Mistrust

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Levi,” Reece declares as he stands and steps in front of me.

  Trying to look out from behind Reece, I catch a glimpse of Levi peering at me, his eyes narrow and his mouth is pressed into a thin line. I stand and move so I’m beside Reece, however he angles his body so he’s still shielding me.

  “What do you want?” Reece asks.

  “That slut isn’t worth our time,” Lindsey calls out from beside Levi. I hadn’t noticed her until she spoke. She has a hand on her jutted hip, with an eyebrow cocked high.

  “How are you Lindsey?” Sam asks while waving her phone in her hand.

  Lindsey’s face flushes a flaming shade of red, and Sam cheekily smiles at her. Lindsey steps back behind Levi, trying to disappear behind him.

  Levi’s face morphs into a snarl while his beady eyes roam my body. “Fucked her yet?” he spits toward Reece.

  A low hiss rumbles through Reece and he grabs my hand and holds it tight. “Do not speak about her like that,” Reece warns in a dangerously low voice.

  Levi’s jaw tenses as he stands to his full height. “What happened to you, man? You used to be cool, now you’re chasing after damaged goods.” His eyes stay focused on me, his entire demeanor trying to intimidate me.

  “You happened. You became a dick who thinks it’s okay to treat girls like shit.”

  The side of Levi’s mouth tugs up in a condescending smile. “Not all girls.” He leans out and swings his arm over Lindsey. “Just her.” He pointedly looks at me.

  Reece’s hand softens as he lets mine go. He steps forward about to do or say something he may end up regretting. I maneuver my body in front of Reece’s and say to Levi, “I know you’re hurt because I wouldn’t have sex with you. But I promise you, Levi, I never betrayed you.”

  Levi snarls at me, turns and leaves with no further words. This leaves me even more convinced he’s hurting because of what he’s seen in those photos.

  “You okay?” Reece asks.

  “I’m fine. Sorry you had to be part of it, and I’m even sorrier you and Levi aren’t friends anymore. I know it’s because of me.”

  He reaches for my hand to hold, and while it’s different, it’s also okay. “You’re not the reason we’re not friends. He’s the reason.” He tightens his fingers around mine while he leads me out of the cinema.

  “That was intense.” Sam chuckles from behind me.

  “Did you see the look on Lindsey’s face when you held up the phone?” Taylor says with a laugh.

  “What have you got on her?” Reece asks.

  “Oh yeah, you don’t know. We were at the mall, and she was caught shoplifting,” I answer his question.

  “When we get home, I’ll show you what I recorded,” Sam proudly announces.

  “I’m intrigued. Let’s go get pizza and get back to your place where you can show me the video you took.”

  When we get home, Mom and Dad are in the family room watching TV. Mom’s feet are up on Dad’s lap and he’s massaging them. Mom says we can have our dinner out back near the pool and offers to get us plates and sodas. Sam beats me to it, and tells Mom to stay where she is, we can look after ourselves.

  “Your parents are pretty cool,” Reece says once we’ve settled out back.

  “Yeah, I got to agree. They are.” I grab a slice of pizza.

  “Show me this video you have.” Reece holds his hand out for Sam’s phone.

  “It’s so funny. She kind of gets tackled by the security guard, look.” She brings it up on her phone, and although I can’t see it because Reece is watching it, I can hear everything going on.

  From Lindsey shrieking like a banshee to the clicking sound of her heels as tries to get away from the security guard. “Shit.” Reece gasps, then chuckles. When Lindsey gets dragged back into the store, Sam stops playing the mini movie.

  Looking over at Reece, I watch his face as he smiles and shakes his head. “I stole a little toy car when I was a kid. I asked Mom for it, but she said no, she couldn’t afford it, so I shoved it in my pocket when she wasn’t looking because I really wanted it. When we got to the car, Mom packed all the groceries away while I sat in my seat and took the car out of the packaging.”

  “You did not,” I say clasping a hand over my mouth in shock.

  “Trust me, I did. Anyway, Mom got in the car, and she looked behind her to reverse . . . aaaaand she saw the car I was playing with.” He looks bashful as he reminisces.

