JACK

by Wilder, Adrienne

  I watched a quarter-sized spider weave its web across the window. Long delicate legs churned, sewing gossamer strands into geometric shapes. Its shadow danced on my face as it crawled from one side of the window to the other, meticulously constructing its home.

  A cocooned insect made an imperfection in the spider’s artwork. It was off to the side, shriveled and forgotten.

  I ran a hand over the bulge in the mattress made by weeks’ worth of pills. Dr. Chance was still trying to talk Emma out of the surgery. I wondered if he cut out part of my brain if I would be normal and if I wasn’t, would I even care.

  Noah didn’t seem to care. He didn’t seem to care about anything.

  The tears started as a slow trickle down my cheeks, but it didn’t take long for them to soak my pillow. The sobbing was next, great bouts of anguish that ripped pitiful sounds out of my chest and racked my body. I curled on my side and buried my wails into the blankets.

  I didn’t know how long I’d lay there sobbing when a hand touched my cheek. I jerked back. The door to my room was open, spilling yellow light across the floor. Noah stood by my bed. My first thought was, he couldn’t be real. Then Noah climbed in beside me and lay down. He put an arm around my shoulders and I lay my head on his chest. I couldn’t quit staring at him. His fingers combed though my hair over and over while he gazed at the ceiling. I hoped this wasn’t a dream and if it was, I never wanted to wake up again.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Emma would not back down. I could tell Dr. Chance wasn’t happy about her decision but all his arguments on my behalf fell on deaf ears.

  Now he knew how I felt.

  I was supposed to go in the morning, but a lightning storm put everything on hold. Nurses gathered around the TV and orderlies watched the sky outside the windows. Jagged streaks of light jumped from black cloud to black cloud, holding everyone in awe. It was as if the entire world had fallen silent except for the wind, the rain, and the crack of thunder.

  I stood on Noah’s bed and pulled myself up on the ledge of the window so I could see out. Bright white and blue streaks split the sky. Pulses of light backlit angry clouds while delicate glowing branches danced back and forth. It was beautiful and at the same time the most terrifying storm I’d ever seen.

  Beyond the garden wall a transformer was struck and exploded. The shower of sparks and concussion from the blast sent me scurrying back. I went too far and fell onto the floor. Everything went dark. Noah remained on the edge of the bed. His face was blank but his hands were clenched.

  Beams of light led the orderlies down the hall. They knocked on doors gathering everyone up.

  James stuck his head in the room. “C’mon you two, we’re all heading to the interior hallway.”

  “Are there tornadoes?”

  “No tornadoes yet, but they’ve issued a watch.”

  “Then why are we going?”

  “It’s a precaution. Nothing more.”

  He went to the room across the hall. With the lights out, the shadows were thick. I got off the floor and went over to Noah. Outside the storm rumbled.

  “C’mon, we’d better go.” I pulled but he didn’t move. “What’s wrong?” His hand tightened in mine. “Noah?”

  His lips moved.

  I almost dismissed it. I’d seen him do it before but not utter a word, but the night before he’d climbed into my bed of his own free will. I put my ear to his lips. At first I just felt the warmth of his breath against my ear. I’d missed the sensation as much as I missed his kisses.

  “Stay.” It was more of a sigh than a word.

  I bit my lip. “Say it again.”

  “Stay.”

  “You want to stay here.”

  He didn’t answer.

  “Say it again.”

  His lips moved but this time there was no sound.

  “Please, Noah, just say it one more time.”

  His lips pressed together and his nose wrinkled. “Stay here.”

  I hugged him. “You spoke.” I kissed him on the side of the head. “You spoke, Noah.” I was happy until it dawned on me this might be the last time I ever heard his voice. After the storm they would take out a part of my brain too.

  Noah’s gaze met mine for a moment before sliding away. If Noah wanted to stay, then I would do it.

  I looked over my shoulder and into the hall where the last of the C ward disappeared down the corridor in the direction of the laundry room. Another roll of thunder vibrated through the walls. It felt like the very ground beneath our feet was growling.

