Tightening the Knot

by Amanda Hamm

  “The flight gets in at 5:46 pm.”

  “I know, Mom. I have it written down.”

  “I just want to be sure.”

  “Yes, and I’m bringing them straight to your house. That’s still the plan, right?”

  “Yeah. And Ellie will be staying in your old room while they’re here so maybe you want to come over first and make sure you’ve cleared everything out of there?”

  “Mom, I got everything out of that room when I moved out. You know, six years ago.” Meredith was aware that her tone sounded suddenly like an impatient teenager.

  “I just thought I’d make sure.”

  “You are aware that you’ve used that room for guests numerous times since then… including for Ellie at least twice before?”

  “I know, but…”

  “But you’re just so excited that they’re coming?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Don’t worry, Mom. It’ll all be okay. See you Friday.”

  Meredith hung up the phone and looked at Greg for a minute. He had his laptop out and appeared to be working. He never used to bring work home. She sat down across the room and opened a magazine. She wasn’t reading though. It was a prop. She had made a more successful trip to Confession and was trying to figure out what step two was going to be. Ideas were not leaping to mind, nor were they even strolling. Every now and then her eyes would focus on a page and her mind would wander to what was actually in front of her. After a quiet hour or so, Greg got up and began putting his things away. He was getting ready for bed. This gave Meredith an idea. They had never officially stopped trying to have a baby; they had just sort of stopped trying. Meredith had taken to staying up later than Greg to avoid the awkwardness of bedtime. She decided to make a point of going up the same time he did. Perhaps he would take the hint.

  When he noticed her brushing her teeth, he asked, “You’re going to bed now?”

  She nodded.

  They crawled under the covers facing opposite walls as usual. Then she moved an inch or two toward the middle and waited for him to notice. She fell asleep waiting and woke up seriously annoyed.

  A new box of cereal absorbed most of her wrath. It got a bit mangled as she opened it with significantly more vigor than was necessary, shooting Greg a few withering looks as though he might be responsible for making the box so uncooperative. He was accustomed to being more or less ignored over breakfast and the obvious hostility left him at a bit of a loss.

  “Is there…” he started. “I mean, did I do something recently?”

  Meredith was silent. She ate quickly and then finished getting ready for work. He tried one last quizzical look as she reached the door. She answered pointedly, “I went to bed early last night.”

  He looked unsure, but also hopeful. “Oh, so you’re just tired?”

  She didn’t utter a single syllable as she closed the door behind her, yet her answer still dripped with sarcasm. She knew this wasn’t Greg’s fault. In fact, even without a degree in psychology, she knew that she was actually angry with herself for not knowing how to improve the situation. Guilt over taking that anger out on Greg only compounded the anger that she took out on Greg. It was a cycle she wanted to end. But why couldn’t it be easier?

  ****

  Meredith arrived in the teachers’ lounge to discover that Mercy had not been wrong about her replacement. At least not about the buzz he would generate among some of the other teachers.

  “Oh my God! I mean, did you see him?”

  “I know. My class might have to start taking the long way to the playground so I can peek in the window.”

  “Look all you want. I get first dibs though.”

  “Dibs? Are you talking about a man or a cookie?”

  “Good morning, Meredith. You must not have seen him yet, or you wouldn’t be asking. We are talking about a very tasty man.”

  “Yeah, Mercy approved, too. I may have to check in and see how her last week is starting out.”

  “I already used that excuse so you’ll have to think of another one if you don’t want to be too transparent.”

  “You guys are terrible! I was really going to stop in to see her and now I can’t because it’ll look like I’m just trying to sneak a peek at the new guy.”

  Meredith helped herself to a cup of coffee to take to her classroom. She regularly saw Mercy during the day and could wait till later to be introduced. She left the drooling co-workers to themselves. There was one student in her classroom when she entered. Jeffrey was always the first one to arrive.

  “Good morning, Miss Donna.” Jeffrey always called her Miss Donna. She had given up explaining that her name was Mrs. Donnor about two months into the school year. Jeffrey suffered from the coincidence of having had both preschool and kindergarten teachers called Miss Donna and it left him blind to the subtle differences.

  “Good morning, Jeffery. I see you’ve remembered your picture.” She had asked each child to bring in a picture of himself for a project. He was holding his in the air and waving it at her proudly. He beamed that she noticed.

  She sipped her coffee and got a few things organized for the day as the rest of the class trickled in. Her new-guy-worshiping co-workers had amused her and eased most of the foul mood she had felt earlier in the morning. She was now reasonably convinced that she would be better able to control her emotions in the future. The morning’s behavior was just a remnant of past failures. Since Meredith was in the process of improving the relationship, there was no need to dwell on those old problems.

  A little of that foul mood tiptoed back though as a student, Jacob, walked in chewing an obvious, and very large, wad of gum. This had been a problem all year and she was quite at a loss as to how to handle it. She caught him chewing gum at least once a week. Since this was against the school rules, she would bring him the garbage can and ask him to spit it out. This eventually stopped working because Jacob took to swallowing the gum as soon as he saw her coming with the trash can. Though this did stop him from chewing the gum, and even more importantly from sticking it to his desk, it created the new issue of a possible choking hazard. Meredith hated sending notes home, but was concerned enough about his safety to write the following and slip it into his bag.

