Diary of a Drug Fiend

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Diary of a Drug Fiend Page 72

by Aleister Crowley


  Even now and here be mine. AMEN.

  He puts the first Cake on the Fire of the Thurible.

  I burn the Incense-cake, proclaim

  These adorations of Thy name.

  He makes them as in Liber Legis, and strikes again Eleven times upon the Bell. With the Burin he then makes upon his breast the proper sign.

  Behold this bleeding breast of mine

  Gashed with the sacramental sign!

  He puts the second Cake to the wound.

  I staunch the blood; the wafer soaks

  It up, and the high priest invokes!

  He eats the second Cake.

  This Bread I eat.

  This Oath I swear

  As I enflame myself with prayer:

  “There is no grace: there is no guilt:

  This is the Law: DO WHAT THOU WILT!”

  He strikes Eleven times upon the Bell, and cries ABRAHADABRA.

  I entered in with woe; with mirth

  I now go forth, and with thanksgiving,

  To do my pleasure on the earth

  Among the legions of the living.

  He goeth forth.

  COMMENTARY (ΜΔ)

  This is the special number of Horus; it is the Hebrew blood, and the multiplication of the 4 by the 11, the number of Magick, explains 4 in its finest sense. But see in particular the accounts in Equinox I, vii of the circumstances of the Equinox of the Gods.

  The word “Phoenix” may be taken as including the idea of “Pelican”, the bird, which is fabled to feeds its young from the blood of its own breast. Yet the two ideas, though cognate, are not identical, and “Phoenix” is the more accurate symbol.

  This chapter is explained in Chapter 62.

  It would be improper to comment further upon a ritual which has been accepted as official by the A∴A∴

  45

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΜΕ

  CHINESE MUSIC

  “Explain this happening!”

  “It must have a ‘natural’ cause.”

  “It must have a ‘supernatural’ cause.” } Let these two asses be set to grind corn.

  May, might, must, should, probably, may be, we may safely assume, ought, it is hardly questionable, almost certainly – poor hacks! let them be turned out to grass!

  Proof is only possible in mathematics, and mathematics is only a matter of arbitrary conventions.

  And yet doubt is a good servant but a bad master; a perfect mistress, but a nagging wife.

  “White is white” is the lash of the overseer: “white is black” is the watchword of the slave. The Master takes no heed.

  The Chinese cannot help thinking that the octave has 5 notes.

  The more necessary anything appears to my mind, the more certain it is that I only assert a limitation.

  I slept with Faith, and found a corpse in my arms on awaking; I drank and danced all night with Doubt, and found her a virgin in the morning.

  COMMENTARY (ΜΕ)

  The title of this chapter is drawn from paragraph 7.

  We now, for the first time, attack the question of doubt.

  “The Soldier and the Hunchback” should be carefully studied in this connection. The attitude recommended is scepticism, but a scepticism under control. Doubt inhibits action, as much as faith binds it. All the best Popes have been Atheists, but perhaps the greatest of them once remarked, “Quantum nobis prodest haec fabula Christi”.

  The ruler asserts facts as they are; the slave has therefore no option but to deny them passionately, in order to express his discontent. Hence such absurdities as “Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité”, “In God we trust”, and the like. Similarly we find people asserting today that woman is superior to man, and that all men are born equal.

  The Master (in technical language, the Magus) does not concern himself with facts; he does not care whether a thing is true or not: he uses truth and falsehood indiscriminately, to serve his ends. Slaves consider him immoral, and preach against him in Hyde Park.

  In paragraphs 7 and 8 we find a most important statement, a practical aspect of the fact that all truth is relative, and in the last paragraph we see how scepticism keeps the mind fresh, whereas faith dies in the very sleep that it induces.

  46

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΜϜ

  BUTTONS AND ROSETTES

  The cause of sorrow is the desire of the One to the Many, or of the Many to the One. This also is the cause of joy.

  But the desire of one to another is all of sorrow; its birth is hunger, and its death satiety.

