Unbreak Me

by Alicia Cicoria

  I stared her down. “What are you talking about? What browser history?”

  She licked her lips before cocking her head to the side, her expression full of worry and sorrow. "On your computer. You were searching for the crash that killed your daughter, weren't you?"

  I started to turn from her but she grabbed me and tugged me back to her. "We're not supposed to talk about our pasts." I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. I held the tears back.

  Cricket sighed. As soon as I turned around, I saw the sadness in the depths of her eyes. "I know. I know." She crossed her arms. "It's just..." another sigh, "I am worried about you. Amby, you were searching for acts of revenge. That's some serious shit."

  I wanted to lie to her. She was breaking our agreement and, for that, she deserved a false reason for the history she found in my computer. We had one agreement between us; neither of us ask about the other's past. Still, I couldn't bring myself to give her some falsified version that didn't exist. "I need to know who was in that other car, Cricket. I have to know why they were let go that night."

  We stood there for a while before Cricket spoke up again. "I know I'm not supposed to ask but I thought we were past this; are we not?"

  I brought my hand to her shoulder. "Can you be there for me and trust me when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about?"

  She inhaled deeply, her inner workings trying their best to accept what I was saying. "I'll be there for you. Always."

  We started our workout, letting the conversation drift into nothingness. I couldn't deny that Cricket had done so much for me. She'd saved my life in a way.

  Chapter 2

  What If You

  Bryant

  I pulled up to Adam’s shop, Skrillex Customs, and parked behind the building where he had instructed me to. He'd said the front parking spaces were reserved for the desk employees and customers. It made sense, given I was coming to work as a mechanic and my area was at the back of the building.

  A hefty sigh escaped my lips, and I cursed beneath my breath as I focused on the building. My life had become nothing but a shit storm. I lost a job that meant everything to me. I lost time with my daughter. And, since my divorce had hit the topic of everyone’s discussion, I lost my dignity. I didn’t even want to talk about it anymore but, everywhere I went, people asked me how I was. I was fucking great. Perfect.

  My cell started ringing, and I cursed again when I realized whose name flashed across the screen.

  “Hello?” I wiped one of my palms in circles over the leather steering wheel.

  “Stacie said she heard you took my name off your life insurance policy. I want you to put it back on there. Now!” Her voice was enough to send my nerves on edge.

  “No, Mac, I’m not doing that.” I shook my head in disbelief. There was no ending to this shit. When I married her, I thought it would be for life. No, marriage wasn’t for life, divorce was. Especially if you had a child together. If I could rewind time, I’d have gotten my dick cut off before having sex with her. She had been a rebound, not an intentional start-a-family type of girl.

  “Stop. Calling. Me. That!” Her screams were so loud, I had to hold the phone several inches from my ear.

  I laughed to myself. “That’s your name, is it not?”

  “You need to put my name back on your life insurance policy or else.”

  I rolled my eyes and lifted myself out of my truck, making sure to lock the doors. “Or else what?”

  “Or else I’ll take you back to court for contempt. The divorce papers say you can't take me off your life insurance.”

  I grounded my teeth together, and my jaw twitched as I reminded myself to keep my cool. “Mac, that's the temporary divorce agreement. I only had to leave you on my life insurance until the divorce was finalized. The only names that belong on there now are whoever I’m married to and my daughter’s.”

  I heard an agitated sigh escape from her lips, no doubt I had pissed her off. “Oh, so you’re already thinking about marrying someone else? Our divorce was finalized two days ago! You were cheating on me, weren’t you?”

  I huffed in annoyance. “I didn’t cheat on you. You were the one guilty of that, remember? It doesn’t matter what I’m thinking of doing. That’s none of your concern anymore.” I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Why in the fuck was I even answering her calls?

  “You’re such an asshole. I hate you!”

  “Mac, I tried for two years to get you to change your mind about the divorce. Instead of working on it with me you chose to date other people and are now living with my best friend. I begged you to go to counseling with me and fix it. You’ve done nothing but play games with me for the last two years, inviting me to stay over but then making me sleep on the couch, letting me join you and Delia for dinner, and even telling women who hit on me that I was your husband. I’m done. Over it. If you call me again, make sure it’s about Delia.”

  With that, I hung up on her as she screamed obscenities. That was the first time I had cut our conversation short, the first time I had hung up on her. It felt damn good.

  Mackenzie Jenkins was a master-manipulating narcissist. I shortened her name to Mac because she reminded me of a Mac truck, her build equating that of a lineman on a football team. I shuddered at how in the world I had ever been attracted to her. I had promised to love her through everything, even as her hair started thinning and her weight increased. I even loved her through her despicable attitude and flirty personality, a personality she shared with everyone but me. She hadn’t promised the same. I kept wondering what was wrong with me that made her walk away. What had I done wrong?

  It didn’t matter. I had tried, though I still couldn't ease my conscious that I was the cause for her leaving. That there was something I had done and she refused to tell me.

  I had tried despite finding incriminating emails she had sent to a roommate of ours. A roommate who also happened to be married himself. The emails displayed naked pictures of Mac and sexually-toned words back and forth. When confronted, Mac said she had been mad at me. I guess every time I got mad at her I should have sent her best friend a picture of my dick.

