The Love and Loss of Joshua James

by Danni Roan

  “I’m a little broken inside, and there are some miles on this heart already, but if you’ll have me. If you think you could love me, I’d like to try.”

  His pale gaze searched her face as he drew her hands to his chest, rubbing them nervously.

  “Joshua, I love you already. You and your girls and the pieces of your heart that still beat here.” She lay her hand on his chest, feeling the strong rhythm of his heart. “I will love you forever and we will build something new together.”

  Joshua smiled and leaned in to kiss her softly. “When I come back from Texas we’ll ride to the fort and be wed,” he said, resting his forehead against hers as a sense of peace filled him.

  “We’ll build the Broken J together,” she whispered, then leaned in to kiss him again.

  IT TOOK FORTY DAYS to travel the trail to Texas and back, with nearly two hundred head of Texas longhorn cattle and two milk cows.

  Joshua had never worked so hard in his life as he had on that drive and was convinced that none of them would have ever made it without the help of Stevens and a hand his brother had sent along called Walters.

  The man could wrangle anything and convince the stubbornest steer to stay in line. He was also a was a whiz with a rope and soon had Benji and Joshua up to speed with how to turn a cow or rope a calf. The man even complimented Billy’s cooking.

  This new life would be interesting, to say the least. Joshua just hoped he could make a go of it. He was hot and dusty when he finally turned his mount toward the little soddy camp he’d left a little more than a month ago. He couldn’t wait to see his girls. He smiled when he thought of Cammy.

  Leaving Katie had been the hardest. She’d had a fit, insisting she had to go with him, but eventually they’d convinced her that she had to stay and look after her sisters. He was sure happy to be home.

  The other men were moving the cattle along on the other side of the creek as he rode up and everyone came running out to see him.

  He smiled as Cammy ran to him, reaching up to him and forcing him to lean out of the saddle for a kiss.

  “I have a present for you,” she said, her eyes twinkling with love and mischief.

  “A present? You didn’t even know we’d be home today.”

  She giggled, looking toward the hills. “Let’s just say someone’s been on the lookout for you.” He turned toward the hills but saw nothing.

  “Pa, Pa!” Katie’s delighted squeal echoed through the yard and he jumped out of the saddle to wrap his daughter in his arms. She was wearing britches and a long shirt again, but her face was clean, and her hair neatly braided.

  “Papa!” Meg threw herself at him and he caught her up in his arms, spinning her around. “I sure have missed you girls.” He squeezed them tight, thankful they were both healthy and well-cared for.

  From the door of his little hut, Bianca came out into the bright day, leading Fiona by the hand. The little girl, at almost one-year-old, was walking. A tear sprang to Joshua’s eyes for missing her first steps.

  “Now, isn’t that something,” he said, watching the little girl toddle toward him. He scooped her up in his other arm and she grinned brightly at him, her rosy cheeks bright with health. Her tight curls, loose and bouncing on her head, tickled his cheek and he laughed.

  “It’s good to be home,” he said, his heart full.

  A lean man in a gold and blue uniform ducked and stepped out of the soddy as well, placing a black, gold-brimmed hat on his head.

  Joshua looked at the army captain in confusion. He could see that everyone was accounted for in his prairie home and wondered what business the man had with them.

  Gently he set the girls down and offered his hand. The man’s deep southern drawl caught him by surprise. “Mr. James, I presume,” he said, rolling the words off his tongue. “I’m Capn’ Ford and I believe I’m here to officiate a wedding.” He grinned at Joshua’s shocked expression.

  “I told you I had a surprise,” Cammy said gleefully.

  “Yes, a wedding,” Bianca Leone spoke boldly. “Now you must get ready, Joshua.” She pulled the stunned man by the arm. “Deeks has been helping me get everything ready.”

  The girls all giggled as the older woman pulled their father away. “Ya know, Cammy, you’re kinda sneaky,” Katie laughed.

