A Famous Affair

by K. B. Mallion

  “Honestly? Part of me is utterly devastated. I am leaving behind my girls and a husband who are completely inconsolable. Then there is this other part of me who feels free and truly happy. I never dared to think I would be in your arms ever again, yet, here I am. No words will ever quite cover how good that makes me feel.” I snuggle into Jonny.

  “You are my world, Jessica. I will do everything I can to make you happy, because I love you.” He shifts slightly in his seat, holding my chin delicately on his finger. He places his loving lips onto mine. Lingering, gentle and cherished kisses are delivered onto my aching lips. He stops and looks into my eyes, now filled to the brim with contentedness. All the pain, hurt, doubts and fears dissipate into thin air; for at last I am in Jonny’s arms. No hiding, no lying, no more pretending. His cappuccino eyes look deep into my soul. His eyes silently tell me how he feels. They speak to me in volumes before he even has to move his glorious lips. He loves me. He doesn’t even have to say it, but I know he loves me. Most of all, I truly do believe in his love for me and allow myself to feel deserving of his love . . . finally.

  Sure enough, there is a hungry bunch of journalists eagerly waiting for us as Simon pulls up to Jonny’s magnificent home. A whole media crew jostles around; all trying to outdo the photographer next to them, so their picture is the one that gets onto tomorrow’s front page. It is complete and utter mayhem.

  Beef is waiting on the path, trying to hold them all back with his large and muscly frame. The Don’t-Fuck-With-Me expression on his face is more than enough to stop any pushy pap from trying to get past him.

  Jonny checks the pashmina is securely wrapped around my head and slides my sunglasses on. “You ready?” I nod with a faint, afraid smile. “Listen to me, Jessica. When we get out of the car, don’t rush to get inside the house. I’ll be beside you and we’ll go really slow, okay? I don’t want you falling and giving them a bloody picture they would love to have.”

  “I’m scared, Jonny.”

  “Don’t be, Dimples. I’m right here.” He grips my hand tight, and with my face and head hidden, he eases me out of the car like I am made out of the finest bone china. As soon as my feet touch the concrete, the desperate flashes illuminate where we stand. All kinds of questions are being thrown from every direction, but Jonny ignores them; supporting me with his arm draped defensively around me. I can’t see his face, but I can feel how tense he is; his vice-like grip on my hand is steely and possessive. Regardless of how slow we walk, the press continue to besiege us. The relentless and repetitive flashes of the incessant photographers are blinding me even with my dark sunglasses on. Just don’t fall Jessica . . . you have to make it inside of the house without falling! Walking the small distance makes the pain rip through my entire body, but I keep on walking. I am holding on for dear life to Jonny, trusting in him to help me make it inside his home.

  Slowly, but surely, I make it inside. The press is left pissily unsatisfied with what little pictures and information they get, but I’m relieved when the front door is closed on them. The silence wraps itself around us all. It is only broken by Simon’s heavy sigh as he presses the lift button. As soon as we are in the lift, I pull down the pashmina, looking at a tired and flustered Jonny, who is tapping the side of the lift with an irritated, pissed off kind of tap.

  Beef rests a knowing hand on Jonny’s shoulder. “That went better than I thought actually.” Jonny pats Beef’s hard, muscular arm; a silent ‘thanks for everything’ pat.

  “You’re right, Beef. I thought one or two may get a bit pushy, but they were actually okay.” He runs his perplexed hand through his hair, a million thoughts running through his exhausted mind. When his preoccupied eyes fall upon me, they change in an instant from dull and defeated to bright and affectionate. As much as I’d love to stand there and look into those captivating eyes all day long, my body is hit with painful exhaustion. “I’m aching, Jonny. I think I would like to have a shower and then a lie down if that’s okay?”

  “Of course it is, darling.” As soon as the lift doors open, Jonny takes my arm. “Come with me. I’ll get you all settled in my room.”

  Beef shouts to us, “Mary has made a leek and potato soup for you both. Would you like her to bring it up, Jessica?”

  “That would be lovely, Beef. Thank you.” I smile at the man who used to make me feel so uncomfortable. We seem to have turned a very big corner now.

