Destructive

by Jessica Prince

  “You all right, baby doll?” Matt asks, breaking the spell and pulling me back into reality.

  “Huh?” I glance down at my hands gripping the edge of the bar so tightly that my knuckles are turning white. I let go and reach for a towel to begin wiping down the bartop. I need something other than strangling the edge of the bar to keep my hands occupied. “Yeah…” I squeeze my eyes closed and give my head a small shake. “Yeah, sorry, I’m fine.”

  The concern remains on his face, but thankfully, he doesn’t say another word. I try to go about prepping the bar, but my eyes keep drifting toward the booth in the back. I can’t shake the unease that has crept under my skin.

  Time passes, and I somehow manage to get a hold of myself and go about my job without breaking bottles or dropping any glasses. It’s a feat in itself, considering how badly my hands are trembling.

  “I’m going to grab a case of beer from the back,” Matt tells me, pulling me from my thoughts of the men in the back booth. “You sure you’re okay?”

  I give him a smile that I know is forced, but I can only hope I’m able to fool him. “Yeah, I’m good,” I reply with fake enthusiasm. “Will you grab a bottle of tequila, too? We’re running low.”

  “You got it.” Matt heads toward the stockroom in the back.

  I go back to stacking glasses. I’ve almost managed to forget about the uncomfortable feeling sitting in the pit of my stomach when a voice behind me sends an unfamiliar shiver up my spine. It’s not fear. Fear is second nature to me. The sensation I’ve just experienced at the sound of a stranger’s voice is almost…pleasurable?

  How is that even possible?

  I’ve never felt this sensation before, so I can’t be certain what it is. My body has never once responded to a man in any way other than fear or disgust. This feeling I’m experiencing now is completely foreign, and for that reason alone, it terrifies me.

  I quickly turn to see who could have such an unbelievably erotic voice when I come face-to-face with the most hypnotizing eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re slate gray eyes, the exact color of the ocean during a turbulent storm. But it isn’t the color alone that sucks me in and refuses to let go of me. I’m drawn to what’s behind them. There’s a darkness in those eyes mixed with deep pain and sadness, akin to what I see in my own eyes every time I look in the mirror. But just as quickly as I see it, it disappears, hiding away, and it’s replaced by something familiar, something I recognize from so many men in my past, something I’ve grown to associate with pain and destruction.

  Lust.

  I don’t know how long I stand there, staring into those beautiful eyes, before I realize that he’s been speaking to me this whole time, and I haven’t heard a word he’s said.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t catch that.”

  The grin that spreads over his lips sends a tingle to my very core. The laughter in his deep voice causes a blush to creep up my neck and stain my cheeks.

  “Scotch neat, please.”

  “O-of course. I apologize. Any scotch in particular?”

  “Macallan, if you have it.”

  His response causes me to pause. It’s not every day we have someone come into Fletchers and order the most expensive scotch we keep in stock. I let my eyes wander down his body, taking him in. Judging from his size alone, I’d say the expensive suit he’s wearing has been custom tailored. Everything about his attire screams money while the expression on his face screams trouble. The sound of a person clearing his throat drags my eyes from the man’s impressive physique back up to those mesmerizing eyes. My blush grows worse at the realization that I’ve just been caught leering at this man.

  “Oh my God, I’m sorry.” I spin around, grab the scotch from the top shelf, and proceed to pour it into a tumbler.

  A chuckle from deep in his chest bursts forth as I slide the tumbler across the bar to him. “It’s no problem, bella. I love it when a beautiful woman is affected by me, and you are absolutely breathtaking.”

  The warmth that pools between my thighs at the sound of his voice has never happened to me before. He’s right. Everything inside me is affected by him, and that absolutely petrifies me. The fact that I find this stranger, this man, so appealing brings all my instincts to the forefront of my mind. I feel like I’m being pulled in two different directions. Part of me wants to run fast and far away while the other part wants to stay exactly where I am, rooted in place in front of this gorgeous man.

  “Th-thank you,” I stutter before averting my gaze from him, looking at anything and everything other than his stunning face.

  “Ah, I see that I affect you even more than I thought. I’m truly flattered, bella.”

  I have to get away from this man. My palms are beginning to sweat, and all my instincts are beginning to war with each other the longer he stands in front of me. He’s devastating to my well-being.

  “Is there anything else I can get for you, sir?”

  He leans into the bar and rests his elbows on it, causing his biceps to bulge under his suit jacket. He’s even more muscular than I originally thought. This man absolutely towers over me in size and strength. That realization skyrockets both the excitement and fear I am experiencing.

