Heartbreaker

by Melody Grace

  “Everything!” I throw down my guitar, sick of him questioning my every move. I’ve been beating my head against a wall all week for him, when I should be six hundred miles away.

  “Everything?” Jennings echoes.

  I pause, Eva’s face flashing in my mind.

  “That’s it.” Jennings sees my hesitation. “That’s what’s fucking with you. You have to give everything to the song, every last breath. And right now, you’re holding back.”

  “I’m trying to concentrate!” I explode. “I’ve been blocking it out to focus all week.”

  “Whatever it is you’ve been keeping outside these doors, we need it in the studio. All of it.” Jennings insists. “So you better bring it right now, or else this will be nothing but a massive waste of all our time.”

  He storms back out to the soundboard, leaving me to slam my hand against the wall in frustration. Fuck. All week, she’s the only thing I can think about, and the guilt and indecision over giving her space is sneaking back in, no matter how hard I try to shut it out.

  So maybe Jennings is right. Maybe I need to stop fighting and leave it all on the table, right here in the studio.

  “Ready?” The voice comes.

  I nod, and pick up my guitar. Every minute I spend away from Eva better damn sure be worth something. I owe her that much, at least.

  The music comes, and I start to play.

  “Next round’s on you!”

  After we finish up at the studio, I head to get beers with Eddie. We set up shop in the corner of a dive place on Division, where the draught is cold and there’s always a group of music row veterans hanging out, trading war stories and news from the scene.

  “You should’ve heard this guy,” Eddie is raving. “Even Jennings gave us a break. Just nodded, and said, ‘next’, like he hadn’t just killed it. I’m telling you, that’s a number one right there.”

  I shrug, uneasy with the praise. “We’ll see.” I take another gulp of beer. “I’m just glad we got to move on. I thought I’d be running those takes until I hit forty.”

  “You got off easy,” one of the other guys laughs, a grizzled old bass player named Jordy. “He had that guy, what’s his name, Dex, in there for three days on a single song. Thought the two of them would come to blows.”

  “Oh, they did.” Eddie grins. “Out back in the parking lot. Jennings said something about his wife, and Dex knocked him for six.”

  “What happened?”

  “They scuffled down in the dirt, then picked themselves up and went back to work.”

  I get up, restless. “Another round?”

  “Sure!”

  I head to the bar. Any other time, I’d love soaking up these stories, just kicking back with guys who know what it’s like out there. But I’m restless, and I can’t relax. Not with Eva still out there, weighing if she wants a future with me or not.

  I duck out the fire escape into the alleyway and pull out my phone. I don’t need to even dial the number I know by heart. It’s the only one I use anymore.

  One ring. Two. I wonder if tonight will finally be the night she answers my call.

  C’mon, Eva. Don’t shut me out.

  Pick up. Pick up.

  Hi, this is Eva, I can’t get to the phone right now.

  I swallow back my curse as the beep kicks in.

  “Hey baby,” I sigh, leaning back against the wall. “How’s it going? I miss you,” I say softly. “But you knew that already.” I pause, still hoping she’ll pick up, but there’s nothing but silence on the line. “So, today we had a break-though, I think,” I continue. “You know how Jennings has been riding me all week? Well, he finally gave me a break.”

  I fill her in on everything that happened, same as every night when I call. I like to think of her listening, out there on her balcony maybe, or the back porch, her feet kicked up on the railings, wearing that silky robe that always drives me crazy.

  How much longer will she take to see what’s staring me right in the face? We belong together; we have done from the start. But she’s so paralyzed by the mistakes she’d made, she won’t move on and take a chance on a new beginning.

  What if she doesn’t love me enough to move on?

  The doubts rise, full of darkness, but I push them back. No, it’s not true. When she’s in my arms, and our bodies are moving together, everything makes sense. But the minute the real world starts turning again, I can see all her questions and insecurities flare in those beautiful eyes. I know I broke her heart, but damnit, I’m trying to fix the mistakes I made. I want to wipe the past away and make her feel safe again, but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve told her I love her, promised to build a future, and still she won’t move on.

