Yesterday had possibly been the worst day of Esther’s life. After she’d had that talk with Ivy, she knew in her heart that Ivy would take Winnie away from her, if only out of spite, if only because she wanted to win. Esther had understood the consequences of standing up to Ivy, but they were still more painful than a knife to the heart.
Last evening had unfolded much the same as it had for months. Esther had played with Winnie, fed her dinner, read her a story, and rocked her to sleep. Ivy had emerged from Esther’s room long enough to eat a bowl of leftover Yankee bean soup and three slices of bread. She hadn’t said a word to Esther and had completely ignored Winnie. After dinner, Ivy had locked herself in Esther’s room again and called someone on Esther’s cell phone. She’d obviously found Esther’s solar charger. Ivy talked to someone for over an hour, and the conversation was in turns playful and contentious. Esther couldn’t hear what Ivy was saying, but it was obvious she was looking for a ride out of Byler and maybe a place to stay when she got out.
Please, dear Heavenly Father, keep Winnie safe and healthy. She had stopped praying that Gotte would fix it so Winnie could stay. He would tell her no, and she didn’t want to be any more disappointed in Him than she already was.
Ivy had finally vacated Esther’s room at about ten last night. Esther quickly claimed her bedroom before Ivy had a chance to lock her out again. Ivy had pulled all the drawers from Esther’s chest of drawers and dumped them out. She’d been looking for more money. It didn’t take Esther but a few minutes to tidy her drawers. She didn’t have much in them anyway, but it hurt that Ivy would steal from her own sister. Every time it happened, it hurt just like the first time.
Without knocking, Ivy walked into Esther’s room carrying Winnie. “I need you to hold Winter while I pack,” she said, an icy chill to her voice that sent a shiver down Esther’s spine.
“Are you . . . are you leaving?” Esther hated how mousy she sounded. Why did she bother to ask? The answer would feel like a slap in the face.
“Of course I’m leaving, not like you care or anything. Jordan will be here in half an hour.”
So soon? It wasn’t enough time. Ivy should give her more time to say goodbye. “Jordan? I thought you broke up.”
Ivy sneered. “He misses me. He’s driving down from Fort Collins.”
Esther swallowed hard. She didn’t want to beg, didn’t want to give Ivy the satisfaction, but she’d grovel if it meant keeping Winnie. “Jordan . . . you and Jordan would travel so much better without a baby messing things up. Why don’t you leave Winnie with me? You know Jordan would like it better.”
Ivy glanced at Esther’s phone in her hand. “You don’t respect me as a mother. I’m taking Winter.”
Esther expected that answer, but it hit her right between the eyes. “Can I . . . can I help you pack?” Ivy would be too impatient. She’d probably forget Winnie’s diapers or maybe her baby food. Winnie wouldn’t go hungry if Esther could help it.
Ivy eyed Esther as if Esther planned to pack poison with Winnie’s baby wipes. “Why?”
“I just want to make sure you get everything Winnie will need. Baby Tylenol, all her diapers, food.”
Ivy glanced at the phone. “Okay. But hurry. Jordan isn’t going to want to hang around waiting. And don’t bother packing any of those Amish clothes you made her.”
“She’ll have nothing to wear.”
Ivy thought about that for a minute. “Fine. Pack them. We’ll get to Walmart for clothes eventually.”
With her heart sitting like a stone in her chest, Esther clung tightly to Winnie with one arm as she packed up all of Winnie’s things with one hand.
Esther nearly burst into tears when she heard the truck honk, but she held herself together by concentrating on how irritating it was that Jordan couldn’t even come to the door like a normal person and help Ivy and Winnie and all their bags out to the truck.
Ivy pressed her lips together and grabbed her bag and Winnie’s car seat. “He’s here,” she said, with less enthusiasm than Esther had ever heard in Ivy’s voice. She tried for a smile, probably for Esther’s sake, but wasn’t successful. For all the fuss she’d made, she suddenly seemed reluctant to leave.
Esther followed her out the door carrying Winnie, the diaper bag, a small suitcase of Winnie’s things, and the portable crib. She sincerely didn’t know how she managed to stay on her feet with her world crumbling around her.
