by West, T J
“Sounds good. I’ll slice us up some peach pie, you go get cleaned up.”
The next day we went out and shopped for a Christmas tree, had some egg nog, played some holiday tunes and decorated the tree. Once we were done with the tree we watched Ellen and the debut of our band. Good fucking God I still cannot believe we were on that stage, and on that show. My mom was squeezing my hand and squealing like a teenager she was so ecstatic over it. It was a great show and I’ll never forget it. After the show was over I spoke with the guys and Lyric. They too were over the moon with elation. Lyric told me the local news stations wanted to do some interviews with me since I was home for the holidays, but she kindly turned them down. I was not home to do any shows. Then, later on in the week I helped put up the lights outside on the house and went for a secret trip to the mall to buy my mom a gift. She is always telling me not to buy her anything, yet I always do. I cannot have her wake up on Christmas morning with nothing to open. I hope by this time next year she’ll be waking up in a brand new house in a better neighborhood. Maybe I can convince her to move to San Diego to be near me? I really don’t know what’s holding her here besides her job.
While shopping, I come upon several jewelry stores. I look inside the windows and gaze at the shiny and bright diamond rings. My head slips into thinking about marriage and having a family. The only person I can think of spending the rest of my life with is Harmony. In such a short amount of time I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Why I feel such a strong connection with her is beyond me. She won’t let me talk to her, see her, or get close to her. Yet I still want to be with her. My eyes move away from the rings and land on a bracelet; single lined, diamond music notes that connect into a perfect piece of jewelry. It’s fucking beautiful and it reminds me of Harmony. There is no question. I have to buy it. Once I get my gifts I notice a few people are starting to recognize me, so I hurry the hell up and get home.
Christmas morning started out with Mom cooking up my favorite breakfast of cinnamon-French toast, eggs and bacon. I scarfed the food down and was ready to open presents. Mom gave me my yearly stock of underwear, socks, and t-shirts; a bottle of cologne, a stack of new bath towels, and a few dvd movies. I got her a pair of heart shaped, gold earrings, which she immediately put on, and a couple of scarves. She has an obsession with scarves, layering them with her blouses and t-shirts. Once we were finished with the presents I played some songs on the piano. Mom purchased an old baby grand piano when I was learning how to play as a young kid. She urged me to always practice and to fill our house with music. It’s been awhile since I’ve played, so getting my hands on the keys again excited me. Once I settle myself in my new apartment, I am definitely going to get myself a piano. My life is not complete unless I have music in it.
Presents have been opened, an early dinner has been eaten and the soft music in the background is playing as Mom and I lounge around. She’s resting with her eyes closed in her big comfy chair and her legs propped up on the matching ottoman while I lay on the couch, contemplating all the changes that have been happening in my life. Everything is finally falling into place, except for one thing - Harmony. She is always on my mind, and the fact that we haven’t communicated in nearly two weeks is killing me. I think about that music note bracelet, imagining giving it to her; she would hug me fiercely and then she would kiss me. After that I would put the bracelet on her delicate wrist and then demand her to get naked. I’d want her to lie down on my new king-sized bed and ravish her body until she came multiple times.
I snap out of my day dream and adjust the front of my jeans; I gave myself a hard-on. I hear a ping from my phone. Sweet fuck, there must be a God - Harmony sent me a text.
“Merry Xmas” Damn. Just from that one text puts a huge grin on my face.
I immediately text back. “Merry Christmas. I’ve been worried about u, plus I miss talking and you listening.” I do. I really do miss talking with her. She has helped me open up like I never thought I would have. She doesn’t respond right away and it’s driving me a bit crazy. I want to call her and hear her voice.
A minute later I receive another text. “I miss u talking & me listening 2. I am so sorry I’ve been avoiding u. I’m ok. But I’m ready 2 talk this time, while u do the listening.” She has no idea how fucking happy she just made me. I text her back and inform her I’ll be coming home in a couple days and she responds back with a smiley face. I should send a selfie. Yeah, why not? I send her a goofy selfie of myself, crossing my eyes and sticking out my tongue. She writes back, “Hahahaha. U big dork. See u soon.” See you soon - you bet your beautiful face I’ll see you soon.
