I am obviously not explaining myself very well. I step forward, looking at Lydia hard. “I don’t mean that Jonny is trying to stand in my way. I just mean that he is a beautiful distraction. A distraction that takes me away from trying to see my girls, Lydia. I need them back in my life. I need to try to make things up to them. With Jonny in New York, I will be able to do that. Of course, I don’t want him to go. If I didn’t have my girls to consider, I would leave with him in a heartbeat.” I admit.
“Did Jonny ask you?” Lydia questions me with a furrowed brow.
I nervously stroke my collar bone. “Yes he did. I wish I could, but it’s just not possible for me to join him in New York. I could never leave the girls, particularly with the way things are at the moment. I don’t know, Lydia. In some obscure twist of fate, maybe this has happened for a reason?” I ask her with hopeful eyes, pushing away the dread that hovers nearby.
Lydia shrugs her shoulders, with a grimace. “Who knows, my darling. I just find this all so sad. I fully understand what you have told me, but I still find it so terribly sad. Things are finally settling down for you both, and now he bloody has to go to New York.” She looks up at the ceiling with a grave expression.
I stand beside her, leaning back on the sink. “We will be fine, Lydia. Besides, Jonny will pop back when he can. So stop worrying!” I say that, not only for Lydia’s benefit, but mine too. I have to believe that we will be okay. I have to believe we are strong enough to withstand him going to New York. If I can’t . . . I may as well leave right now.
“Oh, darling, I just want you to be happy,” Lydia says, hugging me tight in her willowy arms.
“I am,” I say, resting my chin on her shoulder. I pull back from our much needed embrace. Lydia studies my face, like she is trying to find the tiniest shred of a lie that may still exist within my eyes. My expression remains confidently the same. Jonny does make me happy. I am happy. I don’t need to lie about that.
Lydia continues to look at me. She lifts her graceful finger, gently stroking my cheek. “I believe you,” she quietly replies.
This conversation has quickly become too heavy. I want to lighten the mood. “So, will you come at Christmas? It’s only a month away.” I ask with a cheery demeanour.
“You try stopping me, darling!”
“You can meet Jonny’s mum and friends then,” I state.
“How exciting!” Lydia exclaims, clasping both her hands.
“Isn’t it?” I ask.
Lydia wraps her arm around mine, her wicked grin ever present. “By the way, I am so picking up on the sizzling chemistry between the two of you tonight. My God, even I am getting bloody aroused!”
I flush crimson red and head to the toilet cubicle. “What can I say? It has been a while,” my voice echoes through the toilet door.
“For pity’s sake, Jessica. Put the poor guy out of his horny misery. Seeing you in that dress, must be absolute bloody torture for the randy bugger,” she says with a little laugh.
As I come out of the cubicle, I am wearing a kittenish smile. “Oh, I certainly intend to, Lydia.”
Sitting beside Jonny in the car with his index finger gently stroking my inner thigh, I feel myself twitching in silent delight. Why does the journey home, always seem to take so damn long when I’m feeling horny as hell?
When we reach home, Beef escorts us all to the lift before bidding us goodnight. I have only one thing on my mind. It involves having the delectable man who gloriously stands beside me, fucking me senseless.
I look at Jonny’s perfect profile, even from the side he is breathtakingly divine. I feel intoxicated by my own lust and the impure thoughts that fill my head. They excitedly stir within, creating an inner frenzy.
“Does anyone want a nightcap?” Jonny asks with a slow stride into the reception room.
“It’s kind of you to offer, darling, but we have our own little nightcap planned. So, if you don’t mind. We will leave you to it?” Lydia winks at us both, eagerly taking hold of Jake’s hand.
Jake is now crudely grinning. “Maybe another time, Jonny? I simply cannot refuse Lydia’s offer of a nightcap,” he says, pulling Lydia against his hip.
Jonny laughs, patting Jake on his shoulder with a smile that is equally as crude. “Believe me, Jake . . . I understand. See you in the morning.”
“Night Lydia, night Jake.” I step forward, kissing them both affectionately on their cheeks.
Lydia grips my forearm, leaning into my ear. “Darling, are we going to need ear plugs for tonight?” She lewdly looks across to Jonny, then back at me.