  “Let’s get under the bed.” This time when I tugged his hand he did as I asked. I pushed the pillow and blanket and put them next to him. “Wait here.” Last thing I needed was to wind up in trouble with Dr. Chance. The halls were all but empty. I ducked back just as James shone his flashlight down the hall. The beam slid against the wall, then the floor in front of me, before winking out. I shut the door and went back to the bed and slid under it.

  Noah still hadn’t done anything with the blanket so I covered him up and put the pillow under his head. The floor was cold and it didn’t take long for it to sink into my bones. I lay there with my hand in his.

  Outside the storm howled and static electricity crackled in the air. Every breath I drew became heavy, like the space around us had thickened. It was like the air had weight. A roll of thunder began and didn’t stop. Noah tensed but for once it was me who was afraid.

  “I’m not sure hiding under the bed was a good idea.” I didn’t want to leave though. This was where Noah wanted to be, so I did too. My ears popped from the pressure. “One day, you and me, we’ll live somewhere there are no storms.” I laughed because of how absurd the idea was. I didn’t care. “It’ll be an island, and our house will be on the beach. We’ll eat watermelon and I’ll teach you how to spit.”

  Another crash of thunder. It was so sharp my ears rang. The growl of thunder grew. I hid my face in Noah’s neck.

  “I want to be an astronaut for Halloween, and you can be a cowboy.”

  Glass shattered somewhere in the distance. It was too far away to be in Noah’s room, it had to of come from down the hall.

  “We can have a garden with sunflowers and have a dog. We can call him Grom.”

  A loud boom shook the entire wing and the building shifted. I cried out and clung to Noah. Another rumbled followed, this one deep, rolling, insidious. Heat erupted in the room and I heard the sound of brick clattering against the tile floor. I screamed as a deafening explosion filled my ears and it became impossible for me to breath.

  “Noah! Oh, God!”

  A whoosh of air turned the room cold and glass sprayed out over the floor behind me. I pulled Noah closer. Rain saturated the floor, soaking us.

  The emergency lights in the hallway went out and there was a moment of complete blackness before a reddish glow took its place.

  I smelled smoke.

  I crawled out from under the bed. The door to the room hung crooked on bent hinges. I went over and pulled on the handle. Metal whined, brick crumbled. I had barely enough time to move before it fell. Smoke rolled into the gaping hole. Down the hall fire danced across the ceiling with a deafening roar. Under the sound I heard people screaming.

  Another whoosh of heat and flame knocked me to my knees. I covered my head as a wave of torrid air rushed down the hall. Another boom followed it, louder than the thunder and more violent than the lightning.

  We had to get out. I had no idea where we were going to go, but we couldn’t stay here. I crawled back over to the bed. Rain water on the floor made me slide. Glass and bits of flower pot stuck in my hands and knees. I grabbed Noah’s hand, but he wouldn’t budge. “Noah! We have to leave!” He pulled out of my grip. I slid under the bed. “Please, please. Everything’s on fire.”

  I put a hand on his cheek to make him look at me. He resisted. Orange light bled into the room. I could feel the heat. My throat burned with every breath I took.

  “Please, Noah, I do
n’t want to die.”

  I heard a plaintive wail from the hallway and looked. I shouldn’t have, I should have kept my face buried in Noah’s neck. Someone staggered past the door. The remains of clothing hung in smoldering rags from their blackened body. The person collapsed. I could hear the sizzle of their hair shriveling. Pungent and sweet. Burning hair and bacon, that’s what they smelled like.

  Noah squeezed my hand and I looked at him. Would we die here? He still stared at the mattress above us. I watched as he lifted a hand, finger out. I turned my head so I could see what he was pointing at. There was a key stuck in the springs. The key Grom had given him.

  Noah’s lips moved. “Up.”

  “Up?”

  He said it again.

  I had no idea what he meant unless he was talking about the ceiling, and even if he was, that was in the direction of the fire.

  He squeezed my hand. “Up!” That time it wasn’t a whisper.

  “Okay, okay. Up.” I pulled the key out, keeping it in my palm. Noah crawled out from under the bed when I pulled on his hand. I grabbed the soaking blanket and covered us up. Both of us shivered but it wouldn’t last long.

