Mistrust

by Margaret McHeyzer

“Then you knew what was happening to me on the night of the prom.”

  “I suspected, and when you disappeared I tried to find you, I even drove around looking for you. I pulled cars off their beats to search for you, but no one could find you. With what happened to you, we pinpointed the abuser to be someone at your school.”

  “But when I woke up, I was out by the bleachers, you couldn’t have looked too hard if you didn’t find me there.”

  “We did look there. But when we searched it, you weren’t there. You were taken away from the school, then brought back and dumped there.”

  “Shit,” Mom whispers. “Sorry.” She quickly retracts it and slaps her hand over her mouth.

  “Now that we knew the school, we just had to figure who the students were. It could’ve been anyone. The night of the prom, I didn’t know who to look at, so I had to keep an eye on everyone. But all three schools had their proms on the same night. We were stretched and had to monitor all three. The moment I saw you, I called in back-up and we started searching for you.”

  “What?” Disbelief floods me. From what he’s said, and what I’m understanding, he’s basically saying the police knew someone was going to be assaulted on the night of my prom.

  “A few of the boys disappeared, about fifty of them, and I had no idea where they got to. I noted down their names, and we started investigating them all one by one.”

  “Oh.” Words elude me. I’m stunned at the revelations Mr. C is making.

  “Then the social media pictures started, and although at first they’d been deleted quickly, we finally were able to get an IP address.”

  “An IP address? You mean they were all sent from the same computer?” Dad asks, confused.

  “Yes, he was extremely brazen, or stupid. Either way, it worked in our favor. But thanks to you, Dakota, the dress you provided, and your recollection of what happened to you, we have an ironclad case. We’ve got the person carrying out these assaults.”

  “Who?” I ask.

  Mr. C looks remorseful, as if he doesn’t want to tell me.

  It hits me before he even opens his mouth.

  Oh my God.

  Levi raped me. “It was Levi,” I gasp.

  “Yes,” he confirms. “Today in class, we had the warrant ready to arrest him. All the officers needed was confirmation from me he was in class.”

  A movie plays back in my head. I’m standing at the back of the class, watching everything from the moment I stepped into class. And I catch it. The small smile Mr. C gives his phone when he sends that ‘important’ text message. He was telling them, Levi was in class. “They came in quick, and got him out fast before anyone knew anything,” I say.

  “At the same time, there was a raid happening at his house. It had to be synchronized, and we had to make sure he was in my class so no other teacher was suspicious or put in the middle of it.”

  I sit quietly on the sofa. The bottom of my world has just fallen out from beneath me. To say I’m devastated is only the tip of the iceberg. Betrayed, hurt, humiliated. All of that and so much more.

  “I just . . . I need a drink,” I say as I stand on wobbly legs and head into the kitchen.

  Mom follows me in. “Dakota,” she sighs sympathetically. I shake my head as I reach for a glass, I don’t want to hear anything, I just want something to drink. Pouring some water from the faucet, I take a few minutes to process everything they’ve said.

  I don’t want to believe Mr. C, but deep down inside I know it’s the truth. I count to ten in my head, breathing deep to settle my frazzled nerves and rapidly beating heart. I drink the water and place the glass in the sink, pull my shoulders back and return to the family room.

  “He belongs in jail. Tell me the evidence you have is enough to send him there.” My tone is eerily controlled; I’m not emotional or weepy. I’m furious. Goosebumps sweep my entire body as ice settles inside my veins.

  “He’s going to jail for a long time. His brother is, too.”

  “His brother? Levi doesn’t have a brother,” I say. “He told me he’s an only child. I’ve been to his house many times, and there was never any mention of his brother.” No photos, no name . . . nothing.

  “Yes, he has an older brother, Robert. He dropped out of school and started running drugs for some low-level drug dealer. Then Robert started selling them on his own.”

  Every new piece of information I’m getting is filling in the overall puzzle. Everything fits. Finally everything is coming together. “He was getting the drugs from his brother,” I say, realizing how intricate the web he’d spun was. “What other evidence have you got?”