  "For fucks sake, you need to get a grip man." I couldn't count how many times a day I said this to myself. I shook my head at myself and shoved my wallet into my back pocket before heading to the building.

  I walked in through the back door and Adam came into the shop, holding out his hand. “Hey man, what’s up?” He wrapped his other hand around me, patting me on the back.

  I shook his hand. “Not much.”

  “Ready?”

  I dropped my hand and backed out of his half hug. “Yeah.”

  I couldn’t thank Adam enough for giving me a job on short notice. He hadn’t needed another mechanic on his payroll but offered me a job anyway. Getting fired from the police department was a blow to my ego, especially when it had been because I’d been framed.

  Adam introduced me to the other mechanics and even the guys who did body work. I learned Skrillex Customs didn’t just specialize in car repair, it specialized in exhaust systems, lift kits, and custom paint jobs. Adam’s shop was the busiest and most popular mechanic shop in town from what I had heard. He paid his employees well, and I dared to say it paid more than my previous job. It wasn't about the money though.

  “Come on, we’ll go into the office and get your paperwork filled out. Amber and Cricket showed up a few minutes ago so they should have it ready in a few.”

  Adam had talked to me about Amber, specifically informing me that Cricket was off limits. I was okay with that, I wasn’t looking for anything anyway. I couldn’t help but wonder about Amber though. It wasn’t like I opposed any sort of interactions with women, I just hadn’t been in the market to start anything. I didn't need another woman who had an ulterior motive from the moment we hooked up. When Mac made the comment that she'd stay with her new boyfriend long enough to reap the benefits, I knew I'd been a game to her the entire time. A conquest. Her word
s were written with malicious intent. Even my mom had warned me she was going to get pregnant on purpose when I hadn't been ready to be a father yet.

  “Amber, can you hook Bryant up here with his paperwork?”

  I immediately knew which one was Cricket, as her eyes stared me down when I entered the lobby. A smirk crept up on her face and she switched her gaze to Amber, the girl at the adjoining desk. Her back was to me so all I could see was the back of her head. A light blond braid trailed over her left shoulder. I stared at her, unable to avert my eyes elsewhere.

  “Damnit, Adam, quit calling me Amber. If my mom wanted people to call me Amber she would have named me Amber not…” She turned around and I finished her sentence for her.

  “Amberly?”

  She stopped in her tracks, a stack of paperwork in her left hand fell to the floor when she gasped and brought a hand to her mouth. We stared at each other for what seemed like eternity before she stammered and bent over to pick up the papers.

  I stepped forward, helping her gather them.

  Her bluish-green eyes looked at me, peeking through her long eyelashes. Time seemed to stop, allowing me to take in the features of her face. Little freckles dotted across her nose and cheeks, barely noticeable with makeup on. Her left eyebrow hitched up and it was a permanent fixture on her face. It always looked as though she were quizzing you and waiting for an answer. Her mouth was slightly open, revealing the most imperfect but perfect teeth, surrounded by full, pale pink lips. Her nose was petite, the end of it sloping up a little, with nostrils that were also very small. That was the first time I had been able to soak in everything about her physically. She was perfectly imperfect.

  “Wait, you two know each other?” Adam asked, a puzzled look crossing his face.

  Cricket and Adam’s eyes widened as they realized it.

  “What, what are you doing here?” Amberly asked, clearing her throat and shoving the papers in my direction.

  I gave her a weak smile. “I work here now.” For whatever reason, my being in front of her was throwing her off.

  She blew out a breath, causing a stray piece of hair to lift from her face. “Of, of, of course.” She shook her head as if her original question was ridiculous.

  There was absolutely nothing ridiculous about Amberly Hodge. Her daughter, Haylie had played on the softball team I coached. I had watched her at all the practices and games, trying to remove my gaze away from her so I could focus on the team. It had been damned near impossible. I knew she was married but hardly ever saw her husband. It had made me wonder about the validity of their relationship. Even so, I’d never approached her and she made it clear she wasn’t interested in anyone but her husband. Then, she disappeared. I had tried texting her to remind her of the last game of the season and she never answered. I tried again a month after that and found out her number had changed. I still had Haylie’s trophy at my house, collecting dust.

  I had to restrain myself from stepping any closer as she backed up. I was drawn to her in a way I couldn't explain. She'd been out of my life for so long, but not a day went by that I didn't think about her.

  Chapter 3

  Crash

  Amberly

  My heart pounded against my chest as I watched Bryant Kessler take a seat next to Cricket to fill out his paperwork. His hazel eyes bore into me once more before he turned his full attention to the papers I’d handed him. I would have never guess the ‘new guy’ would’ve been none other than Haylie’s old softball coach. I had tried to escape my past after the accident. It seemed to be stalking me.

  Cricket tried to mouth something to me but I shook my head, turning my attention to the past due balances in front of me. We had a few clients who we hadn’t heard back from and their vehicles were still in our possession. It wasn’t anything new, but Monday mornings seemed the ample day of the week to get responses. Sometimes, Adam didn’t mind when their bills went unpaid. If the car was paid for, Adam sold it on Craig's list for much higher than their bill. He made profit off many customers, even if they dodged every phone call.