  Perhaps she never will.

  I head back inside to get the drinks. Eddie’s at the bar already, turning on the charm for a group of coeds poured into cutoffs and belly-skimming shirts. “Here’s the man himself,” he says, greeting me with a wink. “I went and found you some fans.”

  My heart sinks. Fawning girls are the last thing I need right now, but I don’t want to be a jackass, so I force a polite smile. “Hey.”

  “Oh my God, I love your music so much!” One of them slides in close to me, wrapping her hands around my arm. “Can we get a selfie?”

  Before I can object, she lifts her camera and snaps a shot, kissing my cheek as the flash bursts.

  “I went to, like, five of your shows last year,” she continues breathlessly. “My friends say I’m a total groupie.” She giggles, and Eddie smirks over her head.

  Eddie winks. “Thank me later,” he murmurs, before disappearing back to our group with her friends in tow.

  “So what are you working on now?” she asks eagerly, still pressed up against me. She’s blond and cute, and definitely willing. Any red-blooded man in here would kill to be in my shoes, but I barely notice her. Everything I want in the world is bound up in Eva, and nobody else could even come close.

  I detach her hands and step back. “I better get back to it,” I tell her blandly. “Thanks for the support.”

  Her face falls. “Do you want my number? We could get a drink sometime—”

  “No thanks,” I interrupt, then quickly turn and leave, pushing through the crowd until I hit the street and can breathe again.

  Damn it, what the hell am I doing here?

  I pace the dark sidewalk, heading back to my hotel. The city is bright and vibrant, busy with weekend party crowds, but every burst of laughter or smiling couple I pass makes me feel more alone. Half my heart is right back there in Oak Harbor, and for whatever reason, she can’t bring herself to leave.

  Which means I have to.

  By the time I reach my hotel, I know, there’s no other way. No matter how much that town spells nothing but pain for me, if it’s the only way to be with Eva, then fuck. I’ll take it. I’ll take the bitter memories and ghosts of the past, and all the things I’ve been running from these past five years.

  I’ll take it all in a heartbeat for her.

  I swipe my keycard in the door and go straight to the closet, pulling my case down and throwing shit in without even looking. I can fly back tonight, camp out at the airport until I get a seat, or hell, rent a car and drive straight through. I’ll be back in her arms by morning either way, and I’ll never leave her again.

  Kyle will freak out, Jennings will blacklist me for good. Fuck, the whole album might be scrapped now, but I don’t care. I’ll give it all up to be with her again. It’s no choice at all. Five years ago, I left that girl behind. It may have been for all the right reasons, but that doesn’t undo the damage and hurt I caused.

  I won’t be the reason for her heartbreak again.

  I zip the bag shut and head for the door, but just as I’m grabbing my jacket, I hear something. A rattle on the window, like gravel.

  I pause, then go to look. I haul the glass open just as another rock comes flying up and I have to duck out of the way to stop it hitting me in the face.


  “Hey!” I yell down, angry. “What the fuck?”

  “Sorry!”

  Her voice drifts up to me, and I can’t believe my eyes. It’s Eva, down in the alleyway behind the hotel. Lit up by a streetlight with a handful of rocks, and a case at her feet. More beautiful than ever. Older and wiser, brave and broken, and still all I want in the world.

  My heart stops.

  She came.

  Twenty-Three.

  Eva

  Standing in the alleyway, surrounded by garbage and dirt, I wonder for a moment if I’ve made a terrible mistake. It was meant to be a symbol, like the New Year’s Eve he showed up at my window and this all began. But now I’m struck with a terrible fear that I’m too late. I let him go, I couldn’t find the strength to start over. Now, what if he’s reconsidered our future after all?

  Then Finn smiles down at me, that heart-stopping smile, and I know, everything’s going to be okay.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he calls down, laughing. “Are you trying to get yourself arrested?”