As much as I have loved spending time with my mom, I really want to get home and see Harmony. I’m itching to have her in my arms again….that is if she’ll allow me to. I have no idea what is going on with her and Wayne, but I hope she’s ended things with him. I haven’t contacted Wayne my whole time back in Arizona. Maybe I should? I’ll just wait to talk with him once I’m back home, and I’ve had a chance to see Harmony.
Searching through my duffel bag I come across the letter and will. I hadn’t intended to wait this long to show my mom the letters. Honestly I’d forgotten about them. Although I don’t want to ruin my last day with her, I need her to see them.
My mom just finished cleaning the dinner dishes when I come back into the kitchen. I tell her I have something to talk to her about. She grabs a couple mugs and fill them with coffee. We head into the living room and take a seat on the couch. “I’m sorry I waited until after Christmas to show you these.” Her brows furrow as I hand the letters over to her. “I haven’t opened them. Not sure that I can.” I lean on my knees and hold my mug in between. My moms face becomes a bit pale. She places her coffee on the end table and rubs the envelopes like they’re a special gift. Yet she looks upset. “What’s wrong?”
Her voice hitches. “He left you something? Gordon put you in his will?” She’s just as surprised as I was when I had found out.
“I was surprised too,” I shrug.
She discards the will onto the coffee table and looks at the envelope that has the letter inside. She looks super worried. I am waiting for her to say something, she’s very quiet over this. “Daniel…...I have something to tell you.” She looks over at me with tears forming in her eyes. What the hell is wrong?
I get rid of the mug in my hand and place it next to the will. “Mom…..what?” My brows furrow. I am completely confused and getting worried that something is not right. She’s hiding something from me, I can feel it and I can see it in her eyes.
“I have a feeling whatever is in this letter…..it’s something I’ve kept from you since the day your dad had left,” her voice chokes at the end.
What is she talking about? Why can’t she just come out and tell me? I make her jump when I shout, “Will you please tell me!”
The tears leak from the corner of her eyes when she admits her deepest, darkest secret. “I was your father’s mistress.”
I AM SO TAKEN ABACK by this statement, it feels as if the wind has been knocked out of me. I really hope I didn’t hear what I thought I had just heard. “What did you say?” Shaking my head to clear the confusion.
My mother is wringing her fingers together, obviously scared about my reaction. “I was the one who was having an affair with your father. We were never married.” Is this for real? Fuck! I didn’t want her confession to be anything like this. I can’t sit here and listen to this shit! I stand up from the couch and start pacing the living room. “Oh Daniel...I am so sorry,” she pleads with me.
“Why in the hell would you lie to me?” I shout at her.
Mom stands up as well and shouts back, “To protect you!”
“From what!” I throw my hands up. “From your own guilty conscience and to make me hate my own sister!”
“Now you listen to me, Daniel!” She moves up in my face, while I look down into hers. She is clearly angry at my sudden outburst. “That was your own doing.
I told you years ago she wasn’t at fault, but you had it stuck in your head she was to blame. A child for Christ sake! You chose to be angry, to take your anger out on things that were out of your control, even though I told you over and over again it wasn’t her fault. If there is anyone to blame, it is me,” she points to her chest.
She’s right. I blamed an innocent kid and that’s on me, but I can’t even think straight right now, I’m so pissed off. “He was to blame too!”
“Yes, he was,” she says matter-of-factly.
I start pacing again, outraged with this crazy ass news. Learning that my mother had an affair with a married man sickens me. Yet why didn’t my dad just leave his wife, to be with my mom instead? Obviously they meant something to each other. “So, what happened? Why did he leave us? Why didn’t he just stay with us?”
