by West, T J
“Harmony, what the hell are you doing? We’re over!” he shouts. I don’t answer him. Instead I move my nails down his back, wiggle my body down, closer to the top of his crotch and squeeze his ass. “Fuuuck, me,” I hear him moan. I am so in the moment of this song, it’s so hot. I can’t help but turn around, bend over so my ass slams into his cock; my already shortened dress slides up higher above my thighs - it’s a show just for him. “Harmony, no -” I whip myself around, bring my hands into my hair, lift it up from my shoulders and bite my lip. I keep my eyes on his as I continue to dance for him. I have never felt so sexy. Not once, while I was a stripper, had I felt this powerful and beautiful. Danny brings out the sex in me. He has no idea how much he turns me on. “Don’t play games with me,” he shouts.
I palm the sides of his face and bring his ear to my mouth. “I was a virgin before you, how is that playing games?” I say, reminding him. “My body belongs with yours, Danny,” I breathe into his ear. I then, look him straight into his eyes; we are so close, our lips could touch. “You know that I am right.” He intently looks at me, brows drawn together, I can feel his heart beat against my chest. Without warning, he slams his lips onto mine. I lose my breath and begin to moan in his mouth. Our tongues collide against the other. He crushes my body harder into his, grabbing my ass. I tightly keep my hold onto his face and relish the feeling. I am in heaven. He’s rough, passionate, on fire and is angry - all in this one kiss. He bites my bottom lip, sucks my tongue and takes me over the edge. I need him….NOW. Just as the lyric, “Fuck you like an animal,” plays from the song, I remember I have a key to a room upstairs.
I break our kiss, then drag him out of the banquet room and swiftly take him to the elevator. The energy between is over the top, electrifying, my panties are already beginning to feel wet. I know he’s feeling the exact same thing. When we get inside the elevator, Danny pushes me up against the wall and continues to kiss me, feels me up by sliding his fingers inside my panties. He pumps my inner sex while he takes control of both my wrists by dragging them up above my head. I am now vulnerable. Yet this is exactly what I want, I need him to want me. I also need to wrap my legs around his body so I can move with the motion of his fingers, but he won’t let me have the chance. He’s taking his frustrations out on me, by finger fucking me, kissing my neck, biting the sensitive spot behind my ear. I almost squeal - I am exploding with chills.
The elevator suddenly stops and Danny does too. We walk at a fast pace toward the room. I dig out the key and slide it inside the slot. Before I can even throw my purse down, Danny takes it from me and drops it onto the ground and proceeds to have his way with me.
He turns me around so I am facing the bed. My breathing escalates. I want him so bad. He pulls the side of my hair away from my ear and whispers behind me, huskily, “You want me to fuck you? Is that what you want?” I notice the tension in his voice; he’s clenching his jaw, I find it so very sexy. He wants me to be scared of him, yet he’s doing the exact opposite. I am hungry for his attention and begging for my body to be filled with his.
“Yes, please,” my voice hitches as I plead.
“I won’t go easy on you,” he warns me.
I shake my head. “I don’t want you to.”
And just like that, he slides my zipper down from the back of my dress. He roughly pulls the fabric off my body; I kick the dress away when it hits the bottom of my heels. My thong underwear is ripped away in a flash, my inner thigh stings. Danny’s hands cup my bare breasts from behind me and tells me to lay flat on the bed. He’s not gentle, nor is he nice about this. He is definitely not the Danny who made love to me on our first night together. This Danny is ungracious, rigid, controlling and dominate - a side of him I have never seen or felt before. Even though I should be terrified of what he’s going to do, I am excited. I want it rough. I want to feel his anger, that power he as been wanting to release on me. I want to take this ride along with him and be fucked.
As I am breathing heavily and keeping my head to the side, I hear him undo his belt, and unzip his jeans. I hear everything fall to the ground, then a rip to a condom wrapper. If only I could see him slide the condom on his dick. My mouth waters just from my imagining it. “Get on your hands and knees and be ready to explode around my cock,” he roughly orders me. Good Lord, I have never been more ready!