My embarrassed smile freezes, followed by a rapid heartbeat. “Stop it!” I whisper with clenched teeth and heated scarlet cheeks.
Lydia throws her head back, laughing. “Oh don’t be shy, darling. Besides, you may need your own pair!” She suggestively presses up against the side of Jake, who welcomes her body with a tight arm around it.
I roll my eyes, wincing at her lewdness. Lydia’s wicked giggle can still be heard as they disappear out of the room: practically glued together.
My wandering thoughts quickly turn back to Jonny.
Now all alone. We both stand there looking at one another, not quite sure what to do next. The sexual tension is so thick, we could literally cut it with a knife.
I stand there aching for his touch with a rolling feeling in my stomach. Jonny’s eyes narrow, slowly looking me up and down: stripping me bare with his intense gaze.
“Come here, you.” He holds the tips of my fingers in his hands, pulling me gently against him. We both stand beside the warm fire. It subtly lights the room with a sensual red glow as its heat embraces us. Jonny pulls away from me, slowly ridding himself of his jacket. He throws into onto the back of a leather chair, walking behind me as he does. I hear his light footsteps return, getting closer; until he is standing with the front of his body pressing against the back of mine.
“Do you know what you do to me, Jessica?” I can’t answer his question. I can’t even speak. The only thing I can concentrate on is his deep voice and the longing for his burning touch. “You complete me . . . body, mind and soul.” His hands brush against my arms, barely touching them. His feathering fingers awaken all of my hibernating senses. “I never thought I would love someone as much as I do you.” He stands in front of me now and using his finger, he traces it sexily over my lips. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” A feather light kiss is placed upon my eager mouth. My breath catches at the back of my throat. My heart is feverishly fluttering inside the safety of my chest, beneath my heaving breasts.
“Jonny,” I try to speak, but he places a finger to my lips.
“Ssshh, I want to take things slow, Jessica. It has been so long since we made love. I want to enjoy every single moment.” Once again he stands behind me, pulling my back into him. I feel his thick hardness on my lower back. I may just crumple to the floor in a horny heap, as my legs are trembling so damn much with aroused anticipation.
Jonny’s composed hand glides down to the bottom of my golden dress, hitching it up to find my outer thigh. When he reaches the top, he brushes across my mound: moving slowly across to my other thigh. I need him! Now!
Tremors of excitement lay heavily between my legs. My breathing quickens as my craving vagina quakes with ferocious need.
“I want you,” I whisper with my head tilted to his ear.
“I know,” he whispers back, cupping my alert breasts in each hand.
Delicately he nips at my earlobe before his hot mouth places moist and delicious kisses all over my neck. I moan softly beneath his enthusiastic hands until I can bear it no longer. My impatience gets the better of me. I swiftly move to face him as my greedy mouth searches for his. Our parted lips are panting and breathless. I pull Jonny by his silver tie towards the leather chair, pushing him down onto it. Never does he take his eyes off me. I stand there between his legs, fixed on only him. I bend forward to undo his trousers. He is so very ready for me, springing out of his box
er shorts. The fuck fairy will be very impressed!
I turn my back to him, lifting my liquid gold dress above my hips. Instinctively, Jonny pulls my silk thong to the side as I ease myself down onto his throbbing thick cock. Using the arms of the leather chair, I begin to rhythmically move forwards and back; playfully changing pace. I rock my hips, moving up and down to quick and short motions. To feel him pushing his taut dick deeply inside of me, feels so amazingly good that I moan with ecstasy; throwing my head back. I gyrate around and around him, from the tip to the full and very deep shaft, devouring every inch of his pulsating piece. Jonny’s hands are on my lower back, his fingers curl around my hips to assist me in our harmonious fucking.
“Shit, that’s good.” His hips push deep into my near climaxing sex. I am riding him so hard and fast, groaning breathlessly as I lick my dry lips. The euphoric wave I am riding is about to peak.
“Jonny,” is all I can pathetically say as I ascend with my joy.
“That’s it, Jessica. Fuck me hard beautiful!”