  Joshua didn’t argue as he was ushered into Deeks’ little cabin, where he found the tin tub full of steaming water. “I guess I could scrub off some of this trail dust,” he said, shaking his head. He didn’t see any point in arguing about it, and what would they be waiting for if they put off the wedding?

  “The women have been plotting since you left.” Isadoro walked in as Josh stripped off his trail-encrusted clothes. “When they put their mind to something, you will have not peace until it is done.” He shook his head but his smile reached to his cinnamon-colored eyes.

  “I’m afraid you will find some changes coming your way, son.” He reached out and shook Joshua’s hand. “Welcome home,” he added brightly. “I think you will find that your cabin is changed. I hope you will forgive us for taking advantage of your absence.”

  “I’m sure whatever you did, you did with the best intentions,” Joshua spoke as he eased himself into the tub. “It wasn’t much, to begin with, so whatever you did will be appreciated. Besides, I’m sure you want your daughter to be as comfortable as possible.”

  “I do,” Issy said, turning to the scrap of mirror on the wall, combing out his hair. “You are making her very happy.” Taking a small strip of material from a shelf, he carefully tied the string tie over his fresh white collar. “Don’t take too long. Women are always in a hurry unless you are waiting on them.”

  The ceremony didn’t take place until all the men were assembled. Only Walters and Stevens stayed behind with the herd, to see that they bedded down for the night.

  Katie was all cleaned up and wore a soft green dress that offset her eyes and carried a basket of wildflowers, while Meg danced about under the large cottonwoods.

  Issy led Camilla over the deep green grass, and she was stunning in a pale-yellow dress. It wasn’t new, but the old style was becoming.

  Joshua’s heart turned over in his chest as he took her hand and pledged to love her for the rest of their days.

  “IT IS NOT BIG ENOUGH, Isadoro,” Bianca said, looking at the stakes he’d posted with little flags on them.

  “It has a kitchen, a parlor, and two bedrooms,” Issy said, ticking each room off his fingers as he looked at his wife.

  “Not enough,” she said. “I will have many more grandbabies,” she said, smiling determinedly. “We will have to make more rooms.”

  Issy chuckled, “Did you hear that, Joshua? She wants more rooms.”

  “Well, I already have three girls, maybe they’d like a room all their own.”

  “Yes, this is good.” Bianca smiled, looking pleased as she sidled up to Josh. He was holding Fiona, who’d been playing in the dirt.

  “Nona, Nona,” the little girl called, reaching for Bianca, who took her happily.

  “Why’d you say the girls call you Nona now?” Joshua asked, studying Issy’s work.

  “Pa,” Katie spoke patiently, “I told you she’s our grandmother now.” She looked at him with pity in her eyes.

  “Nona means grandmother in Italian,” Bianca laughed, snuggling Fiona. “Now you give me more babies who can call me Nona.” She smiled brightly, swinging Fiona about.

  “Well, you heard, Is,” Joshua called, laughing. “She’s put in an order, so we’d better do our best to accommodate. Now, Nona,” he dragged the name out, “what do we need?”

  “We will build up,” Issy answered before his wife could start. “I will make many bedrooms upstairs.”

  “Good, and we will be there,” Nona Bianca pointed with a finger and Fiona mimed her. “Next to the kitchen where I will cook for everyone.” Her dark eyes twinkled with delight. “Can you live with your old Nona?” she asked the little girl.

  “Nona, Nona,
Nona!” the little girl chanted excitedly.

  “Yes, Nona,” she said, nuzzling her nose to Fiona’s. “Now time for your nap.”

  “No, nap.” Fiona shook her head, making her dark curls bounce and making everyone chuckle.

  She turned, carrying the little girl into the sod hut. There had been some changes to the place. They had plastered the walls, making it at least somewhat pest-proof, and had set up a long table near the stove.

  Isadoro and Bianca had moved into the hut when Josh and Cammy had wed. The girls spent the nights there with them, while Joshua and his new bride took over Brion’s humbler shanty. They didn’t mind, though. It was warm and dry and cozy for the newlyweds.

  Joshua was finally seeing the vision of his ranch coming together. Stevens and Walters bunked with Billy, and Benji was eyeing the rise across the stream for a cabin in the future.