I am looking down at my hands and they’re shaking - this is such an awkward position, yet I couldn’t be more excited. He needs to hurry it up! Just as if he read my mind I feel the tip of his tongue glide along the humps of my ass, up the curve of my spine; he kisses and bites, I get goosebumps again. I feel the ball of his smooth cock at my entrance, then in one hard, heart stopping push he’s inside me. I lose my breath and I scream. I scream not from it hurting, but from how unbelievably satisfying it is. My body has needed his to make me feel whole again. Even though I have only had sex with him one time, a piece of me has been missing. I am in heaven.
I am brought down onto my forearms as Danny begins to pick up his pace. His hands are on the sides of my hips as he pushes deeper and deeper. He grunts with each push. “You’ve torn me to shreds!” he expresses with both pain and pleasure.
“I’m so sorry!”
“Fuck!” he screams out. He brings a finger to my clit, then begins to rub it around as my orgasm starts to build. “I fucking love you, but you fucking crushed me!” He loves me?
My voice, once again hitches and I feel the tears forming in my eyes. “I’ll always regret it!” I cry out. I need him to go harder, faster. “Harder!” He pushes harder, faster and just as if I have been struck by lightning, I come. My God it’s so intense, I have never felt anything like it! As my orgasm slowly starts to subside he follows right after. Once the extreme feeling is over, we both collapse. He lays on my back as we catch our breath. “I love you, too,” I tell him. He doesn’t say anything to me, instead he kisses the lower part of my back, releases himself from my body and rolls over.
I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO be with someone so much. Her sexy body in that little sexy dress - fuck me, she was a sight to see. She really did a number on me tonight. I lost my ability to hold up my brick wall. I was not going to let her in, but instead I allowed her to fill me with her lust, smell, taste and body. I was fucking pissed she got to me, and so fucking turned on. I needed to release my pain inside her, pound her flesh and make her scream. She felt so good, I couldn’t believe I was going to bed each night without her, but this was a weak moment for me. No matter what we did tonight she still cut off my trust. She can say a thousand sorry’s and it won’t change anything. I have no idea when I’ll get over it, how to trust her again.
I gave her a kiss on her lowest part of her back; I wanted to inhale her sweet scent as long as possible, but I had to catch my breath, figure out what I was going to say to her.
I lay my arm over my eyes and breathe. I’m sweaty, naked and my dick is still fucking hard, I want to do her again. “I’ve missed you,” she expresses, breathy. To hear her say those words makes my heart skip a beat. I’ve missed her so much, I’ve been dying a slow death; she has just jumped started my lifeline a little longer. I keep my arm over my eyes as I feel the bed shift, she’s now lying next to me. Her intoxicating scent clouds my thoughts. I want more than anything to forget she lied to me, to gather her in my arms, to have her climb on me and ride me. “I made such a huge mistake in letting Wayne talk me into his insane idea. I never meant for it to go as far as it did. I was going to tell you the truth that morning, but you found out before I had the chance.” The thickness in her voice is genuine. I uncover my eyes and turn my head to face her. Her gorgeous dark eyes are heavy with tears. “Danny….I am truly, truly sorry for hurting you,” she chokes. When she blinks a tear rolls down her cheek. I want to sweep it away, but I can’t get myself to do it. I sense every emotion she’s feeling and it’s torture. I believe what she just told me - I do. Yet I am still torn.
I pinch my brows together, I am so conflicted. “I
know you’re sorry, it’s just,” I shake my head, letting out a loud exhale. “….it doesn’t change things, Harmony.” I turn over on my side, facing down at her. I gather the side of her head, my thumb grazes against her cheek. “As much as it’s going to kill me...I can’t be with you right now.” She squeezes her eyes shut, allowing more tears to leak. I really hate what this is doing to her. Am I doing the right thing? Does she deserve this pain? No. She doesn’t deserve it, but I am doing the right thing. For me. For the both of us. “Going on tour is what I need. I need time to think,” I add, sincerely.
