Diary of a Drug Fiend

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Diary of a Drug Fiend Page 73

by Aleister Crowley


  This “toad” and “jewel” are further identified with the Lotus and jewel of the well-known Buddhist phrase and this seems to suggest that this “toad” is the Yoni; the suggestion is further strengthened by the concluding phrase in brackets, “Keep us from evil”, since, although it is the place of life, the means of grace, it may be ruinous.

  54

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΝΔ

  Eaves-Droppings

  Five and forty apprentice masons out of work!

  Fifteen fellow-craftsmen out of work!

  Three Master Masons out of work!

  All these sat on their haunches waiting The Report of the Sojourners; for THE WORD was lost.

  This is the Report of the Sojourners: THE WORD was LOVE;23 and its number is An Hundred and Eleven.

  Then said each AMO;24 for its number is An Hundred and Eleven.

  Each took the Trowel from his LAP,25 whose number is An Hundred and Eleven.

  Each called moreover on the Goddess NINA,26 for Her number is An Hundred and Eleven.

  Yet with all this went The Work awry; for THE WORD OF THE LAW IS ΘΕΛΗΜΑ.

  COMMENTARY (ΝΔ)

  The title of this chapter refers to the duty of the Tyler in a blue lodge of Freemasons.

  The numbers in paragraphs 1 to 3 are significant; each Master-Mason is attended by 5 Fellow-Crafts, and each Fellow-Craft by 3 Apprentices, as if the Masters were sitting in pentagrams, and the Fellow-Craftsmen in triangles. This may refer to the number of manual signs in each of these degrees.

  The moral of the chapter is apparently that the mother-letter א is an inadequate solution of the Great Problem. א is identified with the Yoni, for all the symbols connected with it in this place are feminine, but א is also a number of Samadhi and mysticism, and the doctrine is therefore that Magick, in that highest sense explained in the Book of the Law, is the truer key.

  NOTE

  (23) L=30, O=70, V=6, E=5 = 111.

  (24) A=1, M=40, O=70 = 111.

  (25) The trowel is shaped like a diamond or Yoni. L=30, A=1, P=80 = 111.

  (26) N=50, I=10, N=50, A=1 = 111.

  55

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΝΕ

  THE DROOPING SUNFLOWER

  The One Thought vanished; all my mind was torn to rags: – nay! nay! my head was mashed into wood pulp, and thereon the Daily Newspaper was printed.

  Thus wrote I, since my One Love was torn from me. I cannot work: I cannot think: I seek distraction here: I seek distraction there: but this is all my truth, that I who love have lost; and how may I regain?

  I must have money to get to America.

  O Mage! Sage! Gauge thy Wage, or in the Page of Thine Age is written Rage!

  O my darling! We should not have spent Ninety Pounds in that Three Weeks in Paris!… Slash the Breaks on thine arm with a pole-axe!

  COMMENTARY (ΝΕ)

  The number 55 refers to Malkuth, the ride; it should then be read in connection with Chapters 28, 29, 49.

  The “drooping sunflower” is the heart, which needs the divine light.

  Since Jivatma was separated from Paramatma, as in paragraph 2, not only is the Divine Unity destroyed but Daath, instead of being the Child of Chokmah and Binah, becomes the Abyss, and the Qliphoth arise. The only sense which abides is that of loss, and the craving to retrieve it. In paragraph 3 it is seen that this is impossible, owing (paragraph 4) to his not having made proper arrangements to recover the original position previous to making the divisions.

  In paragraph 5 it is shown that this is because of allowing enjoyment to cause forgetfulness of the really important thing. Those who allow themselves to wallow in Samadhi are sorry for it afterwards.

  The last paragraph indicated the precautions to be taken to avoid this.

  The number 90 is the last paragraph is not merely fact, but symbolism; 90 being the number of Tzaddi, the Star, looked at in its exoteric sense, as a naked woman, playing by a stream, surrounded by birds and butterflies. The pole-axe is recommended instead of the usual razor, as a more vigorous weapon. One cannot be too severe in checking any faltering in the work, any digression from the Path.