“Because his other family came first, so I told him to leave and never come back; to leave us alone.”
“You what?” I spin around and scowl. This story just keeps getting more demented by the second. “You told him he couldn’t be in my life? To let me believe he didn’t love me?”
She takes a step toward me. “I thought my love would have been enough!”
“You thought wrong, Mom!” The house echoes with my shouting, I bet the whole neighborhood can hear me. “Goddamn, I can’t believe this! What else are you hiding from me, huh?!”
“Do not disrespect me, Daniel Jay Montgomery!” I haven’t heard her say my whole name since I was a child. To hear her say it again makes me cringe, and she can see it on my face. She knows how much I despise the Montgomery name. “I am still your mother, so don’t you dare speak to me as if I am the bad guy,” her voice cracks and her eyes tear up. “I put my heart and soul into raising you. I have loved you from the moment you were born. I don’t regret anything and will never regret keeping you away from that man! He was becoming ruthless and greedy. I couldn’t be with someone like that. Furthermore, my si - Faith’s mother needed him more than I needed him. Plus they were married.” I hear everything she has mentioned; Faith, and even Lucky told me how horrible Gordon was, but I didn’t want to believe it. Yet there is something else - my mom stumbled upon a word. “I didn’t want you growing up having people talk about you like you were a bastard. It would have ruined your life. I wanted to protect you.”
My fists are clenched and my jaw has tightened. Even though I heard the word bastard come out of my mother's mouth, all I can focus on right now is that one slip-up. “Go back,” my voice barely above a whisper.
“Go back where?”
“Go back to the part where you were going to say that Faith’s mom is your sister.”
She gasps, and brings her hands up to her mouth, shaking her head. “Oh, Daniel.”
I have never been so angry at my mother before, so disappointed, it fucking hurts. “Guess that’s my answer,” I quickly walk past her and go straight to my room to pack up my bag. I can’t stay here anymore.
She comes after me. “Where are you going!”
I can’t even look at her right now. I have nothing left inside me to argue, I just want to get out of here. “Home,” I answer in a tone meaning - I’m done. I’ve been lied to my entire life and I am simply done; tired.
My mom tried to get me to stay, but she knew she was in a losing battle. I love her so much, and would do anything for her, however I needed time to think, to understand why she thought it was in my best interest to lie to me. Why would she think it was okay for me not to have my father in my life, even if he was an asshole?
I waited outside until a cab came to pick me up. I sent Lucky a text to let him know I was on my way home and that I was coming straight over to the hotel after I landed. I think it was time to talk this out with Faith and Helene.
As I was sitting on the plane I had just realized I had forgotten the will and letter back at my moms house. It was on the coffee table, still untouched. Probably for the best anyways, I didn’t have the urge to open them anytime soon.
I don’t know why it’s so damn hard for me to think about what’s inside those envelopes. I know that deep down I want to see how my dad actually felt about me. What words did he choose to say, his dying words? Did he want me? Or would he explain things to me? His words may be the missing piece of the puzzle that I have always felt inside my heart. There is a void that I cannot fill unless I know exactly what I meant to him. When things have cooled down between myself and my mom I’ll have her send them to me.
I look around the hotel lobby, searching for Harmony as I go toward the elevator. She’s a constant image in my head, and I was hoping she would be here when I showed up, but I didn’t see any sign of her. With a feeling of disappointment I push the elevator button and wait for it to come to ground level.
Once I make it to the suite I hesitate before I knock. I have to remember that Faith wasn’t at fault for how my life turned out. For so long I have hated her, I couldn’t stand the sight of her, but now…..now I am going to see her in a whole different light. Not just as my sister, but cousin as well. Here I grew up with no siblings, cousins - nothing - and now I have both, yet all in one person. I really don’t know how to cope with this. It’s so fucked up.
I blow out a breath and keep my head down as I knock, then step back and stuff my hands inside my jacket until someone opens the door. I’m a little nervous, considering I was such a jackass the last time I stepped foot inside the suite. Come to think of it, I’ve always been a jackass.
