Never Say Goodbye

by Irene Hannon

  Even though she felt foolish about being a prisoner in the ladies’ room, Jess couldn’t see any way out of her predicament. She wasn’t ready to face Scott. So her only option was to wait until the place cleared.

  A few women stopped in the ladies’ room on their way out, and Jess made a pretense of touching up her lipstick and combing her hair. But gradually the visitors tapered off and the din of the crowd subsided. Jess was just about to push the door open and peek out when voices on the other side stopped her.

  “…was feeling worse and worse, so I told him to go home.”

  “No problem. I can catch a bus.”

  She froze. It was Scott. And Reverend Young.

  “I don’t know,” the minister said skeptically. “It won’t be easy at this time of day on a weekend. The schedule is so abbreviated.” He sighed. “I didn’t think this would be an issue when I sent Ray home. I planned to give you a ride myself until I got the page from the hospital.”

  “That’s more important,” Scott said firmly. “You need to be with that family. Don’t worry about it. Trust me, I’ve gotten very good at this public transportation thing.”

  A third, unfamiliar voice joined the conversation, which moved to another topic. Jess frowned and took a deep breath. She had a feeling of déjà vu. Once more, Scott was without a ride—and she was in a position to help. But she didn’t want to see him. Didn’t want him to know about her presence at this event until she’d thought about all he’d said. At the same time, it seemed somehow selfish and uncharitable not to assist. As she wrestled with the dilemma, the third person said his goodbyes, once more leaving Scott and Reverend Young alone.

  “You better head out, Reverend. I’ll see you at services next week.”

  “All right, Scott. Thanks.”

  It was now or never. Without even giving herself a chance for second thoughts, Jess followed her instincts and pushed open the ladies’-room door.

  The two men were standing about ten feet away, and both glanced in her direction. Reverend Young gave her a pleasant look, but Scott’s expression went at warp speed from mild interest to shock to incredulity.

  “Jess?” His voice was tentative, as if he couldn’t quite believe his eyes.

  “Hello, Scott.” Her own voice was none too steady—and neither were her legs, she realized as she forced herself to close the distance between them. Her gaze connected with Scott’s, and the delight and welcome in his eyes sent a flush of color to her cheeks.

  When neither of them spoke, the minister stepped in. “Jess, I’m Reverend Young. It’s a pleasure to meet you at last.”

  With an effort Jess tore her gaze away from Scott’s and reached out to find her hand taken in a warm clasp. “Hello, Reverend.”

  “I’ve heard a great deal about you. All good things, I might add.”

  Jess’s flush deepened and she glanced at Scott, unsure how to respond. So instead she changed the subject. “I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation,” she said a bit breathlessly. “And I—I’d be glad to give you a ride home.”

  He smiled, and the warmth in his eyes spilled into her heart. “I appreciate the offer, Jess. But it’s too far out of your way.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t have any plans for tonight anyway.”

  Reverend Young chimed in. “I’d take her up on it, Scott. Buses are few and far between at this hour.”

  Scott looked at her again. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded, though in fact she wasn’t sure at all.

  “Then I accept. Thank you.”

  “And thank you again, Scott,” Reverend Young said, placing his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “You gave a powerful talk that I know will help more than a few people find strength in their faith and better equip them to cope with their own adversity.”

  “I’m glad you think it was worthwhile. But I’m also glad it’s over,” he admitted with a grin.

  The minister chuckled. “I’m sure you are. And I’ll see you next week.” He turned to Jess and once more extended his hand. “It was good to finally meet you, Jess. Feel free to join us anytime for Sunday services. You’d be most welcome.”

  Jess watched the minister stride toward the exit. She could feel Scott’s gaze on her, but it took her several moments to gather the courage to turn to him. And when she did, she was momentarily distracted by the way his sky-blue cotton shirt hugged his broad, muscular chest, and by the small V of dark, springy hair that was visible at the open neck. He was tanned and fit and looked very, very appealing, she realized as her pulse accelerated. An almost tangible virility radiated from him, literally taking her breath away.

