by Ann Bloxwich
They all followed suit and agreed that it was. Jayne signalled to the barman, who seemed to have become their own personal waiter. He was having a great time and had slipped Dawn his phone number when Martha had loudly announced that she was single.
‘You need a big stiff one,’ Martha shouted over the noise. ‘Like that one there.’ She pointed towards the stage, where Si was juggling with lit torches. ‘He wants to be careful; he’ll toast his rissoles in a minute.’
Dawn laughed but was watching Si at the same time. His routine was very impressive, and so was his body.
‘Are you religious? I bet he’d give you a burning bush!’ Martha flipped her hair back and sent her crown flying. Jo fell over as she leaned to retrieve it.
‘You wear it, pet,’ Martha said. ‘Seeing as you’re my princess.’ She kissed Jo on the cheek and ruffled her hair.
Deb came over and sat on Mo’s knee, stroking her hair with a silly grin on her face. ‘I love you Mo, you’re so beautiful. I wish I looked like you.’
Mo kissed her on the cheek. ‘I love you too Deb, and you’re gorgeous. Craig’s a lucky bloke, I hope he knows that.’
Deb winked at her, ‘Trust me he’ll know it when I get home! I’m going to shag his brains out and he’ll say thank you too!’
Mo let out a huge snort and made them all cry with laughter.
‘Hey, what about me? You can’t kiss my girlfriend and not me,’ Isobel protested.
Deb smiled, walked over and kissed her full on the lips.
‘That’s better,’ she grinned.
They all cheered when Kitty announced the next stripper was coming on. Dawn stood on her chair waving her hat then promptly fell off. She lay on the floor holding her stomach, tears of laughter running down her face. ‘Fuck me, that was class,’ she said. ‘But I’ll have some right bruises on my arse in the morning.’
Mo finally caught her breath. ‘Nothing compared to the bruises Craig will have when Deb’s finished with him!’
Deb nodded vigorously. ‘You can count on it,’ she said with a wink. She laughed at Dawn’s face when Des came out onto the stage, dressed in bike leathers, complete with helmet. ‘I think someone should pick Dawn’s chin up off the floor,’ she commented. ‘Fuck me, if he’d looked like that at Ray’s house, I’d have frisked him there and then!’ She made grunting noises as she rubbed her thighs lewdly.
‘That’s enough to turn a good woman straight,’ Mo said. ‘But he’s not Bodie, so I’ll have to decline.’
‘What about your pirate friend?’ Deb asked. ‘I thought you were rather taken with him. Are you now saying that you prefer the biker?’
‘At the moment I’d take either. It’s been so long since I got laid that I’m chewing the legs off the table in frustration,’ Dawn replied.
Dave was working his way around the room, discarding his clothes as he went. By the time he got to the hen party, he was down to his G-string. He laughed when he saw Dawn’s pirate hat. ‘Damn, he got there before me. Well, it will have to be you then,’ he said, pulling Jayne up and pressing himself against her. She screamed in delight when he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder and carried her onto the stage, where he lay her down and writhed all over her, before turning her over onto her hands and knees and simulated doggy-style sex with her.
‘Lucky cow,’ Dawn sighed.
Mo laughed as she took photos. ‘I dread to think what Alex will make of these.’ She grinned.
‘Don’t worry, he knows it’s all good clean fun,’ Jo said as Jayne was carried back to her seat. ‘At least, I hope he does.’ She punched Jayne playfully on the arm. ‘Hey, save some for me, it’s my hen night.’
Jayne fanned herself with a beer mat. ‘Oh, don’t worry, there’s plenty more to come yet. I don’t know about you lot, but I’m having a great time!’
***
The evening flowed smoothly after Lavinia’s departure, much to Kitty’s relief. She couldn’t cope with any more drama. Ricky’s presence seemed to have brightened the atmosphere up, and both Chad and Si had been well-received by the audience. Apparently, the show was trending on Twitter as well, which would hopefully bring in more work for them all after New Year when it tended to go quiet.
Si was packing his costume and equipment away when Ray burst into the room. ‘Where’s Michelle? She’s disappeared, and I need her!’