Lucky opens the door and pulls me in for a half hug. “Glad to have you home, Danny-boy.”
Then we fist bump. “Good to be back.”
I step inside the suite and on my right is June and Phillip. “Danny, hi!” She invites herself in for a hug and squeezes me. She smells really good, like strawberries or something.
“Hey, June.” I hug her back, then pull away to stick out my hand. “Phillip.”
He takes my hand and shakes it. “Danny.”
June gathers Phillip’s hand into her own and they walk away into the kitchen, drinking the rest of their wine, from the looks of it.
Faith comes into my view and has a slight smile on her face. She has always been nice to me and tried everything to get along with me, but I never gave her the chance. Maybe now I can make things right. I hope. “Faith.” I give her a small chin lift and pierce my lips together, feeling a bit out of place.
“Hi.” She’s standing next to her dining table, holding onto the back of one of the dining chairs. “How was your Christmas?” She apprehensively asks me. I seem to make her nervous; she doesn’t know if I’m going to blow up at her or not. I pretty much hate myself for making her feel that way.
I shrug. “It was fine...good.” It was fine until my mom dropped the bomb on my visit. I clear my throat and stuff my hands back inside my coat pockets. “Um...I need to talk to you and your mom.”
Her brows furrow with confusion, she blinks. “Uh...sure. I’ll go call her.” She reaches for her cell on the table.
Lucky pats my shoulder and crooks his head to the left; gesturing us to talk in a different area of the room. We walk near the window that leads out onto the balcony and overlooks apartment buildings and other hotels. “So, what’s up?” He asks, crossing his arms.
I blow out a breath and swipe a hand through my hair. “Fuck, man….a lot. Found out some stuff about my dad and my mom.” I look over my shoulder, making sure no one is nearby overhearing me. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” I crook my head to the right.
He nods his head and agrees. “Yeah, I hear ya.”
“So, uh...how you getting along with…” He knows who I’m talking about. Phillip. Lucky didn’t exactly like the guy. Before our tour, Phillip found out about Lucky getting together with Faith on the night of our big signing party at the studio. Phillip and Faith were dating at the time. When he discovered that Faith hadn’t been faithful to him, he went and slept with June and got her knocked up. Even though he messed up as well, he tried
to pick a fight with Lucky, blaming him for ruining things for him and Faith. Long story short, Phillip and June fell in love. Now Lucky and Phillip are forced to be in each others presence no matter how much they didn’t enjoy being around one another.
“Still not my favorite guy, but what am I supposed to do?” He shrugs. “Our women are best friends. I have to tolerate the douche.” We both silently laugh. I have to agree, although Phillip isn’t all that bad. He’s not as uptight as he was when I had first met him. He’s a bit more relaxed, and now has a bit of ink on his skin. I guess June has made Phillip turn a one-eighty.
Both Lucky and I turn once Helene makes her entrance be known. She’s fixing her hair and seems out of breath. Faith goes up to her. “Mom, you okay? You look flushed and sounded winded on the phone.”
“I have never been better!” She exclaims with a smile.
June says hi to Helene then hugs Faith. “I think we’re going to leave,” she says quietly.
“Sorry,” Faith answers back. I see her nodding her head and whispering something else to June, but I can’t hear what it is. I’m sure it has to do with me and my sudden visit. After saying goodbye Faith asks, “So, what’s this about?” She has her arms crossed and sits with her mother on the couch. Lucky and I sit in opposite chairs across from them.
Well, here goes nothing. I lean upon my knees and lace my fingers together. My right leg is bouncing; this is the last thing I want to discuss. “I visited with my mother and she told me some shocking information.” My eyes cut over to Helene and I can see she knows exactly what I’m going to say. “She said she was the one who had the affair with Gordon.”
Faith blinks a couple times and furrows her brows, trying to comprehend the news. She turns to Helene. “Mom, is this true?”