by Kelly Utt
“Say,” Cate began. “Why did we host at my house, anyway? Shouldn’t the grieving widow be afforded a little peace and quiet?”
“You’re right,” Rebecca chimed in. “We should be at our house right now. Not yours. Do you want me to redirect people there? Because I could.”
“Oh, nonsense,” Cate insisted, backpedaling. “It’s too late for that. I’m just thinking out loud. I don’t mean for you to do anything, Bec. You’ve done enough already.”
Jilly sat on the sofa next to Rebecca as her aunt gently stroked the back of her curly brown hair. Niko was positioned on the other side, napping with his head in his aunt’s lap. It was a perfect illustration of just how helpful Rebecca had been. She was a good sister-in-law. Cate wholeheartedly approved of James’ choice of a spouse. Not to mention, she thought Rebecca would make a wonderful mother someday.
“You know we love you and these kids, don’t you?” Rebecca asked, talking quietly so as not to wake Niko. “James and I would do anything for you. Just say the word and we’ll make sure it’s done.”
“I know,” Cate confirmed. “I promise I do. I’m a mess right now. I don’t even know what I need.”
Though, she thought about how she needed to find out who had been watching from the woods. Cate told herself there would be time for that inquiry, later.
Her thoughts wandered back to the day her husband died. Mick rarely missed an evening meal, which made it especially odd that he didn’t call to let her know he wouldn’t be home on that particular evening. James said Mick had been killed around seven o’clock. But Cate wondered what had happened in the hours prior that kept him from phoning. She wanted to search through his text and email records. She wanted to feel useful.
“Here you go,” her brother said, his hand outstretched with a glass of tea. “Just the way you like it, half sweet and half unsweet.”
James had snapped Cate back to reality just in time because two cars were pulling into the driveway.
“Thank you,” she said.
“I still find it funny how attached you are to that sweet tea,” James continued. “It tastes like syrup to me.”
“To me, too,” Rebecca added. “How did you come to like sweetened tea, anyway?”
“Oh, I first tried sweet tea when we were stationed at Kings Bay in Georgia,” Cate said. “People drink it like hummingbirds on nectar down there. I became a convert. I drink it half-and-half to try and keep my sugar intake at a reasonable level. But the full sugar version is heavenly, especially when it’s first brewed.”
Cate found it odd to be talking about something as mundane as tea, but she didn’t know what else to do with herself. After all, what was the alternative? Should she have mentioned that she wasn’t even sure how Mick died? Or how she worried about being able to afford the family’s beautiful home without his income?
Before James could sit back down and join them on the sofa, the first few guests had gotten out of their cars and were knocking on the front door. Meesha galloped dutifully to check out the newcomers. She took her guard dog responsibilities seriously.
Cate hoped the pup would cope well with having a house full of people. It was sure to be a large crowd, larger than they had ever welcomed before, and Meesha seemed to be having a hard time with Mick’s absence. For the past few nights, she had been lying in her usual spot at the bottom of his side of the bed, whining softly. She was grieving, too.
Cate found herself surprised at how the little things had been catching her off guard since her husband died. She expected to be upset by the big things. But some of the simplest, mundane situations were doing a number on her. Like that morning, when she had gotten in the family’s minivan to drive to the funeral. Mick had driven the van last, so the seat was adjusted to accommodate his long legs. A wave of sadness washed over Cate as she pushed the button to move the seat forward, knowing she’d be doing so for the last time. None of this was fair.
“Hello, everybody,” James and Cate’s mom, Ellen Tatum, said as she walked through the door. Their dad, Ron Tatum, followed close behind.
Ellen was a spunky woman. She was the librarian at the town elementary school and had an enthusiasm for life not common in women her age. Cate always thought how her mom should have been involved in theater. She had a flair for the dramatic that would surely have served her well on stage.