  I couldn’t have picked a better day for Bryant to start. I could dive into my work and ignore him. But, what would happen on Friday? Fridays were our dead days and I’d have to spend all day watching the mechanics filter in and out of the lobby due to boredom. I didn’t think I could handle being around Bryant. I couldn’t handle it when I was married and had to see him three times a week, so there was no way I could work in the same building as him. I fumed to myself, trying to decide what my next step would be.

  Adam would never forgive me if I quit, and I wasn’t sure what that would do to my friendship with Cricket. They both seemed to depend on me to help them with the business.

  “So, Bryant, how do you and Amberly know each other?” The question filled the silence of the room and I cleared my throat, trying to get Cricket to knock it off. This would, in no way, end well.

  Bryant lifted his head, smiling at me before turning his attention to Cricket. “Her daughter was on my softball team.”

  That piqued Cricket’s interest just enough that she straightened in her chair and turned her body on the barstool. “You have a softball team?”

  He nodded his head. “I did. My daughter was on it.”

  “Was?” She questioned.

  “Oh yeah, I gave it up. Too much drama.” He lowered his head again, using the pen to scribble down his information. It was obvious he wasn't interested in divulging much more than that. For some reason the lack of explanation had me wanting to pry though I wasn't the type to pry.

  Cricket lifted her eyebrows and then looked at me. I shook my head vigorously, warning away whatever idea was brewing in her head.

  When Bryant was done, Adam handed his papers to me. “Get that filed and sign him up for the insurance.”

  “Now?”

  Adam nodded his head. “Now.”

  There was usually a ninety-day waiting period for new employees, but I could guess Adam was doing a favor for Bryant. They seemed to know each other well. I sat the papers down by the phone and withdrew a blank folder from the drawer in my desk. I wrote his name across the top of it and stuffed the papers inside, jotting down a reminder to enroll him in the insurance plan later on today. My hands shook a little while I was writing his name but I steadied them enough so it hadn't looked like a first grader had written on his folder.

  Bryant stood and Adam retrieved him a shirt out of his office. “Only dress code is free advertising on a shirt.” Adam joked. “I’ll have to order you a few pairs of coveralls. For now, you can prance around in this number.”

  Bryant chuckled, the sound sending the hairs on the back of my neck up. I rolled my eyes and scolded myself for acting like a school girl.

  Bryant Kessler was most definitely the next best thing to an orgasm on a stick. He was also more than that. He was kind, sweet, and had a good heart. When I last saw him, he’d been separated from his wife and anyone could tell he wasn’t dealing with it well. I remember how that made me feel for him. I didn’t give him another thought until he had announced to me he was going through a divorce. After that day, I couldn’t get him out of my mind and I felt like a slut for it. Cheating never crossed my mind while I was with Eric; Bryant made me feel things that I had no business feeling. I had never even had much of a conversation with him. I chalked the entire thing up to physical attraction and left it at that.

  “Earth to Amberly.” Cricket was standing in front of me, snapping her fingers. “What the hell?”

  “Sorry.” I replied, startled. Cricket had caught me staring and would be firing off questions left and right.

  “Explain.” She crossed her arms across her chest and tapped one of her sneakers against the marbled floor.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “There’s nothing to explain.” I prayed she wouldn’t press further, but that wasn’t Cricket’s personality. She was a force to be reckoned with. Always would be.

  “You’re a damned liar, Amby. A horrible
one at that. You know new guy. That’s not ‘nothing to explain’. Spill it, because if you don’t start talking I’m going to purposely put you in an uncomfortable predicament.” She air quoted her words, mimicking what I’d said this morning.

  I cracked my neck from side to side and licked my lips, preparing them to deliver the words I never wanted to repeat. “He told you. He was Haylie’s softball coach. His daughter wanted to join softball so he created a team, and I decided to get Haylie involved in something.”

  Her hands flew in the air. “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to give me?”

  I sighed and placed my head in my hands. All the memories I didn’t want to relive rushed back into the crevices of my brain. Thinking about Bryant meant thinking about Haylie. It wasn't as if I hadn’t thought about her for the past year, but I tried to push those thoughts out of my mind until I was alone.

  When I first moved in with Cricket, I was a mess. I didn’t recognize the woman I was. I became addicted to drinking, my drug of choice to help me forget about how bad my life sucked at the moment. It numbed the memories and helped me live in a world where everything was funny and nothing mattered. Cricket forced me to get myself together and be the person Haylie would want me to be. She invited me along to all of her interests where the invite wasn’t open for discussion. In the end, throwing myself into that world helped me cope with my loss of Haylie and Eric. I tricked Cricket into thinking I'd found myself again, wallowing in my grief alone, when it didn’t affect my life. I could cry myself to sleep and wake up the next morning and face the world.

  They say time heals all wounds. That’s not true. The day she was born still exists, so each year I have to face the fact she’s not around to celebrate her birthday. Time passing doesn’t do anything but make you older. You don’t forget. You don’t become healed because it’s been a month or a year.