Caleb truly did try to be a gute bruder. He ran up to Ivy as if he had urgent news. “Ivy, come play croquet with Priscilla and Wayne and me. We need a fourth person, and you can play with one hand.”
Ivy glanced at Levi and frowned. “The girl with the double-jointed arms?”
“Elbows,” Levi corrected.
“I guess I can,” Ivy said, “but what about Levi? I don’t want him to be left out.”
“Just come play,” Caleb said, glancing at Levi. Levi would definitely owe Caleb a favor after this. “Levi can go eat pretzels or play volleyball. He knows how to entertain himself.”
“I’m sure he does,” Ivy said, “but I was planning on spending the gathering with him.”
Caleb rolled his eyes. “Nobody does that. Besides, I know my brother better than anybody, and you’ll get sick of him.”
Ivy smiled at Levi. “Of course I won’t get sick of him.”
Caleb motioned to Priscilla, and she came running. She must have been in on the plan. She hooked her double-jointed elbow around Ivy’s good arm and pulled her toward the game. “Come play croquet. Levi says you’re fun.”
Ivy couldn’t very well refuse unless she wanted to yank her arm from Priscilla’s grasp. That didn’t seem very polite, even for Ivy. “Have fun,” Levi said, not really caring if Ivy had fun, as long as she was gone for at least twenty minutes. He needed to talk to Esther.
Without turning his back on Ivy, he slowly moved away, hoping Ivy wouldn’t notice he was making a beeline for Esther. Ivy saw enough of Esther and Levi together to be suspicious of their relationship. Levi didn’t want to make things worse.
When Ivy was securely engrossed in the rulebook with Caleb, Levi turned and walked quickly to the pavilion. Esther was eating a pretzel and talking to Lydia Troyer. A plastic knife was tucked behind her ear. You never knew when you were going to need a plastic knife to stab rude young men who tried to get too close.
Though Esther had never been to a gathering in Byler before, she knew most of die youngie from the gmayna. Lydia was only seventeen, and Esther did seem significantly older, but she didn’t seem too old to be at a gathering. She fit right in.
Levi grabbed a pretzel from the plate. “Hallo, Lydia. Vie gehts?”
“Ach, nothing,” Lydia said, blushing just a little. Lydia was sweet and nice, but she was way too young for Levi. He liked the maturity and sense that came with someone Esther’s age. Lydia picked up the plate of pretzels and nudged it in Esther’s direction. “Take another one, Esther. You didn’t have any dinner.”
Levi cocked an eyebrow. “You didn’t have any dinner? Why not?”
“I fed Winnie while Ivy ate, then Nanna came barging in like a bull. I didn’t even have time to breathe.”
“Then take two,” Levi said, smiling at Esther. “I’m taking you on a hike.”
Her lips curled upward. “A hike? Right now?”
“It’s not really a hike. There is an old irrigation ditch just over there. It’s a wonderful pretty place, and I want you to see it.”
Esther studied his face as if she was trying to figure out how to tell him no. Then she shrugged. “Okay, Lydia. Give me two more pretzels. And put some of that cheese sauce on a plate. It’s appeditlich.”
Lydia giggled. “For sure and certain.” She gave Esther two big scoops of cheese sauce. “Come back if you run out.”
Levi took the cheese plate and grabbed a couple of napkins. Esther didn’t need another cheese mishap. “This way,” he said, steering Esther the long way around the croquet game and the keen eye of her sister. If Esther noticed how he tried to avoid detection, she didn’t mention it.
They walked across the grass and over the rise in the ground to the bank of the irrigation ditch. It hadn’t seen water for at least a month, and there were cobwebs and weed overgrowth on either side.
Esther tried to act polite. “Ach. Well. This is nice. Denki for showing me.”
Levi laughed. “I know. It’s not really a pretty sight, but there’s a nice place to sit over there where no one will be able to see us.”
She looked at him sideways. “You don’t want anybody to see us? Are you planning on stealing my pretzels?”
“Maybe,” he said. “Or maybe I haven’t had a chance to really talk to you alone for weeks.”