  “It’s good to see you, Jess,” he said quietly, his eyes smiling warmly into hers. “I had no idea you’d be here today. Or that you even knew about it.”

  “I—I’m still on the mailing list at my church,” she stammered, thrown off balance by her wayward thoughts. “I got a flyer.”

  He studied her for a moment. “I wish I’d known you were coming.”

  She looked at him curiously. “Why?”

  “Because when a man professes his love for a woman, he usually likes to do it directly,” Scott said softly, his burning gaze holding hers captive and making her heart lurch into triple time. “I didn’t intend to tip my hand to you so soon about my intentions, but I guess God had different plans. So I’ll have to go with the flow. I realize there’s a lot that still divides us, and that it will take a miracle for you to forgive me, let alone find it in your heart to love me again. But I believe in miracles, Jess. And I have hope.” He paused and took a deep breath. “So now you know how I feel.”

  She stared at him, taken aback by his sincere and straightforward declaration of love. She wished she was as clear about what she wanted and how she felt. But she was still confused and groping for answers. And she had no idea how to reply.

  As if sensing her dilemma, Scott smiled gently. “I’m not asking for a response, Jess. Given what you heard today, I’m just grateful that you’re willing to offer me a ride rather than telling me to take a hike. Shall we head out?”

  Not trusting her voice, she simply nodded and led the way toward the exit. Scott fell into step beside her, and when they approached the door he reached past her to push it open. He was so close that his breath was warm on her temple and she could catch the distinctive male scent that was his alone. So close that a powerful surge of longing raced through her, catching her off guard and leaving her slightly breathless. So close that it reminded her of days long ago when a simple touch, or even a mere look, was enough to set off sparks that led to kisses—and often much more. Her mouth went dry, and when she risked a glance at Scott she found that the warmth in his gaze had been replaced by need. And unlike their encounter at the garden, when she thought she’d detected a flame of passion in his eyes before it was quickly masked, this time he made no attempt to hide it. He let her see exactly what was on his mind. Love. Attraction. Desire. Need.

  Jess looked away quickly, more confused than ever. For years she’d thought that the passion she’d felt for Scott had died in the accident that robbed her of her cherished daughter. But she’d been surprised once in the garden, and again now, by its sudden and persistent resurgence. And she wasn’t ready to deal with it. Or even think about it. Caution was the operative word here, she reminded herself. She knew exactly how Scott felt and what he wanted. Now she needed to logically figure out how she felt and what she wanted. She needed to analyze the situation rationally, without being influenced by hormones.

  But unfortunately they were beginning to get in the way.

  Chapter Nine

  The ride to Scott’s apartment was extremely awkward. At least for Jess. After thanking him for coming to the aid of her father’s roses, she couldn’t think of anything else to say. He, on the other hand, seemed to have no trouble making small talk, she thought enviously. Though she tried to take part, her responses sounded stiff and stilted even to her own ears.

  All
awkwardness and self-consciousness vanished, however, when Jess turned onto Scott’s street and found their route blocked by emergency vehicles with flashing lights.

  “This doesn’t look good,” she said with a frown as she pulled to a stop.

  An officer from a nearby police car walked over, and Jess rolled down her window.

  “Can I help you, ma’am?” he asked.

  Scott leaned over. “I live near the end of the block, Officer.” When he gave the address, the man frowned.

  “I’m afraid that’s where the problem was. Faulty wiring in one of the flats started a fire. Fortunately, it was contained to one unit, but unfortunately I think it was yours.” He took a notepad out of his pocket. “Are you Scott Mitchell?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m sorry, sir. There’s not much left,” he said sympathetically. “If you’ll pull over to the curb, ma’am, I can give you some more information.”

  Jess did as he directed, and the officer rejoined them as they stepped out of the car. “The fire’s been out for a couple of hours, so we’re just about to wrap up here. We’ve moved everybody out temporarily.”