  “Oh no,” I mumble. I look to Sam and Taylor and they’re both listening intently while devouring their pizza.

  “I remember it like it was yesterday. She asked me in this scary, quiet voice, ‘Reece, where did that car come from?’ I shrugged and said it must’ve fallen into my pocket. God, the look on her face. She parked the car again, opened the back door, pulled me out and dragged me by my ear straight back into the store.”

  “By your ear?” I squeak, horrified, yet strangely amused.

  “By. My. Ear.” Reece shakes his head and rubs his palm over his ear. “Damn well hurt too.”

  “What happened?” Taylor asks.

  “She marched me into the store, made the girl call the manager over the loud speaker, the manager came down and Mom made me tell her what I did. By this stage I was a mess, bawling my eyes out and promising I’ll never steal again.”

  “What did the manager say?” I ask completely intrigued.

  “The manager said my apology was enough.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Yeah, but not good enough for Mom.” Reece shudders then swallows hard. I have a feeling, there’s a lot more of the story to be told. “Mom decided I hadn’t learned my lesson, so she asked the manager if I could use the loud speaker. She made me tell the entire store how old I was, and how I stole a toy car. Then she made me go to every person working on the registers and apologize to them for making their job difficult.”

  “Oh my God,” I whisper, desperately trying to hold in the laughter.

  “Far out, man. That’s so damn funny,” Sam says and laughs.

  “Man, your mom is hardcore,” Taylor agrees.

  “That wasn’t the end of it. To humiliate me even further, she asked the manager, if I could pay off the debt by tidying the shelves where the cars were. And then, to top it all off, she bought the car I stole and, made me pick my next favorite which she also bought. Then she had me go hand them in to the local church and tell them the cars were for a little boy who didn’t have toys.”

  “Are you serious?” I ask. Reece’s mom sounds like she’s incredible.

  “But, you know what? I’ve never stolen a thing again. Miles thought it was hilarious, and didn’t let me live it down for a long time. Still every now and then he hassles me about it. So I will say, if Mom was Lindsey’s mom, that video would’ve already been shown to every relative every friend, and shared all over social media too.”

  “Our Mom would never do that,” Sam says looking at me.

  “I don’t know about that. I think I can take on Reece’s mom,” Mom says from behind us. We all turn to stare at her, Reece has the most shocked look on his face, with his mouth gaping open and his eyes wide with surprise. “Us moms can get quite creative when we need to teach our kids a valuable lesson.”

  “I don’t doubt it,” Sam mumbles under her breath.

  “What was that, sweetheart? You want me to start working at the school so I can come sit with you at lunch every day and tell you how much I love you?” Mom envelops Sam in a huge hug, overly emphasizing how she certainly can embarrass us.

  “I said, I think you’re great.” Sam’s face is squished against Mom’s stomach. Her mouth is distorted while Mom folds her into a bear hug to make a point.

  Mom steps back and we can’t help but laugh when Sam flexes her jaw. “I came out here to see if you kids need anything.”

  “You were checking up on us.” I call Mom out.

  Mom looks at me with a straight face. “There’s that too. Let’s say a combination of both
. Does anyone need anything? A drink? A throw? A toy car?”

  That’s all it takes for us all to burst into laughter, even Reece. We all tell Mom we’re okay. Mom says she’s going back in to put on a movie so she can watch it with Dad.

  Once we finish eating, Sam and Taylor decide to go in and watch the movie with Mom and Dad too, leaving Reece and myself outside.

  We throw away the pizza box and grab a drink before sitting down to look out at the sparkling water of the pool. I settle in my lounge chair, and look up at the small sliver of the moon. “It’s a shame the moon isn’t bigger.”

  Reece leans back and looks up, crossing his arms in front of chest while his left foot bounces on the lounger. “Look at the sky. It’s weird. Although most of the moon is in hiding, there are still a few stars shining quite brightly.”

  “It’s pretty.”

  “It is.”

  Looking down at the drink in my hands, my mind goes to what happened at the movies. “Will you tell me what had you so jumpy at the movies?” I don’t dare look at Reece.