Ivy didn’t know how to buckle the car seat into the truck. It had to be buckled between the driver’s seat and the passenger side. How long would it be before they got sick of squishing in with the car seat and abandoned it altogether? Esther bit the inside of her mouth. Ivy would put Winnie’s life in danger, and there wasn’t a thing Esther could do about it.
Ivy held Winnie while Esther secured the car seat. Winnie whimpered and fussed while Esther buckled her in and gave Ivy quick instructions on how to do it next time. Not that Ivy listened, but Esther tried anyway. It wouldn’t be her fault if Winnie was injured in an accident. But the thought was no comfort at all.
“Come on, babe,” Jordan said. “I can’t wait forever.”
Ivy watched as Esther showed her how to tighten the car seat straps. “Don’t make them too tight,” Esther said, “or she might choke.”
“I know,” Ivy said, even though she didn’t.
Winnie started crying in earnest. Esther tried not to panic. There were a thousand things that could go wrong. She would have to leave it in Gotte’s hands. The problem was, she wanted to trust Him, but didn’t know if she could. Please, Heavenly Father. Please.
Ivy stuffed the phone into her pocket. “Bye, sis. It’s been fun,” she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder as if she couldn’t care less about Esther’s pain. She probably couldn’t.
Esther grabbed onto Ivy’s arm to keep her from getting in the truck. “Ivy, listen. If you ever need to bring Winnie back here, I’ll take her in a heartbeat. Don’t hesitate. And I don’t care where you are, if you need me to come and get her, just call Cathy. Her number’s in my phone, and I’ve written it on a piece of paper in Winnie’s diaper bag. If you and Jordan decide you don’t want her complicating your life, I’ll come wherever you need me and pick up Winnie. Then you and Jordan can be together, just the two of you.” Something deeper than pain traveled across Ivy’s face. Her features seemed to soften, and her eyes seemed to plead with Esther, but what was she pleading for? The look stunned Esther into silence.
“Come on, babe. We’re wasting gas.”
Ivy lifted her chin, and the unreadable emotion disappeared from her face. “I won’t need you, but thanks for the offer.”
Esther couldn’t let her leave before she was sure Ivy understood. “Ivy, listen to me. Even if you’re in Mexico or Florida or California, call me. If you can’t come to me, I’ll come get Winnie. Okay?” Esther had written Cathy’s number on three different pieces of paper and stuffed them in three different pockets of Winnie’s diaper bag. Esther wasn’t going to pay the phone bill next time, and in a few weeks, her phone would be useless to Ivy. Lord willing, Ivy would find Cathy’s number and use it.
Ivy rolled her eyes. “Okay. Fine. I already told you I won’t need it.”
Esther glanced at Winnie, who was still crying like her heart would break. “She’ll need more diapers soon. I didn’t have a chance to get any yesterday. And baby food. I packed a jam sandwich for her in the diaper bag. Feed her little bites at a time so she doesn’t choke.”
Ivy climbed into the truck. “You’re so obsessed about choking, Esther. Relax. I’m Winnie’s mother. She’s going to be fine.”
She almost smashed Esther’s hand when she slammed the door. Esther stood on the grass and watched Jordan’s truck bump and sputter and finally disappear down the road. She stood there for another ten minutes just staring, willing them to turn around and bring Winnie back to her.
Oppressive silence descended on Esther like a shroud. The air was still and stale. The trees were mute
. Not even a bird sang. All Esther could hear was the sound of her own breathing, in and out, in and out. But how could that be? Hadn’t her heart stopped beating? Hadn’t the world stopped turning?
She walked around to the back of the house, sat down under the apricot tree, curled herself into a little ball, and finally allowed herself to weep.
Chapter Sixteen
Onkel Aaron strolled into the stable where Levi had just finished sweeping. “This floor has never been so clean,” he said, leaning against the far post and eyeing Levi as if he was wonderful amused about something.
Levi didn’t know and didn’t care what Onkel Aaron was so amused about. For himself, Levi couldn’t muster enough cheer to light a candle, and other people’s glee was none of his concern. “I had some extra time, and the floor needed a gute cleaning. I think I’ll spray it with the hose.”
