“Then, I guess you’ll just have to humor me this one time. No more surprises after.”
This seemed to dismantle her reservation because she jumped in the truck and let me close the door behind her.
The drive was a good fifteen minutes away and it had started to snow, something that was rare in our state. At least, until January. I turned the heat up higher before handing the white box to Amberly.
“The two on the left side have custard filling.”
“Are you stalking me?”
I shook my head. “Why would you think that?”
She held up one of the custard-filled donuts and her coffee cup. “You bring me my favorite donuts and drink. I think you’re a class A stalker.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?”
She took a bite out of the donut and swallowed. “Depends.”
“On?” I risked a glance at her, watching as she devoured her food.
“On what you’re going to use your abilities for. If it is as innocent as bringing me food and drinks, I’ll let it slide.”
She smiled at me but then looked away too sudden. Her stare lingered on the falling flakes outside. I let it be, turning the radio up a little to allow her whatever moment she needed while I tried to decipher what the look paired with her smile meant. Regret for letting me in?
When I parked the truck, it didn’t pass me by when she started tensing up. She recognized where we were.
“Why did you bring me here? What are we doing here? How did you know?” Questions fired out of her like bullets releasing out of the barrel of a gun.
I placed my hand on her shoulder. “Amberly, it’s okay.”
She glared at me and her head turned to give her a better view of her surroundings. “No. It’s not. Why are you doing this?”
I could see the fear in her eyes. Cricket had told me this was a horrible idea. I didn’t listen.
Instead of answering her, I pulled the pale blue balloons from the backseat that the clerk had filled with helium and a bouquet of flowers. Amberly watched me with caution.
I handed her the bouquet and reached back for the trophy that I’d never had the chance to give Haylie. “I’m going to be right here with you.” I reassured her, not knowing if that would make her feel any better.
I could see as she started to understand what I had planned. I hopped out, holding on tight to the three balloons, and crossed in front of the truck to open up her door. Little tears speckled her cheeks, seeming to magnify her freckles as they traveled down. I helped her out, making sure her black boots didn’t slip on the ice that had formed on the base boards of my truck.
She clutched the flowers to her chest, pausing with each step as I directed her to Haylie’s grave.
Cricket had told me where it was but had said Amberly had never been. She said she had taken Amberly at her request but didn’t even make it into the gates before Amberly screamed obscenities until Cricket turned back around.
The snow wasn’t thick, as it peppered the headstones and grass with its presence. I kept walking, my fingers woven through Amberly’s. Every time I looked back I could see a new tear form. When we stopped in front of the one marked for Haylie, Amberly turned her eyes away and bent to the ground, her knees soaking up the dampness of the ground. I had no idea if what I was doing had been the right thing. I could hope this would help Amberly, but as was life, there were no guarantees.
I inched closer to her, wrapping my arms around her and let her cry for however long she needed. After several moments she sat up and erased all remnants of her tears. “What are the balloons for?”
I turned them so she could see what was written on each one. She read them aloud. “Mommy loves you little angel. Dry your eye, dragonfly, and until I see you again.” She turned to me. “How did you know that’s what I used to say to her?” She let her fingers trail along the letters.
I turned around and sat the trophy next to Haylie’s headstone. I had put in it my truck after the first day I learned I'd be working with Amberly. I had meant to give it to her the day she told me about Haylie but stopped in my tracks after she told me about the wreck.
“There was one game where a girl on the opposing team shoved Haylie down. I carried her off the field and you came over and tried to calm her down. She had a pretty good gash on her knee and the sight of blood seemed to make her crying worse. You kissed her cheeks and then her nose, using your thumbs to wipe away the tears. As you did this I heard you say it to her. I couldn’t be sure that was something you did all the time. But,” I paused, my back still facing away from her, “I think Haylie’s probably crying now. She sees the pain her death has caused. I thought we could release the balloons and they would reach her somehow. I think she’d like to hear you say that you’re going to be okay and she doesn’t have to cry anymore.”
I heard her inhale sharply. I twisted my body back so I could face her. She was still kneeling, rubbing the petals of the flowers between her fingers. “She thought the world of you. All of the girls on the team did really.”
I smiled. “You’re pretty beautiful, you know that?”
Chapter 11
Gonna Wanna Tonight
Amberly
“You’re crazy.” I’d heard that not accepting compliments was due to a low self-esteem, which I had. I know he could tell but he kept quiet, giving me my moments.
I continued to stare at the flowers, not wanting to say goodbye. For some selfish reason, I didn’t want to tell Haylie I would be okay. I felt comfort in knowing she knew how special she was to me. That, not a single day went by that I didn’t think about her. A part of me felt that if Haylie saw me enjoying life without her, somehow, she would feel disregarded.
Parents lost their children every day. How did they move on? How did they make it look so easy? Why didn’t they feel guilt for every smile or laugh that appeared despite the death of their child?
Bryant’s fingertips grazed my own and he reached for my hand, pulling me closer to the headstone. He let my hand fall when I was close enough.
