by Claire Adams
“What does your brother do again?” Marta asked.
I paused. I really should have known that, but I was so involved in my own life right now that I barely paid attention to Brent’s. Plus, anytime he had his friends over I’d either retreat to his room if they were out in the living room or I’d just go for a walk in the park to avoid them altogether.
“Well…he was working at this company, but he quit a short while ago,” I said. “He claims to have started a business.”
“What’s the business?” Marta asked.
I remembered asking Brent the exact same thing, but he’d been vague and evasive about answering me. “Um, buying and selling,” I replied, repeating the same thing he’d told me. “I don’t know much about it… He’s been very tight-lipped about it. I suspect he just got fired, and he’s covering it up by saying he left by choice to start this ‘business’ of his.”
“Sounds dodgy.”
I sighed. “You should see my brother…he looks dodgy, too.”
Marta laughed. “So the priority is moving out then?”
“Definitely.” I nodded. “Which is going to take a whole lot more money than I’ve got saved at the moment. Plus, I need to be able to make the rent each month. I don’t need anything fancy obviously…a tiny space with a bed of my own will suffice. And once I’m living on my own, then I can start saving up for the courses.”
“What about moving in with your boyfriend?” Marta suggested.
“Oh God, it’s way too early for that,” I said quickly, even though my heart started fluttering at the thought.
“You could suggest it?”
“I don’t want to spook him,” I said. “And, it wouldn’t matter cost wise anyway, because I’d still insist on paying half the rent.”
“Fair enough.” She nodded. “Good on you. I’d like to meet this guy one day.”
I smiled. “I’m sure you will. He’s busy, though, so it’s hard to peg him down.”
“Firefighting is hard work.” Marta nodded. “It’s very impressive, what he does.”
“I know,” I replied. “I’m impressed by him every day.”
The rest of the day passed by pretty uneventfully. I finished my work a little early and headed home. Phil had sent me a text telling me that he and Brent were meeting somewhere in town for their boys’ night out, so I knew he wouldn’t be around the apartment when I got there. Knowing I didn’t need to rush home, I stopped by the supermarket and bought a few ingredients for a meal I had planned to prepare.
I got home, put away all the groceries, and then I sat in front of the television with my pamphlets in hand. The idea of attending classes again was exhilarating to me and I realized that I missed being in school. I also realized that being with Phil was motivating me to do better in my life, just like he had. It was so inspirational how he had turned his life around without any support or help from anyone.
He had basically made a choice, set himself a goal and worked towards it until he had achieved it. I thought about Phil’s brother Paul and the path that he had chosen to take, and I realized that it required a strong character to do what Phil had done.
I promised myself that I would go back to school one day. Until then, I would focus on the courses that my company was offering and make use of their discounted price.
I watched a little television, all the while thinking about Phil and missing him. After a while, I got bored and impatient, so I started to clean. It was more like a nervous habit at this point, but it helped me calm down a bit.
I paused in front of Brent’s door, wondering if his explanation about his porno stash had been real or just a funny excuse to stop me asking questions. I still felt it was really strange to have your closet door locked. I also happened to believe that Brent was not the kind of guy who’d care about his sister stumbling across his secret porn stash.
I decided not to think too hard about it. Once the apartment was clean, I decided to get to work on dinner. I figured it would give me something to do until the boys got home. I decided to make roast beef with potatoes, baby carrots, and a rich sauce to go with it. For the next hour and a half, I worked over the stove, reliving my happiest moments with Phil so far and glancing at the clock every few minutes. I was actually envious of my brother, getting to spend the night with Phil.
I wondered if this was what love felt like, was it the all-consuming need to be with the other person all the time? I finished cooking the dinner and when it became clear that the boys were not going to turn up anytime soon, I curled up on the couch, put on the television, and lost myself in Titanic. I was staring at Leonardo De Caprio, thinking that Phil looked a lot like him but with shorter hair and lighter eyes when I drifted off to sleep.
The sound of keys on the door was what woke me up. Then there was a light crash and I heard voices not far away.
“Fuck!” Brent cursed loudly.
“Be careful,” I heard Phil say. “And quiet! Megan’s asleep.”
“I stubbed my toe,” Brent complained. “It’s hurts like a bitch.”
“Man up and shut it,” Phil insisted.
I started cracking up there and Phil and Brent both looked towards me.
“See?” Brent said impatiently. “She’s already awake.”
Phil walked over to me and knelt down beside me. “Hi,” he said, fixing his hazel-eyed gaze on me.
“Hi.”
“Sorry we got so late…”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said.
“Geez…you are so whipped, man,” Brent said. “You don’t have to apologize to her for being late.”
“Why? Because men don’t apologize for anything?” I asked, looking towards my brother.
“Um, yeah, that’s about right.”
I shook my head at him and turned to Phil. “Did you have fun?”
“Sure,” Phil said out loud for Brent’s benefit, but he gave me a look that clearly stated he was glad boys’ night was over.