  “Well, um, it’s kind of difficult. But I do have a question for you.”

  “What is it?”

  “I tried to hold your hand, and you freaked out.” Crap. “Did you freak out because you don’t have any feelings for me beyond a friendship?”

  Shit. “It’s not that.”

  “Then what is it?”

  I keep my eyes firmly focused away from Reece. Now I don’t want him to see the secret I’m hiding. I’ve had it hidden for so long and from virtually everyone, to tell him—or my parents—after all this time, is unfathomable. “I can’t really say,” I whisper in the smallest of voices.

  “You’ve changed, Dakota.”

  “No I haven’t,” I reply forcefully.

  “Yes, you have. Something’s changed you, and it happened a while back, like around two or three months. I can’t quite pinpoint the exact time.” I shiver when he announces the time frame, because, he’s right.

  “I’m not different.” I look down to my toes, I’d rather focus on them than acknowledge the intense look Reece is giving me.

  Reece clears his throat and shifts beside me in his seat. “Remember when they split us at school just before vacation started? They talked to us about all those statistics and stuff.” Oh God, please no. Pursing my lips together so I don’t spill any secrets, I nod my head. “Does your dad touch you, Dakota?”

  My eyes fly to him while I violently shake my head. “My God, no way! What the hell, Reece?”

  Reece stares at me, squinting his eyes while his mouth keeps opening as if to say something, but he stops before any sound comes out. He closes his eyes and lightly shakes his head before snapping them open to look straight at me. “Then tell me what’s happening, Dakota. If it’s not your dad, then who has you so scared? Because this shit, the way you react to me, the way you tense whenever you’re close to me, even the way you’ve been talking . . .” He stops speaking to shake his head and pinch the bridge of his nose. “At any time, I’m afraid you’re going to curl up in a ball out of fright. What the hell is going on?” He sits up, swinging his legs over the side and leaning his elbows on his knees. He stares at me, intently. Waiting for me to speak.

  “Nothing.” I look away, not wanting to meet his eyes. But my voice contradicts the façade I’m trying to master around Reece.

  “Bullshit!” He stands abruptly, causing me to flinch back. Immediately I regret my sudden movement, although I couldn’t control it. He moves away from me, taking a step backward as he holds his hands up in surrender. That simple gesture makes my eyes sting with fat tears. Reece starts to pace back and forth. “You were never like this with Levi. You’d hold his hand, kiss him, you were never scared of him.”

  My throat starts to close as my heart pounds rapidly against my chest. “It’s different now,” I manage to croak in a strangled voice.

  Reece stops pacing at the end of the lounger. There’s a lot of distance between us, and it’s obvious to me he’s moved far away so I don’t feel threatened by him. “Why is it different? Do I intimidate or scare you?”

  “No.” I shake my head. “Not at all.”

  “Have I done something to you to make you think I’ll hurt you?” I shake my head and close my eyes. I feel the seat dip beside me, and I know Reece is sitting here, watching me, and waiting to hear why I can barely hold his hand without fighting with my mind. “Tell me, please.”

  “I can’t.” Though my eyes are closed, a tear escapes and I tilt my head to the side so I can wipe it before he notices.

  “I hate seeing you cry.” Too late. “And I hate seeing you so . . .” he pauses. “So . . . it’s like you’re . . .”

  Before he has a chance to finish the sentence, I say exactly what he must be thinking. “Broken.” Burying my head in my hands I cry. The tears streak through my fingers and run down my hands. It’s not only my eyes that’s weeping, it’s also my soul.

  Someone’s figured it out, or at least they’ve noticed the fragile wall I’ve been hiding behind and now they’re making me step out and face them.

  “It’s okay, I promise you, Dakota, it’s okay. You can tell me anything,” he whispers. His face is close to me and I can feel the warmth of his breath touch the back of my hand.

  “You’ll think I’m disgusting.”

  “No, I won’t.”

  “I’m humiliated, and so ashamed.”