  “Was anyone hurt?” Scott asked in concern.

  “No. Which probably wouldn’t be the case if this had happened at night. This kind of fire catches quickly, and smoke inhalation is a real danger. So if there’s a bright side, that’s it. I can let you have a look if you’d like to try and salvage anything,” he offered.

  “Yes, thanks. I’ll be right with you.” The man nodded, and as he walked back toward his patrol car Scott turned to Jess. “Well, this is certainly an exciting end to the day,” he said with a rueful smile. “But to be honest, dealing with a fire isn’t half as bad as getting up in front of that roomful of people.”

  She stared at him, amazed at his calm acceptance of the situation and distraught by the unexpected turn of events.

  “Hey, don’t look like that,” Scott said softly. He lifted his hand as if to reach out and touch her face, then let it fall back to his side. “Everything will be fine. So don’t worry about it, okay? And thank you again for the ride. I appreciate it more than I can say.”

  She continued to stare at him. Did he actually think she was just going to go merrily on her way? His home—if such a generous term could be applied to his shabby flat—had just burned down! He had apparently lost everything. She was upset, even if he didn’t seem to be. There was no way she could walk out on anyone in those straits. Especially Scott. Not after she’d listened to his story today. Not after everything he’d already gone through. Not after he’d made it clear that he loved her.

  “I’ll stay for a few minutes,” she said. Before he could reply, she reached into the car for her purse and slung it over her shoulder.

  When she turned back to him, the look in his eyes spoke more eloquently than words of his gratitude—and love. Silently he stepped aside to allow her to follow the officer, then fell in beside her, his hand protectively at her elbow. The light touch of his fingers on her bare skin was like an electric charge, and she tightened her grip on her purse, struggling to control the tremors that ran through her body. Scott might have tipped his hand today about his feelings, but she wasn’t yet ready to acknowledge her own—to him, or to herself.

  The officer stopped at the edge of the taped-off area and nodded toward what had been Scott’s apartment. “The floors are okay, and structurally the building is still sound. These old places were built to last. But the walls and ceilings in your apartment are scorched and there’s not much left of the contents.”

  “I’ll just take a quick look around.” Scott turned to Jess. “Will you be okay here for a few minutes?”

  “I’ll stick close,” the officer promised.

  “Thanks. Hang on to this for me, okay?” He handed Jess his Bible, then turned and strode toward the burned-out apartment.

  “Tough break,” the officer said, shaking his head sympathetically. “But he seems to be taking it okay. I hope he didn’t have anything too valuable in there.”

  Jess doubted it. Mostly because he didn’t seem to have anything valuable. At least not in a material sense.

  The officer’s radio crackled to life, and after a murmured “excuse me,” he moved a few feet away to handle the call, leaving Jess alone to stare at the vacant building where most of Scott’s unit had been reduced to ashes—just as his life had been, she thought, struck by the symbolism. She glanced thoughtfully down at the Bible she held in her hands, which had provided him with the comfort and courage to overcome tragedy and go on with his life—and with the perspective to understand what really counted. Maybe that’s why the fire seemed of so little consequence to him, she mused. It had destroyed only things, which were replaceable. It hadn’t destroyed anything of real value.

  When Scott emerged a few minutes later he was carrying only a few items, and she looked at them curiously as he approached. There was a family picture of herself, Scott and Elizabeth, which had miraculously survived even if its frame had not; a small metal cross; and two books on horticulture that were a bit charred at the edges. That was it. Her throat tightened with emotion, and when her gaze rose to his, she had to forcibly resist the urge to reach up and wipe away a smudge of soot on his cheek.

  He smiled at her, but she could see the weariness in his face, smell the acrid scent of smoke on his clothes. “The officer was right. There’s not much left. I’m pretty much down to the clothes on my back.”