  Dear Mr. and Mrs. Tenney,

  Jacob has been regularly caught chewing gum at school. As you know, this is against school rules. In an attempt to avoid getting in trouble, Jacob swallows his gum when it is noticed. I am concerned that this may cause him to choke and ask that you please assist him in keeping his gum at home.

  Thank you,

  Mrs. Donnor

  Jacob’s mom sent a reply the very next day.

  We have no rules against Jacob chewing gum. He buys it with his own money and I will not take it away from him. If the school wishes to have a rule against something as harmless as gum, the school can enforce it.

  This was why Meredith hated sending notes to parents. It was also why she hated parent-teacher conferences. It seemed every year there was one parent who refused to parent. She had sat down with Jacob after this to explain her fears. She told him that she would simply leave the trash can near his desk. She attached a piece of paper to the wall behind it with the word “gum” and an arrow pointing down to remind him. For a few weeks, he would spit out his gum shortly after arriving and no one had to say a word. This eventually stopped working, too. He started waiting longer and longer to spit it out and was now back to swallowing it when she said something. And she had to say something as the entire class was aware of his habit. She planned to start a new approach, one she had not yet thought of, after the break. In the meantime, she had recently stopped by the school nurse to brush up on her Heimlich technique.

  ╣ Chapter 4 ╠

  Shortly before lunchtime that Monday, Jeffrey’s mom appeared in the hallway holding up a familiar red lunchbox. It was familiar because half the boys in the class had the same Spider-Man box. Meredith took the lunch as Jeffrey’s mom blew a kiss to
her son and rushed off.

  “Thanks, Miss Donna.”

  “Oh, nuts! I mean, you’re welcome Jeffrey.” It had just dawned on Meredith that he was not the only one to have forgotten a lunch. She laughed and wondered what Jenna would say and if Mercy would believe it had really been an accident. At least she worked in a place with a cafeteria. She lined up the kids and grabbed her bag, which did not contain any food, and followed the little ones down the hall. Most of them scattered to tables and she followed the rest into the lunch line.

  After paying for her lunch, Meredith found her way to a staff table and chatted with co-workers over several fried items and a Jell-O cup, which was actually a bit of a treat as she never bothered to make Jell-O at home. Then she bused her tray. More than anything else she did as a teacher, returning a tray to the cafeteria reminded her of her own school days. There was something very déjà vu inspiring about the clinking of cheap silverware into plastic wash tubs. She sat back down and pulled out her laptop for the last five minutes, as a few at the table had already done, and logged on to her email account. She found a note from Greg informing her that he would be gone when she got home.

  He would be leaving after lunch on a business trip to Atlanta. He was called upon to spend a day every few months at his company’s office there. He was typically given a bit more notice and explained that the trip could have waited till the end of the week, but he wanted to go now so he could drive back on Wednesday and be home in time for his mother’s arrival. Meredith appreciated the fact that she would not be left alone with her mother-in-law, who was also nice enough.

  Meredith’s class lined up next to another group of first graders as the bell rang. She greeted the other teacher, Ellen, as they headed down the hall. This was one of the same women she had caught drooling over the new teacher earlier in the day.

  “Hey, Ellen. How’s your day going so far?”

  “Pretty good. How’s yours?”

  “Honestly, I forgot my lunch so it could be better.”

  “Yeah? The food here isn’t that bad though.”

  “It’s okay. But I also found out my husband is going to be out of town on business the next two days.”

  “Oh. Sorry you’ll be lonely.”

  “I’ll probably try to do something about that. Maybe I can get a friend to come over or… Is that him?” Meredith had noticed Mercy and her class about to pass them. Bringing up the rear was a man she did not recognize, except by reputation. And she suddenly understood how that reputation had come about so quickly. She subtly flashed Mercy a look of approval and received a mouthed, “I know,” in response.

  Then Meredith realized her hallmate was eyeing her strangely. “What were you saying?” Ellen asked.

  “What?” Meredith flushed a little as she realized she had been caught studying the new teacher like the day-after-Thanksgiving sale ads. “I… oops, we’re here. Later, Ellen.” She ushered her students into her room as Ellen continued to hers.

  At the end of the day, Mercy appeared in her doorway to make a proper introduction and to pretend she hadn’t already told her friend all about her attractive replacement.

  “Meredith, you’re not too busy for a quick visit, are you?”

  “Of course not. Come sit down. Are you going to make it through the week?”

  “I’m a little tired, but it’s not so bad. As for making it through the week,” she pointed at her basketball-shaped midsection, “that’s up to this guy.”

  Meredith nodded, and then looked deliberately past Mercy to the man who had followed her into the classroom.

  “Oh, yes. I brought Gavin in to meet you. Meredith Donnor, this is Gavin Giano. He’s taking over my class for the rest of the year.”

  “Hey, Meredith. Donnor? Like ‘the Donnor party?’”