It takes her a couple seconds for her to regain her composure. When she opens her eyes they are red, full of regret and despair. “If this is what you want.“
“It is.”
“Okay,” she whispers.
As much as I want to kiss her full, swollen lips, I release her from my hand. I stand up, go into the bathroom to throw away the condom. When I come back into the room, Harmony is finishing getting back in her dress. I come up behind her and help her zip the back. She quietly says thank you, then sits on the bed. It’s really hard to not look at her as I get dressed. The sadness on her face almost brings me to my knees and makes me want to forget everything I just said to her. What’s going to happen when I get on that tour bus? I won’t be able to stand it if I see her there, I won’t want to leave. There is only one way to solve this - I need to say goodbye….now.
I sit beside her on the bed and take her hand. “I can’t have you see me off the day we leave. It’s best we say goodbye now.” She doesn’t look at me, nor does she say anything. I don’t blame her. This is fucking hard for me too. “I’m sorry, but….”
She sniffs her tears away, then nods. “I know, I understand. I won’t come,” her voice fades. I am about to get up when she squeezes my hand, forcing me to stay put. “Do you regret being with me tonight?”
I can’t bear to look at her, to see how much I am hurting her. “No,” I whisper. I’ll never regret being able to feel her one last time. “I’ve missed you too….more than you’ll ever know.” I kiss the back of her hand. “Take care of yourself, Harmony.” I quickly leave without looking back. Walking down the quiet hallway I wipe away the damn tear that escapes my eye.
I am fucked up. For once in my life I just want some happiness. How the hell is that ever going to happen if the people I love keep lying to me? Harmony and I could have had something so amazing, it shatters me to no end how things went down. I am devastated and lost.
After leaving Harmony I went back down to the party. Faith asked me where Harmony was…. I told her. She knew the look on my face that things were still not okay between us, so she left to go find her. She’ll hear about us, no doubt.
The band and I did a couple more numbers, then afterward they all went to the buffet and pigged out. I wasn’t that hungry and decided to call it a night. We have a magazine reporter coming to the studio early in the morning, so it was best I leave anyway. I didn’t know about the others, but I needed to sleep.
The next morning the sun was beating it’s rays inside my bedroom. It woke me up from a very restless night; I tossed and turned - so much for getting any sleep. I couldn’t get Harmony’s sad eyes out of my vision. Just like she had with me, I tore her to pieces. I broke her heart after fucking her. What kind of sick bastard does something like that? I am disgusted with myself and hate who I have become. The road was looking more and more promising by the minute. I needed to get out of this city. Maybe by the time we return, I will have made peace with everything - my father, mother, Wayne, Harmony. I have a lot of shit to deal with, so my main focus as of right now is my music and the band.
No use going back to sleep, so I make a pot of coffee, and take a hot shower. After my shower, I sit out on my balcony with my cup of coffee. The weather is a bit warm for January; it doesn’t get too cold in San Diego, but once we hit New York City I know it’s going to be ass-freezing cold. Before we leave in the next couple days I have to shop for warm shit. I don’t want my balls falling off when I step outside the bus for the first time.
After I down the rest of my coffee, I head on over to the studio. For once the paps aren’t camped outside my building. It’s the best thing that’s happened to me all week. When I get to the studio the guys are messing around, talking about last night. Lucky comes over my way and we get into what happened between me and Harmony. It’s not something I really want to discuss, but I need to get it off my chest.
Once I explain everything, Lucky pats me on the back. “I get it Danny-boy. You need time, but honestly, it won’t be easy.”
“No it won’t. It’s hard enough as it is, living in the same city and not seeing her, but I’m just not sure we’ll work things out, though. She broke my trust.”
“Hey, I thought you two worked it out last night, bro. I saw you guys sucking face,” Wayne butt’s in.
“Not now, Wayne,” I irritatingly reply. I really don’t have time for his shit. If it weren’t for his fucked up idea maybe Harmony and I would have had a real chance at something.