“Is there anything to eat?” Brent asked loudly. “I’m fucking starving.”
“I made roast beef,” I said. “But I put in the fridge because I didn’t know when you guys would get in. I can warm it up for you.”
“Do that,” Brent said. “I’ll be in the bathroom.”
“Charming,” I said, making a face as I stood up.
“Isn’t he?” Phil nodded.
The door slammed, and Phil and I were alone. He gave me a special smile and then leaned in to kiss me softly. “I wanted to get back like two hours ago,” he said, lowering his voice slightly. “But Brent was adamant we stay out past midnight. I still don’t think he was happy with our outing though.”
“Why not?” I asked.
Phil sighed and rolled his eyes. “Because he’s a complete child, and I said no to going to a strip club.”
“He wanted to go to a strip club?” I asked.
“Yep, he even had a bunch of one-dollar bills in his wallet.”
I snorted with laughter and buried my head in Phil’s chest. “Seriously?”
“Oh yeah… He was ready to go. He had the club picked out and everything, but I put my foot down,” Phil said.
“And he actually listened?”
“He didn’t have much of a choice,” Phil said. “Either way, I was coerced into making him a promise.”
“Which was?”
“If he ever decides to get married, he’s having his bachelor party in a strip club and my attendance is mandatory.”
“I see.” I nodded. “Well, you got off easy.”
He laughed. “I had to promise him something to get back here to you.”
“Is that why you did it?” I teased.
He pulled me towards him and kissed me hard on the lips. I felt my heart flutter wildly as the kiss deepened. We heard a flush a moment later and that pulled us apart.
“Is there any way we can slip away, and Brent won’t notice?” Phil asked.
“I doubt it,” I said.
I moved to
the kitchen as Brent walked out of the bathroom. I heated up the food and set it down on the table as Phil helped me. Brent just sat himself down and watched us work.
“You could help,” I suggested to him.
“You have your little lapdog, don’t you?” Brent said.
I frowned at him. “He’s a gentleman.”
“Oh, is that what they’re calling it these days?” Brent replied.
I noticed Phil’s jaw flex, and I could sense the underlying tension between them. I was surprised I hadn’t noticed that before. I wondered if it was a direct result of my relationship with Phil, or if there was something more going on. The three of us sat down to an extremely late dinner. While the boys ate heartily, I watched them. There was definitely some tension sitting between them and it seemed to be emanating from my brother.
I tried to figure out what it was exactly. He was not the Brent that I had grown up with, but I had assumed that his independent life away from our parents had changed him, and that was all. Now I was starting to suspect that there was more going on with him than met the eye.
Phil
“You’re doing well, Phil,” Sarge said to me. “All your performance evaluation reports have been glowingly positive. It’s almost boring.”
I laughed. “I’ll take boring any day, then.”
“All jokes aside, I’m impressed with your commitment, Phil. You are doing a fantastic job.”
“Thanks, Sarge.” I nodded. “I really appreciate you saying that.”
“Can I give you a piece of advice, though?”
“Please do.”
“Invest in other aspects of your life, too,” Sarge replied. “Your personal life being one of them.”
I smiled. “Actually…I have.”
“Oh?”
“Her name is Megan.”
“And, this is the girl whose brother is your friend?”
“That’s the one.” I nodded.
“The friendship wasn’t worth missing the opportunity to date her, huh?”
“Not even a little bit,” I said. “She’s definitely worth losing Brent over—in fact, that might happen either way. But yes, we’re together now.”
“I wondered about that twinkle in your eye.”
The blush on my cheeks shocked me, and I hurried to cover it up with an embarrassed cough. “Is there a twinkle?” I asked, keeping my voice even.
“I think so… There’s new light.”
“This girl is special,” I said. “She brings the light.”
“Sounds like a keeper.”
I laughed nervously. “I’m still nervous to bring her into my world—it’s not a perfect one.”
“Whose is?” he asked. “The point is that she’s your priority.”
“She is.” I nodded. “And she understands about my job.”
“Are you living with her?” Sarge asked.
“Uh…no.”
“Living with her is the only way to know if she’ll truly be able to handle this life.”
“I suppose you’re right,” I nodded. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“How did you know that your wife…was the one?”
“I wish I could tell you that it was one specific thing,” he replied. “But it wasn’t anything concrete. It was just this feeling of certainty I got when I was with her. I felt sure I was sitting with someone I could spend the rest of my life with. I loved her, and that made my decision easy.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before.”
“Before now, you mean?”
I smiled, but didn’t answer. Was I in love? Was that what I was feeling…this intense, strong, hypnotizing feeling of falling? It was powerful enough to be love but how could I be sure I was right. How could I make a decision that would affect the rest of my life?
“Was it difficult, being a fireman and having a family?” I asked.
“Sometimes.” Sarge nodded. “Not because of the hours, but because of the knowledge that I might not come home one day. Or I might come home damaged and broken, then the burden of looking after me would fall to my wife and children, and I didn’t want that. But this was the path I chose, and thankfully, my wife understands. Doesn’t keep her from nagging, though.”
