by West, T J
“I’m quite enjoying this, actually,” Melody bluntly states. I nudge her in the elbow. “What?” She whispers to me.
Helene looks at my sister, confused by who this person is. “Sorry, Helene, this is my sister, Melody.”
“Oh,” she excitedly says. She places her wine down on the counter and brings my sister into her arms. “Melody, it’s a pleasure!”
“Same here.” She catches Melody off guard. I felt the same way when Helene hugged me for the first time. We haven’t had a parental connection in a very long time. “Thanks for being such a great friend to Harm. She has said nothing but good things about you.”
“Harmony is like a daughter to me,” she smiles at me.
June clears her throat, obviously still interested in Gary and Helene’s secret love affair. I’m actually curious myself. “Can we go back to talking about Gary?”
Helene goes back to her wine. “Well if you all should know….Gary and I are in love. I love him, simple as that.”
June claps her hands and gives Helene a hug. “Awesomesauce! Congratulations, Mrs. M!”
“Thank you,” she breathes a sigh of relief. “Faith? Are you okay with this?”
“Mom, of course I’m okay with it!” She says happily. “I just wish you would have told me! I am so happy for you.” They hug one another. “So when do I get to officially meet Gary?”
Helene decided that she would put together a dinner party for everyone to meet Gary, including myself and even my sister. Melody was over the moon with being included, she couldn’t wait. Of course it meant JINKS would be there. I am not so sure me being there will be the best thing for Danny. He hates me.
After settling down from Helene’s excitement, we all dig into the finger foods, chatting endlessly and enjoying each others company. I only had a couple lumpia and some fruit, but the wine is exactly what I needed. While Melody is scarfing down everything in sight, she listens to Helene and June discuss the party. Faith sits next to me on the couch and informs me that the band is going on tour next week. I am saddened about this, yet happy for them. This just means Danny and I really are over. With him being away, there is no chance at all we will ever be together again. I know I told myself I will move on, but this really hurts. He’ll be surrounded by women, lusting over him. Who knows what’s going to happen while they are out on the road?
I bring up the dinner party after learning about the tour. “I’m just not sure I should come to the dinner,” I mention to Faith in a hushed tone.
“Because of Danny?” Faith whispers back.
“The one and only,” I scoff. I shift myself so I can face her. “He wants nothing to do with me, Faith. It was over even before it began.”
“Have you tried seeing him?”
“No. I just know him. He’s not going to let up. He’s just not,” I firmly state.
“You don’t know until you try.”
“Not sure if it’s worth it anymore,” I sigh. “The band is going on tour, he’ll be around other women -”
Faith touches my shoulder. “Women who want nothing other than sex - come on Harmony, you know he’s not going to stop loving you over night.”
Love me? That is absurd. “He does not love me.”
“I’m calling bullshit on that, because if he didn’t love you, this situation wouldn’t have hurt him so badly.” In a way she’s right. But if he loved me, wouldn’t he want to fight to keep us together, to work through this mess? “Think about it, okay? I want you at that dinner. It’s our last hurrah before I leave with the band.”
I don’t want to disappoint Faith, she’s been such a good friend, I’d hate to let her down. I put on a brave smile for her. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”
We called it a night when I notice my sister was too drunk to keep her eyes open. I drove us home thinking about what Faith told me. Is it possible Danny really hates me so much because he actually loves me? I wish I could find this out, but I’m the last person he would ever want to see or talk with. I need to move on. I do! That’s what I keep telling myself, though it’s going to be much harder than I thought. If I am going to attend this party, he’s probably going to avoid me as much as he can and I don’t think I’ll be able to stand it.
After settling Melody onto the couch bed, I get myself in my pj’s and crawl into bed. Having a couple glasses of wine has made my eyes feel heavy, but my body is restless. It wants - no - it desperately needs the one thing it can’t have - Danny. I want to text him. I want to read his words, hear him speak; my body is crying out for him. My eyes begin to well up and I cry myself to sleep. Again.