“Jonny . . . oh . . . my . . . God!” Our bodies collide at rampant speed; with firm, pulsing thrusts, he plunges into me with intense force.
“I’m . . . going . . . to . . .” Hearing his raptured voice makes me surrender to him, thumping spasms of climatic fulfilment wash over me. Jonny is tensing beneath me, his legs now stiff and his fingers momentarily grip tight onto my hips as he yields to his own orgasmic pleasure. Our entwined desires purge themselves within a fervent mass of throbbing sensations. One after the other, after the glorious other ripple through our just-fucked bodies. As the throbs weaken, I look over my shoulder to see his content, perspiring face smiling back at me.
“Reverse cowgirl, eh?” Jonny asks, reaching to stroke my face with his caressing hand.
Pushing a fallen down strand of hair behind my ear, I grin. “I wanted to be in control.”
Jonny looks down at our still conjoined groins. “I like you being in control.” He says in a deep, low voice.
I swivel around, sitting in his lap with his warm arms cradling me. “I love you so much, Jonny.”
Kissing the top of my head he whispers, “Ditto, Dimples.”
We sit in sated silence, the fire flicks shadows across the dimly glowing room. Sometimes I wish we could just stay like this forever. Forget about everyone or everything. Just remain like this . . . always.
“What are you thinking about?” Jonny asks.
He is just so intuitive about my thoughts and feelings. It only makes me love him even more. I snuggle into the crook of his warm neck. “I just sometimes wish we could just lock ourselves in a bubble and float away.” I tighten my hold around him, just loving how he makes me feel.
Jonny strokes my back, his fingers send shivers all the way down my spine. “As nice as that would be, we both have responsibilities.”
My selfish bubble is soon burst. Jonny is right. We both have responsibilities but sometimes when I am with him, I become so overwhelmed with how I feel about him: nothing else seems to matter. As much as I love that feeling, it’s an all consuming, selfish feeling that often crashes into me with such an unbelievable force; I end up feeling like the most malignant woman to have ever walked this Earth. Guiltily my thoughts are swamped with Lissy and Lottie. I am healed and happy but without them, I can’t fully allow myself that happiness. As much as I love Jonny, without my girls; I am not a whole person. My settled soul, quickly becomes unsettled. I have this urgent need to see my girls.
I lift my head, looking at Jonny. “I was thinking . . . maybe I should go up with Lydia and Jake tomorrow instead of Monday?” I nervously study his face.
Jonny strokes my hair with a content smile. “If that’s what you want to do, Jessica . . . do it.” The feelings that I so guiltily pushed away for him because of the guilt I feel about my girls, quickly return. I fucking love this man. I know things are complicated and not perfect . . . but I love him regardless.
I start to play with his silk tie. The fine silver material glides coolly through my fingers. “Well, it would save Simon having to drive up twice. Now that I’ve made the decision to see the girls, I really don’t want to wait. I have to see Lissy and Lottie, it’s all I can think about.” I gently explain.
Jonny kisses my collar bone, stroking my hip. “If you are sure you’re up to it?”
I absently play with his fingers, pushing the tips of my fingers against his. “I am.”
Jonny playfully pats my ass. “Well, we had better go up to bed and get some sleep then. You have a very big day ahead of you tomorrow.”
I grip his tie in my hand, pulling him closer. I want that delicious mouth of his so badly. I need to feel and taste those full, soft lips. My enamoured kiss is a gesture of how he makes me feel. A kiss of gratitude, for his unquestioning understanding of my need to see my girls. “Thank you,” I softly say.
With a twitching smile, Jonny’s eyebrow rises. “For what?”
“For always being there. For always understanding without even needing to ask. For always knowing what to say or do. I honestly cannot thank you enough, Jonny. I love how you love me.” I bring my arms around his neck, tilting my head to see his face up close.
Jonny looks at me with tears filling his doting eyes. He looks at the fire, needing to compose himself first before replying. “I love you, Jessica. I know how hard it has been for you, not being able to be a mother to Lissy and Lottie. If you feel you are ready to do this . . . then you must.” His fingers gently trace along my jawline. “I really do hope it goes well for you tomorrow, darling.” The look of support on his beautiful face makes me feel incredibly special. With him by my side, I honestly feel like I can conquer anything . . . even Shawn.