“I don’t know what else I’d be…if I wasn’t a fireman,” I said honestly.
“You don’t have to give it up,” he pointed out. “You just have to find the right girl.”
“Thanks for your advice, Sarge,” I told him, as I stood up.
Advice was all well and good, but sometimes things looked a lot different from the inside, looking out. I left work that day realizing that I missed Megan and wanted to see her when I got home. We had no plans to see each other tonight, and I desperately wanted to change that, but I figured she’d be busy with work and research for those courses she wanted to do, so I decided to give her some space.
I got home and changed into casual clothes before heading out to the supermarket for some much-needed groceries. I was on my way there when I passed by a display case window that made me take pause. The display case was elegantly set with a tasteful showing of jewelry. Among the diamonds and the sapphires were flawlessly crafted rings, encased with colored stones in pale pinks and black diamonds.
I found myself parked outside the window, staring at the rings like they were calling out to me. On a whim, I decided to walk inside and see what they carried. I was thinking of Megan as I entered the pristine store. Their floors were covered over with a dark red carpet and stones glittered from every corner of the store.
I walked around, staring at the glass cabinet and focusing in on all the rings I saw. It was far too soon for me to be thinking about marriage. Megan and I hadn’t even exchanged I love yous yet. But somehow, I couldn’t seem to turn around and leave, either.
I walked up to one display counter and looked down at the selection of rings they carried. None of the jewelry had price tags on them, but I could tell from the interior and smell of the store that nothing in here was cheap.
“Hello, sir,” said the salesman behind the counter I was looking at.
He was tall, slim, and well dressed. He had a sharp nose and an expression that was distinctly superior.
“Can I help you?” he asked, giving me a smile that turned up only one corner of his mouth.
“Uh…sure,” I said, without thinking.
“Let me guess, you’re looking for an engagement ring?”
I decided to just go with it. How was he to know anything about my life? It wouldn’t hurt to ask a few questions, it wasn’t like I was making a purchase or anything.
“I am, yes.” I nodded.
“And, what is your lady’s name?”
I’d never heard the question put that way before and it amused me. “Her name is Megan,” I replied.
“How lovely,” he nodded. “And your good name, sir?”
“Uh… Phil.”
“Very good, Mr. Phil—”
“Just Phil is fine.”
“Phil.” He nodded. “My name is Rodney. I’d be happy to show you our latest collection of engagement rings. What’s your price range?”
I hesitated and suppressed the urge to gulp. I had thought I was doing okay financially. But that was before stepping foot into this store. This kind of store put me in a world of grandeur and opulence, and I realized that I was doing well compared to the kids in the neighborhood I used to live in, but not even close compared to the kind of people who walked into a store like this and felt comfortable in it.
“Sir?”
“Ah… Can I know the price of that ring over there?” I asked, as I pointed to a thin wedding band encrusted with small stones on the band and a modest solitaire diamond in the very center. It was one of the smaller and simpler designs, and I decided that as a result, it would also be on the cheaper side.
“That ring is seven thousand, five hundred dollars.”
Again, I repressed the urge to whistle loudly. In
stead, I kept my composure and nodded as though I had been completely prepared for that price.
“That’s a little over my budget,” I said. “Do you have rings that are…less expensive?”
I wondered if it was my imagination or if Rodney pursed his lips a little. He slid down the counter and pointed to another ring with a tiny diamond in the center. It was almost Spartan in appearance, compared to everything else, but I liked it.
“That ring retails for four thousand, two hundred dollars, sir.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “Thank you.”
I turned around and walked out of the store, knowing that I’d probably never go back there again. I headed to the supermarket in a fog of thought and ended up forgetting three of the eleven items on my grocery list. When I got back home, all I could think of was Megan, so I called her, but there was no reply. I wondered what Paul would do in my place.
It was strange to think of Paul now. He seemed so far removed from the world I’d grown accustomed to.
I usually avoided thinking of him, usually because it meant picturing him in jail clothes sitting in a dank cell. I knew my imagination wasn’t even close to the real thing, but I kept jumping to worst-case scenario. It had been a long time since I’d visited him, and I wondered if he was angry with me. I wondered if he was hurt.
We had been close at one point, before our falling out. We had been as close as brothers could be. And then our lives had diverged, and our choices had shaped the rest of our lives.
I wanted to talk to someone, and I realized that someone was Megan. There were signs of her all over my apartment now. She kept a few clothes here in case of emergencies and a jacket that was currently thrown across the sofa.
Some of her books were lying on the coffee table in front of the television. There was some of her leftover meatloaf in the fridge, and there was a dream-catcher she had found at a flea market hung over my window. Her scent was stamped all over my apartment and as comforting as it was, it also reminded me that she was not here, and that made me miss her even more.
I wanted to try calling her again, but I didn’t want to be a pain, so I forced away the impulse and started making mac and cheese for dinner.
I was almost done with dinner when my phone started ringing. “Megan?” I said, picking it up.