  “There was sperm on your dress.”

  I shiver, and cringe. Vomit wants to come up, but I push it down, I refuse to let my weakness show. “Is that all? If it is, is that enough? He can say we had consensual sex and that’s how his sperm got on my dress.”

  “You’re a smart young lady, Dakota. Don’t ever let that go.” Mr. C points to me. “But yes, there’s more.”

  My jaw clenches as I move my neck from side to side to loosen the tension in my muscles. “What else?” I ask.

  “We found his collection of trophies.”

  “Underwear, right?” He nods his head. “How many?” I hold my breath, because I know there are more than just mine.

  “Including you, eight in total.”

  I expel the breath I’ve been holding. “Is Sophie one of them?”

  “We can’t tell you that. But it’s best if you call her.” That’s all the confirmation I need. Sweat coats the palms of my hands as I ball them into fists.

  “Why the pictures on social media? Why did he do it? Do you know? Did he say?”

  “Levi became very forthcoming when we confronted him and his lawyer with what evidence we had. Our investigation is tight. There’s no way he’ll get out of going to jail.”

  “But why did he continue to humiliate me on social media?” I ask in a pained tone.

  “His answer was that you deserved it for being a prick tease.”

  And there it is. My life was flushed down the toilet because he thought I was a ‘prick tease.’ Because he thought he was entitled to something from me, he altered the way I’ll be for the rest of my life because I refused him sex.

  I collapse to the sofa and suddenly I don’t feel so strong. I have no energy left inside me to fight. I was nothing to him.

  “I can’t deal with any more tonight,” I say to all three police officers.

  “Dakota, I just want to say, your strength throughout all this has been amazing. It’s because of you we were able to find him, and it’s because of you, we’ll be able to put him away. He won’t be hurting anyone else,” Andrea says.

  “I’m proud of you, Dakota,” Mr. C adds.

  Mom and Dad talk to them for some time as they show them out, while Sam and I sit numbly on the sofa.

  Neither of us is talking, because neither of us knows what to say. When Mom and Dad come back, they sit on the sofa, quiet too.

  My world has collapsed. It’s fallen apart and I’m not sure I know how to deal with this. It’s bigger than I ever thought.

  The man I trusted ended up betraying me.

  The man I mistrusted ended up playing a key role in seeking justice on my behalf.

  I come to the very real conclusion, that I’m lost. I’m broken. Emotionless. And I can’t get out of this.

  “I need to see Tara,” I say. “I’ve been betrayed, humiliated, and raped. And I don’t know what to do now.”

  Mom and Dad both look at me, and nod.

  I need to learn how to become a survivor; I can’t stay a victim any longer.

  It’s been over a week since the police came to my house and hit me with all the truths I didn’t want to know. I haven’t returned to school yet. Instead, I’ve being seeing Tara daily and she’s been helping me deal with this clusterfuck.

  Sophie’s come over today. Both of us are having difficulty adjusting to the knowledge my ex-boyf
riend raped us both. “Do you want a drink?” I ask her as she comes into my house.

  “Yeah, I think I do. Got a scotch?” she chuckles. I know she doesn’t mean it, but with the information overload we’ve gotten, we’ve thankfully found strength in each other.

  “How about a soda?”

  “Sure, as long as it’s mixed with scotch.”

  I chuckle at her and head over to the fridge to get us both a soda.

  “Hi Sophie, how are you doing?” Mom asks with a smile. She walks into the kitchen, carrying a clean load of laundry.

  “I won’t say it’s getting easier, but I’m thankful I have Dakota to talk to. Mom called Tara, and we have an appointment with her early next week. Dakota always tells me how much she’s helping her, and I need to close off that part of my life and move forward.” She opens the soda and takes a sip.

  “You’re both young, and although this will certainly change the way you look at things, it doesn’t mean you can’t live again. It’s going to take time, a long, long time, before you can truly move forward. But I’m glad I called your mom and talked to her. She’s a lovely lady. You should bring her over for dinner one night,” Mom says to Sophie.

