by West, T J
Helene doesn’t hide the truth any longer. Her back straightens as she gather her fingers together and turns to Faith. “Yes,” her voice cracks under pressure.
I hear Lucky whisper, “Fuck.” I glance at him; he’s just shaking his head out of bewilderment.
I continue, “That’s not all. She said - “ There is a knock at the door which leads to me being cut off. I just want to get this over and done with!
“I’ll get it, babe,” Lucky insists.
I sit back against the chair and rest my leg onto my knee as it still bounces. Myself, Faith and Helene sit in silence until we overhear Lucky say my mother’s name. My mother? She’s here? What the hell for?
She walks right past Lucky, who by the way is shaking his head again and closes the door behind him. Helene suddenly stands up. I do as well, along with Faith. “Lucy?” Helene asks in shock.
“Hello, Helene,” my mom answers back, shyly.
I walk around the chairs and over to my mom. “Mom, what are you doing here?” She ignores me and walks slowly over to Helene.
“Mom? What’s going on?” Faith touches Helene’s shoulder and glances at my mom.
I can see it’s hard for Helene to put her words together. She clears her throat and whispers. “Faith….this is my sister, Lucy.”
“What?” Faith breathes out.
“Nice to meet you, Faith,” my mother says with a small grin.
Faith doesn’t get the chance to say anything because Helene interjects. “It’s been such a long time.”
My mom holds onto the strap of her purse for dear life and nods her head. “Yes, it has.”
We all stand and watch these two women reunite; the room becomes silent and quite stuffy with the feelings of hurt, sadness, and grief. I don’t understand why she picked this time to come face to face with her sister - the one who she betrayed - after all these years. “Mom,” I mutter.
She whips her head to look at me. The disappointment in her eyes throws me off. “It’s time to let things go, Daniel,” she snaps back at me. “I have to make amends, to ask for my sister’s forgiveness.” I keep my mouth shut and back away.
“Lucy -” Helene begins, but Faith cuts in.
“Would you both like to go some place more private?”
“No,” my mom quickly says.
“Then, please, have a seat.” She gestures the two women to sit down. Faith and I look at one another for a brief second before she sits down with them. I stay standing near the chairs and cross my arms. I’m not so sure how long I can last being here. I want to be angry at my mother right now, yet the look in Helene’s eyes shows me how happy she is that her sister is here; she’s smiling. I am so fucking confused right now.
Helene and my mom sit side by side, examining each other after so many years. “You look wonderful. Always so lovely,” Helene mentions, softly.
“You do too.” Her voice cracks, “Helene, I -”
Helene places her hand on top of my moms hand, squeezing it lightly. “What happened all those years ago...it’s in the past.”
She shakes her head. “You shouldn’t be so easy on me. What I did was a horrible, horrible thing,” her voice fades.
Helene takes a deep breath. “I...I was not in a good place back then, you know that. You know my history.”
What history? What is she talking about?
“Doesn’t make what I did to you any better.”
“No, but look what you got out of it,” Helene looks up at me and smiles. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. “….Daniel.” She lifts my mother’s chin up and sternly states, “You have suffered enough and so has he.”
“I’ve missed you terribly,” my mother breaks down, crying.
Helene pulls her in and lets my mom rest her head on her shoulder. She too, starts to cry as she smooths down my moms hair, soothing her. “And I have missed you. We have wasted too many years not being a family.”
This is all too much for me. How Helene can be so forgiving for her sisters mishaps, is beyond me. Without a word I walk out the door and into the hallway.
Lucky follows me. “Hey, where you going?”
I shrug. “I don’t know, man but it isn’t here. I’m not ready for a family reunion. I’m just not.”
Suddenly the door opens with Faith rushing out. “Danny, please don’t go,” she pleads with me.
I almost consider staying for her sake, but I just need more time. “We’ll talk later, Faith.”
Lucky wraps an arm around her shoulders, allowing her to lean into him. “Okay,” she says with a nod.
