Sandcastles

by Suzie Carr

  I wondered if he ever spoke about my business with the same pride.

  Not only was Anna his pride and joy, but now she turned into his confidant.

  As I inched back in line, I continued to stare at those Doritos and sodas. An anger sizzled through me that I couldn’t extinguish. My father could’ve just talked to me about Willow if my talking to her again bothered him so much.

  Would I ever not disappoint him?

  # #

  I called Dean on my way to pick him up. “I’ll drive today.”

  “No,” he said. “I earned this drive.”

  “How can I argue with that?”

  A few minutes later, Dean drove us to the wellness center. I jumped right into work stuff. “I’m stumped on the proposals.”

  He flew through a yellow light without answering me.

  “Do you have any ideas?” I asked.

  “My mind isn’t there right now.”

  “I could use your help in brainstorming. I’m freaking out about it a little.”

  “Over a client? Of course. Stop the madness, world,” he said waving his arm. “You’re stressing out Lia Stone.”

  “I’m just trying to get your mind off everything.”

  He sped up. “Just arrange a brainstorming meeting with the other staff members.”

  The other staff members sat like bumps on a log with me at the helm. “I could be lying in a pool of blood at their feet, and they wouldn’t call 911. They hate me.”

  “Forgive me for being so blunt here, but, Lia, that’s because you never take their ideas seriously.”

  “You’re supposed to defend me here, Dean.”

  He gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Defending you is hard sometimes. If I’m being honest, sometimes you act like you’re way above everyone. You intimidate them.”

  His words slammed against me, knocking the wind out of my chest. “That hurts.”

  “Isn’t it better to face the truth? At least you know what you’re up against that way. You can deal with it. You can find a solution. Otherwise you’re just going blindly into the night without a flashlight, without a compass, and you risk getting lost in some backstreet alleyway littered with rats and empty soda cans. Is that what you want?”

  “What gives?”

  “I’m just trying to save you from a potential month or two of backlash from them.”

  I sat back and reflected on the criticism. “I need an example of how I act high and mighty.”

  “You do it with me all the time.”

  “How so?”

  “You still refer to me as your assistant.”

  “Well you are.”

  “Funny, I would’ve thought by now I might’ve graduated to more of a friend title.”

  I stared at his forehead wrinkles, trying to interpret his statement. His poor fingers were whiter than snow with their grip around the steering wheel. “You’re going to cut off circulation there, my friend.”

  He tightened even more. “You’re patronizing me.”

  I scoffed. “Patronizing? I’m sitting here, putting my life at risk with your reckless driving, en route to get poked with needles to show my support, and you have the nerve to call me patronizing?”

  “How big of you.”

  “You’re acting like a complete ass.”

  “Me?” He scoffed. “I’m going to say something, and you’re not going to like it. I need to get it off my chest.”

  “Well go on. Tell me.”

  “Sometimes you act selfishly.”

  I tossed my hands in the air and contemplated opening the door and jumping out. Surely the road would’ve been less painful than taking on that sudden assault. “Selfish? I pay you double what an assistant normally earns. I set you up in a corner office with not just one computer, but two, and a tablet. You get a clothing allowance. Who does that? Me? Does a selfish person do that? I don’t think so.”

  “You’re yelling at me because you know what I’m saying is true,” he said softly. “I presume it’s striking a bit of a nerve.”

  I stared at him, searching his face for evidence that my loyal Dean still existed under that judging frown. “Why are you being so mean to me?”

  “I’m being honest. That’s entirely different. Right now, you’re more worried about running your business without me than anything else that’s transpiring.”

  “That is not true.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  I gripped the door handle, turning my fingers their own shade of white now. “I can’t talk to you right now.”

  He drove us on in silence.

  I battled with his hurtful words all the way down route ninety-five as we headed to Narragansett. I searched for a viable reason why he lashed out at me. Was I really selfish? Had I been patronizing?

  The hurt swelled up inside of me, overtaking my body. I stared out of the window, protecting myself against anger, sadness, and the ugly truth that I did harbor those traits. What right did I have being so bitter with life when I had everything going for me? What more did I want? “I’m sorry if I hurt you,” I said gruffly. “I never meant to.”

  He clenched his jaw.

  I cradled my hand around his wrist. “You are my friend.”

  He squeezed his hand into a fist.

  I hated that he viewed me as selfish. “I do care about what’s happening to you.”

  His whole body eased in one exhale. Suddenly, the wrinkles from his frown disappeared. His smooth, friendly face resurfaced. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

  I patted his wrist. “Life’s just taking a weird turn. It’ll all straighten out quickly.”

  He squinted, sinking into focus. “You know, we’re put on other people’s paths for a reason.”

  “I agree.”

  “Life is a series of pathways, and we crisscross with each other along the way.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “When our paths intersect, we take a break, have a snack, a cool drink, catch our bearings, learn a lesson or two and then break time is over. Time to move on to the next intersection, carrying everything we learned with us. We might still need the same people with us through many of those winding paths and intersections, and then one day, we realize we need to go in different directions because I’ve got something to learn in the west and you’ve got something to learn in the east.”