  Black smoke rolled like thunder heads licking the hallway. The tremendous heat pressed down on our backs. We crawled past the body. I couldn’t tell who it was. Bone shone through split and blistered skin. A hand reached out to me.

  We didn’t stop.

  The double doors leading to the other wings had been torn off the hinges and hung in twisted wads of metal. Glass covered everything and we left red hand prints on the tile. I pulled on one of the upturned corners but the door wouldn’t budge.

  “We’ll have to crawl under it.”

  Noah didn’t act like he heard me. I went first, leaving the blanket over Noah. I swept away glass as I went and bits of blackened debris stuck to my skin. Smears of red were left behind when I brushed it off. My hips got stuck and I had to twist my legs to get free. It was hotter on the other side of the door. I squinted against the heat and buried my mouth into my sleeve to filter out the smoke. I turned around to help Noah through the opening.

  Off to the right, the hallway was a tunnel of fire. Flames whirled, fed by split pipes overhead. Water poured out of busted lines only to evaporate into a plume of steam. The heat stung my face and lips. I had to turn away.

  We crawled and the blackened chunks around us began to take shape. A finger, an ear, and then an arm. A plastic doll head had melted to a hand. Figures emerged from the flames. Like black wraiths, bodies still on fire, eyes gone, lips burned away, leaving them with white grins. I pulled the blanket completely over our heads. I didn’t want to see the death march happening around us and the air was getting hotter. In the heat the cold blanket turned into a sauna.

  I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see. I stopped and so did Noah. I pressed my face against the floor trying to find cooler air. Pieces of crisp flesh clung to my cheek.

  I was so tired. All I wanted to do was close my eyes.

  Noah pulled on my shirt. If we stayed here we would die.

  I pushed myself back up.

  More people wandered out of the fire. All I could think about was how quiet they were. Bodies on fire, wandered around us like lost souls. Since the initial explosion no one had made any sounds. The only yelling now came from A hall. Fists beat against the doors and angry screams were drowned out by the rush of flames.

  We left the roar of fire as we headed down the other hall. I recognized James, propped up against the wall. Half his face was nothing more than a wad of bubbled flesh, and the fingers of his right hand were curled. Blood flecked his lips and his eyes were blistered into cloudy white orbs. Two more bodies were close by. I recognized them as residents but I didn’t know their names. Eyes wide, mouths open, they looked surprised. Except for some soot on their arms and faces, they weren’t burned. Black ringed their lips.

  There weren’t many occupied rooms down on this end of the hospital. The flames had spared them but the smoke coiled around their faces. Propped up on beds, I could see them staring at nothing while the heat clinging to the ceiling above us cooked the flesh from their scalps and set their hair on fire. None of them moved to get away.

  We found Dr. Chance lying at the end of the hall, near the door to the stairwell. Tears streamed down his cheeks. His crisp blue shirt had been burned away to nothing along with most of his pants. Thick ropes of flesh lay in wrinkled folds across his stomach and thighs. Most of his right hand was gone and what was left had fused with the key ring he had clutched in his grip.

  I thought he was dead until he said my name. “Don’t leave me.”

  Dr. Chance’s foot was on fire and I beat out the flames with my hands, burning my fingers. I grabbed him by his good arm. His weight fought against my strength. I came out from under the blanket so I could get a better grip on him. Smoke made me gag. Tears made me blind. Hot flesh tore under my hands when I pulled.

  I yanked with everything I had but the smoke and heat sucked away my strength.

  Noah put a hand on my wrist. His gaze met mine and I saw him. The real him.

  “We can’t leave him.”

  His hand tightened.

  “Noah, we can’t…”

  Noah took my hand and opened it. The key was almost imbedded in my palm from holding it so tight. He took it from me, leaving a flesh colored spot among the black and red. He held the key up between us.

  “Noah, he’s alive.”

  Noah said nothing. Tears from the smoke cut clean lines though the dirt on his face. He coughed but his expression remained blank.

  “We can’t just leave him.”