  As the cooler weather approached, the majority of the men loaded up the wagons and headed to the hills to fell timber for building, and soon a barn and a two-story house were taking shape.

  “It’s sure enough fine to see some building’ going on here about," Deeks said as he trimmed another board and handed it up to Benji, who balanced on the rafters of the house. "Makes it all seem kinda permanent."

  "It sure is," Benji agreed. From his vantage point on the rooftop, he could see across the open prairie, now dotted with grazing cattle and horses. He looked down on the people who were like family to him as they worked and joked together.

  Behind the sod houses, a wide swath of prairie had been plowed and planted, and green things grew there, lovingly tended by the woman everyone called Nona and the girls. They were starting something, and by the grace of God and the sweat of their brow, it would last.

  Benjamin Smith looked to the far-off mountains and thought of Brion and his surprising wife Winnie, who was starting a sheep and goat farm up there that would not only provide for them but would be a means for keeping at least a few of the native peoples fed.

  He still wasn't sure how they'd wrangled a special license for it, but it seemed to be working. For only a moment he let his mind go home, go back to a little patch of dirt in the flatlands of Ohio, and wonder what might have been.

  Hefting his hammer in a strong hand, he put those thoughts behind him and worked on something that would make a difference.

  Chapter 21

  “JOSHUA! JOSHUA!” CAMMY called Joshua between bouts of laughter.

  “What?” Joshua shot into the large parlor of his new house to see what his wife needed.

  “Help me up,” she said pleadingly as she tried to shift her overly round body from a low chair.

  Joshua walked to the chair and reached out, taking her by the arm and placing his other hand at her back. It had come as a shock when she’d fallen pregnant within a few months of marriage.

  She’d laughed at him unmercifully when he’d said he didn’t think it would happen so fast. “Joshua James,” she’d chided, “for a man who already has three daughters, you’d think you were new to this whole thing. Every woman is different and don’t you forget it.”

  Gently he pulled her to her feet, shocked at how big she was. “Are you sure we shouldn’t head over to the fort and see the Doc?” he asked for at least the hundredth time.

  She turned soft brown eyes to him. “Mama says I’m fine and I believe her. I’m as healthy as a horse and twice as hungry.” She smiled at him, then impulsively kissed him on the cheek with a giggle.

  “I don’t have a single problem until I sit down.” She grinned at him mischievously. “Look.” Cammy held out a new shirt she’d been working on for one of the girls. “I’ve been sewing and knitting up a storm for Christmas.”

  “It’s lovely,” Joshua said skeptically. He didn’t know anything about girl’s clothes, though he was learning. He was pleased that although rather unconventional, his girls were able to move about in trousers and shirts. They all loved Cammy but were never content to just stay home and often rode out with him or one of the other men.

  “You’re good to my girls,” he said, then cringed as she swatted his arm.

  “Our girls,” she corrected. “I may not be their birth mother, but I’m their heart mother, and I can’t help but think that Bridgette would be pleased that I love her babies.” She ran a hand affectionately over her large tummy. “These two will be so lucky to have such wonderful big sisters.” Her eyes twinkled merrily.

  “Two!” Joshua suddenly felt faint. “What do you mean two?”

  Cammy giggled wickedly, “Mama says that’s the only thing that explains how big I’m getting. She’s sure I’m having twins.”

  Joshua reached for the chair behind him that he’d only moments ago helped Cammy out of and sat heavily.

  “Joshua, you don’t look so good,” Cammy said, sounding concerned.

  “Oh, don’t fuss over him.” Nona walked into the room, leading Fiona by the hand. “Go to your pa, sweetie,” she said, turning the little girl to where Joshua still sat, stunned and silent.

  Fiona scrabbled into his lap and snuggled up close, as he absently patted her knee.

  “I’ll get him some coffee,” Nona said, shaking her head and hustling back out to the large, open kitchen they’d installed at the back of the house.