He’d been incensed when Ricky had turned up and needed a scapegoat. Si sensed that was why he wanted Michelle, so he played dumb.
Si pulled on a pair of denim shorts. ‘Don’t look at me mate.’
Ray grabbed his arm and Si pulled away angrily. ‘What is your problem dude?’
‘I’m not the one with the problem!’ Ray grabbed Si’s arm again. Chad stood up, ready to step between them but Si stood his ground and glared at Ray.
‘Touch me again and you will have! She left when you had a go at her, remember? She finally got sick of your crap and fucked off. I can’t say I blame her either, you treat her like shit!’
He bent down and grabbed a bottle of baby oil out of his bag, which he started applying to his arms and chest, readying himself for the fan photos which usually followed each show. He kept his eyes locked on Ray’s, silently daring him to say something.
Ray was incensed. No-one had ever stood up to him like that and he was damned if anyone would start now. He was aware of Si’s strength though and knew it was stupid to try and take him on in a fight. ‘You’re just jealous because I’ve got a bigger cock than you!’ he sneered. He marched out of the back door, throwing Si a look of contempt as he went.
‘Tosser,’ Si laughed, shaking his head. He noticed Chad looking at him and grinned. ‘I’m fine mate. He doesn’t scare me, he’s all piss and wind. Did you hear him? Bragging that his cock’s bigger than mine? At least I know where mine’s been. Do you and Des fancy a curry later? We could try that new place on the Stafford Road if you like.’
‘Sounds good to me, dude,’ Chad said. ‘I’m not sure about Des, but I don’t think he’s got anything planned, unless he pulls one of those French maids out there.’
Si gave Chad his trademark grin. ‘Let’s ask Ricky too. If he’s going to be working up here, we should at least make him feel welcome.’
Chad returned the grin. ‘Sounds like a plan. I bet he’s a good laugh, and he seems like a genuine guy.’
‘Who’s a genuine guy?’ Ricky asked as he strolled back in. ‘If you mean Ray, the only genuine thing about him is how angry he looked just then. He was muttering about revenge, so I guess he’s a bit upset.’
‘Fuck him,’ Si replied. ‘He was after Michelle, he’s probably feeling lonely because we don’t love him anymore, so he needs someone to stroke his ego.’
‘I need someone to stroke my cock, but I’m not moaning about it,’ drawled Ricky, making them laugh. ‘I don’t know him like you lot, but his reputation is well-known everywhere. Maybe his menopause has kicked in.’
‘You could be right, but when he’s like this he takes it out on Michelle.’ Kitty filled him in on a few things and Ricky sat on the edge of the desk, his face stony.
‘She can always come and work for me,’ he said. ‘My old man left me with a fortune when he died a few years ago, so I can afford to match or even beat whatever he’s paying her.’
‘If you’re so loaded, why are you stripping?’ Si asked.
Ricky grinned at him. ‘Because I’ve got a great body and I know how to dance. It seems a shame to keep it all to myself.’ He laughed. ‘The truth is I once did it as a bet, but it went down so well I decided to take it up permanently. Having my Dad’s money to fall back on is great, but I’m sensible. I’ve bought my house outright, so I’ve got no mortgage to worry about, and I invested the rest. I’m not just a pretty face you know.’
‘Good man,’ Chad said. ‘Very few strippers remember that this life is a temporary gig, and that the work could dry up at any time. Well done, mate, if Ray had
been as clever as you he’d be rolling in it by now.’
‘The difference between him and me is that I don’t need to buy my friends,’ Ricky said. ‘I have a few very close friends and some great mates who like me for who I am. Michelle would be a lot happier working for me. I’m surprised you’ve not made a move on her by now Des, it’s not like you to let a great girl slip through your fingers.’
‘Fuck off, she’s like a sister to me, in fact, she’s like a sister to all of us,’ Des answered.
‘Not to me she’s not,’ Si chipped in. ‘I’d shag her six ways till Sunday, but she’s not interested.’
‘Maybe she’s waiting for a man who’s bigger in more ways than one,’ Ricky said, cupping his crotch. He ducked as a pair of balled-up socks flew past his head. ‘Hey, watch it, don’t mess my hair up,’ he laughed.