  “Thank you, I’ll let her know you’ve offered.”

  “I know your mom is busy, but anytime she’s ready, so are we. Okay, girls, I’ll leave you to it. Dakota, Tara’s appointment from this afternoon has been moved to tomorrow morning. She called while I was taking the laundry out of the dryer.”

  “Okay,” I respond and smile.

  Mom takes the basket and heads into her room.

  “I can’t believe all the emotions I’ve been going through,” Sophie says as she plops down on one of the stools in the kitchen. “When the police showed up. . . .” She goes quiet and shakes her head. “When they showed up, and told us, Mom thought she was being pranked because I’d never told her.”

  “I know you said she was really understanding when she first found out, but how is she now?”

  “She wanted to pack up and leave, start new. But we talked about it. And we both have to face our past and move on with what future we can make for ourselves. I like it here, despite Levi raping me, despite the fact I only have a handful of friends. Mom said she can get a cleaning job anywhere, but I like it here and I don’t want to move. I really think once I’ve got myself together, that I’d like to stay here.”

  “Good, ‘cause I really want you in my life. I think we’re meant to be friends.”

  “Yeah, I suppose, you’ll do.” She playfully shoulders me. “Do you wonder why he did what he did?”

  “Every damn day. He gave the police his reason for raping me, but it doesn’t make sense. You know the part that’s most upsetting to me?” Sophie shakes her head. “How he had all those girls underwear, bagged and dated with their details or description. To me, that says he’s a serial rapist. He never had any intention of stopping.”

  “And he never thought he’d be caught.”

  “Now that he’s been caught, I’m not sure I really know how to deal with it all. I mean, Tara’s helping me process it. Mom, Dad, Sam and Reece have all been so supportive, but there’s still a part of me that can’t quite grasp why he did it. Not only to me, but to all of us. What makes a person think to himself, ‘hey, I’m going to rape her’ to begin with? But not only that, how did he bring the conversation up to his brother?”

  “His brother wasn’t exactly a pillar of the community.”

  “I didn’t even know he had a brother until the cops told us the night they came over. But now more and more information is coming out, it’s no wonder he never mentioned him. The brother’s last known address was their place although he didn’t live there. His parents threw him out when he turned to drugs and stole from them to support his habit.”

  “His parents put him through rehab many times, too.” Sophie shakes her head. “Such a shame he preferred drugs to family.”

  “He’s an addict. That’s what drugs do to people. But I still want to know how the concept even got into Levi’s head. We were in the back of the limousine and I told him I wasn’t ready, I thought he took it well. To go from that, to drugging me . . . Even the fact he had drugs on him to start with, does that mean he was going to drug me regardless of whether I agreed to have sex with him or not? Or does it mean he had intentions of drugging someone else after we’d had sex?”

  “I can’t answer that, Dakota. And I doubt Levi will either.”

  “I know. I have this stupid, fairy tale thought. You know, he’ll say he’s sorry, I’ll forgive him and get better and we all live happily ever after. But I’m not sure I can forgive him. His betrayal has really rocked me to my core. I mean, I haven’t been back to school, and I’m not sure when I’ll get back there. Thankfully, Reece is bringing me all my homework.”

  “I’ve missed a few days, but nothing like you. Did you hear Lindsey hasn’t returned to school either?”

  “Nope, I haven’t. I’ve had loads of messages and phone calls. And every day Sam brings home cards and letters from people. I got one from Jordan, who said she was sorry for everything, including how she treated me. Mariah sent one saying she was sorry too.”

  “Are you going to forgive them? Everyone’s treating me differently too. They’re more accepting and not as judgmental as what they used to be. Jordan and Mariah both came over and sat with me and Reece, your sister, and Taylor at lunch, and they both had their heads down in shame.”

  “Sam told me about that. She said she gave them a hard time, and they ended up crying.”

  “She did. I had to tell her enough was enough and if she kept going than she was no better than them.”