“We never get to talk alone. Winnie is always there.”
“Winnie doesn’t count. She doesn’t even understand what we’re saying.”
Esther shook her head. “She understands all right. Just because she doesn’t talk doesn’t mean she’s not taking it all in and remembering it for later.”
Levi led Esther to a flat patch of grass and motioned for her to sit down. “I don’t mind if Winnie listens in on our conversations. Ivy is the real problem.”
Esther’s gaze flicked to his face. “You think Ivy’s a problem?”
“You know I do.”
“I know no such thing.” She pressed her lips together and pretended to be very interested in something on the other side of the ditch. “I’m sorry I told you to go stick your head in the toilet. That was rude. And being angry is no excuse for being rude.”
Levi chuckled. “No one has ever told me to stick my head in a toilet before. But then again, no one has tiled a bathroom for me while I watched. No one has stabbed her seam ripper into the doorjamb because of me. Every day is a new adventure with you. I never know what to expect, and I like it.”
She drew her brows together. “You like it?”
“Before I met you, I had the most boring life in the whole world.”
She seemed to soften like a stick of butter in a hot kitchen. “So did I.” She took a bite of one of the pretzels. “I’m sorry that what I said about Ivy upset you. It’s just . . . she’s just so hard.”
“You never have to apologize for how you feel about Ivy. She hurt you deeply, and she continues to hurt you every day, just by being here. I’m sorry I was harsh. I see how hard it is for you, but I know you can sort out any problem that comes your way. Think about how well you handled things when Ivy left Winnie.”
Esther’s face turned a light shade of pink. “Ach. I didn’t handle it well at all.”
“You did handle it well, no matter that you keep telling yourself otherwise. Ivy, on the other hand, can’t handle anything. She depends completely on you. She has no money, no friends, no talents. There isn’t one person in the world who truly wants her.”
Esther looked down at her hands. “Ach. Not even her sister. I’m supposed to love her, and I can’t even manage that. What a horrible person you must think I am.”
Levi shook his head and heaved a loud and impatient sigh. “Esther, you are one of the kindest, most wunderbarr people I know. Ivy’s choices are not your fault or your responsibility. She is now feeling the full force of the consequences of her choices over the years. Can you imagine what it must feel like to be completely unwanted, to think that nobody needs you or even cares that much, to suspect that if she leaves tomorrow, her own sister will rejoice instead of mourn?”
“It has to hurt something wonderful.”
He slid closer and wrapped his fingers around hers. “She is so wretched that she thinks finding an Amish husband is her only choice.” He curled his lips wryly. “She’s dressing Amish and trying to learn how to cook. I’d say she’s wonderful desperate.”
Esther cracked a smile. “I’d say you’re right.” She narrowed her eyes and gave him the stink eye. “I hate it when you’re right.”
“Really? I love it when I’m right.”
She laughed before growing more serious. “Ivy talked about finding a man almost from the first day she came to Byler, but I had no idea she would consider giving up the Englisch life for the Amish and the possibility of a steady husband and a secure income. It seems dire and extreme, but I can see it’s how she is trying to navigate her stark circumstances. Ivy is a survivor. She’ll do whatever she can to be in control.”
“Jah. She will.”
/> “I make her three meals a day, but she is still starving—starving for the affection I refuse to give her.”
“Don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve taken gute care of Ivy. Ivy can be hard to love.”
A look of uneasiness traveled across her face. “Hard for some people. I’ve taken care of Ivy and Ivy’s dochter, but I’ve also neglected her in ways that can’t be measured or checked off some to-do list.”
“Like I said, Ivy can be hard to love.”
“You said something the other day that I pretended not to hear.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “How much of what I say do you pretend not to hear?”
She pursed her lips to keep from smiling. “Most of it.” She fingered the pretzel in her lap. “You said Ivy tortures herself every day for leaving us and bringing so much heartache to our mater. And now Mamm is gone, and Ivy can’t apologize or try to make things better. She didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. I don’t know, maybe Ivy blamed herself for Mamm’s death. I laid too much at her feet when I told her Mamm died of a broken heart. Ivy thinks she killed our mater.”