  56

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ Νϝ

  Trouble with Twins

  Holy, holy, holy, unto Five Hundred and Fifty Five times holy be OUR LADY of the STARS!

  Holy, holy, holy, unto One Hundred and Fifty Six times holy be OUR LADY that rideth upon THE BEAST!

  Holy, holy, holy, unto the Number of Times Necessary and Appropriate be OUR LADY Isis in Her Millions-of-Names, All-Mother, Genetrix-Meretrix!

  Yet holier than all These to me is LAYLAH, night and death; for Her do I blaspheme alike the finite and the The Infinite.

  So wrote not FRATER PERDURABO, but the Imp Crowley in his Name.

  For forgery let him suffer Penal Servitude for Seven Years; or at least let him do Pranayama all the way home-home? nay! but to the house of the harlot whom he loveth not. For it is LAYLAH that he loveth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

  And yet who knoweth which is Crowley, and which is FRATER PERDURABO?

  COMMENTARY (Νϝ)

  The number of the chapter refers to Liber Legis I, 24, for paragraph 1 refers to Nuit. The “twins” in the title are those mentioned in paragraph 5.

  555 is HADIT, HAD spelt in full. 156 is BABALON.

  In paragraph 4 is the gist of the chapter, Laylah being again introduced, as in Chapters 28, 29, 49 and 55.

  The exoteric blasphemy, it is hinted in the last paragraph, may be an esoteric arcanum, for the Master of the Temple is interested in Malkuth, as Malkuth is in Binah; also “Malkuth is in Kether, and Kether in Malkuth”; and, to the Ipsissimus, dissolution in the body of Nuit and a visit to a brothel may be identical.

  57

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΝΖ

  The Duck-Billed Platypus

  Dirt is matter in the wrong place.

  Thought is mind in the wrong place.

  Matter is mind; so thought is dirt.

  Thus argued he, the Wise One, not mindful that all place is wrong.

  For not until the PLACE is perfected by a T saith he PLACET.

  The Rose uncrucified droppeth its petals; without the Rose the Cross is a dry stick.

  Worship then the Rosy Cross, and the Mystery of Two-in-One.

  And worship Him that swore by His holy T that One should not be One except in so far as it is Two.

  I am glad that LAYLAH is afar; no doubt clouds love.

  Commentary (NZ)

  The title of the chapter suggest the two in one, since the ornithorhynchus is both bird and beast; it is also an Australian animal, like Laylah herself, and was doubtless chosen for this reason.

  This chapter is an apology for the universe. Paragraphs 1–3 repeat the familiar arguments against reason in an epigrammatic form. Paragraph 4 alludes to Liber Legis I, 52; “place” implies space; denies homogeneity to space; but when “place” is perfected by “t” – as it were, Yoni by Lingam – we get the word “placet”, meaning “it pleases”.

  Paragraphs 6 and 7 explain this further; it is necessary to separate things, in order that they might rejoice in uniting. See Liber Legis I, 28-30, which is paraphrased in the penultimate paragraph.

  In the last paragraph this doctrine is interpreted in common life by a paraphrase of the familiar and beautiful proverb, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” (PS. I seem to get a subtle after-taste of bitterness.)

  (It is to be observed that the philosopher having first committed the syllogistic error quaternis terminorum, in attempting to reduce the terms to three, staggers into non distributia medii. It is possible that considerations with Sir Wm. Hamilton’s qualification [or quantification (?)] of the predicate may be taken as intervening, but to do so would render the humour of the chapter too subtle for the average reader in Oshkosh for whom this book is evidently w
ritten.)

  58

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΝΗ

  Haggai-Howlings

  Haggard am I, an hyena; I hunger and howl. Men think it laughter – ha! ha! ha!

  There is nothing movable or immovable under the firmament of heaven on which I may write the symbols of the secret of my soul.

  Yea, though I were lowered by ropes into the utmost Caverns and Vaults of Eternity, there is no word to express even the first whisper of the Initiator in mine ear: yea, I abhor birth, ululating lamentations of Night!

  Agony! Agony! the Light within me breeds veils; the song within be dumbness.

  God! in what prism may any man analyse my Light?