  “As a matter of fact, there is. I’d love to know your name. I’m sure it’s just as lovely as the woman who owns it.”

  There is no way I’m giving him my name. No matter how strong his pull is, the last thing I need is for him to know anything about me even if it’s something as simple as my name.

  As I open my mouth to let him know he won’t be getting my name, I’m saved by the bell when Matt chooses that very moment to come back from the stockroom.

  “Hey, baby doll, I’m back.”

  Thank God for small miracles.

  I use the interruption as an escape from the man who has this strange hold on me. “I’ll send a waitress over to your table when you’re ready to settle your bill, sir. Have a nice day.” With that, I turn on my heels and rush toward the break room, not bothering to look back.

  After several minutes, I’m finally able to get myself under control. The trembling in my hands has stopped, and the blush has faded from my cheeks and neck. I feel like I’m actually able to breathe normally again. I don’t understand what’s happening to me, how I could possibly be so intensely attracted to someone I’ve never seen before.

  Men cause nothing but pain. Men cause nothing but pain, I repeat over and over in my head as I pace the concrete floor of the break room.

  It’s a mantra I’ve told myself for as long as I can remember. If I never let myself forget this, then I’ll never allow another man to get close enough to hurt me ever again. I had no choice when I was younger, but I’m no longer that little girl trapped in a world I’m desperate to escape. I’m an adult, and I finally made it out on the other side. I will never allow a man to take my choice away from me again.

  Men cause nothing but pain. Men cause nothing but pain.

  “I get that you’re having some sort of crisis back here, but it’s been damn near thirty minutes, and it’s starting to get busy out there.”

  I look up to see Matt leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, with a worried expression on his face.

  “Sorry, Matty.” My voice is a little more than a whisper.

  In two strides, he’s across the room and pulling me into his arms. “It’s okay, honey. I’m just worried about you.”

  I allow myself to momentarily soak in his affection before pulling away. “Thanks, Matt. I’m good, really. You don’t need to worry.”

  Matt lets out an exasperated sigh and gives his head a shake before placing his hands on his hips. “Baby doll, no offense, but you’re so far from good that it’s not even funny. I know we haven’t known each other that long, but don’t lie to me. It’s written all over that pretty face of yours. Don’t think Carmen and I can’t see that pain you keep hidden away.”

  I know he’s right. To everyone else, I’m just a quiet, shy wo
man, but Matt and Carmen have always known something lies deeper. Luckily, they’ve let me hold on to my secrets so far, never forcing the issue. I’m beyond grateful to the both of them for that.

  “Matt, please…”

  I don’t even have to finish my sentence. He already gets it.

  Holding up his hands in surrender, he replies, “I know, I know. Don’t ask. I’ll let it go this time, Marley. I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you ever need me. I mean that.”

  My eyes brim with tears at Matt’s words. I’ve never had a true family. There’s never been anyone in my life who loved me unconditionally or worried about me. When I met Carmen and Matt, I never once expected either of them to beat at the walls I surrounded myself with until they finally made it through. They forced their way into my life and heart, and I’m so glad they did. For the first time in my life, I finally feel like I have a family. I just wish I were able to open up to them like they want. I wish I wasn’t so broken.

  “I know, Matty, and I love you for that. I just…can’t, okay?”

  I desperately hope he understands why I can’t confide all my secrets. I’m so scared that if he or Carmen find out some of the things I’ve done, they’ll never look at me the same. I wouldn’t be able to live with that. I’ve survived so much in my twenty-two years, but losing Matt or Carmen would shatter me.

  Matt places his hands on my shoulders and gives them a reassuring squeeze. “Okay, baby doll. Enough with the serious. Get your cute butt out there, and start making those tips. College courses don’t pay for themselves, you know.”

  And just like that, everything is back to normal.

  I’m heading out of the break room when a thought hits me, stopping me in my tracks. “Matt,” I say as I spin back around to face him, “that guy—”

  “He’s already gone, Marley. It’s all good.”

  I know I should feel relieved, but a small part of me is disappointed that I’m not going to see him again.

  Oh, well. This is definitely for the best. A man like that would be destructive to my sanity. No doubt.

  Matt wraps his arm across my shoulders and drags me out of the break room. “One of these days, baby doll, I’m gonna get you to talk if it’s the last thing I do.”

  I don’t bother telling him not to hold his breath.

  “I need a favor,” Carmen demands as she makes her way around the bar a few hours later.