“Look,” I blow out a breath. “...I haven’t been the most forgiving or accepting person to be around, but uh….I’m really sorry about what I put you through. You didn’t deserve it.” Shit, I thought hell would freeze over. I never thought I’d ever apologize. And from the look in Faith’s eyes, tells me she was thinking the exact same thing.
A small tear escapes from the corner of her eyes when she whispers, “Thank you.”
I don’t have anything left to say, so I turn on my heal and hit the down button on the elevator. “Later, bro,” Lucky calls out.
“Later,” I reply back and step inside the elevator. As soon as the doors close I get out my phone and immediately text Harmony.
“I need to see u. What is ur address?”
I wait a few moments hoping she’ll respond. She doesn’t answer back until I reach the bottom of the hotel.
“Maybe we should meet up for coffee in the morning instead.”
No. Fuck no. I scowl at her response. She’s only doing this because she knows I need her more than just talking. “Harmony, please. I need to see u. Tonight.” I am almost outside the hotel when she finally gives me her address. I grin, turn back around and have the front desk call me a cab.
I HAVE AVOIDED DANNY LIKE he was the plague. I couldn’t show my face to him after those damn paparazzi threw my trash out into the open like that. How could they do that to me? They humiliated me in front of the man I am falling in love with! I am now going to be known as JINKS’ groupie slut if I keep myself involved with them. It wouldn’t be fair for the band to get that kind of publicity. Plus Wayne and I were still keeping up with our fraudulent relationship, making it worse. I told him I was done playing this stupid game. It had to end, especially since my dancing history was now a public tabloid. Unfortunately the farce continued and I ignored anything that had to do with Danny Jay.
For weeks he texted and called me. I erased every single message. I cried almost every night because I knew he wanted me to tell him about my past. I have never told a single soul about my dancing - stripping; no one needed to know. I never even put it down on my application when I applied at the hotel. I couldn’t have that as a job reference. Oh, my God, no way! I would never have been hired and I don’t think Faith would have respected me as much. Although Faith and I did talk about what happened with the paparazzi. She saw the small tabloid with me and Danny, but didn’t judge me. I opened up to her about my past. I was so relieved with how supportive she was over this whole thing; she promised me things would be okay. If only I could believe that. I wanted to keep my stripping past buried.
The night before JINKS went on the Ellen Degeneres show Wayne picked me up to have dinner at Faith’s. He walked inside my apartment with a nice purple bruise on his face. When he mentioned Danny giving him that shiner I was mortified and demanded we end our ‘relationship,’ right then and there, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He knew that Danny was going to punch him and he was ready for it. He said it was exactly what was supposed to happen. Was Wayne out of his ever loving mind? He said it’s part of the plan and things were happening the way they should be. I could not agree anymore. This stupid plan that I have gone along with was not worth hurting Danny over. I made a promise to myself that when I was ready to face Danny again, I would tell him everything.
Even though I knew Danny went to Arizona for the holidays I still avoided his messages. I shouldn’t have b
een so distant from him. I knew I was hurting him and possibly undoing all the progress we had made. I didn’t know how to get back to where we left off. I didn’t know what to say to him. When my sister left a couple days before Christmas, that’s when I felt the isolation. I needed someone to be with me, to talk with me, and Danny was that person; he was my person.
Like always, I spent Christmas day alone. Faith wanted me over for Christmas dinner, but I told her I was sick and shouldn’t be around anyone. I hated fibbing to my friend, but losing my parents on this holiday has made me not a big fan of celebration. I mourn them every single day, and much more when Christmas comes around. Melody leaves me every year and mourns in her own way. It’s really sad that we can’t comfort each other, but I have never judged her over it.
After weeks of putting off Danny I finally texted him, wishing him a Merry Christmas. I started to cry when he wrote back that he had missed talking, and me listening. I missed all of that too. In just a short amount of time that we had spent together, I loved every single thing we ever talked about. He was opening up to me and I wanted to do the same for him. I wanted to tell him about my parents, my stripping - my life. I was ready to take that next step.
