."

  "I'm sorry, but I'm not spending the night with a bunch of people who don't matter to me. If you want to know me..." Her voice trailed off as she watched her grandparents expectantly.

  Her grandfather nodded. "That's a much better idea. How about Saturday around the pool? Do you play tennis?"

  "She's considering going pro," said Lisa with a smile.

  "Ahh. I'm not too fast," said Mr. Engles, "but I like to swing the racket around. Care to give me a try?"

  Julianne glanced at Lisa, and she nodded. "We have no plans this Saturday."

  "It's settled then." Mrs. Engles stood. "Thank you both for coming."

  She took Lisa's hand then turned to Julianne. "I appreciate your honesty. Perhaps this time, we won't disappoint you."

  "We'll certainly do our best," added her grandfather.

  "So will I." Julianne shook their hands. "Grandma, Grandpa...I'll see you Saturday."

  * *

  Bryce stared at the letter he'd just written to Lisa. Should he send it and let her know he knew where she was or should he wait and give her a big batch of letters when he showed up at their door?

  Both options weighed heavily on him. He felt she needed time to let God heal her heart before she could commit to him. He also wanted to woo her and remind her that he cared before someone else swept her off her feet. One way allowed God to work. One way showed fear.

  He slid the letter in an envelope and dated the outside. He would hang onto it for awhile. Until God told him differently. Which presumed he could actually hear from God.

  Please, God. I'm doing all I know. Help me and send someone to help Lisa and Julianne.

  * *

  Lisa pulled a sweater around her shoulders and leaned back in the lawn chair to watch Julianne volley the tennis ball across the net. They had visited Roger's parents every weekend for three months, and Julianne had relaxed considerably.

  The older couple never mentioned outings that didn't include Lisa, and they never asked Julianne to stay the night. But Lisa knew the time was coming. With the holidays fast approaching, they would expect more.

  Julianne would say yes, and Lisa would be left on her own.

  She had done ve
ry well lately. She hadn't cried in weeks. She had even stopped re-reading the letters from Bryce.

  Julianne still talked about him, but Lisa merely listened without comment. Eventually, Julianne would forget about him.

  She knew she needed to forget him, too. It had been harder than she anticipated. Sometimes when she was half-awake in the middle of the night or before she woke in the mornings, memories of Roger and Bryce mixed up in her mind. They became one person. One person she loved and who loved her.

  At first, Roger's parents hadn't spoken of Roger much. Now they shared anecdotes with Julianne all the time. It had been right to bring them all together.

  Even though they had lost track of Bryce. She had wanted to lose track of him or for him to lose track of them.

  Her anger had cooled over the months. If she was honest with herself, she had to admit that no one had held a gun to Roger's head and told him to help the FBI. He had done that on his own. He was an intelligent man who made wise decisions. And the FBI certainly wouldn't turn down the kind of information Roger had offered them.

  None of it was Bryce's fault. He wasn't omnipotent, and he couldn't be everywhere at once. She had lost her husband and her child, but she couldn't blame Bryce. She still, however, wished she could forget the whole thing and go on with life.

  She should throw his letters away, but every time she picked them up, she always put them right back in her drawer.

  It made no sense for her to keep them. Bryce was in the FBI. If he wanted to find them, he would have. And the thought that he didn't want to find them...her...that he didn't want her any longer...That was a pain that just wouldn't go away. Another loss. Another failure.

  How could he have said one thing and been something entirely different? Was she wrong about him? About his character? She had fallen for him so quickly. In ways, he had reminded her of Roger. Though he was nothing like Roger, she had felt at ease with him. Maybe that's what she liked about him. He might have been using a different name, but when he spoke about his life, his family, what he wanted, it had felt real. And that was the person he revealed when he wrote her. A deeply caring person who thought about the consequences of his life. Maybe that was why she couldn't throw away the letters. She didn't have any letters from Roger. Maybe she needed someone who cared.