Always fashionable, Ellen arrived dressed in a crisp a-line skirt and a silky blouse. She wore a wool coat over top, which looked like she had purchased special for the occasion. Cate thought that made sense, what with the cold weather and all. Ellen’s hair landed just above her shoulders and was professionally colored a warm chestnut brown. She looked great for a woman in her late fifties. So good, in fact, that it wasn’t unusual for her and Cate to be confused for sisters.
“Mom,” Cate said, glad to see her mother. “You look great. Is your coat new?”
“It is,” Ellen replied. “Luckily, my favorite department store had it in stock. I thought I might have had to go on a quick jaunt to Sacramento to find something to wear in this cold. But Decker’s came through for me at the last minute.”
“Jilly, dear,” Cate said, turning towards her daughter. “Doesn’t your grandmother’s new coat look pretty?”
Jilly nodded. She seemed to have heard the words, although Cate wasn’t sure she was processing.
“Sacramento is a long way to go for a coat,” James said, kissing his mother on the cheek and welcoming her in.
“Come now, James,” Cate said to her brother. “You know how important fashion is to Mom. I could see her making the trip.”
“Oh, I understand completely,” Rebecca echoed, following her husband’s kiss on Ellen’s cheek with one of her own. Rebecca loved her mother-in-law. They got along better than most. And she shared Ellen’s love of fashion.
Ron Tatum was a few years older than his wife, but he looked every bit as youthful, even in his early sixties. He was a telephone lineman by trade, and he kept himself in peak physical condition. He always said that being in shape helped him to stay safe while doing his job. His dedication to good health and physical fitness was about to pay off because he was set to retire in three short years and had plans to do all sorts of outdoor activities in his free time. Cate could easily imagine him kayaking on the river, hiking the rolling hills which surrounded the valley and tending to his backyard vegetable garden. Ron’s hair was an attractive salt and pepper gray, cut short and neat. He wore a charcoal color suit with a black tie. He cleaned up well. So well, that you would never guess he worked as a lineman if you saw him all dressed up this way.
“Come in, Dad,” Cate said as she reached her arms out to hug her father. “You look good. You sure do you clean up nice.”
“All the Tatum men do,” Ron said, winking at his son.
“Don’t you mean the Tatum and the Brady men?” Aaron asked from the other side of the room. It was an innocent question, but a telling one. The poor kid was missing his father something fierce.
“You’re exactly right, my boy,” Ron said, hurrying over to embrace his grandson. Cate knew she could count on her dad to step in and fill some roles Mick was leaving behind. She was grateful to be living near family, for this reason, most of all.
“You just saw us at the cemetery,” Ellen said to her daughter. “You’re complimenting our outfits as if we hadn’t seen each other earlier today.”
“Forgive me,” Cate replied. “I know I was standing there at the cemetery, but my mind was a million miles away. I think I was just gritting my teeth and bearing it, hoping for the graveside service to be over as quickly as possible. And besides, I couldn’t focus on much else besides the pile of cold dirt and my husband’s casket.”
Cate teared up as she said these words to her mother. She had cried for what seemed like hours already that day and she had promised herself that she would stop to socialize with the guests who were coming to her home. She intended to stop. But her emotions got the best of her as salty wat
er streamed down her cheeks. There was another knock on the front door, so Cate quickly dried her eyes and tried to look normal.
James opened the door, playing the part of host even though this was his sister’s house. Cate appreciated his efforts and was happy to let him take the lead. Meesha ran to his side, apparently knowing that the next guests were not members of the immediate family. It was time for Cate to put on her game face.
Sean O’Brien looked cheerful as he and his grandson stood on the Brady family’s doorstep, freshly baked cookies in hand. He looked almost too cheerful, like he was attending a game night instead of a wake. His grandson, Mitchell, stood at his side, looking shy. Mitchell was close to Jilly’s age, and they both attended the same middle school in town. Cate wasn’t sure they had ever formally met, but she’d noticed there were lots of awkward silences when Jilly and Mitchell would pass each other in the neighborhood. Sean had lived in Rosemary Run for years, but his grandson had only recently joined him after his father-- Sean’s son-- had passed away and his drug-addicted mother had been sent to jail. Perhaps it was his family’s checkered past that made him shy.