Onkel Aaron shook his head and gently pulled the broom from Levi’s hands. “Nae. You’ve done plenty of work today. You’ve got to hurry if you want to shower before the gathering. Girls don’t care how handsome you are if you stink.”
Goliath, Onkel Aaron’s massive Percheron horse, stuck his nose over the gate. Levi gave the horse’s neck a pat. “I’m not going to the gathering, Onkel Aaron. The floor drain in the basement needs to be unclogged, and Aendi Beth wants me to help her rearrange the pantry shelves.”
Onkel Aaron cocked an eyebrow, pulled up a milking stool, and sat down. Propping his elbows on his knees, he eyed Levi as if trying to see into his skull. “We’ve been planning on your visit for months. Your dat wanted you to come to Ohio to find a fraa. I thought you did too.”
“I did.” Levi pulled a carrot out of his pocket and fed it to Goliath. He smiled to himself, remembering the time he’d found Esther beating a rug against the side of the house with a carrot tucked behind her ear. No one could wear a carrot the way Esther could.
“There it is again,” Onkel Aaron said.
“What?”
“That faraway smile, like you’re somewheres else. It wonders me if you really truly want to find a fraa in Ohio.”
Levi blew a puff of air from between his lips. “I don’t know. I mean, I should probably look for one. Nobody in Colorado will have me.”
Onkel Aaron’s eyebrow inched higher. “Nobody? A handsome boy like you? I’d think you could have your pick. Even here in Sugarcreek, where the girls can be as picky as they want, I think they’d consider you a gute catch.”
“Denki, Onkel Aaron. I guess I should make the most of my time here, but I just don’t have the heart for it.” The thought of even trying to be polite to the girls made him tired and more than a little depressed. There was only one girl he ever wanted to talk to again, only one girl he wanted to install a toilet for, only one girl he wanted throwing apricots at him. And he’d ruined her life. He’d never forget the way she had looked at him that night when Ivy told him he wasn’t allowed in the house ever again. Esther would do anything to keep Winnie. Ivy was in control now, Levi had been banished, and Esther was a prisoner in her own life.
Ach, how Esther must hate him!
“So you’ve come to Ohio to milk your onkel’s cows and do odd jobs for his fraa?”
Levi curled his fingers around the back of his neck. He’d come to Ohio to nurse a broken heart. He’d come to Ohio to get out of Ivy’s way. Maybe if he weren’t there, Ivy wouldn’t take out her rage on Esther. Levi shrugged. “I could remodel your bathroom.”
“You could go to the gathering. Peter has been telling die youngie about you for months.”
“Ach. What did he tell them?”
Onkel Aaron chuckled. “He’s built you up until you can’t possibly meet their expectations.”
A smile crept onto Levi’s face. “Maybe I’d better shower.”
Onkel Aaron’s eyes sparkled. “The gathering might be fun.”
Cousin Peter appeared in the doorway of the barn with a cookie in one hand and a letter in the other. “Levi, you’ve only been here a week and already you’ve done more around this farm than I’ve done the whole year.”
Onkel Aaron shook a finger in Peter’s direction. “You could learn a thing or two from your cousin.”
Peter took a bite of his cookie. “Why do I need to learn anything? Levi will be here another two months. By the time he leaves, everything will be done.”
Onkel Aaron growled good-naturedly. “Not by a mile, young man. Levi earns his keep, and he eats less than you do.” That was true. Levi had barely been able to eat a thing since he’d gotten here. When he thought of Esther and how he’d hurt her, his stomach ached and he couldn’t eat. Onkel Aaron stood and playfully punched Peter’s arm. “Maybe I should send you to Onkel Jacob in Colorado and keep Levi here with me.”
Peter’s mouth fell open, and pieces of his cookie fell out. “But Dat, there’s nobody in Colorado. I’d never get married.”
Levi used to think the same thing, but he’d had a change of heart. The only girl worth having was in Colorado. But she was lost to him.
Peter took another bite of cookie. “Levi, we’ve got to leave for the gathering in fifteen minutes. You should shower so the girls don’t faint from the smell.”
Levi brushed his hands down his pants. “Girls usually faint because I’m so handsome.”
“They do not.”