  “I’m sorry, Scott,” she whispered.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” he reassured her, forcing his lips into a smile. “I salvaged the only things that were really important to me. And I’m getting used to this starting-over thing. I’ll be fine.” He glanced toward the apartment, and it was clear when he spoke that the symbolism wasn’t lost on him, either. “Maybe I’ll be like the phoenix. Maybe something new will rise out of the ashes,” he said quietly. He was silent for a moment, and when he turned back to her his grin was genuine. “Anyway, Karen won’t be sorry. She hated this place.”

  “I can’t say I blame her.”

  Scott shrugged. “It met my needs.”

  “Did you find anything worth saving?” the officer interrupted as he rejoined them.

  “Not much,” Scott admitted.

  The man sighed. “I didn’t think you would. Listen, you’re welcome to use my phone if you need to call someone or arrange a place to spend the night.”

  “He can use my cell phone,” Jess interjected.

  “Okay. Then I just need to ask you a few questions for our report,” the officer said to Scott. “I’ve got the paperwork in my car. Ma’am, you can wait in your car if you’d like. This won’t take long.”

  She nodded, and they made their way silently back down the block. Scott opened her door for her when they reached her car, and after she slipped into the driver’s seat he leaned down.

  “You don’t need to wait, Jess. This might take a while, and I’m sure you have better things to do than hang around here.”

  She looked at him, this man she had long ago said goodbye to in her heart. Scott had been as dead to her as Elizabeth, their sacred marriage vow reduced to a union in name only. But like the phoenix, he had returned, transformed. And God help her, she liked the new Scott. Enough that even the fear of what lay ahead couldn’t compel her to just walk away. She drew a shaky breath, and when she spoke her voice was slightly unsteady. “I don’t mind waiting.”

  He studied her for a moment, and then his eyes grew soft. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “I’ll wrap this up as quickly as I can.”

  Jess watched as he made his way over to the police car, still juggling the few meager items he had salvaged. In addition to the soot on his cheek, there were now smudges on his shirt, as well. Did he have the money for new clothes? she suddenly wondered. And how would he get to the store to buy the immediate necessities? Almost no buses ran after eight o’clock at night.

  More important, where was he going to sleep? From wh
at she’d seen, he couldn’t spare much money for a hotel. His sister lived in Chicago, so that wasn’t a possibility. Reverend Young might be able to put him up for a couple of days, but the minister could be at the hospital—and unreachable—late into the night. Perhaps Scott had kept in touch with some of his friends, she thought, though that seemed unlikely. Most of his “friends” in the years before the accident had been business associates, men who would have little loyalty to a friendship once it outlived its utility. So who was he going to call?

  “All finished.”

  Startled, Jess turned to find Scott once again at her window. “That was quick.”

  He shrugged. “There wasn’t much I could tell him. And I didn’t lose anything of value, except some clothes.”

  She nodded. “Why don’t you get in while I dig out my phone?”

  Scott hesitated and glanced at his soiled hands and clothes. “I’ll get your car dirty.”

  She reached down and pulled her trunk release. “There are some rags in the back. Help yourself.”

  When he joined her a few moments later, his salvaged items were neatly wrapped and tucked under one arm but he was still wiping his hands. “This soot is insidious,” he said ruefully.

  “You’ve got a streak on your face, too.”

  He flipped down the visor mirror, then reached up to scrub his cheek. “Thanks.”

  Jess watched him for a moment, trying to gather the courage to follow through on a plan that had been slowly taking shape in her mind. She was well aware that it flew in the face of caution—which only an hour ago had been her operative word. But somehow caution seemed less important than compassion at this point.

  “Scott…”

  “Mmm-hmm.” He was still focused on erasing the smudge on his cheek.

  “Where are you going to stay tonight?”

  There was an almost imperceptible hesitation in his movement, and then he resumed rubbing. “I’m not sure yet. I’ll work something out,” he said lightly.

  Jess drew a shaky breath, knowing that what she was about to say could change her life forever. “I—I have a spare bedroom.”