Levi nodded. “After a year or two of being gone, she might have felt she couldn’t come back, knowing how deeply she hurt your parents. The guilt would have been very painful.” He took off his hat and fingered the brim. “She is desperate, but maybe there’s a small part of her that truly wants to find her way back.”
Esther frowned. “I haven’t made it easy for her.”
“None of this is your fault.”
“It feels like it’s all my fault. For sure and certain Ivy has made many mistakes, but Mamm and Dat loved her. I used to love her. She was once my best friend. Maybe I can learn to love her again too.”
“Maybe you can. Deep down, I know Ivy has a gute heart.”
Esther gave him a slight smile. “I feel sorry for her, which seems like a step in the right direction.”
“It does.” He stole one of Esther’s pretzels and tore a piece off for himself. “I apologize for admonishing you the other day. I’d rather do anything than hurt your feelings. You have to put up with Ivy all the time. I’m just a visitor with an opinion. I shouldn’t have shared it so freely. It wasn’t kind.”
“What you said stung my pride, but I needed to hear it. I will try my best to be more patient with Ivy and show her more love and less annoyance.” Pain flashed in her eyes. “I’m still frightened I’ll lose Winnie.”
“Me too. But Gotte has not given us the spirit of fear.”
“But of power and of love and of a sound mind,” Esther said, finishing the scripture for him.
“You’ve got the power of your faith. You’re working on loving Ivy. And you are a clear and deep thinker, when you’re not mad at your pickleball paddles.”
Esther laughed. “Oh, my poor paddles.”
“Derr Herr will not forsake you.” He wiped his hands on one of the napkins. “I feel bad for Ivy, but I hope you know I’m always on your side. I just did a bad job of showing it the other day.”
She stood up and put some distance between them and looked across the ditch to the other bank. “So . . . I wanted to ask. Are you interested in Ivy?”
He shrugged. “Of course.”
Esther flinched and turned her back to him.
“I’m very interested in her welfare. She’s your schwester and one of Gotte’s children.”
Esther took a deep breath and slowly turned her head in his direction. “But . . . but do you like her?”
She acted as if the question made her upset. Or was it the answer she dreaded? Levi squeezed the napkin in his hand. Was she afraid he would abandon her to finish the bathroom herself if he found Ivy too irritating? Did she feel like she was imposing on him when she asked him to be nice to Ivy? She had always been very sensitive about imposing on him. That was why she had worked on the bathroom floor while he took care of Winnie. She had needed his help with Winnie, but hadn’t wanted to take advantage of his good nature. She didn’t need to worry about that. He was happy to help in any way he could, especially if it meant Ivy would go away and leave Winnie with Esther. That was the most important thing.
He would rather have Esther helping him in the bathroom, but the bathroom would be finished in a few more weeks. He didn’t mind if Ivy wedged herself into his work. For the most part, Ivy was pleasant company, even though she was a clever manipulator. But Levi was in no danger of being deceived by her pretty blue eyes or her sudden interest in being Amish. “Ach, Esther. I like Ivy fine. She has many gute qualities. She’s funny and tells entertaining stories, and I feel sorry for her. If I can make her life a little happier, I don’t begrudge it at all.”
“You don’t?” she said, forcing the words out of her mouth as if they were stuck there.
“Don’t worry about me. It’s easier to say than it is to do, but try not to worry about anything. Derr Herr will provide.”
“I suppose He will.” She acted as if she was tired of looking at the ditch and very tired of talking to Levi. “I think I’ll go play some volleyball. I haven’t played volleyball for years, not since I was much younger.”
“You’re still young, Esther.”
She glanced at him. “It depends on who you’re asking.” She trudged up over the rise of ground and back toward the pavilion.
Levi sat with his plate of cheese and stack of napkins puzzling out what had just happened. He had apologized for scolding Esther. She had accepted his apology but hadn’t seemed thrilled about it. He was supposed to feel better, but all he felt was confused.