“Sean, thanks for coming,” Cate said as she took the plate of cookies out of his hand. “And Mitchell, good to see you, too, young man.”
“We wouldn’t miss it,” Sean said, again seeming a little too eager. He noticed his tone this time and tried once more, clearing his throat. “I’m very sorry for your loss, Mrs. Brady. Mitchell and I made these cookies for you and the kids ourselves.”
Rosemary Run was the kind of town where everyone knew your business. Sean seemed friendly enough, though Cate thought he might have a little too much time on his hands. She could imagine him being nosy and prying into things she’d rather he didn’t know about. She decided to put the focus on the kids.
“Jilly, honey,” she called out to her daughter. “Mitchell O’Brien is here. Why don’t you come say hello?”
Jilly looked visibly uncomfortable at the suggestion, but she followed her mother’s instructions. She knew it would be necessary to remain involved with the events of today, even if she didn’t want to. She figured she might as well cooperate.
Sean was a widower who lost his wife a few years prior. It suddenly occurred to Cate just how many people had lost loved ones in this town. She had heard their stories before, but they had seemed distant and remote. Now, the harsh realities her fellow neighbors already knew had arrived, unwelcome, at her own front door.
Sean stepped inside the house as another car pulled in the driveway to take his place in what Cate imagined would be an endless line of people arriving throughout the afternoon. This time, it was her friend Sasha Lansing from the magazine. She had brought her husband with her. And she looked almost embarrassed to have a happy marriage and a spouse.
“Cate, darling,” Sasha said as she stepped out of her full-size SUV and rushed over to give her friend a hug. She didn’t even look back to see if her husband was behind her.
Cate suddenly felt embarrassed because Sasha was embarrassed. Cate hoped that her friends wouldn’t treat her any differently now that she was a widow. She hated even thinking that word to herself. It reminded her of an old spinster, lonesome and bitter.
“Thank you for coming,” Cate said as she embraced her friend. “You know, you don’t have to treat me any differently. I’m still the same old Cate Brady.”
As the words came out of Cate’s mouth, she knew she wasn’t the same. She wanted to be, but the fact was, she would never be the same ever again. Maybe people should treat her differently. She had no idea how to act.
“Oh, I know,” Sasha said convincingly. “I’m just so sorry about what happened. Mick was such a good man. He was a wonderful father to the kids and a great husband to you. I know you must be devastated.”
And so began the seemingly endless well wishes which usually made Cate feel worse rather than better. She understood that people were trying to be kind and to make her feel loved. Most often, though, their words only made her feel worse. Like Sasha’s. Of course, Cate was devastated. She wondered why Sasha needed to say those words, driving the point deeper.
Sasha’s husband, Todd Talbot, exited their vehicle and scurried along behind his wife. He, too, looked embarrassed to be part of a happy marriage. He looked uncomfortable in his skin, like he thought he should apologize for staying alive.
Cate and Sasha had attended elementary school together. They went way back, much farther than being coworkers at the magazine. They’d lost touch during some years Cate was away, but they’d kept up with each other on social media and had fallen right back into a comfortable friendship when Cate moved home. Cate thought, of all the people, Sasha and Todd would be a couple she could count on for support. She never imagined they would suddenly start acting strange around her. She wondered if this would go on indefinitely or if things would get back to normal between them after a certain period of time.
Cate ushered her friends inside the house and remained on the porch because she saw members of Mick’s family who had flown in from Oklahoma arriving in their rental car.
Mick’s mother, Nancy, was a nasty old woman. She saw fit to criticize anyone who came into her view, whether that be a stranger in a public place or her closest family members in private. Mick had distanced himself from his family of origin because of Nancy’s behavior. Aaron, Jilly, and Niko had hardly known her. Cate wished she didn’t have to face Nancy today, but it had seemed only right that the woman be allowed to attend her son’s funeral.