  “Yes, no relation though.” Meredith was always in a hurry to move beyond her last name to avoid the tired jokes. “So, Gavin, how was your first day?”

  “Not bad. Seems like a good group of kids so I don’t think I’ll have any problems.”

  “Maybe not big problems, but I for one don’t know how you stand the giggling.” Mercy turned to Meredith. “I swear every girl in the class has a crush on him already.”

  “They’re fourth-graders! Are fourth-graders old enough to have crushes?”

  “Sure. Didn’t you?”

  “To be honest, aside from maybe a couple subs, I didn’t have a male teacher until seventh grade. And let me assure you that no one had a crush on Mr. Johns.” They all laughed, probably thinking of different teachers from their respective pasts, before Meredith looked at Gavin more seriously. “But I hope that isn’t really going to be a problem for you.”

  “No, they’ll get used to me pretty soon. And as soon as I have to give a detention or something, I’ll seem much less cool.”

  “Maybe.” Mercy looked doubtful.

  “Has Mercy given you the official tour of the building and clued you in on everything you’ll need to know?”

  “Yes. She even told me about the coffee.”

  “Oh, good. Because she wasn’t kidding. You will be fired if you use the main pot for decaf.”

  “Thanks for the warning. Both of you. I really don’t drink coffee so it shouldn’t be an issue.”

  “Worried it will stunt your growth or something?” Meredith teased. Gavin was about six foot four.

  He smiled. Wow. Now there was a smile. Meredith would miss her friend during her maternity leave, but she couldn’t help appreciating how much the scenery would be improving with her replacement.

  “We should get back so we can all go home soon.” Mercy was already halfway to the door. She was bored with showing off for now.

  “Alright. See you both tomorrow.” There was some waving and nodding as the two visitors departed. A short time later, Meredith left the room for the day as well. She went home to an empty house. She couldn’t decide whether to be upset that, with Greg gone, step two of her plan would be delayed; or pleased that, with Greg gone, she would have nothing but time to think of a step two, which still did not exist. She spent about an hour that evening staring at the wall.

  ╣ Chapter 5 ╠

  It rained all day on Tuesday. This meant that the students did not get to go outside for morning recess. They stayed in the classroom where Meredith helped them move some desks so they could play musical chairs. They played to a Wiggles song that kept going and going in Meredith’s head long after the game was over. It was still raining, horrible cold rain that they all wished could be snow instead, when the time came for afternoon recess. Again the kids stayed in the classroom and this time pulled some board games off the shelves. Checkers crashed onto a desk near the front of the room whenever someone connected four, and it could have been really annoying. Fortunately, Meredith couldn’t hear it over the raucous game of Hungry-Hungry Hippos near the back.

  When she got home that evening, Meredith was very thankful she had invited Jenna over for dinner. It would be nicer to spend time with a friend than an empty house after a difficult day. She was even more thankful that she had accepted Jenna’s offer to bring pizza. The women agreed that a pizza should generally be topped with veggies. Nothing with veggies could be called junk food. When Jenna arrived with pepperoni and extra cheese, Meredith knew she was not the only one in need of some comfort food.

  “I saw him again today.”

  “Uh… him?”

  “You know. I told you about this guy at the gym. Shawn.”

  “Oh yeah.” Meredith could tell already that the meeting had not gone well. She watched her friend go straight for the pepperoni, picking three off and popping them in her mouth before starting at the point of her slice. “So what happened with Shawn?”

  “Nothing! I mean, he talked to me for nearly a half hour when he came in and even waved when he left, but he didn’t ask me out.”

  “Gee, that’s strange. Maybe he actually believed you when you told him you don’t date clients.”

 
“Well, he didn’t have to give up so easily.”

  “Here’s a radical idea. If you’re sure you’re interested, why don’t you just ask him out?” Meredith had never, in her short dating life, asked a guy out. Yet somehow the sarcasm worked.

  “That’s not the plan.”

  “Right, the plan about waiting for someone to try harder. Maybe he his. Maybe by talking to you, he’s hoping to change your mind.”

  “He doesn’t have to work that hard.”

  “He doesn’t know that.”

  “Look, you said you wanted a guy to work for a ‘yes.’ You don’t really know that’s not what he’s doing so you’ll just have to convince yourself to have some patience.”

  “I suppose I’ve already waited years for someone worth my time to come along. I can probably wait a few days for this guy.”

  Meredith raised her eyebrows. “Days?”

  “What? I can’t be patient and optimistic?” Jenna grinned broadly and finished her slice. After the pizza, they made some popcorn and decided to watch a movie. Meredith had an extensive collection of romantic comedies so this was not an easy choice. They settled it in the usual way, by each picking one and playing Rock, Paper, Scissors for the right to watch it.

  They chatted for a while when the movie was over and Meredith eventually found the nerve, and an opening, to discuss her own romantic problems. “Remember I told you the other day that I was trying to work on my marriage?”

  “Yeah.” Jenna looked a little hesitant. She need not have worried as Meredith was unlikely to share anything too uncomfortable. Her nature remained very private throughout their long friendship, but Jenna still waited for her to open up a little more. She rather hoped to be let in on the good stuff first though.