  “She told me. And I agree with you. But at the same time, the only reason Sam was saying those things was to protect us two.”

  “I know. Which is why I tapped her leg with my foot and shook my head. She got me, ‘cause she stopped and we talked about it later. She’s a great sister to have on your side. I tell you, she’ll have your back for life.”

  “Yeah, I know. I really can’t wrap my head around it all. I can’t.”

  “Tara will help you. I can already see how she’s helped. You’re not as jittery, or timid, and I want that for myself. Not that I’m those things, but I have my own demons I have to deal with. You know with Dad in jail, and Levi. I bottle my fears and issues differently, we all do. We’re not all the same.”

  “I don’t know, Sophie. I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him. How do I look at a guy who abused my trust by sexually assaulting me and say, ‘It’s okay, I forgive you’? I can’t because then it’s like telling myself I deserved what he did to me, like I’m telling him it’s okay to do that.”

  “I don’t think it’s about telling him it’s okay, it’s more about looking him in the eye and telling yourself you’re okay. You forgive yourself, not him.”

  “I get that, really I do. Because this humiliation is so reactive. Everyone at school now knows what happened—the teachers, parents, everyone. Those pictures were stored on his computer, with hundreds, if not thousands of pictures he took of all of us.” I point to her and me, but indicate all the victims.

  “I know, and when he has his day in court, they’ll come out, and everyone will see them all over again. But once the trial’s finished, we can finally move on with our lives.”

  “There’s a lot of work ahead of us,” I say, staring at my soda can.

  “There are so many rumors flying around school,” Reece says as we sit at the dining table. We begin going through the homework he’s brought over. “Most I laugh at.”

  “What’s being said?”

  “There was one that said you’ve been kidnapped by an alien and the Secret Service is trying to find you.”

  I shake my head and roll my eyes. “Then there’s one that Mr. C is SWAT,”

  “No, he’s a detective. Totally different.”

  “Another said you’re really a mermaid and have gone back to the
sea.”

  “Seriously, everyone has too much time on their hands.”

  “It may have been me who made that last one up and told one of the juniors to see how long it would take for it to get around the school.” I stare at him, blankly. I don’t even know what to say. “It didn’t take long. Though by the time it came back around it had morphed into you being a two-headed mermaid.” I laugh and slap my hand to my forehead. “I’m being serious.”

  “I don’t doubt it.” I chuckle.

  Reece laughs too, and when the happy sound dies down, his face falls into an intense, warm stare. “How you doing today?”

  “Better than yesterday, and not as good as tomorrow.”

  “Why aren’t you at Tara’s?”

  “She had to change my appointment to tomorrow morning.”

  “So you’re going tomorrow morning?”

  “Uh-huh.” I nod my head.

  “Dakota?” Mom appears and sits opposite Reece and myself. Her face is pale, and she’s clutching her phone to her chest.

  Instantly, I know something’s wrong. “What is it?” I ask in a panic. Oh God, please don’t tell me Levi’s escaped and disappeared. There’s no way I’m ready to handle the threat of him being out there. My hands grip the edge of the chair so tightly, they’re starting to ache. Shifting my body, I’m literally sitting on the edge of my seat.

  “Lindsey’s mom just called me.”

  Momentarily I let my stress levels fall. “What’s happened?”

  “She tried to kill herself. She’s been admitted into the hospital and she’s undergoing treatment.”

  I turn my head and stare at Reece, who’s obviously as shocked as I am. “What?” we both ask.

  “Kill herself?” Reece murmurs.

  Mom nods her head. “When?” I ask, still dazed and stunned.

  “Lindsey’s mom said three nights ago. She’s asked to talk to you.”

  “Lindsey’s mom wants to talk to me? Why? I have nothing to say to her, or even Lindsey.”

  “No, Lindsey asked if you could go see her at the hospital. She wants to talk to you.”

  My mind spins. I can’t think of a reason why Lindsey would want to talk to me. “I’m not sure I want to see her or hear what she has to say.”