  “Papa?” Fiona said, patting her hand against his face. “Papa?” She patted again, this time a little harder, shaking Joshua out of his stupor. “Kissee, Papa,” the little girl said, her storm sea eyes cheerful.

  Shaking himself, Joshua smiled at his little girl and leaned down for a kiss. He was going to be a father again, twice. Now adjusting to the shock of it, he started to smile and cuddled his youngest close.

  “GIRLS!” ISADORO PRACTICALLY shouted as he entered the parlor, offering his hand to Joshua. “You have two healthy baby girls.” His eyes were bright with delight at his new grandbabies.

  “Can I go?” Joshua questioned, jumping to his feet and racing across the hall before Issy replied, a soft chuckle following him in.

  Cammy sat up in the wide bed he’d built with his own hands. Her dark hair fell in a neat braid over her shoulder. She looked tired and radiant.

  “Cammy?” Joshua whispered, gazing down at the two bundles in her arms. “They’re perfect.” He spoke reverently, slipping onto the mattress next to her, and took one tiny little girl in his arms.

  "I would like to name them after my grandmothers back in the old world," Cammy said. “I know we discussed many names but..." Her voice trailed off as she looked up into his bright pale eyes.

  "So, which one is this?" He smiled down at the baby who blinked up at him with serious eyes.

  "That's Alexis." Cammy smiled, running a finger along her daughter's cheek, "and this is Isabella, she's already squirming like she's impatient to get about living." A happy tear ran down Cammy's face.

  Joshua leaned over and kissed the salty tear way, "They are beautiful names for beautiful babies." His smile was wide.

  "Tell the girls to come in," Cammy said, sitting up. "They need to meet their new sisters."

  SPRING TURNED TO SUMMER, which eased into fall and a mild winter. Joshua's joy seemed to grow with his children. During long winter days, he would play with each of them, laughing and telling them stories, or helping to rock them to sleep.

  At times, he worried that the girls were getting spoiled with so much love and so many uncles to look after them, but then he'd see Fiona scrabble into Deeks' lap, chattering with him as he played with a blacksmith’s puzzle.

  Or watch Katie helping her second ma, in the kitchen or Nona in the garden. They were good girls, but one thing that caught him by surprise was Meg singing to the twins. He'd come in from the barn and found her sitting with them in the parlor, softly singing them to sleep. He'd stood in the door, mesmerized by the fiery red-heads sweet tones.

  It was like Billy said, life had a way of moving on whether you were ready or not. He could see it in the darkening strands of Meggie's hair, and the little girl
's face that had lost its pudgy cheeks and a pink nose. He sighed, wishing he could stop time, then realized that his life was full and that today he should revel in each gift.

  He stepped quietly into the parlor and lifted his voice with Meg's, his soft tenor a soothing caress to the twins.

  "That's lovely," Cammy whispered from the doorway to the kitchen. She smiled, then yawned sleepily.

  "I think I'll snuggle up with these two for a bit," she added, gently picking up Isabella.

  Joshua lifted Alexis and walked with Cammy to their room, his little daughter cradled in his strong arms. He couldn't believe how much they'd grown; at nearly two they were a rambunctious handful for Cammy and her mother on most days. It was no wonder Cammy felt the need to lay down.

  Cammy crawled into bed with the sleeping twins and curled up with a sigh.

  Joshua leaned over, placing a kiss on her brow. "Have a rest darlin', you've earned it," he said, then turned and walked silently out of the room and onto the wide front porch. Across the well-beaten yard, a large barn was being constructed, its huge beams held together with large, wooden pegs standing like some prehistoric skeleton in the afternoon sun.

  Joshua smiled and stepped out into heat and dust on his way to help his father-in-law and the others begin the long process of splitting boards for the siding. Life was good when you had friends and family to share the burdens of labor with.

  Together, the crew of what was now referred to as the Broken J Ranch had done so much. The house had been built and the old barn was taken down and reconstructed as a long, low bunkhouse. Billy said he was tired of staying in the soddy and that since all the men ate at the house every day anyway, there was no need for each of them to have their own place.