Rogue

by Lea Hart

  “Now, I wish we could skip the whole thing and go to Cascone’s and eat eggplant parmesan and lobster ravioli.”

  “Don’t torture yourself,” Caroline said as she put her hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “You’re in for a night of chicken and rice.”

  “Ugh…”

  “Grab some HiBoy burgers on your way home, and you’ll be fine,” Ron said as he stood.

  “Great idea, Dad.” Kelly stood and smoothed down her dress. “Okay, handsome, let’s get this show on the road.”

  Holding out his hand, he waited until she took it. “We’re going to have fun.”

  “I always do with you.” She kissed his cheek and then picked up her purse. “Have fun at Cascone’s.”

  “Good luck,” Caroline called out as they headed toward the front door.

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  Cole noticed Kelly’s smile as they walked down the walkway and decided he’d go anywhere with her. She was becoming his home and knew how lucky that made him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Kelly stood in Cole’s kitchen and poured two cups of coffee and felt his arms go around her waist. “Are you hungry?”

  “No, had my morning honey, so I’m good.” He kissed her neck and then took his coffee and sat at the island.

  “You do love to talk about it,” she replied as she added cream to her cup.

  “Babe, today is our four-month anniversary, and you should know by now, I’m never going to stop.”

  Walking over, she took the seat next to him and kissed his cheek. “You’ve made me a very happy and contented woman.”

  “That’s what a man likes to hear.” He cupped her cheek and grinned. “Where would you like to go to dinner?”

  “I could make something, and we could celebrate at home.” Seeing his eyes close, she knew he was frustrated.

  “Why don’t you ever let me take you out for a nice meal?”

  “We’ve gone out.”

  He tipped his head and lifted an eyebrow. “Kelly…”

  “It’s irrational, and I’d rather keep my crazy to myself.” Seeing his gaze sharpen, she let out a long breath. “I just don’t want to be one of your women that you wine and dine and then get rid of. All the restaurants you suggest are the ones that you’ve frequented with your harem.”

  “I never had a damn harem, but I see your point.”

  “You and I both work a lot, so it’s more relaxing to go someplace casual or eat at home.”

  “That’s a crock because you love having dinner at the Red Door.” He took her hand and rubbed her fingers. “We’re going to come up with a list of places that we both like. I make a damn good living, and I’d like to take my woman out and spoil her from time to time.”

  “Okay, you pick a new place, and we’ll go tonight.”

  “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  “No. I was just being superstitious. I know it’s silly, but I don’t want to do anything to mess up what we have going.”

  “You think our bond is that fragile?”

  “No, but’s it new and…”

  He bent his head and looked her in the eye. “What?”

  “You’ve just become incredibly important to me, and I don’t want to lose you.”

  “Fuck, that’s not going to happen.” He pulled her close and kissed her gently. “We’re solid, babe, and nothing is going to change that.”

  The sound of the doorbell rang through the house with three knocks following. “It’s one of your brothers.”

  “Come in,” Cole called out. “At least they don’t walk in without warning anymore.”

  “We cured them of that the first time they walked in on us in the kitchen.”

  “I thought we were on the couch.”

  Shrugging, she stood and walked over to the coffee pot. “It’s hard to keep track.”

  “Everyone decent?” Seth called out.

  “Those two are like damn rabbits,” Zach added as he strolled in. “Hey, guys. Surprised to see you two with your clothes on.”

  “Ha, ha,” Kelly replied.

  “What’s up?” Cole asked.

  “Got a call this morning from Uncle Shane,” Seth said as he accepted a coffee cup from Kelly.

  “Didn’t know he was still alive,” Cole replied.

  Zach took a seat at the island. “I talk to him about twice a year, and he’s in pretty good shape.”

  “I didn’t know you kept up with any of them.”

  Seth gulped his coffee and frowned. “Dad’s been in bad shape for the last year or two, and he took a fall the other day and is in the hospital.”

  Zach threw his brother a nasty glare. “We agreed that I was going to tell him. You didn’t need to blurt it out.”

  Seth lifted his middle finger and drank more coffee. “Which one of us is going out there?”

  “I am,” Cole said firmly. “I’m the oldest, and you two have full schedules this week.”

  Zach rolled his shoulders. “I can move shit around and go.”

  “No, let me. You two don’t need to deal with the crap he’ll sling.”

  “It doesn’t always have to be you,” Seth said quietly. “We’re grown ass men and don’t need you protecting us anymore.”

  “I know, but I’d feel better if it was me.”

  Kelly watched the three brothers stare at one another and wondered if this was going to be one of the infamous McCallan brother brawls or if Seth and Zach were going to give in. Cole had a stony look on his face that usually meant he wouldn’t give in for any reason. She’d been on the receiving end of it a time or two and knew he had no give when the look appeared on his face.

  “I’m okay with it,” Seth finally said.

  Zach stood and walked over, putting his hands on Cole’s shoulders. “You sure, man? You haven’t been back in like fifteen years.”

  “Yeah, it’s time.”