After watching JINKS on the Ellen show I knew life for Danny was going to take on a whole new level. If the paparazzi were bad then, they were going to be even worse now. I’m not so sure I was up to exposing myself to them by being a part of Danny’s life. I will be the laughing stock of the music world and I don’t think I could handle that. I knew I was being selfish. I’ve been selfish since the second Danny stepped off that tour bus - and I into Wayne’s arms.
The press was all over the hotel like bees on honey. It was really hard for me to come into work every day. Faith did everything possible to get rid of them, but they kept coming around. So a couple days after the Ellen show Faith told me to stay home until things died down; she would pay me for the missing days because the whole fiasco was not my fault. I really wanted to work. I did not want to be left alone in an empty apartment with just me and a bunch of books I hadn’t read. I missed my sister. I wanted her home, but she texted me saying she was going to be another week before she came back. Even though Wayne and I had our differences, he was too busy to hang out with me. He was doing interviews and guest appearances with the band - minus Danny. I missed the big dope.
I was watching another Friends episode on Netflix when Danny sent me a text. He needed to see me. Now. This minute. This instant. I was terrified. After so many weeks of not seeing him I was afraid. I was afraid of telling him about my past, about Wayne’s plan, it would change everything between us. Danny wouldn’t take no for an answer. Having coffee the next morning was out of the question, so I broke down and gave him my address. Plus….I’ve missed him and needed to be near him again.
I hurried to straighten up my apartment; got rid of empty candy wrappers, picked up scattered popcorn kernels off the ground, put away the dirty cups that plastered the coffee table and fluffed up my sofa cushions. I really make a huge mess when I am alone.
After making the place look a bit more presentable, I plant myself back on the sofa and watch more Friends. I am such a nervous wreck that I bite my new acrylic nails. Even watching the “I was on a break!” episode of Ross and Rachel won’t hold my attention. I wonder what’s taking so long - shit, he’s here! Hurriedly I flip the TV off and take a deep breath. It’s just Danny, no big deal. Yeah right...no biggie, my ass.
The second I open my door I am at a loss of words. Wow, he looks really really….hot. His once over-gelled fohawk, is now a glorious disheveled mess. His stubble is more than just a day without shaving; it’s dark, scruffy and my fingers itch to play in it. My eyes wander over his appearance for a minute before I let him inside. He’s wearing a black jacket that has the band's name embroidered on the front right pocket; his hands are stuffed inside the jacket as he takes a look around my living room.
“Nice place,” he slowly mentions.
“Thanks.” I don’t know what to do with myself. I wipe the palms of my hands on my yoga pants and try to be cordial; friendly. “Do you want something to drink?” I offer.
Suddenly the room temperature increases when he turns around to face me. “I didn’t come here for a drink, Harmony.” The tone in his voice tells me I need to shut the hell up and to come clean with him. Yet his eyes glance their way up and down my body. He makes me extremely squeamish. I feel vulnerable. What he does to me, he has no idea.
I chuckle, nervously and tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “Yeah. I guess I have some explaining to do.” I’m not sure if we should sit or stand, so I walk past him and lean my back against the kitchen island and cross my arms over my chest. I look down at my feet. “I shouldn’t have ignored you. It’s just….I’m so ashamed of my past - “ I suddenly gasp.
He has me caged in. Both hands are on either side of me, holding onto the edge of the island. His eyes are now level with my own. He looks at me with a fire that I have never seen before. I gulp from his sudden nearness. “I don’t give a fuck about what you did. There is nothing to be ashamed of,” he argues.
If only I can agree with him. “But….I don’t want it to affect the band. It’s bad publicity,” I firmly argue back.
“Again, I don’t give a fuck and I’m not just talking about myself. The band doesn’t care about that shit.” He gently brings his right palm up to my face. I naturally lean into it. “So don’t worry about it,” he calmly reassures me.