  Immortal are the adepts; and ye hey die – They die of SHAME unspeakable; They die as the Gods die, for SORROW.

  Wilt thou endure unto The End, O FRATER PERDURABO,

  O Lamp in The Abyss? Thou hast the Keystone of the Royal Arch; yet the Apprentices, instead of making bricks, put the straws in their hair, and think they are Jesus Christ!

  O sublime tragedy and comedy of THE GREAT WORK!

  COMMENTARY (ΝΗ)

  Haggai, a notorious Hebrew prophet, is a Second Officer in a Chapter of the Royal Arch Masons.

  In this chapter the author, in a sort of raging eloquence, bewails his impotence to express himself, or to induce others to follow into the light. In paragraph 1 he explains the sardonic laughter, for which he is justly celebrated, as being in reality the expression of this feeling.

  Paragraph 2 is a reference to the Obligation of an Entered Apprentice Mason.

  Paragraph 3 refers to the Ceremony of Exaltation in Royal Arch Masonry. The Initiate will be able to discover the most formidable secret of that degree concealed in the paragraph.

  Paragraphs 4–6 express an anguish to which that of Gethsemane and Golgotha must appear like whitlows. In paragraph 7 the agony is broken up by the sardonic or cynical laughter to which we have previously alluded.

  And the final paragraph, in the words of the noblest simplicity, praises the Great Work; rejoices in its sublimity, in the supreme Art, in the intensity of the passion and ecstasy which it brings forth. (Note that the words “passion” and “ecstasy” may be taken as symbolical of Yoni and Lingam.)

  59

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΝΘ

  The Tailless Monkey

  There is no help – but hotch pot! – in the skies

  When Astacus sees Crab and Lobster rise.

  Man that has spine, and hopes of heaven-to-be,

  Lacks the Amoeba’s immortality.

  What protoplasm gains in mobile mirth

  Is loss of the stability of earth.

  Matter and sense and mind have had their day:

  Nature presents the bill, and all must pay.

  If, as I am not, I were free to choose,

  How Buddhahood would battle with The Booze!

  My certainty that destiny is “good”

  Rests on its picking me for Buddhahood.

  Were I a drunkard, I should think I had

  Good evidence that fate was “bloody bad”.

  Commentary (NΘ)

  The title is a euphemism for homo sapiens.

  The crab and the lobster are higher types of crustacae than the crayfish.

  The chapter is a short essay in poetic form on Determinism. It hymns the great law of Equilibrium and Compensation, but cynically criticises all philosophers, hinting that their view of the universe depends on their own circumstances. The sufferer from toothache does not agree with Doctor Pangloss, that “all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds”. Nor does the wealthiest of our Dukes complain to his cronies that “Times is cruel ’ard”.

  60

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ Ξ

  The Wound of Amfortas27

  The Self-mastery of Percivale became the Self-masturbatery of the Bourgeois.

  Vir-tus has become “virture”.

  The qualities which have made a man, a race, a city, a caste, must be thrown off; death is the penalty of failure. As it is written: in the hour of success sacrifice that which is dearest to thee unto the Infernal Gods!

  The Englishman lives upon the excrement of his forefathers.

  All moral codes are worthless in themselves; yet in every new code there is hope. Provided always that the code is not changed because it is too hard, but because it is fulfilled.

  The dead dog floats with the stream; in puritan France the best women are harlots; in vicious England the best women are virgins.

  If only the Archbishop of Canterbury were to go make in the streets and beg his bread!

  The new Christ, like the old, it the friend of publicans and sinners; because his nature is ascetic.

  O if everyman did No Matter What, provided that it is the one thing that he will not and cannot do!

  Commentary (Ξ)

  The title is explained in the note. The number of the chapter may refer to the letter Samech (ס), Temperence, in the Tarot.

  In paragraph 1 the real chastity of Percivale or Parsifal, a chastity which did not prevent his dipping the point of the sacred lance into the Holy Grail, is distinguished from its misinterpretation by modern crapulence. The priests of the gods were carefully chosen, and carefully trained to fulfill the sacrament of fatherhood; the shame of sex consists in the usurpation of its function by the unworthy. Sex is a sacrament.