  The air stopped moving between us and a hollowness took over. “Please don’t say that. I can’t imagine this journey without you in it with me.”

  “I hope so.” His eyes softened, and in that softness I caught a glimpse of a man struggling with how to move forward on his new scary path, trusting someone who put herself first.

  I leaned my head against his shoulder as he continued to drive us. I watched the rain droplets dance across his windshield, carefree and reckless, wishing I could join in their simple journey. A few miles down the road, I asked him. “Are you going to be okay with everything?”

  He shrugged. “Honestly, now that I’ve had a few days to let it sink in, I’ve never felt more alive.” He relaxed his grip on the steering wheel. “It’s like life took on a whole new power source. I’m fired up, like I have all of this extra drive to seek out new things. I’m finding I don’t care about the petty things like if my pants have the proper crease down the front or if the deli guy accidentally puts regular cream cheese on my bagel instead of light. I spoke with my parents over Skype last night, and I told my mother to stop digging for information about my love life. She’s asked me about a girlfriend for the past four years, and every time she did, I would bow my head in embarrassment and tell her I was working on it. Well, last night, I told her, with utmost respect of course, that she had no right to ask me that anymore. She bowed her head instead and accepted my statement with reverence. I simply care less about formality and more about honesty suddenly.”

  Hence his attack on my lack of selflessness.

  He pulled into the parking lot of the wellness center and parked a few
spaces from the front door.

  “I know you’re worried about the office,” he said. “It’s who you are. I don’t blame you. Just let me have these few weeks to get my head back in the game.”

  “Will that help to keep your mind off of it?”

  “I can’t afford to have my mind off of it.”

  I nodded.

  A new panic settled in me. I saw myself standing in a room full of staff members who would rather have their toenails torn off than deal with me. How would I run my business without his diplomatic personality acting as intermediary? What if they all walked away, leaving me alone to fend for myself? How would I get through those proposals? What about our friendship?

  “I’m scared.”

  He stared at me with a new strength. “You do understand I need this, don’t you?”

  No, I don’t understand, my self-centered side inwardly screamed. “Of course,” I said as selflessly as I could before bowing my head and grabbing the handle.

  He reached out for my hand. “Everything’s going to work out as it should. I’m not afraid. Neither should you be.”

  My heart tightened. “I hope you’re right.”

  “I promise. Everything’s going to be alright. We’re going to walk into that wellness center and have ourselves a little needle therapy, and then we’re going to go have a nice tall adult beverage and forget this nonsense,” he said, taking back the role of caregiver and nurturer.

  I rested on the comfort of that plan as I opened the door. “That sounds perfect.”

  “Lia,” he said, squeezing my wrist before I could get out. “I’m happy you’re here with me.”

  “I’m happy to be here with you too, my friend.”

  “And you’re a liar.” He laughed and tickled my waist. “Add that to the list of traits.”

  “A liar?” I punched his arm like old times.

  “If I know you well enough, which I do, your insides are tumbling like clothes in a dryer because you’re about to come face-to-face with Willow again. Correct me if I’m wrong.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I climbed out of the car, trying to settle the flips in my tummy.

  Chapter Twelve

  I opened the door to the wellness center, and the bell chimed. Dean walked in behind me.

  The smell of sweet honeysuckle drifted in the air. The lights were dim, casting golden shadows on the brown leather couches and chairs.

  Willow walked through the hallway door, and her face lit up when she saw us. A healthy glow radiated from her like she’d just taken a light jog. Her hair sat tousled up in a messy bun, and bits of wispy pieces hung down around her cheeks and jaw. “Good morning,” she said, walking up to me and extending her hand.

  I eyed it and opened my arms instead. “I’m a hugger.”

  She laughed and cocked her head shyly before slipping into my arms and hugging me. She smelled like spring rain.

  She stepped back. “I’m glad you both came.” She extended her hand to Dean, and he gladly accepted.

  “Can I get you both some tea?”

  “We’re alright,” I said.

  The three of us stood staring at each other awkwardly.

  Then, Charlotte and Anthony charged into the reception area, flying past us, blowing airplane noises with their chubby lips.

  “No flying right now,” Willow said with a calm reserve. She walked up to the television console in the far corner and picked up a DVD. “You’re going to sit quietly and watch this movie until Aunt Lola comes to get you. Just as promised, right?” She spoke to them as they circled her, still flying as airplanes.

  Those kids knew how to have fun, and I suspected that I could learn a thing or two from them.

  I peeked over at Dean, and he stared at the kids like they were odd creatures from a different planet. “They’re just kids having fun,” I whispered.

  He rolled his eyes. “If I had ever acted like that as a kid, I would’ve been imprisoned to my study and fed jasmine rice with water for a week.”

  “Well then, forgive me for saying,” I whispered, imitating his Indian accent. “But your childhood must have been pretty crappy.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and continued to stare at the kids as they performed karate moves on each other right next to the delicate display of essential oils. “How are we to relax?”

  “Watch this. I’m about to perform a selfless act for you.”