Unfortunately I can’t be reassured and I get extremely upset. “But I do, Danny!” I raise my voice, and push him out of my way. I walk toward the entrance of my bedroom and face him with a glare. He just doesn’t understand. “It’s my life, don’t you see that? I don’t want my life exploited all over the place where people will see me as joke or worse….a whore.”
“You are not a fucking whore!” He shouts back. I wince from the sudden rise in his voice and my body stiffens. He urgently stomps over to me, and in a not so gentle way, grabs onto my hips and forces our chests to impact with a thump. The sudden jolt makes me suck in a breath. “Don’t ever talk about yourself like that,” he scolds me in a very low gruff tone. The scowl he carries on his face and the darkness that seeps in the middle of his pupils, breaks me. I should be terrified of this man, the way his temperament changes from hot to hotter. I grab onto his forceps and close my eyes. I bow my forehead onto his chest and release a long overdue breath. He immediately wraps his arms around my body while I let out a small cry that has been waiting just for him. I don’t like to look weak, but the warmth I feel from his embrace melts my hardened exterior.
After several minutes of silence I lead him over to my bed; I have us sit on the edge of it and finally tell him why I stepped into that world. The tears slowly leaked from my eyes as I explained the reasons for my dancing, why I felt compelled to strip as my only income option.
When I had finished Danny picked up my right hand and began gently rubbing my knuckles. “You did what you thought was right, end of story.” He’s defending my actions, and I knew deep down he would react this way.
I wipe my eyes and blot my cheeks with my hand and chuckle without any humor. “It will never end for me,” I shake my head. “As long as I’m involved with you or Wayne or have anything to do with JINKS, I’ll always be known as the town wh -” I am jerked by his hands on my arms.
He cuts me off again and shouts, “Fucking stop!” He takes my face into his hands and rigidly repeats, “Just. Stop.” I felt the words on my lips. They are powerful and insanely eye opening.
We attentively focus on each other until I am no longer willing to hold back. He accepts my past and will never hold it against me. I never thought I would find someone who would still look at me with respect and yearning after what I did. I can see it and feel it his eyes - they are inviting me into his soul. Good Lord, I have fallen madly in love with him.
Once the realization hits me I finally take control. I allow mysel
f to kiss him with urgency. My hands instantly move along to the sides of his face and my nails lightly scratch the surface of his overgrown scruff. Danny releases a deep growl inside his throat, I can feel the vibration in my chest. He grasps onto my back, and pulls me forward. I arch into him as our tongues gradually move around the other, taking our time, yet the motion is deep and very heavy. I am so ready for this. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this man and I am willing to give him my entire existence. I abruptly withdraw our mouths causing us both to suck in a deep breath from the release. Without saying a word I get up from the bed and stand right in front of him. His chest is heaving, rising up and down from each breath as he watches me discard my clothing. It’s not difficult to notice the beautiful bulge that protrudes from his crotch. My panties are now soaked from this discovery. I bite down on my bottom lip as I pull down my pants and lift my tank over my head; I am left with nothing on except my white shimmery panties and matching bra. My breath is literally taken away from me when Danny roughly slams our bodies together, leading us onto the bed with me straddling him. I can now feel that bulge I so desperately want inside me, my clit tingles from the pressure. All the talking and all the listening we have ever done is now clear out the window. This is it. This is the man my body has been waiting for.
As Danny grabs onto the cheeks of my ass and before I bend down to kiss him again he hoarsely asks, “What about Wayne?”
I am panting and desperate to forget he ever said his name. “I don’t care,” I answer out of breath. I plant my hands on the front of his jacket and bend down to meet his lips. I kiss him softly. “I have only wanted you,” I admit in a whisper, then add, “Only you.” And that is when Danny’s eyes turn into something else; darker. I am now his prey. He is hungry and greedy for me, and there is no turning back. As much as I am scared out of my mind for the unknown, my body screams for it. I want to be filled with Danny. I ache so badly in between my legs for him that my arousal has begun to seep through my panties.