‘We’re going for a curry after the show if you fancy coming along,’ Chad said. ‘You can tell us what it’s like working for Vince.’
‘Sounds great. Now, who wants another drink?’
52
Ray stood outside in the frosty air, panting hard after the exchange with Si. He stood for a while, trying to calm himself down and watched his breath make clouds as he exhaled. He was furious with Si for speaking to him like that. Who the hell did he think he was? ‘Nobody disrespects me like that, especially not a nobody like him! He forgets who gave him his big break. Without me he’d still be hauling barrels at the brewery,’ he muttered.
Ray pulled a small packet of white tablets out of his jeans pocket and pressed a couple out onto his hand, tossing them back and swallowing hard. They went down better with a drink but there was no way he was going back in there until he was due onstage. He heard laughter emanating from the dressing room and it riled him even more.
He spotted Si’s jeep parked nearby and wandered over to it. Si took great pride in his car and the newly-polished dark purple paintwork gleamed in the moonlight.
‘I’ll teach you, you little twat,’ he said, quickly glancing around before taking his keys out of the pocket of his jeans and scoring a deep line along the side, all the way from front to back. He put the keys away and walked back towards the building, whistling softly to himself, completely unaware that he was being watched.
Kitty stepped out of the shadows as Ray went back inside. She’d seen what he’d done to Si’s car and was going to confront him but thought better of it. Ray would wriggle out of it somehow, snakes like him always did. She dropped her cigarette on the ground and stepped on it, crushing the life out of it.
If only someone would do that to Ray, life would be a whole lot more enjoyable for all of us.
Si leaned out of the door. ‘Kitty, Des is almost done if you want to come and take him off. Are you coming for a curry after the show?’
‘Sorry chick, I’m off to my Mum’s tonight,’ Kitty smiled. ‘But thank you for the invitation.’
Si winked at her and disappeared back inside, leaving the door open for her. She thought about sticking around to see what happened when Si saw his car but dismissed the idea very quickly. Kitty knew from experience what would happen and was glad she’d be long gone by then.
She grabbed her mic and walked back out to the audience. ‘Ladies, have you had a good time tonight? I know I have; you’ve been a wonderful audience and this old queen thanks you from the heart of my bottom – oops, I mean the bottom of my heart. I hope you’ve enjoyed my lovely boys tonight; I know they’ve loved performing for you all. Now we come to the final act of the first half. This man needs no introduction; his reputation speaks for itself – in more ways than one – so without further ado, please welcome onto the stage the one, the only, Mr Ray Diamond!’
Kitty stepped down from the stage and headed towards the bar to chat to the manager as Ray, dressed in Army fatigues, slowly walked out onstage. As the lights formed a spotlight on him, he stood there for a moment and basked in the glory. As the music changed pace he went into his routine, clapping to encourage the audience to join in. He didn’t notice that Si, Chad, Des and Ricky stood watching the show from the side-lines. Si had a big smirk on his face and waited for the fun to begin.
Des looked sideways at him. ‘Why did you want us to come and watch Ray do this number? We’ve all seen it loads of times before. What makes this time so special?’
Si giggled. ‘Trust me bro, this is one performance you won’t want to miss. Let’s just say happiness is a warm pair of pants.’
Ray had shed his jacket and hat and had run into the crowd to gyrate on several women’s laps, including Jo’s, who got the giggles and tweaked his nipples. He kissed her on the cheek, ran back onstage and went into the next part of his routine. Something was clearly wrong though; he was suddenly looking very uncomfortable and started scratching his crotch furiously. The women assumed this was part of the act and were cheering along, but Ray appeared to be in a lot of distress. He ripped his remaining clothes off as fast as he could, snatched a pint of beer from the nearest woman and poured it all over his cock. The crowd erupted into cheers, but Ray ran off the stage, narrowly avoiding crashing into his fellow strippers on the way.
Kitty was shocked by his sudden departure; she’d been chatting up a cute barman but picked up her mic and quickly took charge of the situation.