  I rushed up to Willow, who was wrestling with the DVD player, and grabbed the DVD box from her. “I’ve always wanted to see Frozen. Who’s going to watch it with me?”

  “Me. I am,” Charlotte screamed.

  “No you’re not. I am.” Anthony shoved her out of the way.

  “Don’t push me.” Charlotte pushed him back.

  “Why can’t the three of us watch it together?” I asked, looking over at Dean who now stretched his eyes far beyond natural means.

  Charlotte’s little heart beat fast. She opened her mouth several times to answer, but lost her words. She ended on a shrug and dropped down to the floor.

  “You’ve never seen Frozen?” Anthony asked.

  “Nope.” I plopped the DVD in the player and sat down next to Charlotte. “First time for everything.”

  Anthony plopped down next to me. “Do you have any popcorn?”

  I stuck my hand in my pockets and pulled them out. “Nope. No popcorn in them I’m afraid.”

  Charlotte giggled and threw herself backwards. “You’re not supposed to put popcorn in your pockets.” Her high-pitch shrill traveled up and beyond.

  I laughed and looked up at Willow. “If you want to get started with Dean for his yoga, I can watch them.”

  “I’ll just wait for my aunt to come. She should’ve been here by now. She’s always running late.”

  “Look at Dean. He’s foaming at the mouth to get started. Keep him waiting too long and you’re going to see him panting and pacing like a bored tiger in captivity.”

  She laughed. “Are you sure?”

  I clicked the movie. “It’s Frozen. I’d be mad not to.”

  “She just wants to get out of needles,” Dean said.

  “Don’t be crazy. I can’t wait to get poked. Now, go ahead.” I shooed them away. “We’ve got a movie to watch.”

  “My aunt should definitely be here any minute. Yvonne is just finishing up with a patient. She should be ready for you shortly.”

  “I assure you, I’m in no rush.”

  “Right,” she winked at me.

  My heart skipped.

  She led Dean to the hallway, and motioned for him to walk ahead of her. This granted me a full on view of her backside. Her hair hung over her shoulders and flirted with her fitted yoga outfit, sending my heart into a spin. “Third door on the right,” she said to him before looking back at me over her shoulder and mouthing a thank you.

  I mouthed you’re welcome back to her.

  We exchanged sweet smiles before she turned away and focused on her task at hand, to take care of my friend, Dean, while trusting me to take good care of her children.

  Charlotte sat staring at the television with giant eyes.

  “Have you seen this before?” I asked.

  “Shh,” she said, pointing her little finger at me. “This is the best part.”

  “It’s a preview,” Anthony yelled.

  “So?” she yelled back.

  “Do you two ever not yell at each other?”

  Anthony contemplated that question with great pause. “Only when Brandy is sleeping. Then we just stay quiet.”

  “Who’s Brandy?”

  “She’s me and Mommy’s friend, and she doesn’t like Anthony,” Charlotte said.

  “She’s my friend too,” Anthony growled back at her.

  I pictured a beautiful woman with a sweet spot for romance, hugging Willow from behind as they admired the children at play. “Is she nice?” I asked, hugging my knees to my chest to stave off an instant jealous twinge.

&nb
sp; “She’s very nice,” Charlotte said, sighing before looking back at her movie. “I love her.”

  Her high-pitched answer splintered through me.

  A few minutes later, Willow’s aunt walked in the front door. The kids went nuts again, flying in circles with their airplane arms. She wore a colorful dress just as she did the first day I met her at the flea market. Her hair fell in a wild mess at her shoulders, tamed only by the sun hat she wore. “Lia Stone.” She opened up her arms as if we were long-lost friends. I laughed uncomfortably.

  “Willow told me you were going to be here today.”

  “She did?”

  “After she told me you didn’t think I was a fake anymore.” She smiled and tipped her hat to me. “I’m officially humbled by that.”

  I half expected her to pull out a bouquet of flowers from her sleeve and offer them to me on a bow.

  She bent down to offer hugs to the kids. “Your auntie has a surprise for you.”

  “Is it a boat?” Anthony asked.

  “No. It’s not a boat. Though it does go in water.”

  “A turtle,” Charlotte screamed.

  “No. Not a turtle. But it does like to hang out in the pool all day.”

  Charlotte jumped up and down. “Tell us. Tell us.”

  “You’re just going to have to wait and see. Come on gather your things.”

  They ran around gathering their coloring books, snacks and sneakers. Meanwhile my curiosity ran wild. “What did you get them?”

  She leaned in and whispered. “A remote control vacuum cleaner for the pool that’s shaped like a fish. They’re going to love it.”

  Just what every child wanted. “I’m sure they will.” I could see Anthony standing on it, trying to ride it like a skateboard.

  “Come on,” she said gathering them up in her arms. “Time’s a wasting.” She tilted her head at me. “Is Willow in the back?”

  “Yes, she’s in a yoga session with my friend, Dean.”

  She circled up to the front desk. “I’ll just leave her a little note to let her know me and the kids are going to the mall.” She scribbled a note, and asked, “Is your friend doing better since the allergy attack?”