  I can hear the deep breaths he’s taking from beside me, they’re hard and intense. Exactly how he is right now. “Please, Dakota, you can trust me.” He lays his warm hand on my back. I can feel the hesitation as he slightly lifts it before placing it firmly down. “Is this okay?” It takes me a few seconds, but I eventually nod my head. Trying to soothe me, he begins to move his hand, rubbing my back in gentle circles.

  It takes forever for me to stop crying and even longer before I drop my hands from my face. I turn to look at Reece and give him a weak smile. “I have to look like a mess. I bet my eyes are puffy, and my face is red and streaked with tears.” I wipe under my eyes.

  Reece stands, walks over to the table, picks up a clean napkin and brings it over to me. “I’d go get you a tissue, but for some reason I doubt you’d want your parents seeing you like this. Here you go.” He sits beside me again and hands me a napkin.

  Taking a moment, I compose myself and wipe my eyes and nose. “Thank you.” I smile.

  “Hey, there’s the Dakota I know.” He points to my smile. “That’s a real smile, like the one I saw earlier when I was telling you what my Mom did.” I smile again and this time a small chuckle follows. Reece lets out a huge breath while still rubbing my back. “Will you please tell me what’s going on?”

  My body reacts to his words. Small goosebumps cover my exposed skin as the breath hitches in the back of my throat. My hands ball into fists and I shudder. “Can’t you understand, it’s impossible?” Standing I walk away from Reece and straight toward the pool.

  I stop on the edge of the pool, the water below gently moving as it softly hits the sides. Wrapping my arms around my waist, I keep my focus on the soothing water as it moves around the pool.

  “Please.” Suddenly he’s beside me. I didn’t hear him moving, I was too entranced by the gentleness of the water.

  Pulling my shoulders back, I close my eyes and tighten my arms around my waist. “I was . . .”

  Don’t do it, Dakota.

  Tell him, he’ll understand.

  “What?”

  Don’t say anything.

  “I was . . .” The word I need to say is stuck. Wedged deep inside my throat. There’s no way I can say it and not vomit. I’m shaking, and sweating and this is just at the thought of telling him.

  “What happened?”

  God, no I can’t do it.

  “I-” Yes, do it. Take back your strength.

  “Please.”

  My pulse is racing, my hands are shaking violently as my throat constricts even further. “I wa
s raped.”

  I don’t look at Reece. I can’t. His sharp intake of breath tells me everything I need to know. He’s disgusted, exactly what I thought was going to happen.

  “Fuck,” he says on the smallest sigh.

  Tightening my arms around me, I can’t help but let the tears fall freely.

  It’s not a word I want to ever say again. It’s not something I ever want to talk about.

  “You can leave now,” I whisper through my sobs.

  He swings me around by my shoulders and smashes my body to his in the tightest hug I’ve ever had.

  Laying my head on his chest, I let him hold me while I cry into his t-shirt. Grasping the soft fabric of his shirt in my hands and lay my head on his heart. His arms are wrapped around me and he’s gently drawing lazy shapes on my back. “I’m not going anywhere,” he says.

  I cry even more. “I’m sorry.”

  In no more than a hushed tone he says, “You haven’t done anything wrong. I’m so grateful you’ve opened up to me.”

  I catch my breath, finally stemming the tears, yet I don’t want to leave the comfort and security of his embrace. “You must think I’m . . .”

  “You’re a victim, Dakota. I don’t think anything else other than that. When did it happen?”

  “Prom,” I answer slowly, still not really wanting to tell him anymore than I already have.

  “Who?”

  “I don’t know,” I respond.

  He moves his arms so he’s gripping the top of mine; it’s not hard or uncomfortable or even scary. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

  “It was a drink I had.”

  He moves me back to examine my face. “A drink?” I nod my head and look down, still way too scared to meet his eyes. He places his finger under my chin and lightly lifts my head so he can see all of my face. But I shake my head and lower my chin again. “How many drinks did you have?”

  “Two. The soda you got me, and then another drink I got for myself from where the sodas were.”

  Quiet overtakes us, and he moves to hug me again. Breathing deeply I can smell the subtle sweetness of his aftershave. It’s a cross between mountains and rain and the smell reminds me of the early mornings on our camping trip.