Saturday, the day of the dinner, Melody dragged me out to the Horton Plaza Mall to shop for Helene’s party. I wasn’t as excited as she was to be doing this, but I ended up buying a really cute dress, heels and accessories. After the fun of shopping, we got our hair and nails done. I’m not a huge fan of highlighting my hair. I like the natural dark locks that I have, but Melody insisted I get a few highlights, so I did. I had to admit, it actually looked pretty good on me. It wasn’t overly highlighted, just enough to brighten up my face.
That evening, Melody helped me with my hair and makeup. She’s always had a talent in the makeup department. I’ve told her on numerous occasions she should think about getting some sort of job as a makeup artist, but she always brushes the idea off. I hope one of these days she’ll stop running and find some stability in her life. She needs to find happiness.
I am wearing my hair down tonight; it’s in spiral curls and touches the middle of my spine. My makeup is dark, smoky, and my lips are painted a rich eggplant, purple. It looks great with my skin tone. While my sister finishes up on her hair I climb into my new dress. I chose a sleeveless, navy, crochet detailed dress, with a high neckline; it lands pretty high up on my thighs. I thought I would feel amazing in it, I would start to feel like myself again, but I didn’t. I feel like I am trying too hard or something. I want Danny to see me and never take his eyes off me. I want to take his breath away. I am just kidding myself if I think what I am doing is going to change anything. It won’t.
I put on my black stiletto heels and glance one more time in my full length mirror. I sigh; I believe this whole thing's a joke. I don’t want to go to this party. Honestly….I am so afraid to see him.
“You look HOT, sister!” Melody exclaims. She comes up behind me so we are both looking at one another in the mirror. Melody looks incredible. Her silver beaded, sequined dress looks like a second skin on her body; her hair is freshly cut, colored and reaches the tips of her collarbone. It’s straightened from the flat iron, giving it a sleek, silky look. Heads will be turning when she enters the hotel.
“I don’t feel so hot,” I mutter.
She wraps her arms around my waist and lands her chin on my shoulder. “I know you’re still feeling down, but everything will be okay.”
“What if he doesn’t want to talk with me tonight?”
“Then you know you have done everything you can to get him to forgive you,” she expresses. We look at one another through the mirror. I take in the moment, grateful that I have my sister in my life. Even though she thinks she wasn’t a good parent, she’s wrong. She has always given me good advice and nurtured me the best she knew how. She squeezes my middle, “Come on, let’s get outta here!” and grabs my hand, forcing me to get over myself. She wants me to try to have fun. Not sure if it’s going to happen, but I’ll give it my best shot.
I take Melody through the back part of the hotel to avoid the already large array of paparazzi outside the front entrance. I definitely did not want to be a part of that craziness tonight.
Melody, on the other hand, is basically in her zone. She lives off of parties and music. “Whoa, a DJ, dancing? Yes please!” She shouts. “This is my kind of dinner!”
She tries to drag me to the dance floor, but I am so not into it yet. “Mel!” I yank at her tug.
“What? I’m ready to dance!” She starts to dance, and just like always,
eyes are turning in her direction.
God, I don’t want to be here!
“Harmony, I am so glad you made it!” Faith finds us and brings me into a hug. “You look beautiful!”
“Thanks, so do you.” Faith always looks amazing. Tonight she is wearing a black sequined, strapless romper, with black wedged sandals, and her hair is fastened up into a twist.
Melody went off and out of sight. My anxiety is now kicking into high gear. I know he’s here - somewhere. Is he thinking about me too? Does he feel just as nervous as I do? Is he looking for me?
Faith wraps her arm around my shoulder and squeezes me. “I know you’re nervous, but everything is going to be fine, trust me.”
We have to raise our voices because the music is so loud. “I’m not sure he’s going to want to see me, Faith.”
“With the way you look tonight….he would be a fool not to,” she gives me a wicked smile, like she is hiding something. Soon after, she opens the palm of my hand and places a room key in it. What is this all about? She doesn’t think - no she can’t think - oh, my God, she wants me to seduce Danny and bring him up to one of the rooms! “Use it!” she shouts, then places a kiss on my cheek. We walk inside the banquet room and the place is filled with co-workers and people I have never seen before. Wow, it’s definitely a party. I quickly hide the key inside my small hand bag and pray to God I get to use it. Wait, I can’t use it. This is totally insane!