  “Okay, but you call us if things get shitty and we’ll be flying down the highway before you know it.”

  Kelly watched Cole’s eyes close and nod. Seemed the day of reckoning had finally come for the boys and their dad and, by all accounts, it was going to be as difficult as everyone imagined.

  “I’ll go to the office and make sure everything is handled and then leave this afternoon. Send me Uncle Shane’s info, and I’ll call him, so we can coordinate.”

  Seth put his coffee cup in the sink and pulled out his phone. “Sending it now.”

  “I’ll see you guys at the office later, and we can go over anything that needs to be handled,” Cole said as he walked into the kitchen.

  “Copy that,” Zach said.

  Kelly watched both brothers wave before walking out and mentally went through her calendar, figuring out what she needed to rearrange. Once the front door closed, she walked over to Cole and put her arms around him. “I’ll get us a hotel and meet you back here this afternoon.”

  Stepping away, Cole shook his head. “No way, Kelly. You are not coming to Bakersfield.”

  Sliding her hands on her hips, she narrowed her eyes. “Have you been lying to me for the last several months?”

  “No, what the fuck are you talking about?”

  “I’ve heard you say several times that we’re in a relationship and going to handle things together. If that’s true, then I’m sure as hell going with you.”

  “If I don’t want my damn brothers to go, why would I let you?”

  “It’s not a matter of letting me. You keep saying that you’re my king and, if that’s true, then why would I not go? A queen never lets her man go into battle alone.”

  “I hate when you use my words to your advantage.”

  Setting her cup in the sink, she gave him a tight smile. “You’ll get over it.”

  “I’d rather you didn’t go.”

  “I understand that, but I will be going because if there is a moment that I can make less horrible, then I certainly want to. I know this is going to be awful for a million different reasons. And if
you really want to make something together, then we’re going to have to learn how to do the hard stuff together.”

  “Why are you always right?” He took her hand and pulled her in and rested his head against hers. “It pisses me the hell off.”

  “I bet you’ll get over it when we’re having hot sex in a motel tonight.”

  “Fuck, I do not want to go back to Bakersfield.”

  “I know.”

  “So much for having a nice dinner on our anniversary.”

  “No matter, we have many more to look forward to.”

  “Motel Six, here we come.”

  Taking Cole’s face in her hands, she studied his strong blunt features and incredible blue eyes and prayed the next several days would somehow give him a chance to make peace with his father one way or another. It was a hell of a thing to handle, and it would be a blessing if he could find a way to put down the rock his childhood had caused him to carry around.

  ***

  Cole drove west on the I15 and looked out at the rock canyons of the Mojave and let out a long breath. Kelly held his hand across the console as she looked out the window, and he couldn’t decide if her coming was going to save his sanity or make the trip more difficult.

  The last thing he wanted to do was have her see the shit he grew up with. His father had been an abusive drunk for more than twenty-five years, and he had no idea if he’d mellowed or gotten worse.

  He’d seen him briefly when he’d been back on leave after his first deployment, and not much had changed. The only difference being that he didn’t take a minute of his shit and they managed to have a cup of coffee without insults flying. Which was as big a victory as he ever expected to get.

  “Do you know where your mom is?”

  Glancing over briefly, he shook his head. “Seth does. He used the intel skills he developed in the corps and all of our fancy programs to track her down.”

  “You didn’t ask him any questions?”

  “No, I really don’t want to know. She took off when I was ten, and that was it. Not real interested in hearing why she did it, either. If a person can leave three kids with a man who probably never should’ve been a parent, then I’ve got no desire to know them.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “Why do I feel like you’d like to say more?”

  “I’ve never walked in your shoes, so there’s no way I can begin to understand what it was like for you. I support you and wanted to come along so you’d know that.”

  “I’ve never had a woman in my corner and never had a real relationship with one. You’re my first, and so I have no idea how this support stuff works.”

  “I stand by you.”

  Feeling his chest tighten, he nodded and laced their fingers tighter. “Thanks, babe.”

  “You know…”

  “Here it comes,” he said on a laugh.

  “Well, it’s Monday, so you know what that means.”

  “You’re going to try and super soul me since you listened to your Oprah podcast.”

  “I’m simply sharing what I’ve heard. If something resonates, then great; if not, then it’s no big deal.”

  “And who do we have on deck this week?”

  “A man named Jack Kornfield was interviewed, and he talked about his experience with Buddhism.”

  “Before we get into that, tell me how you ended up attending the AME church. You were raised a Catholic and are interested in all kinds of spiritual practices, so what made you join the African Methodist Episcopalian Church?”

  “When I met Terrence’s mom at the holiday party, she invited me to stop by and, when I did, I loved the fellowship. I think most religions are trying to get to the same place, so whatever sign is on the front lawn isn’t all that important to me. Methodist, Catholic, or whatever, we’re all trying to do the right thing and be decent human beings.”

  “You are an optimist, that’s for damn sure.”

  “Every relationship needs one.”

  “Okay, hit me with the Buddhist truth.”