  The word virtus means “the quality of manhood”. Modern “virtue” is the negation of all such qualities.

  In paragraph 3, however, we see the penalty of conservatism; children must be weaned.

  In the penultimate paragraph the words “the new Christ” alluded to the author.

  In the last paragraph we reach the sublime mystic doctrine that whatever you have must be abandoned. Obviously, that which differentiates your consciousness from the absolute is part of the content of that consciousness.

  Note

  (27) Chapter so called because Amfortas was wounded by his own spear, the spear that had made him king.

  61

  ΚΕΦΑΛΗ ΞΑ

  The Fool’s Knot

  O Fool! begetter of both I and Naught, resolve this Naught-y Knot!

  O! Ay! this I and O – IO! – IAO! For I owe “I” aye to Nibbana’s Oe.28

  I Pay-Pé, the dissolution of the House of Godfor Pe comes after O – after Ayin that triumphs over Aleph in Ain, that is O.29

  OP-us, the Work! the OP-ening of THE EYE!30

  Thou Naughty Boy, thou openest THE EYE OF HORUS to the Blind Eye that weeps!31 The Upright One in thine Uprightness rejoiceth – Death to all Fishes!32

  Commentary (ΞΑ)

  The number of this chapter refers to the Hebrew word Ain, the negative and Ani, 61.

  The “fool” is the Fool of the Tarot, whose number is 0, but refers the the letter Aleph, 1.

  A fool’s knot is a kind of knot which, although it has the appearance of a knot, is not really a knot, but pulls out immediately.

  The chapter consists of a series of complicated puns on 1 and I, with regard to their shape, sound, and that of the figures which resemble them in shape.

  Paragraph 1 calls upon the Fool of the Tarot, who is to be referred to Ipsissimus, to the pure fool, Parsifal, to resolve this problem.

  The word Naught-y suggests not only that the problem is sexual, but does not really exist.

  Paragraph 2 shows the Lingam and Yoni as, in conjunction, the foundation of ecstasy (IO!), and of the complete symbol I A O.

  The latter sentence of the paragraph unites the two meanings of giving up the Lingam to the Yoni, and the Ego to the Absolute.

  This idea, “I must give up”, I owe, is naturally completed by I pay, and the sound of the word “pay” suggest the Hebrew letter Pe (see Liber XVI), which represents the final dissolution in Shivadarshana.

  In Hebrew,
the letter which follows O is P; i therefore follows Ayin, the Devil of the Tarot.

  AYIN is spelt O I N, thus replacing the A in A I N by an O, the letter of the Devil, or Pan, the phallic God.

  Now AIN means nothing, and thus the replacing of AIN by OIN means the completion of the Yoni by the Lingam, which is followed by the complete dissolution symbolised in the letter P.

  These letters, O P, are then seen to be the root of opus, the Latin word for “work”, in this case, the Great Work. And they also begin the word “opening”. In Hindu philosophy, it is said that Shiva, the Destroyer, is asleep, and that when he opens his eye the universe is destroyed – another synonym, therefore, for the accomplishment of the Great Work. But the “eye” of Shiva is also his Lingam. Shiva is himself the Mahalingam, which unites these symbolisms. The opening of the eye, the ejaculation of the lingam, the destruction of the universe, the accomplishment of the Great Work – all these are different ways of saying the same thing.

  The last paragraph is even obscurer to those unfamiliar to the masterpiece referred to in the note; for the eye of Horus (see 777, Col. XXI, line 10, “the blind eye that weeps” is a poetic Arab name for the lingam).

  The doctrine is that the Great Work should be accomplished without creating new Karma, for the letter N, the fish, the vesica, the womb, breeds, whereas the Eye of Horus does not; or, if it does so, breeds, according to Turkish tradition, a Messiah.

  Death implies resurrection; the illusion is reborn, as the Scythe of Death in the Tarot has a crosspiece. This is in connection with the Hindu doctrine, expressed in their injunction, “Fry your seeds”. Act so as to balance your past Karma, and create no new, so that, as it were, the books are balanced. While you have either a credit or a debit, you are still in account with the universe.

 

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