  The desire of the moth for the star at least saves him satiety.

  Hunger thou, O man, for the infinite: be insatiable even for the finite; thus at The End shalt thou devour the finite, and become the infinite.

  Be thou more greedy that the shark, more full of yearning than the wind among the pines.

  The weary pilgrim struggles on; the satiated pilgrim stops.

  The road winds uphill: all law, all nature must be overcome.

  Do this by virtue of THAT in thyself before which law and nature are but shadows.

  COMMENTARY (ΜϜ)

  The title of this chapter is best explained by a reference to Mistinguette and Mayol.

  It would be hard to decide, and it is fortunately unnecessary even to discuss, whether the distinction of their art is the cause, result, or concomitant of their private peculiarities.

  The fact remains that in vice, as in everything else, some things satiate, others refresh. Any game in which perfection is easily attained soon ceases to amuse, although in the beginning its fascination is so violent.

  Witness the tremendous, but transitory, vogue of ping-pong and diabolo. Those games in which perfection is impossible never cease to attract.

  The lesson of the chapter is thus always to rise hungry from a meal, always to violate one’s own nature. Keep on acquiring a taste for what is naturally repugnant; this is an unfailing source of pleasure, and it has a real further advantage, in destroying the Sankharas, which, however “good” in themselves, relatively to other Sankharas, are yet barriers upon the Path; they are modifications of the Ego, and therefore those things which bar it from the absolute.

  47

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΜΖ

  WINDMILL-WORDS

  Asana gets rid of Anatomy-consciousness.

  Pranayama gets rid of Physiology-consciousness.

  Yama and Niyama get rid of Ethical consciousness.

  Pratyhara gets rid of the Objective.

  Dharana gets rid of the Subjective.

  Dhyana gets rid of the Ego.

  Samadhi gets rid of the Soul Impersonal.

  Asana destroys the static body (Nama).

  Pranayama destroys the dynamic body (Rupa).

  Yama destroys the emotions.

  Niyama destroys the passions.

  Dharana destroys the perceptions (Sañña).

  Dhyana destroys the tendencies (Sankhara).

  Samadhi destroys the consciousness (Viññanam).

  Homard à la Thermidor destroys the digestion.

  The last of these facts is the one of which I am most certain.

  COMMENTARY (ΜΖ)

  The allusion in the title is not quite clear, though it may be connected with the penultimate paragraph.

  The chapter consists of two points of view from which to regard Yoga, two odes upon a distant prospect of the Temple of Madura, two Elegies on a mat of Kusha-grass.

  The penultimate paragraph is introduced by way of repose. Cynicism is a great cure for over-study.

  There is a great deal of cynicism in this book, in one place and another. It should be regarded as Angostura Bitters, to brighten the flavour of a discourse which were else too sweet. It prevents one from slopping over into sentimentality.

  48

  ΚΕΦΑ
ΛΗ ΜΗ

  MOME RATHS22

  The early bird catches the worm and the twelve-year-old prostitute attracts the ambassador. Neglect not the dawn-meditation!

  The first plovers’ eggs fetch the highest prices; the flower of virginity is esteemed by the pandar.

  Neglect not the dawn-meditation!

  Early to bed and early to rise

  Makes a man healthy and wealthy and wise:

  But late to watch and early to pray

  Brings him across The Abyss, they say.

  Neglect not the dawn-meditation!

  COMMENTARY (ΜΗ)

  This chapter is perfectly simple, and needs no comment whatsoever.

  NOTE

  (22) “The mome raths outgrabe” – Lewis Carroll.

  But “môme” is Parisian slang for a young girl, and “rathe” O.E. for early. “The rathe primrose” – Milton.

  49

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΜΘ

  WARATAH-BLOSSOMS

  Seven are the veils of the dancing-girl in the harem of IT.

  Seven are the names, and seven are the lamps beside Her bed.

  Seven eunuchs guard Her with drawn swords; No Man may come nigh unto Her.