‘Ladies, we seem to be experiencing some technical difficulties. I’ll go and find out what the problem is, so go and get yourselves a drink, have a smoke, visit the little girl’s room and normal service will resume shortly.’
There was a ripple of confused applause then people started milling around and talking loudly. Kitty vanished behind the curtain and angry voices were heard.
Si was almost on the floor in the corner, tears of laughter streaming down his face. Des and Chad were both doubled up too, though neither knew what had just occurred. Ricky stood with his hands in his pockets, smiling broadly.
‘Man, that was fucking brilliant, like a Benny Hill sketch!’ Chad said, when he could finally speak again. ‘What did you do? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him perform so well!’
Si wiped his eyes, but the tears kept coming. ‘Just a little something I thought up this afternoon. He was being really nasty to Michelle, so I sprayed muscle rub on his G-string. He won’t forget that performance, believe me, his bollocks will burn for a month.’
Des was shaking his head in disbelief. ‘He’s always horrible to her; I don’t know how she puts up with it. Six years now she’s been working for him and not once have I ever known her stand up to him. Anyone else would have walked out long ago. I mean, they’ve never been a couple, so it can’t be out of any love she has for him.’
‘The guys were telling me about it,’ Ricky said. ‘Maybe she needs the money, no-one would take that amount of crap otherwise.’
Chad drained his pint of fizzy pop, stood his empty glass on the windowsill and headed backstage. ‘Don’t ask me man, I haven’t got a clue. I’ll go and see if everything’s okay back there. I’ve got a feeling that it’s about to get nasty.’
It was indeed getting nasty. Ray was storming around the room, stark naked apart from his biker boots, and roaring like a wounded bull. Ruby was hastily packing Kitty’s gear into bags, fearful that something would get damaged. Deep down she hoped he would pick on her, she was waiting for a reason to deck him, but she knew who Ray had set his sights on.
‘Michelle, I don’t know what you did to my costume, but you’ll fucking pay for it and that’s a promise!’ he roared. ‘No-one fucks with Ray Diamond and gets away with it! You’re finished, bitch, so you’d better go and pack your stuff because if you’re still at the house when I get back I’ll fucking kill you!’
‘Michelle’s not here, she left ages ago, so I fail to see how she could have tampered with your costume,’ Ruby said, but Ray ignored her. She sucked her teeth at him and carried on with her task.
Chad put a hand on Ray’s arm, but Ray shook him off. ‘Did you see what she did to my r
outine?’ he bellowed. ‘That took me months to put together and that little cow ruined it all! Have you seen her? No, I thought you’d defend her, you probably all will!’ he shouted as the other guys came closer. ‘I know you’re all fucking her behind my back and think I don’t know about it! Well, you can all fuck off as well; none of you will ever work again when I’ve finished with you!’
Si had had enough of his ranting. ‘Listen Ray, if you must know it was me. I sprayed muscle rub in your pants – you deserved to be taken down a peg or two over the way you treat Michelle. We all know that it didn’t take you months to learn that routine either, it’s the same one you always do, just with a different costume.’
Ray’s eyes were bulging, and his nostrils flared. He took a step towards Si, fists raised and ready to strike but Des and Chad grabbed his arms and pinned them to his sides. He struggled but to no avail; the two men were very strong. He had no choice but to stand still until Si had finished speaking.
‘It’s about time someone put you straight about a few things mate,’ Si continued in a calm voice. ‘Michelle is a lovely girl who does everything you tell her without ever questioning you. She’d jump out of the fucking window if you said she should. I don’t know what hold you have over her but not anymore. If you ever lay a finger on her we’ll break your fucking neck, so don’t even think about it. And for your information, none of us are sleeping with her, but it would be none of your business if we were.’
Si’s eyes never left Ray’s; he wanted to make sure Ray knew he was serious.
‘As for us never getting work again; we haven’t nicked jobs from other strippers behind the boss’s back, so I think we’re safe enough. It’s time you realised that you’re not as powerful as you used to be, in fact you’re an old has-been who needs to be put out to pasture,’ Si said. He nodded to Chad and Des to let Ray go.