  “The thing that stuck with me from the podcast is that learning to forgive yourself and others is vital. I might be screwing this up, and I’ll certainly need to grab one of his books to really understand it, but it comes down to accepting the situation and then forgiving it. Yourself and the person who committed the grievance. Otherwise, you carry it around like a boulder and all you’ve managed is to give yourself a whole lot of unnecessary pain.” She looked out the window and shrugged. “There is a whole lot more there, obviously. But it helped me think of what happened with Sam in a whole new light.”

  “Yeah, how’s that?”

  “First, let me say that I believe in the butterfly effect.”

  “You change one thing, you change everything?”

  “Exactly. I had to go through the experience with Sam, so I could let go of the idea that my life had to follow a certain path. Somewhere deep in my heart, I knew he wasn’t right, but since it was time to get engaged, I went along with the relationship. Thank God it blew up and I was saved from making a horrendous mistake. That was the hand of God, no doubt about it.”

  “And now what do you think it all means?”

  “Sam broke me, and the way I put myself back together is so much better. The decimation of the relationship allowed me to change my priorities and gain a balanced perspective. I never would’ve taken the job in Vegas if we hadn’t ended things.”

  “And you’d probably be about as happy as Greta is.”

  “Poor woman, looks like she made a deal with the devil.”

  “Maybe she did,” Cole responded.

  “The point of all of that was perhaps this trip will allow you to get rid of some baggage regarding your dad. This could be a chance to put some things to rest, so you don’t have to carry it around anymore.”

  “Yeah, that’s not likely, but who knows what’s possible?”

  “Whatever you decide, I’m here to support you.”

  “As long as what you see doesn’t make you run away, then I’ll consider this trip a success.”

  “Did you talk to your uncle?”

  “Yeah, he said the old man was in the county hospital and was recovering from surgery. Guess he broke his hip and his rehab is going to be long.”

  “Do you want to try and see him tonight?”

  “No, we can go in the morning. Uncle Shane said dad’s been losing his memory for the last year or so and probably has either dementia or Alzheimer’s, so I’ll have to find a place that will take him.”

  “Do you want to bring him to Vegas?”

  “No way. He has no relationship with us and never asked for one. If he’s in Bakersfield, then he’ll have his brother and whatever friends he’s managed to keep.”

  “We’re staying at a place called The Padre. I guess it was an old hotel that’s been refurbished. It looks amazing and has a four-diamond rating.”

  “Are you sure it’s in Bakersfield?”

  “Yes, and they even have a cool bar and restaurant.”

  “This, I gotta see.”

  “Maybe all that oil money needed a nice hotel.”

  “Doubt it.”

  “No knockin’ boots in Motel Six, sir. Only fine boutique hotels for us.”

  “Maybe we’ll get to have that anniversary dinner after all.”

  “We could have pizza and a movie, and that would be fine with me.”

  Smirking, he raised an eyebrow. “Babe, we’re going to have a nice meal and give our anniversary the celebration it deserves.”

  “Whatever you say, my king.”

  Feeling better than he thought he had a right to, he looked down the long strip of highway and decided having Kelly along for the goat fuck was going to make it bearable. He had no desire to accept or forgive his father for the shit he’d done but had a feeling Kelly was going to make him at least try.

  Probably couldn’t hurt.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Cole walked into Mercy Hospital with
Kelly and didn’t know what to expect. For the first fifteen years of his life, his father had been a larger than life figure. Not only in stature but in temperament as well. He would laugh as loud as he’d yell and curse and hardly ever had a tempered response to anything.

  All the men in the McCallan clan were built similarly, and that meant they all stood over six feet and were solidly built. To a little kid, a man like Jack McCallan was scary as shit, and it took a long time for Cole to see his father for what he was.

  A mean son of a bitch who covered all his fear with anger and belligerence.

  Add to that a broken heart, and there wasn’t much that was going to make the man crawl out of the bottle and do the right thing for the three boys he helped bring into the world.

  And thinking about all that old shit made the rock that sat in his gut do a couple of tumbles. He was more than ready to be done with the sad old story and move the hell on. Which made Kelly’s words ring in his head about forgiving the old man for his transgressions and letting it go once and for all.

  He checked in at the front desk, got visitor passes and his father’s room number. “Second floor.”

  “I’ll go up with you and then sit in the waiting area.”

  “Thanks, babe. Knowing you have my six is making this bearable.”

  “You’re not a six; you’re a ten plus.”

  He hit the button for the elevator and let out a laugh. “Having my six means you’ve got my back.”

  Oh, that makes a lot more sense. ‘Cause I know you’re well aware of how good looking you are. No way would you give yourself such a low number.”

  The doors slid open, and he waited until she walked on. “And why do you think that?”

  “Because you’ve got a ton of flow and the only way that happens if someone’s confident. And your confidence had to come from looking in the mirror.”

  “Maybe my confidence comes from who I am inside.”

  “You have that too. But I think it also comes from your good looks. I know if I was a man and looked like you, then I’d be kissing my reflection every day and snappin’ my fingers for the ladies to gather around.”

  “You are making shit up to distract me.”