Aendi Beth really needed help rearranging her pantry, and Levi was in no mood to talk to anybody. He was certainly in no mood to be charming for the girls. Esther had ruined him for anybody else. “I need to help your mamm tonight.”
Peter grunted. “And then sit in your room and read your Bible for an hour, no doubt. I don’t mind. It’s just more girls for me to flirt with yet.” He looked down at the letter in his hand. “Ach, I almost forgot. This came for you, Levi.”
Levi’s heart nearly stopped. The address was written in Esther’s hasty handwriting. Esther had written to him? He snatched the letter from Peter’s hand and tore it open.
Peter laughed. “I think we’ve figured out why Levi doesn’t want to go to the gathering.”
Levi glanced at Peter. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to grab it from you like that. It’s just . . .” He lost his train of thought as he unfolded Esther’s letter. She had filled two pages.
Dear Levi, it started. Please come home.
Levi’s heart hammered against his chest, and at that moment, he thought it might be possible to take flight. He folded the letter twice and stuffed it in his pocket, not needing one more speck of encouragement or a reason other than the fact that Esther wanted him back. He’d move mountains for her. All she had to do was ask.
He was definitely not going to any Ohio gatherings. “Onkel Aaron, I need to get back to Colorado immediately. Will you help me?”
* * *
Two and a half days later, Levi got off the bus at the station in town, where Cathy was waiting to take him home, except he didn’t want to go home. Cathy, being a willing chauffeur, a good soul, and a hopeless romantic, drove him straight to Esther’s house. Cathy gave him a sketchy update—that Esther had stood up to Ivy and Ivy had taken Winnie away in the boyfriend’s truck. By the time they pulled in front of Esther’s house, Levi wondered if Esther would want to see him or if she’d blame him for losing Winnie. Esther had written the letter to him before Ivy had cleared out. Maybe losing Winnie had broken Esther beyond anything Levi could repair. Maybe Esther would lay the blame squarely on Levi’s shoulders and decide she could do without him in her life.
But none of this mattered. Esther needed him, and he’d be there for her. If it would make her feel better to throw him out of her house, he’d let her do it.
Cathy rolled down her window as he came around to her side of the car. “I’ll be back right before lunch in an hour,” she said. “I’ll take you out for tacos. You look like you could use a taco.”
“That is very kind of you, Cathy, but could you give me at least three hours?” That was, if Esther would even let him in the house.
“Three?” Cathy grunted. “Nobody appreciates the sacrifices I make to drive you Amish all over kingdom come. Does nobody even care about my lumbago?”
“I care about your lumbago.” He cared, but he didn’t even know what that was.
“I should be home with my feet propped up watching Poldark. It helps my varicose veins.”
Levi forced a smile. He didn’t want to impose on Cathy, but he didn’t want to waste any more time talking to her about her health problems. He’d grow whiskers before Cathy drew breath. “Don’t worry about picking me up. When I’m done, I can walk home.”
Cathy nodded. “You sure can.” Her tires spit up gravel when she drove away. Must have been in a hurry to watch her show. Or go to the bathroom. She’d complained of a bladder infection all the way here.
Levi strode quickly to Esther’s front door and knocked, but he didn’t even wait until he’d finished knocking before he opened the door and stepped inside. He knocked three more times on the door while standing in the entry hall. “Esther?” No sign of her. He held his breath and listened and suddenly knew where she was. He hurried through the kitchen and down the hall to the new bathroom. Esther sat on the new watercolor tile floor, her head in her hands with a stick tucked behind her ear. She wasn’t crying, but her posture conveyed nothing but despair.
Unable to bear the thought of the woman he loved in so much pain, he knelt down and touched her hand. “Heartzley,” he said, his voice shaky and weak. He loved Winnie too. Winnie was gone. There was plenty of sorrow to go around.
Startled, Esther looked up and sucked in a breath. “You came,” she sobbed.
Relief washed over him in spite of the pain. She hadn’t yelled at him or told him to get out of the house or chastised him for ruining things with Ivy. Maybe she could forgive him. Maybe she could love him in spite of everything he’d done wrong.
The Amish Quiltmaker's Unexpected Baby Page 27