  Jonny holds my hand, wrapping his arm around my waist at the bottom of the daunting stairs. The steps leading up to the bedroom seem to take a lifetime to climb. My sore body begins to slow down, unable to take anymore. Every lift of my foot makes it hurt even more. Jonny notices how hard it has become for me. Halfway up he sweeps me delicately up into his strong arms. I rest my head onto his shoulder, breathing in his intoxicating scent.

  When we reach his room, Jonny carefully places me onto his bed. I look around, familiarising myself with it once more. Its crisp white linen, mirrored wardrobes, and luxurious rugs are still the same since I was last here, yet so much has indeed changed in our lives. I get distracted from my thoughts when I catch the aroma of the calla lilies, which sit beside my side of the bed, their sweet scent filling the room. That is certainly Mary’s thoughtful and welcoming touch; bless her.

  Jonny bends down to take my trainers off. “I asked Mary to buy you some toiletries and Anna has bought you clothes, underwear and shoes in your size. Anything you need just ask and they will get it for you.”

  I smile. “You have thought of everything, haven’t you?”

  “Well, until you are able to get your things from Shawn, I figured I’d better get some things in for you.”

  “Thank you.” Can he be any more perfect?

  “You are welcome. Shall I put the shower on for you?” I nod at his question. As Jonny disappears into the bathroom, I can’t suppress my inner happiness. The past few days have been one hell of a ride emotionally. I’m sure many more hellish times are to follow, but for now, I’m indulging myself in the calmness and love that surrounds me. Whatever is happening outside of this grand apartment is insignificant because at this precise moment in time it’s just Jonny and me . . . together.

  “Do you want me to help you shower?”

  “Ordinarily Mr. Riley, I would jump at the chance of you helping me in the shower, but on this occasion I may have to pass.” Joking aside, I am far too sore to be seductive. A mischievous smile will have to do.

  Jonny helps me to stand then kisses my nose. “Another time maybe?” There’s that wicked and captivating grin he so proudly owns.

  I smirk. “Definitely.”

  “I’ll wait out here, though. Then you can have your soup and some much needed rest.”

  “Okay.” I slowly make my way to the bathroom. I ready myself for the shower, standing beneath the soothingly hot water. I close my eyes as the water rushes down my body. It’s then that I decide to have a look at myself. It’s the first time I have properly seen my bruised and incomplete body since the operation. The raw scar feels strangely numb; my hands hover over it, but I can’t yet bring myself to touch it. My hand is badly bruised from the cannula and my urethra feels incredibly sensitive from where the catheter has been. Never before have I felt so self-conscious, so lacking in confidence with my own body; a selfish and vain thought considering I could have died.

  Will Jonny still love me? I know he says he will, but will he really? The doctor told me I would not be able to have penetrative sex for six weeks, but will Jonny still find me attractive with this reminding scar? How can he ever find me attractive if I don’t feel it myself? I hear a gentle tap on the door. Jonny pops his head around it. I jump at the sight of him, quickly turning so he can’t see my scarred body.

  “Mary has just brought your soup up, Jessica.”

  “I’ll be out in a minute,” I reply. Jonny closes the door, unaware of my warring thoughts. I look down at my swollen, scarred stomach and sigh. I get out and dry myself off, wrapping myself in my new si
lk dressing gown. It feels good against my clean skin; much more luxurious than the cotton hospital gown Jonny has seen me in.

  Jonny is on the bed relaxing with his arms behind his head watching the television. Although he looks tired, his unshaven face is wearing a half-smile, which changes to a dazzling grin when he sees me standing in the doorway.

  “Feeling better?” he asks.

  “Much.”

  “Come, sit down and eat.” He pats the bed beside him. I cannot wait to lie on this bed and get some sleep. My returning appetite has preceded my need to sleep. As the soup touches my lips, my taste buds are kicked back into life by the mouth-watering flavours.

  Jonny looks at me. “Jay is coming to see me in a bit, so I’ll be downstairs a little while I should think.”

  “Is he angry?” I ask, while putting a spoonful of soup into my mouth.