  “It’s an option, yes.” I grin back. There may be seven stories and a wall between us, but still, just being this close to him again makes my heart beat faster. “I had a whole plan. It’s supposed to be a romantic gesture, like—”

  “New Year’s,” he finishes for me.

  It feels like a lifetime ago, and yesterday, all at once. I was brand new back then, my heart open and untouched, filled with a desire for him that set the world ablaze.

  Now, staring up at him, I feel it all over again, stronger than ever. Our love isn’t untested. It’s seen loss and struggle and redemption, but even after all the pain, there’s still a fire burning. And I know now, it won’t ever go out. Like a phoenix from the ashes of the past, we can start over again. Take every good thing, the love that binds us together, and leave the rest behind.

  “Don’t move!” Finn orders me, and disappears from the window. But I can’t wait another second to be with him, so I race inside through the back exit and into the stairwell. My footsteps echo on the concrete as I hurry up, desperate to close the distance between us once and for all.

  I’ve been frozen in place for too long, scared to move on and risk my heart again. I’ve been searching for something I can rely on and a guarantee he won’t leave me hurting again. But there are no guarantees in love, only a leap of faith. Sometimes the answer is waiting. You just have to choose.

  This man. This moment. Forever.

  I was in limbo back in Oak Harbor. He was offering me everything, and all I could do was see the future pain if it didn’t work out. I drove Lottie and Dee crazy with my indecision, but it didn’t take me long to realize the truth. Being without him even one week was an eternity.

  I never want to be apart from him again.

  Finn meets me halfway down. He doesn’t even pause for breath, just pushes me up against the wall, kissing me hard and reckless like it’s the very first time - the first time I knew the life-changing power of desire, and the freedom I could find in his embrace.

  I melt against him, my hands in his hair, my body pressed and yearning against his hard, muscular frame. He claims my mouth, parting my lips and sliding his tongue deep to taste me, demanding more. God, I’ve missed him so much. Nothing in the entire universe is as perfect as this, right here. His touch. His body. His broken, beautiful soul.

  “What took you so long?” he demands hoarsely when we finally come up for air. He cradles my face in his hands, those blue eyes blazing with passion. “I’ve been going crazy here without you, baby. I thought you didn’t want me after all.”

  I shake my head, feeling close to tears. “I’m sorry. I was scared of getting hurt again. I love you so much, I don’t think I could take it if—”

  “You won’t.” Finn cuts me off. He kisses me again, deep and fervent. “I’m not going anywhere, I swear. It’s you and me forever now.”

  His words sink through me, so sweet I could cry.

  “Promise?” I hold him tightly.

  “On my life,” Finn vows, and I know that this is it. For real. Forever. “I’ll move back to Oak Harbor, whatever you want,” he continues, and I stare in shock.

  “No!” I stop him, amazed he would even offer. “Finn, no. You were right. I’ve been in limbo there, hiding from everything. I want to start again, somewhere with you.”

  “Are you sure?” he checks, his eyes searching mine. “Because I’ll be wherever you are. You don’t have to choose—”

  “I do,” I say, meaning it with every beat of my heart. “I choose you, Finn. A hundred times over, it’ll always be you.”

  He kisses me again, and this time there’s no holding back. Our hearts are beating right here together, bruised and broken, but still holding on for another shot at the love we let slip away. I kiss him to make up for all the time we lost, the years I spent hating him, blaming him, until I learned the truth. That this man has loved me better than I could imagine. Putting me first, every time.

  We slam back against the wall, passion unleashed. My hands are everywhere, grabbing at his shirt and sliding it over his head to find his hot, bare skin beneath. Finn lifts me, wrapping my legs around his waist and crushing me against the concrete with every gorgeous inch of his body. I buck against the hardness in his jeans. I don’t care that anyone could open that door and find us here. I just need him more than anything. more than water, more than air.