  In Her wine-cup are seven streams of the blood of the Seven Spirits of God. Seven are the heads of THE BEAST whereon She rideth.

  The head of an Angel: the head of a Saint: the head of a Poet: the head of An Adulterous Woman: the head of a Man of Valour: the head of a Satyr: and the head of a Lion-Serpent.

  Seven letters hath Her holiest name; and it is

  This is the Seal upon the Ring that is on the Forefinger of IT: and it is the Seal upon the Tombs of them whom She hath slain.

  Here is Wisdom. Let Him that hath Understanding count the Number of Our Lady; for it is the Number of a Woman; and Her Number is

  An Hundred and Fifty and Six.

  COMMENTARY (ΜΘ)

  49 is the square of 7.

  7 is the passive and feminine number.

  The chapter should be read in connection with Chapter 31 for IT now reappears.

  The chapter heading, the Waratah, is a voluptuous scarlet flower, common in Australia, and this connects the chapter with Chapters 28 and 29; but this is only an allusion, for the subject of the chapter is OUR LADY BABALON, who is conceived as the feminine counterpart of IT.

  This does not agree very well with the common or orthodox theogony of Chapter 11; but it is to be explained by the dithyrambic nature of the chapter.

  In paragraph 3 NO MAN is of course NEMO, the Master of the Temple, Liber 418 will explain most of the allusions in this chapter.

  In paragraphs 5 and 6 the author frankly identifies himself with the BEAST referred to in the book, and in the Apocalypse, and in LIBER LEGIS. In paragraph 6 the word “angel” may refer to his mission, and the word “lion-serpent” to the sigil of his ascending decan. (Teth = Snake = spermatozoon and Leo in the Zodiac, which like Teth itself has the snake-form. θ first written

  = Lingam-Yoni and Sol.)

  Paragraph 7 explains the theological difficulty referred to above. There is only one symbol, but this symbol has many names: of those names BABALON is the holiest. It is the name referred to in Liber Legis, 1, 22.

  It will be noticed that the figure, or sigil, of BABALON is a seal upon a ring, and this ring is upon the forefinger of IT. This identifies further the symbol with itself.

  It will be noticed that this seal, except for the absence of a border, is the official seal of the A∴A∴ Compare Chapter 3.

  It is also said to be the seal upon the tombs of them that she hath slain, that is, of the Masters of the Temple.

  In connection with the number 49, see Liber 418, the 22nd Aethyr, as well as the usual authorities.

  50

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ Ν

  THE VIGIL OF ST. HUBERT

  In the forest God met the Stag-beetle. “Hold! Worship me!” quoth God. “For I am All-Great, All-Good, All Wise….The stars are but sparks from the forges of My smiths….”

  “Yea, verily and Amen,” said the Stag-beetle, “all this do I believe, and that devoutly.”

  “Then why do you not worship Me?”

  “Because I am real and you are only imaginary.”

  But the leaves of the forest rustled with the laughter of the wind.

  Said Wind and Wood: “They neither of them know anything!”

  COMMENTARY (Ν)

  St. Hubert appears to have been a saint who saw a stag of a mystical or sacred nature.

  The Stag-beetle must not be identified with the one in Chapter 16. It is a merely literary touch.

  The chapter is a resolution of the universe into Tetragrammaton; God the macrocosm and the microcosm beetle. Both imagine themselves to exist; both say “you” and “I”, and discuss their relative reality.

  The things which really exist, the things which have no Ego, and speak only in the third person, regard these as ignorant, on account of their assumption of Knowledge.

  51

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΝΑ

  TERRIER-WORK

  Doubt.

  Doubt thyself.

  Doubt even if thou doubtest thyself.

  Doubt all.

  Doubt even if thou doubtest all.

  It seems sometimes as if beneath all conscious doubt there lay some deepest certainty. O kill it! Slay the snake!

  The horn of the Doubt-Goat be exalted!