“Did you know these were Haylie’s favorite flowers?” I toyed with the bunch of flowers, pulling out a snapdragon. “She said she liked them because of their names and since I had always called her dragonfly, it made her feel as though they were made for her.” I laid that one first and then separated the rest of them, telling Bryant a memory with each flower.
“She loved butter. When we went out to restaurants, the first thing she would reach for was the butter. She ate it by itself.” I laughed with the memory, conjuring up another one with the next flower.
“When she was learning to walk, she got her foot caught on a plastic bag and walked through the house with it. She couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t stop laughing. I recorded the whole thing.”
“One time, she was in her toy car. You couldn’t really understand anything she said until the word shit came out of her mouth. Then she started yelling at the imaginary traffic. I couldn’t even get onto her for it.” I laid the flower down as I spoke the words. I could feel the heat of Bryant’s gaze as he watched my every movement. I never knew someone watching you could feel so…heavy.
The snow seemed to come down a little faster, layering the flowers with its white dust. The wind picked up, making the balloons dance with my words as I finished with the flowers and the memories. I picked up the trophy that Bryant had placed to the right of her stone.
“If you want to keep that, you can. I didn’t know what to do with it.”
“You kept it all this time?” Haylie’s name was engraved on the front of it.
“Yes. I did. I was hoping to give it to her someday.” He stood up. “Ready to let these fly?” He pointed to the sky with the balloons.
I put the trophy down, knowing that it belonged with Haylie. I felt admiration for him having kept it all this time. I took his outstretched hand and let him help me to my feet. “Let’s do it.”
One by one, the balloons took off in the sky, fight
ing against the wind to climb their way to the clouds above. Bryant had placed an arm around me, sharing his warmth. We both watched until their blue color vanished.
“Are you okay?” Bryant asked me as we started walking out of the graveyard and to his truck.
“I’m okay.”
He opened my door again and this time, I didn’t hesitate as I hopped up and into the seat.
“Still mad at me?”
I looked down at him and shook my head. I shivered as he shut the door and fought his way to the driver’s side. He blasted me with cold air, forgetting the setting had been on high when he had taken out the keys.
“Thank you for that.”
“Not so against surprises now?”
“A surprise every now and again wouldn’t be such a bad idea.” I joked, trying to blow warm air into the palms of both of my hands.
“Well,” he shifted out of park and reversed the truck, its wheels spinning, “I have another idea but it’s not such a surprise. How do you feel about hot cocoa and a fire?”
My teeth chattered against each other. “I would do just about anything to be sitting by a fire right now.”
“Anything huh?” A mischievous grin formed on Bryant’s face.
“Within reason.” I leaned into the vents as the air blowing from them became warmer by the second.
Bryant turned out, heading in the opposite direction from my apartment. “I can start a fire and I’m pretty sure I’ve got hot cocoa in my cabinets somewhere.”
“We’re going to your house?”
Bryant let off the gas and turned his head to me. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah. No, no, it, it’s fine.” I stumbled through my words, the idea of being in his house putting me on edge. I had never been to his house before.
We turned into the driveway, the tires crunching over the rock. Trees lined the gravel, masking everything on the house except the porch lights that filtered through their bare tops, creating eerie shadows across the lawn. Bryant pulled in front of the garage doors, racing around his truck to catch me before I had a chance to open my door.
“Still not a date.” I grumbled, crossing my hands over my chest.
His face lit up with a half-smile and he offered his hand. “Still not a date.” He confirmed.
I took his hand, still leery of what he wanted the end result of this day to be.
He wasted no time after he unlocked his front door, gathering firewood and chunking it into the fireplace. I stood in the middle of his living room, admiring a few pictures of him and Delia spread without caution. Zero decorations littered his mantle. His house felt……. abandoned. I suppose it sort of was, since the history of a divorce was spread thick amongst the walls.
The fire crackled, devouring the firewood. The flames spread with ease, crawling higher as the seconds passed. The bark of the wood was turned to ashes, random colors flickering across the pieces of lumber.
I leaned into the fire, pushing my palms out to capture the warmth it delivered. The flames invited me into them, erasing any evidence of the chilling weather outside. It didn’t take long for my body heat to rise so I stepped away from the fire and let my eyes linger on the pictures around the living room. There were a few bare spots with hooks still popping out from the drywall, a sure sign that the pictures that were once hung there were of Bryant and his ex-wife. I had no clue why a sudden sadness entered my thoughts. A broken marriage.
Curiosity fell over me, wanting to know every detail of their divorce and the relationship they had before they realized it was time to call it quits. Was the split amicable? Were there hard feelings? Who walked away first? Perhaps I wanted to hear a different version of divorce. I knew my own all too well. A child who succumbed to her injuries, and a husband who gave up before he realized there might be something worth fighting for. Most people, including my family, would say his infidelity was not a means to an end. My father had even said, and I quote, “Eric’s cheating was just a sign that you two needed to reconnect.”