Maybe she still doubted him. To reassure her, he’d have to give Ivy more of his attention tonight, just to prove to Esther that he didn’t mind spending time with her sister.
For sure and certain, that would make her feel better.
Chapter Twelve
Esther drizzled glaze on the hot orange rolls, and the heavenly smell made her heart hurt. Levi was going to love these.
“Esther, how do I know when the breakfast casserole is done?”
“When the timer rings, stick a knife in the center, and if it comes out clean, it’s done.”
Ivy huffed out a breath. “The knife never comes out clean. Can’t you give me an exact time? I don’t want to overbake it.”
“You have to do a lot of cooking by feel,” Esther said.
Ivy made a face. “By feel? But what if I’m not feeling it? What if this brunch is a complete failure?”
Esther probably should have tried to reassure Ivy that everything would be all right, but she didn’t have the heart for it this morning. She had spent the better part of yesterday and this morning making rolls and breakfast casserole and fruit parfaits for a brunch she wasn’t even invited to so Ivy could win the heart of the man Esther was in love with. Esther sincerely didn’t care if anything turned out okay.
Ivy waved both hands in Esther’s direction. “I wish you’d go. You’re making me nervous.” She’d quit wearing the sling this morning. She needed both hands to pull the casserole out of the oven, so the sling got thrown away. Esther certainly hoped Ivy wouldn’t regret getting rid of it. “You keep sneaking bacon, and you’ve dripped glaze all over the table. You’re supposed to be helping me, Esther, not making things worse.”
Esther clenched her teeth and tried to remember how sorry she felt for Ivy. Ivy tortures herself every day with thoughts that she killed our mater. She didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. Ivy is very fragile right now. Esther’s teeth would crack in her mouth before she mustered any pity for Ivy today. It was well-nigh impossible to have gute feelings for the person who had inflicted so much pain on Esther these last few weeks. It was bad enough the way she flirted with Levi and how Levi seemed to enjoy it, but every time Levi went home for the day, Ivy would dance around the house and gush about how wunderbarr it would be when she got married and how it was too bad that Esther would never have a husband.
Worse yet, Levi seemed to have quit resisting Ivy’s charms. He laughed and joked with her and
shared funny stories and always stayed for lunch with the three of them and seemed very pleased to share Ivy’s company. Esther had thought Levi knew better than to let Ivy into his heart, but apparently he’d gotten over whatever resistance he had felt early on. Esther wanted to cry.
Instead of crying, Esther set one orange roll on each plate, then put the rest in a cute little roll basket on the table.
Ivy peered into the oven anxiously and glanced at Esther. “Is your ride here yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Where is she? You need to be long gone when Levi gets here. He won’t propose to me if you’re standing there gawking. You might have to start walking.”
Esther pressed her lips together. Much as she hated to give her sister the satisfaction, she truly didn’t want to be here for the special brunch Ivy had planned for Levi. The bathroom was finished, and Levi wouldn’t be coming around regularly anymore. Yesterday he had taken Ivy aside and told her he had something to ask her, and she had invited him to brunch this morning. How convenient that their little meeting was on pickleball day. Was Levi going to ask Ivy to marry him? Surely he had more sense than that. Surely Esther would disintegrate into little flakes of dust and blow away with the wind.
Esther bit back the sharp reply on her tongue. She had lost. Ivy had won. Again. And there was absolutely nothing Esther could do about it, except maybe throw eggs at Levi’s house in the middle of the night or toilet paper his wagon or dump all his tools into the road and watch cars run over them.
“What are you smiling about?” Ivy set three pieces of bacon on each plate and eyed Esther with something akin to concern in her eyes. “I’m sorry to be snippy. I just don’t think you or Winnie should be here when Levi comes. It would be awkward.”
Ivy had no idea how awkward it would be.
Esther unbuckled Winnie from her high chair and lifted her into her arms. At least she had Winnie. She thanked Derr Herr every day for the tremendous blessing of someone to love and care for. “Cathy is picking me up at nine thirty, and she is very prompt,” she said, putting more kindness in her voice than she felt.
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