As I am about to walk inside the banquet room, I see him. He’s with Lucky, in the far left corner of the room, up by the stage. They are both drinking a beer, looking like they’re in an intense conversation; even with the darkness of the room, and the swaying of the disco lights, I can see his furrowed brows. He seems uneasy. Maybe it’s because of me? He knows I am here, he doesn’t want to see me and I don’t blame him.
I’m stuck in my spot, paralyzed, conflicted - I am too nervous to confront him after how things ended between us, but I can’t get my feet to leave either. Yet, seeing how he looks tonight, there is no way he’ll have anything to do with me. I can’t be here. This was a total mistake. I feel ridiculous that I even thought for one second he’d be okay with me attending the party. I’m so stupid. The moment I turn to exit the party I feel his eyes on me. I slowly turn back around and get a glimpse of his eyes; just when I thought our connection had been broken, it couldn’t be more alive. His once light blue eyes are now dark, staring back at me as if I am road kill. Yet his mouth is wide open, almost salivating. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. He either wants to come running into my arms, or he wants to chop me up into tiny pieces. He’s such a mystery - he scares me. Yet, at the same time, he doesn’t. I need to find the strength to face him, to ask for his forgiveness, but I don’t get the chance because Helene stops the music and the entire room becomes silent.
“Everyone! Can I have your attention please!” She looks so at ease and beautiful up there. Her dark short hair is shiny and her face is radiant. I have never seen her look so happy. She takes a drink of her champagne, then clears her throat. “Originally this dinner was supposed to be at a minimum, but with the recent events, I just couldn’t make it small!,” she gleefully laughs and the crowd whistles. She continues once it becomes quiet again. “I want to introduce to you all a very special person….the new love of my life - the man who has completed my heart, Gary Sams!” The crowd claps, whistles. I join in on the occasion and clap along with everyone else. This is a great moment for Helene. I am so happy for her. Gary walks up onto the stage and is handed a champagne flute. He seems so casual up there. His long, gray hair is pulled back into a small ponytail and he’s wearing dark slacks with a silver, rayon buttoned up shirt; the top three buttons of his shirt are open. He’s very handsome, so handsome I swear I see some of my co-workers ogling over him. Helene grabs Gary’s hand and announces, “This man right here has asked me to marry him.” Oh, my goodness! “And of course I couldn’t turn him down!” Helene yells into the microphone, then kisses Gary. The room is full of clapping and excitement. I glance over at Faith to see her reaction. She’s in shock, yet extremely thrilled.
The audience quiets down when Gary talks into the microphone. “Helene has made me a very happy man.” He looks right at Faith and gets a bit emotional. “Faith, I hope you’ll accept me as your mother’s husband.” Faith immediately rushes up on stage, giving Gary a hug, then reaches for her mother. This family deserves some happiness. From what I know about their past, how Faith’s father blackmailed Lucky and how miserable Helene was all those years in their marriage - they deserve their happily ever after.
Right after, JINKS gets up on stage and plays one of my favorite numbers, Forbidden Faith. I stay standing in the back of the room while everyone else makes their way to get their fill of this hot-ass band. I look around the room, trying to find my sister, but I don’t see her. I wonder where she went? I wouldn’t be surprised if she already found some guy and left the party with him. That’s my sister for you, though. I’m sure she’ll be stumbling inside our apartment the next morning with disheveled hair and a missing heel.
As much as I want to mingle and be with my friends, I stay hidden. I observe the occupants of the room, watching as they enjoy listening to JINKS; Phillip has his arms wrapped about June’s waist while she sways back and forth - he kisses her cheek. Faith is gathered in the middle of Helene and Gary. She has both her arms around them, they look like the perfect family. As I hide in my corner, my eyes wander back over to Danny. My God he looks delicious. His fohawk is standing high up on his head; he’s wearing a t-shirt with their band logo on the front, black jeans with a chain link dangling from the belt loop and his guitar hanging over his chest. He’s in the moment, playing for the crowd, giving them one of the best shows of their lives. Oh, how I want to be near him, dancing with everyone else and enjoying their songs. Yet all I feel is someone who is a distant memory, someone who almost got her happily ever after. How am I going to get it back? I am just going to have to suck it up and do my best to get him to talk with me.