  Dive deeper, ever deeper, into the Abyss of Mind, until thou unearth the fox THAT. On, hounds! Yoicks! Tally-ho! Bring THAT to bay!

  Then, wind the Mort!

  COMMENTARY (ΝΑ)

  The number 51 means failure and pain, and its subject is appropriately doubt.

  The title of the chapter is borrowed from the health-giving and fascinating sport of fox-hunting, which Frater Perdurabo followed in his youth.

  This chapter should be read in connection with “The Soldier and the Hunchback” of which it is in some sort an epitome.

  Its meaning is sufficiently clear, but in paragraphs 6 and 7 it will be noticed that the identification of the Soldier with the Hunchback has reached such a pitch that the symbols are interchanged, enthusiasm being represented as the sinuous snake, scepticism as the Goat of the Sabbath. In other words, a state is reached in which destruction is as much joy as creation. (Compare Chapter 46.)

  Beyond that is a still deeper state of mind, which is THAT.

  52

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΝΒ

  THE BULL-BAITING

  Fourscore and eleven books wrote I; in each did I expound THE GREAT WORK fully, from The Beginning even unto The End thereof.

  Then at last came certain men unto me, saying: O Master! Expound thou THE GREAT WORK unto us, O Master!

  And I held my peace.

  O generation of gossipers! who shall deliver you from the Wrath that is fallen upon you?

  O Babblers, Prattlers, Talkers, Loquacious Ones, Tatlers, Chewers of the Red Rag that inflameth Apis the Redeemer to fury, learn first what is Work! and THE GREAT WORK is not so far beyond!

  COMMENTARY (ΝΒ)

  52 is BN, the number of the Son, Osiris-Apis, the Redeemer, with whom the Master (Fra. P.) identifies himself. He permits himself for a moment the pleasure of feeling his wounds; and, turning upon his generation, gores it with his horns.

  The fourscore-and-eleven books do not, we think, refer to the ninety-one chapters of this little masterpiece, or even to the numerous volumes he has penned, but rather to the fact that 91 is the number of Amen, implying the completeness of his work.

  In the last paragraph is a paranomasia. “To chew the red rag” is a phrase for to talk aimlessly and persistently, while it is notorious that a red cloth will excite the rage of a bull.

  53

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΝΓ

  THE DOWSER

 
Once round the meadow. Brother, does the hazel twig dip?

  Twice round the orchard. Brother, does the hazel twig dip?

  Thrice round the paddock. Highly, lowly, wily, holy, dip, dip, dip!

  Then neighed the horse in the paddock – and lo! its wings.

  For whoso findeth the SPRING beneath the earth maketh the treaders-of-earth to course the heavens.

  This SPRING is threefold; of water, but also of steel, and of the seasons.

  Also this PADDOCK is the Toad that hath the jewel between his eyes – Aum Mani Padmen Hum!

  (Keep us from Evil!)

  COMMENTARY (ΝΓ)

  A dowser is one who practises divination, usually with the object of finding water or minerals, by means of the vibrations of a hazel twig.

  The meadow represents the flower of life; the orchard its fruit.

  The paddock, being reserved for animals, represents life itself. That is to say, the secret spring of life is found in the place of life, with the result that the horse, who represents ordinary animal life, becomes the divine horse Pegasus.

  In paragraph 6 we see this spring identified with the phallus, for it is not only a source of water, but highly elastic, while the reference to the seasons alludes to the well-known lines of the late Lord Tennyson:

  “In the spring a livelier iris changes on the burnished dove, In the Spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.” – Locksley Hall.

  In paragraph 7 the place of life, the universe of animal souls, is identified with the toad, which

  “Ugly and venomous, Wears yet a precious jewel in his head” – Romeo and Juliet –

  this jewel being the divine spark in man, and indeed in all that “lives and moves and has its being”. Note this phrase, which is highly significant; the word “lives” excluding the mineral kingdom, the word “moves” the vegetable kingdom, and the phrase “has its being” the lower animals, including woman.

 

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