  “Eva,” Finn groans, ragged. He kisses my neck hungrily, running his hands over my breasts until I’m moaning for more. “My room… upstairs…”

  But we don’t make it that far. I fumble with his belt buckle, and Finn pushes up my skirt. His mouth is hot and hungry on mine, tongue searching, probing as he pushes my panties aside. I’m so wet, so ready for him, I beg him in a wordless plea. Finn braces himself against the wall, and then his cock finally sinks into me, all the way to the hilt.

  I bite down on his shoulder to muffle my moans of pleasure.

  God, yes.

  I want to savor the feel of him and take our time, but this restless hunger in me is clawing too deep to slow now. I arch against him, needing the impact of his thrusts, and fuck, Finn obliges. He slams into me, hard and deep, so deep, pinning me in place and making my body hum with wild sensation. I’m sobbing into him now, out of control, as over and again, he thrusts into me. Filling me up, claiming what’s his. Already my climax is rearing up in a rush. I can’t hold back, can’t do anything but hold on for dear life and let the ecstasy take me over.

  I come apart with a cry, falling into his kiss as Finn carries me through the storm of pleasure. I feel him brace, the shudder of his release, and then we’re left panting together in the stairwell, joined in every way that counts.

  He opens his eyes, and brushes my hair back from my sweaty cheek. “Hey,” he whispers.

  I smile. “Hey yourself.”

  He sets me down on the ground gently, but I still keep hold of him, trying to remember how to walk again. “Well that was…something,” I manage, still reeling from the force of my orgasm.

  “Get used to it, baby.” Finn drops a kiss on my forehead and holds me, so close I can feel his heartbeat still racing in his chest. “There’s plenty more where that came from. I haven’t even started loving you yet.”

  Twenty-Four.

  Two weeks later, the rough cut of Finn’s album is wrapped and we’re back in Oak Harbor, packing up all my earthly possessions. Not just the housesitting gig, but everything at home too, crammed into boxes for the long drive north.

  “New York!” Lottie bounces with excitement, and Kit coos in agreement in her arms. “Are you excited? I’m excited. This is going to be so awesome!”

  “Calm down,” I laugh. “We’re not even there yet.”

  “I know, but it’s perfect.” Lottie sighs happily. “Finn finishing up the record, you going back to drama school. You’re going to have the best time.”

  “That’s the plan.” I throw another stack of books
into a box, then pause. My old room here is looking even emptier now, and I give Lottie a worried look. “Are you sure you guys are going to be okay on your own? Mom and Dad are closer in Savannah, I know, but it won’t be the same.”

  “Relax!” Lottie rolls her eyes. “I’m a big girl now. Me and this little dude will get along fine without you. Not that we won’t miss the babysitting,” she adds.

  “Is that all I’m good for?” I tease, and she grins.

  “Okay, okay, we’ll miss the Friday night pizza, too.”

  I smile and look around. I feel a fizz of excitement in my stomach just thinking about the adventure ahead. Finn and I went over a dozen places we could call home, but something inside of me kept pulling back to New York. Last time around, I barely got started discovering everything the city had to offer, or what I could achieve following my dreams. Part of me is nervous, going back to face all the mistakes I made, but another, stronger part of me knows it’s the right choice. Things are different now. I’m different.

  And I won’t be alone this time.

  On cue, Finn saunters in, bearing more packing tape and boxes. “Just how many books do you have, woman?” he mock-scolds me, taking in the stacks.

  “You can never have too many books,” I say, passing him another half full crate. “And you’re the one who said to bring everything!”

  I offered to leave stuff here in the attic, packed away in storage like the last time I left, but Finn insisted. We’re building a new life together, a home, and that means taking everything I could possibly want.

  “You’re lucky I love you so much,” he jokes, hoisting a couple of boxes like they weigh nothing.

  “Yeah, yeah.” I give him a quick kiss and push him back towards the door, even as my heart sings to hear him say it. Although we haven’t spent a moment apart since I went to Nashville, I still can’t quite believe that everything worked out this way.