Then I remember I haven’t congratulated Helene on her engagement, so I get out of my pity corner and head over to the others. Once I approach everyone, I am greeted with open arms. I say my congrats to Helene and meet Gary for the first time. He’s even more handsome up close.
I stand there with my friends and continue to listen to JINKS perform. My eyes never leave Danny. In a blink he’s staring right back at me; we stay locked, he never looks to another. My heart cannot stop pounding, he is breathtaking up there. I want to run up on stage and kiss him, in hopes of him returning my affection. I miss him. I love him.
Right after JINKS finished their performance, the women were screaming for more. The guys were generous enough as to sign posters and cd’s.
Faith hands me a drink and tells me to relax. I wish I could. I down the drink anyways, like it’s water and pray that the alcohol kicks in. Just when the DJ starts up the music again the guys come walking our way. Okay, I can do this. My heart speeds up the closer Danny gets. His eyes meet mine. I swallow my nerves down, and I am ready to move forward. Unfortunately, just as I am seconds away from going toward him, some girl moves in front of me and stops him in his tracks. My stomach sinks. It’s a mistake being here, I am losing my nerve. Still, I can’t seem to move. I want to feel him by my side, to hear his voice, to feel his touch. I see him nod his head and say something to the girl. I want to strangle that ho-bag and get her away from him, but thank goodness he finally gets free of her. The closer he gets the more anxious I am feeling. Without a glance in my direction, he brushes by me and stands near the buffet line, mingling with the others. He totally ignored me! Who the hell does he think he is? Well, he isn’t going to get away from me so easily. Now, I am pissed! Time to put on my big girl under-roos! I march my way over to him and tap him on the shoulder. He turns around, knowing he has no choice, but to talk to me. I won’t let him get away this time.
I cross my arms, hold my chin up and shout
out, “Seems we’ve come full circle.”
“Seems so,” he mutters loudly.
“We need to talk….now!” I demand.
He sighs, “I’m tired of talking.”
Wow, he is not going to let up. I have to keep trying. “Then at least give me the chance to talk, to explain. Please?” Please listen to me.
I believe he’s about to give in, when a new song comes on and the girl who stopped him is now in his face again. “There you are, Dan, you promised me a dance, remember?”
Dan? Wait, I know this girl! She works as one of our cleaning ladies. Oh, hell no! Danny is caught off guard and is dragged away from me. I can’t believe he didn’t have the balls to stop her. Unless….unless he’s getting back at me? I bet that’s what he’s doing, the big jerk! No….there is no way he’s going to leave me without a fight. I grab his t-shirt by the collar and yell, “Hey, wait one second there!”
He stalls in his spot while the girl, known as Isabella, gets a huge bitchy attitude with me. “Sorry, girly, he’s with me, so scram the hell away!”
I slowly cross my arms and raise my brow. “Excuse me?” I scoff. “Don’t you work here….Isabella?”
She gets up in my face. “Yeah, so what of it?”
“I’m your boss,” I state.
“My boss?” She then gasps and realizes who I am. She tries to make nice with me. “Oh shit, I am so sorry -”
She’s shorter than me, so I get down into her face and threaten the little brat. “You better get out of here before I get security to throw you out.” Without question she quickly runs off, leaving me and Danny by the dance floor.
Here is my chance to make things right. “You’re dancing with me instead!” I yell, then grab his hand and haul him in the middle of dance floor.
Danny tries to protest, “Harmony - “
“Shut up, Danny!” I shoot back. I am not nervous anymore, there is no reason to be. He’s Danny, the man with many flaws. Yet I see right through them and hold them close anyways. Once we are completely in the mass of other people, I wrap my arms around his neck and seductively start grinding him; an old 90’s song, a remix of Closer, by Nine Inch Nails, is playing. It’s absolutely the sexiest song ever, and the perfect song for this reuniting between the two of us. Danny has no choice other than to place his hands around my waist and move with me. He’s such a good dancer.