Cate thought Nancy looked a lot like a fairytale villain as she eyeballed her inside the car. Nancy had jet black hair, large costume jewelry, high heels, and a fur coat. Her dye job looked severe and unnatural. It wasn’t nearly as nice as Ellen’s.
Mick’s father had passed away when he was a boy, but Al DeAngelo, his stepdad, had entered the picture not long after and had been a positive influence in Mick’s life as he grew up. Al was a New York transplant brought to Oklahoma by a job working on the railroad. He maintained his thick Brooklyn accent, which Cate had always found charming. Al was a good guy. He was nice to be around. Cate always wondered what he saw in Nancy.
As Cate waved to her in-laws, she made a silent wish for Nancy to somehow tone down her behavior during this visit. Or, at least, for Al to place himself front and center, so he’d fill the air time, leaving Nancy without a chance to get too many digs in. Cate felt like she couldn’t take being heavily criticized right now. She felt weak and vulnerable and wasn’t in the mood for Nancy’s usual onslaught. Most of all, she thought her kids couldn’t take it. Cate decided right then and there she would not let Nancy say anything disrespectful to her children. They were grieving the loss of their father and were rattled to the core. They didn’t need to deal with nastiness on this of all days.
“Hi there, doll,” Al said. Coming from anyone else, Cate might have thought being called doll was an insult. But she understood that, for Al, it was used in a friendly and affectionate way. Maybe it was his Brooklyn roots showing through.
“Hello, Al,” she said with a smile. Then flatly, “Nancy.”
Cate struggled to smile at her mother-in-law. She wasn’t successful. There was bad blood between Nancy and Mick, and Cate wouldn’t soon forget it.
The pair climbed the steps onto Cate’s porch silently. For her part, Cate was happy to send them on inside for someone else to deal with. James knew the dynamics well. Hopefully, he and Rebecca would take the lead in providing a buffer between the in-laws and the kids.
Cate remained on the porch for what felt like a long while as she greeted guest after guest. When the house was finally full and bursting at the seams, she stepped inside and did her best forced-smile facade of happiness as she spoke with each person who had taken the time to show up in person and wish her well. It was every bit as exhausting as she had expected, yet at the same time, a comfort. Cate would take all the comfort she could get.
3
By the time everyone but f
amily went home, Cate, Aaron, Jilly, and Niko were spent. They were grateful to have made it through so much of the day and were looking forward to climbing into bed when it was done. But first, it was time for dinner. James offered to order pizza so they could relax together without having to cook. Even if he hadn’t, enough casseroles had been delivered to last them the rest of the week.
Much to Cate’s chagrin, Nancy and Al decided to hang around for dinner. Nancy had been on her best behavior so far, but Cate suspected that her claws would come out soon. It simply wasn’t possible for Nancy to spend any length of time around others without unwelcome comments.
As Cate watched her brother fumble for a phone number and jot down pizza orders, she wondered if Mick had ever thought about his own death. She wondered whether he had thought about what would happen to his family after he was gone. Just last week, Mick had looked at the empty refrigerator and made a bad joke about how someone needed to die around there to get the fridge properly stocked with food. Cate wondered if some part of him knew what was coming.
As everyone chatted and waited for dinner, Aaron made a special effort to be friendly to his grandparents. He seemed to have extra sympathy for Nancy. Cate supposed Aaron had a few good memories of his grandmother and wanted to give her a chance. He surely remembered her more than his younger siblings because Mick and Cate had taken him around Nancy when he was little. They had rolled things back when Aaron was about the age Niko was now. Jilly and Niko had hardly spent any time around their grandmother at all. Truth be told, they knew the cashiers at the grocery store better.
“Grandma Nancy,” Aaron began. “Would you like to play some cards with me? I remember that you liked to play. I’ve gotten pretty good at rummy.”
Before answering, Nancy turned and looked at her husband excitedly. She appeared to be happy the kid was attempting to interact with her. Cate thought, for a fleeting moment, that maybe there was some humanity in Nancy yet. Though she quickly dismissed the thought as unlikely.