“What? Didn’t you make up?”
I am trying my hardest to stay calm. “No, so please stay out of this.”
“Dude, come on, are you fucking delirious?!” Wayne shouts. “Harmony - “
I come charging up to him, pissed as hell. “Do not tell me how to handle this! It’s my decision! So back the fuck off!” It takes everything I have to not pound his face into the ground; my fists are clenched, ready to strike at any second.
He backs away, holding up his hands. “Fine, okay, whatev bro, chill!”
“I cannot chill when you’re always in my business!”
“I’m out then, alright?”
“Finally!” I answer sarcastically.
“You’re fucking unbelievable. Such a douchebag.” He walks off pissed.
Whatever. Douchebag or not, I made my decision and I need to stick by it.
“Guys,” Lyric peeks herself inside the sound room. She’s not her usual happy self. “Hey, hi..uh, our interviewer is here, so I advise you to...you know, cool it,” she clips at us. “This is Rock Magazine, so please...best behavior,” she forewarns us with a stern voice and hard eyes. This is a side of Lyric I’ve never seen before and I’m not so sure any of the others want to hear her speak that way again. She’s kinda badass.
“Danny -”
“I’m fine, Luck.”
“I know man, I know.”
I get myself situated, take a breather and pretend everything is hunky-dory.
By the time the interview was over I was ready for a drink, but we had some rehearsals to do instead. Music is my therapy and afterwards I feel a bit better. When I get back home from tour I am buying a piano; time to take my frustrations out on music and to focus on getting some stability back in my life.
Right after rehearsal June stopped in and handed us each our first big paycheck. An unbelievable amount was written in my name, none of us could contain our shock and happiness. I have never seen so many numbers in my life. This shit was getting real - things will definitely be looking up from now on.
The next day I am looking over the spoils of my shopping spree. I have everything I need for the cold weather back east, but I hope I’m not forgetting anything. Harmony. She’s the only one thing I wish I could forget. I can’t stop thinking about her, and how she won’t be seeing me off today. Although I made the choice, I want her here more than anything.
The bus is being loaded at the studio and there is a crowd developing outside the gates. The word about us leaving was leaked and got around quickly to our fans. We don’t have any time for signings or greeting anyone, yet we wave and smile; loads of screaming follow.
Helene and Gary have come to see us off. I shake hands with Gary, we say a few words, then I go to June and Phillip. Phillip and I talk about his new tattoo; it’s a pair of wings, with a halo crowning above them. He lifts up his shirt sleeve to give me a closer look. It takes up half his upper bicep; t
he wings are amazingly done and the halo has a tint of yellow going through it. I assume this piece is for the baby they lost - it’s a nice sentiment. Getting it done Phillip said it was torture, since he was always against ink, but being with June has changed the man.
Before I step onto the bus, Helene catches me. She hesitantly gives me a hug and I welcome it. Having her as my aunt, an extended part of my family, feels really good. “Have a wonderful time, Danny,” she quietly says.
“Thanks, Helene.” I lightly squeeze her. After we let go I try to find the right words to say how sorry I am. “Look, I uh...I ummm...I’m…” Unfortunately I can’t get them out. I am such an idiot.
“No.” Helene takes my face into her hands. She smiles while she looks up at me. “Please, you don’t need to say anything. We are all okay now; happy and blessed, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“One more thing. Read the letter from Gordon. Maybe from his own words you’ll be able to forgive him, too?” She pats my cheek like I’m a small child and walks back to Gary.
I am left speechless.
I stuffed the letter from my dad in my bag before I left my apartment. I wonder if my subconscious was telling me to read it just in case? I don’t know what for, but after Helene’s advice maybe I’ll consider it?
Finally we are on the bus; the doors closed and we’re headed to New York, Boston, Chicago, Michigan and all the way down to Florida. I can’t remember the other states and cities, but It’s definitely going to take us four months to get through all of them. I am super stoked and ready for JINKS’ second adventure.