Being in the car with Lydia and Jake does little to alleviate my nerves. It is hard to summon the polite chit chat needed for the journey. Inside I feel churned up and nauseous, worried about what kind of reception I will be greeted with when I knock on the door of my once happy home.
When I see Cheltenham sign posted, I suddenly feel immersed in fear. My heart is thumping and my mouth feels dry; with each passing mile my feelings grow stronger and stronger, making me more anxious the closer we get.
“Darling, are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Lydia’s sympathetic eyes and silky voice, do little to calm me.
“I will be okay, Lydia. Thanks for offering. As tempting as your kind offer is, I have to do this by myself. Though, I’m not ashamed to admit . . . I am absolutely terrified.” My face feels tight with fear, when I try to smile at my dear and thoughtful friend.
“Just call me if you need anything . . . I mean anything,” she offers. I manage a slight, subdued yet appreciative smile.
Looking out of the car window, my eyes try to reacquaint themselves with the place, which used to be my home. I was born and raised in Cheltenham, all of my childhood memories were created here. I will forever be attached to this wonderful place. It is here, that I shared my first clumsy kiss with a boy named Bob. Where I got drunk for the first time on hideously cheap cider and lost my virginity to Jeremy in a posh flat in Montpellier. It is also where my beloved mum has been laid to rest and, most importantly, where I gave birth to my precious girls.
My whole life is wrapped up in sweet nostalgia here, it feels strangely good to be in familiar surroundings again. I had taken for granted the beauty of the place with all its regency architecture, tree lined avenues and the stunning Cotswolds which border the town. I simply forgot how beautiful Cheltenham is.
My thoughts are interrupted by my awareness that we are nearing Lydia’s home.
“Thank you so, so much for a wonderful weekend, darling, I have loved every single minute.” Lydia tightly holds my hand, then hugs me as tight as she possibly can. A good luck and good-bye hug all rolled into one.
I smile. “It has been wonderful having you both visit, thanks for coming.” I say, squeezing her hand.
Jake looks across at me. “Yeah, thanks Jessica. We re
ally have had a great time.” His warm grin alleviates just a tiny little bit of my inner stress, which is relentlessly twisting around within my gut.
“So, we will see you at Christmas then?” I ask.
“Definitely,” Jake keenly replies, leaning right across Lydia to kiss my cheek. His manly stubble lightly grazes my soft cheek. “Try not to look so scared, Jessica. I wish you luck seeing Lissy and Lottie.” His kind words trigger my emotions. I bite my lip, trying to prevent the tears from filling my eyes.
I clear my throat, now lined with nerves, sadness and terror. “I appreciate that, Jake.” As much as I wish his words would work, my inner fear silently makes me feel nauseous. I want to run away. Can I really face Shawn? Will the girls still hate me? Part of me wants to drop off Lydia and Jake, then tell Simon to drive back home to Chelsea.
I pray I can do this! Where has all of last nights courage gone?
Simon slowly pulls up outside Lydia’s charming and elegant mid-terraced townhouse. There are no hanging baskets or garden shrubs. Just a pristine white washed house with a Cotswold stone wall and a small, black wrought iron gate. It is very Lydia.
We stand on the path to say a proper good-bye. Lydia strokes my arm. “Call me later okay, Jessica?”
“I will . . . see you soon, Lydia.” We embrace warmly. Jake waits patiently for his chance to hug me.
“Bye, Jake.” I say with a weary smile.
He gently grips my shoulders. “See you soon, Jessica. Remember to stay strong.”
I bravely nod. . “I will try.”
Simon removes their bags from the boot. He and Jake carry them to the door with Lydia following behind. I slide back into the car, beginning to feel far too emotional. As Simon walks back to the car, Lydia blows me a kiss before stepping inside her front door. I breathe in deeply, trying to mentally prepare myself for facing Shawn. A thought of panic enters my mind. What if he isn’t even there? I’ll have got my over-emotional knickers in a twist for nothing . . . only to have to do it all over again on another day. Shit!
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