  “Please, Jacqueline…” Dr. Chance’s charcoaled fingers curled into the sleeve of my tunic. “Help me!” He pulled, yanking me down on top of him. Skin clung to my arms and hands and his smoldering clothes burned me where they made contact.

  “We’re trying.” I moved to sit back up but he wouldn’t let go. His other hand dug into my hair and it got tangled in the key ring. The sharp pain made the fire down the hall seem brighter and the smoke thicker. I yanked but he wouldn’t let go.

  “Help me, goddamn it!” His hand twisted and I screamed.

  “Stop it!” I punched him in the face and his lip tore.

  “You can’t leave me! I won’t let you leave me! You’ll never make it out of here without me!” He snarled and his lips cracked.

  I pulled my knees out from under me, getting my legs between us, and kicked him in the ribs with my feet. Dr. Chance wailed as he fell back with his hand high in the air like he was giving some sort of salute to the inferno. Thick curls of brown hair stuck up from his clenched fist.

  Fear transformed his madness into pleas. “Please. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

  I crawled with Noah down the hall.

  “Don’t go! Please Jacqueline, don’t leave me here!”

  Noah gave me the key and I opened the door.

  The stairwell was clear of fire and smoke. It felt like an icebox after the hall. I had no idea how hot it had been out there until the stale air funneled into my lungs. I coughed once and then couldn’t seem to stop. Noah put his hand on my cheek.

  “I’m just catching my breath.” But we didn’t have time. We didn’t have time to even breathe. I tried to stand up and found I couldn’t. We made our way up the stairs on hands and knees. My palms stung from the glass and heat. My face felt cracked. Noah’s cheeks were bright red like he’d spent hours in the sun. The scars on his arms were even worse. As if the fire had somehow stoked the old burns back to life.

  We got to the top. I stuck the key in the lock. It wouldn’t turn.

  “No!” I tried again and still nothing. I looked at the knob. It had been brass colored before, now it was silver. They’d changed it. I screamed and beat against door. “No! No! No!”

  We were so close. So damn close. I sat back and buried my face in my hands.

  Noah’s lips brushed my ear. “Keys.”

&nbs
p; “It doesn’t fit! They changed it!” I showed him. “They changed it, Noah!”

  He stared down the steps. I followed his gaze. Dr. Chance had said we couldn’t leave without him.

  “Wait here.” Noah grabbed my arm. “Noah…” His cracked lips pressed against my temple. “I promise. I’ll be right back.” Panic pushed me down the steps.

  Back in the hall it was still an inferno, but the flames had receded. More bodies littered the floor. Some alive, some dying. Dr. Chance was right where we’d left him.

  “You came back!” He smiled through the tears. “You came back for me.”

  “Yeah.” I reached for the key ring.

  “See. You need me. You can’t get out!” He laughed.

  I grabbed a handful of keys and pulled. He yanked back and rattled them in the air. “You can’t leave without me. You can’t!” He threw his arms wide and his hand smacked against the brick, leaving flesh behind.

  I grabbed his arm and tried to twist the keys from his hand. Flesh tore. His fingers clenched.

  “I’m not letting you go without me. I won’t let you go without me.”

  He was too heavy. We’d never make it with him. I looked around, and found a large piece of brick. It was heavy in my hands. My muscles quivered as I lifted it over my head.

  “You can’t leave. You can’t leave!” The way he said it was almost a song. It reminded me of Emma. He laughed again, eyes wide. He wasn’t watching me now. He gazed at the burning bodies scattered around us.

  I was glad he wasn’t looking at me. I didn’t have to see his eyes when I smashed the brick into the side of his head.

  Now I was a liar, a Judas, a thief, and a killer.

  Out on the roof the rain had stopped and the lightning had turned into small flickering bursts behind the clouds. This high up the wind ripped through us. I welcomed it. The damp air, the cold, it soothed my aching skin and washed the blood off my hands. I climbed over the ladder straddling the wall. Noah remained by the edge.

  “C’mon.”

  He didn’t move.

  “C’mon, Noah, we have to climb down.”