  “Not really. I think he had mentally prepared himself for this happening at some point anyway.”

  “So, what do you think will happen now?”

  “The press are going to have a field day, and it’s only going to be a matter of time until they find out who you are.”

  “I know. I’m going to call Shawn when you are downstairs and see whether the girls will speak to me.”

  “Unfortunately, the press may contact them, too. I will try to protect you all as much as I can, but Shawn should be made aware of it. I know it’s shit, but at least if he is forewarned he can try to protect the girls.” Jonny explains.

  I drop my spoon into the bowl. “I just feel so helpless.”

  “I know, me too. We just have to ride this thing out, darling. I am also thinking that in a few days’ time I may get Jay to release a statement of some kind, give the press something to chew on for a bit.”

  “What will you say?” I ask.

  “I’m not sure yet. That’s why Jay is coming over. I also have to prepare myself for the possibility of some of the jobs drying up, once they find out about you.” Jonny sighs.

  “Surely it won’t come to that, will it?” I ask.

  Jonny’s mouth is straight and tight. He shrugs. “I don’t know, but it may well happen. I have a few projects in the pipeline, quite a few chat shows and a couple of film offers. Plus, I’m supposed to be hosting an award ceremony next month. They may pull the plug on it all. I just don’t know how they are going to react once they find out the truth.”

  “I’m so, so sorry.” I stroke his arm to try to offer some kind of bittersweet reassurance.

  His hand clasps over the top of mine. “Don’t you dare apologise, I went into this with my eyes wide open. If work dries up, so be it. Yes, I get to live a privileged lifestyle for which I am very grateful, but does it make me happy? No, it doesn’t. But you do, Jessica and I’ll do whatever it takes to hold onto our happiness.”

  Right at the moment. I feel so blessed. I affectionately stroke Jonny’s leg. “I’m the one feeling privileged now. Thank you for being here, Jonny. For risking everything for me.” I lean into his beautiful face; our kiss is accepting and hopeful of what may come for the both of us.

  “I’m not risking anything, Jessica. I am simply being with the woman that I love.” He strokes my cheek then smiles. “I’m going downstairs now. Mary will pop up in a bit should you need anything. Hopefully I won’t be too long.”

  “I’ll be fine, you go.”

  When he gets to the door, he stops suddenly, leaning on the frame. “You know, tonight will be the first time we actually sleep together in that bed?”

  I smile at the thought. “I know. I still can’t believe I am here, I never thought I’d see you or this room ever again.”

  Jonny smiles, yet the ghost of a past pain still haunts him. “I try not to think about the dark place I was in when you were last in this room.”

  I understand Jonny’s solemn words. That night will forever be a night that I’ll try to forget. A smile of sympathy is soon on my lips. “The most important thing is, I am not going anywhere this time, Jonny.”

  His smile becomes boyishly wide. “Good.”

  “You best get downstairs; I’m going to call Shawn now.” I tell him.

  “You’ll be okay, won’t you?”

  “Yes, I will. Now go!” I playfully shoo him out with my hands.

  “See you later then.”

  As Jonny leaves the room, I feel like I am in some kind of wonderful dream. He is right; the last time I was in this room was such an awful time for the both of us. On that terrible night, I cried myself to sleep. All I longed for was to feel Jonny’s arms wrapped tightly around me. After so much heartache, it would seem that tonight I am finally getting my wish.

  I mentally prepare myself for ringing my husband of eighteen years, who now knows of my infidelity. My clammy hands tremble as I dial our home number, while a nauseous fear grips me. The phone rings a few times, then I hear Shawn’s quiet voice. “Hello?”

  “Shawn . . . it’s me.” There is an agonising pause. I think he’s going to hang up straightaway, but he eventually speaks.

  “What do you want?” he hisses down the phone.

  “Are the girls all right? Can I speak to them?”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” More growls, followed by more painful and awkward silence. This is unbearable!