I blew out a shaky breath, reliving my father’s words as they replayed over and over again. It’d been a long time since I had seen either of my parents, but they were still in my life, dictating my every move. Any time I wanted to move on from my divorce, their words echoed like the demons of reason. Any time Cricket mentioned a new guy she wanted me to get to know, their words crept to the surface. I was so damned broken, I didn’t know how I could recover. I didn’t know how I could expunge their words for good. I wondered if I needed a priest to perform an exorcism on me, or maybe someone who could erase the memories with a high-tech device patented by a genius.
My eyes darted over the pictures, stopping to imagine what happened before and after the click of the camera. When I found one of Bryant dancing with Delia, my heart warmed. She was smiling, laughing even, as he twirled her around. Without thinking, I let my fingertips skate across the glass frame.
“That was when I took her two stepping. She loved it. The church was holding a daddy-daughter dance that evening. I took her to it, just the two of us. It was right before the separation, right before I knew we would be spending a lot of time together, just us two.”
I jumped and turned to look at him. He held out a cup, hot steam twirling upwards.
I took it and thanked him. “She looks like she’s having fun.” I turned back to the picture, noticing a glimmer in Bryant’s eyes as well. I didn’t think I would witness anything as beautiful as this single picture, captured in a time where happiness was the only emotion either of them knew.
“She was.” Bryant chuckled as he positioned himself beside me. I stole a glance, one of his hands supporting the cup and the other one stuffed into the pocket of his denim jeans.
“I’ve always wanted to learn.” I admitted, taking a slow sip of the hot chocolate.
I could see his eyebrow lift out of the corner of my eye. “You really don’t know how?”
I let my gaze fall to the floor. “Well, I can do the simple stuff. I can’t twirl around or anything.”
In one fluid movement, Bryant put down his cup while grabbing mine. “Then it’s time to learn.”
I gasped and shook my head. “No. I’m allergic to dancing. And I’m prone to stepping on people’s feet.”
He laughed and walked to a radio perched on his entertainment stand. I recognized the song immediately. Gonna Wanna Tonight.
“Lucky for you, I’m wearing steel-toed boots and I’ve always got allergy medication on hand.”
I felt my mouth betray me, turning up into a smile. When he held out his hands, I took them, letting him lead me to the middle of his living room.
Chapter 12
I Just Want You
Bryant
She tensed in my arms, an unsure look visible on her face. She didn’t trust me. It was written all over her, the way her body moved to her timid smile. I wrapped my right hand around her waist and grasped her right hand with my left.
“You know the basics, we will start there. I’ll lead.”
Sure enough, and true to her word, she stepped on my feet. She giggled but her face turned a brilliant shade of red. “I wasn’t lying.”
I shrugged and pulled her closer. “I didn’t think you were. Close your eyes and relax. Trust me.” I whispered the last part, somehow thinking that would make a difference in whether she would trust me.
I had the song on repeat because I was not letting her leave without teaching her a few moves. I felt selfish, knowing I didn’t care if she learned a single step. I wanted the excuse to hold her, to touch her. With a few tries, I felt her body relax. I kept my eyes on her eyelids as she struggled to keep them closed, a smile appearing here and there. Her long lashes, though curled upward, touched the skin just above her cheeks.
We moved around in my living room, sticking to the basics at first and then I threw in a twirl here and there. She tripped the first couple of times and then she improved. Her eyes opened and she stared down at her feet, not believing that
she was doing so well. I smiled at her when she widened her eyes.
“It’s going to get harder.” I said before spinning her away from me and then back to her original position in my arms.
She nodded with understanding and bit her lip. A small fantasy played out in my mind where I put my lips over hers. I wanted to kiss her more than I’ve ever wanted to kiss another woman. Her smile that seemed so innocent, her eyes that bounced with a life she felt guilty of living, and the little freckles that she tried so hard to cover up—all of it made me want to kiss her like neither one of us had been kissed before.
I mentally shook the thoughts from my head, trying to focus on what we were doing. I lead her behind me, spinning her out again and then grabbing both of her hands, I twirled with her. She laughed as she stumbled through the steps and I’d never seen or heard anything more beautiful. She needed to laugh more often. I would probably do something cheesy and set her laugh as my ring tone if it meant I could hear it at least once a day.
“This isn’t fair!” She exclaimed, before tumbling to the floor in a seizure of giggles.
I picked her up, my hands placed under her arms. “It’s not supposed to be fair.” I challenged. “If it were easy everyone would be doing it. Come on, one more time and then I’ll let you off the hook.”
To be honest, I didn’t want to teach her all of it tonight. I wanted to use the dancing lessons to my advantage. I would get to see her more which meant I could show her she could trust me. She needed someone to trust, and I had the assumption that she had one person in her life that she could trust. Cricket. Anyone within a few feet of them could see it. Cricket was very protective of her, though I don’t think Amberly knew it. She told me she would break my face if I broke her heart.
I didn’t want to break her heart. I wanted to fill it.
Unbreak Me Page 7