  “I am so sorry about what I have done to you, Shawn. I should have told you about Jonny. I never should have lied to you. I’m in London and as soon as I am better, I’ll come and see the girls. If they want to call me they can do so on my mobile,” I say. Still there is no response from Shawn, just more oppressive silence. “You should also know that the press is going to be digging around to find out any information they can. They may even contact you, but you have to protect the girls, Shawn. Lots of personal questions may be asked and things will be in the papers, I thought I should tell you,” I nervously add. I’m willing him to speak to me, yet he doesn’t say a word. My nerves get the better of me, my voice begins to quake. “Please Shawn, I know you hate me but you need to think of the girls.”

  “I’m going to take all your things to Lydia at the office tomorrow, so don’t bother coming to the house as she’ll have all of your stuff,” Shawn snaps.

  “Oh . . . okay.”

  “Now, if you don’t mind I have the girls’ tea to prepare. Have a nice life, Jessica.” He hangs up. The coldness in his voice is no surprise, but his calmness is. I can’t help but worry about him. I almost wish he would scream and shout at me, but there’s this wall he’s put up around himself and no one is getting in. I decide to send Lissy and Lottie a text message.

  Hi girls, I hope you are both okay. I never got the chance to tell you both something important. Maybe your dad has now told you, but I’m telling you myself because you are my daughters and you should know. The man I met is Jonny Riley and I’m now in London. If you need ANYTHING, please call or text. I love you and miss you both so much. Should anyone you don’t know start asking questions about me just don’t comment. You may hear and see things about me that will upset you. I’ve spoken to your dad, so if you need to talk or need to ask any questions just get in touch. As soon as I am well enough to travel, I will come and see you. Let me know if you would like to come and see me in London as I’ll arrange transport for you. Don’t forget how much I love you.

  Mum xxxxxxxxxxx

  I sit and wait, hoping the girls will contact me. The minutes painfully drag by. It’s excruciating just sitting here on the bed, waiting and hoping I get some kind of response. I watch some telly to forget my troubles, for a while. I’m quickly lulled into the power of early evening TV, finding myself intrigued by how much a rusty, old watering can go for at auction. My meaningless, yet light, thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door.

  “It’s Mary, Jessica.”

  “Come in, Mary.”

  Her eyes instantly shoot down to the soup bowl; she looks pleased that it’s all gone. “Are you needing anything else before I leave this evening, Jessica?”

/>   “If I could just have some water to take my painkillers with, please?”

  “Of course, I’ll bring up a small tray with some fruit and nuts, too. You may get a bit peckish later. We’ve got to build your strength back up, haven’t we?” Her kind green eyes almost twinkle when she smiles. Her short, brown, wavy hair is soft and buoyant. Everywhere she walks, her hands are constantly smoothing down, picking things up, straightening and tidying up like a restless, preening housekeeper.

  I instantly liked Mary the first time I met her, and I still feel the same way about her now. She has this softness about her. When she speaks, it’s so unhurried, so gentle and calm: a silky therapeutic voice.

  “How long have you worked here, Mary?” I ask.

  She proudly answers, “Since Mr. Riley moved in.”

  “Is housekeeping what you’ve always done?”

  She does a gentle shake of her head. “I used to work as a care worker with the elderly. Then, a job came up as head housekeeper in one of the other care homes so I went for it and thankfully got it. That was seventeen years ago. I eventually signed with an elite domestic agency about ten years ago and haven’t looked back since.”

  I smile, enjoying listening to Mary. “You obviously enjoy your job?”

  “I do, indeed,” she replies as she’s folding the towels I used earlier.

  “It shows in how fabulous this place looks.” I say, looking around the beautifully tidy room.

  She modestly smiles. “I’m just doing my job, Jessica.”

  “The soup you made was absolutely delicious.” I enthusiastically tell her.

  “Thank you. So tell me, what kind of things do you like to eat for breakfast?”

  “I usually just have toast and tea, maybe a banana?”

  She nods. “Just so I know for future reference.”

  “Thank you Mary, you are too kind.”

  “I’ll quickly get you your glass of water and your snack tray ready.” With a sweet smile she picks up the other tray with the empty soup bowl and my half-drunk glass of orange juice on it, and turns to leave. Jonny comes into the bedroom as Mary walks out. He has a broad, carefree smile on his face. He sits beside me on the bed, kissing the curve of my neck.