  All I can do is laugh at her dramatics. God love her, but drama is a daily occurrence with that girl.

  “You’ve literally been here for fifteen seconds, Car. How can you already need a favor?”

  “Ha-ha. Smart-ass.” She ties her apron around her waist and blows her long bangs away from her eyes, so she can attempt to pierce me with a go-to-hell stare.

  Little does she know, that with the blonde hair, blue eyes, and adorable Kewpie doll face, she could never look intimidating, no matter how hard she tried.

  “I need a favor for tomorrow night, asshole.”

  That’s another thing that makes Carmen so damn cute. Looking at her, you can’t help but want to pinch her cheeks, but as soon as she opens her mouth, words come out that would make a sailor blush. The woman has no filter whatsoever.

  “Yes, calling me an asshole is definitely how you should go about asking for a favor.”

  She throws her head back in frustration. “Ugh, whatever! Are you going to help me or not?”

  Getting Carmen riled up is definitely in the top five of my favorite things to do. It’s just too damn easy.

  “Tell me what it is you need me to do, and I’ll let you know,” I answer with a laugh.

  “Well, you know that catering company I work for as a server?” she begins.

  Like me, Carmen has to work extra jobs in order to support herself. The only difference is that she takes multiple odd jobs instead of picking up extra shifts at just one, and it’s not because she’s working her way through school. She’s all about the nightlife, and she works her ass off to make sure she can afford to go out and live it up whenever her little heart desires.

  “One of the other girls has been sick for, like, a week. Pneumonia or some shit like that—”

  “Way to be sympathetic, Carmen,” Matt says as he makes his way over to us.

  Carmen cuts her eyes in his direction. “Eat me, Matty.”

  “Sorry, baby cakes. Don’t swing that way.”

  “You would if you knew what you were missing. My puss—”

  “Jesus Christ!” I interrupt. “Please, for the love of God, don’t finish that sentence,” I plead.

  I’ve never met a woman in my life who loves talking about her vagina more than Carmen.

  “Yes. I’ll help you tomorrow—on one condition. You can’t refer to your vagina at all for the rest of the night.”

  She lets out a high-pitched squeal before wrapping me in a hug and jumping up and down. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re a lifesaver, babe. The event starts at eight, so be there around seven thirty. It’s some sort of masquerade ball or some shit for Halloween at the Grand Ballroom. A bunch of rich dickheads dressed to the nines and wearing masks. I’ll have your uniform ready for you when you get there. All I need you to do is keep the people boozed up on champagne and pass around a few appetizers.”

  I’m sure there would be more to do than she was letting on, but working as a server wasn’t something new to me. In the past few years, I’ve worked almost every odd job out there, anything in order to support myself. It wasn’t until I started at Fletchers that I was able to quit all the other part-time jobs and actually concentrate on attempting to get a college degree.

  “All right, I’m in. But remember our deal.”

  Carmen raises her left hand in the air and places her right over her heart. “I solemnly swear that I won’t speak a word about my vagina and its magical powers over the weaker sex for the remainder of the night. Amen.”

  I can hear Matt scoff from behind us, and I look around Carmen to see him shaking his head while he’s cutting up limes.

  “And people wonder why I’m gay.”

  ***

  “I’m here, I’m here.” I rush to the service area in the kitchen of the Grand Ballroom.

  Carmen is standing there with her arms crossed over her chest and her foot tapping impatiently against the tile floor. “Mother of fuck, Marley! Could you push it any later?”

  When I left class earlier this evening, I walked out to the parking lot to a car that refused to start. The battery in my 1995 Honda Accord was shot. The damn car had been giving me problems ever since I bought it, but it was all I could afford, so I was stuck with it. It had taken a miracle—and money I couldn’t afford to part with—but Matt managed to get me a new battery, and he replaced it right there in the parking lot of the community college I was attending. Nothing about this day was working to my advantage.

  “Sorry I’m late, Carmen. It’s been a shit day.”

  She lets out a sigh and hands over my uniform for the evening. “It’s all good. Matty called and told me what went down. Just go change really quick, and I’ll get you all set.”

  I grab the uniform from her outstretched hands and book it to the restroom. After hanging the garment bag on the hook on the restroom door, I unzip it to see what I’ll be wearing for the remainder of the evening—black slacks, a crisp white button-down shirt, and a bow tie. It’s not out of the ordinary for a formal event such as this one. The only thing that throws me is the small black velvet mask. I guess they wanted the wait staff to keep with the masquerade theme of the night.

  Works for me.

  I’m all about anonymity, so I’ve got no problem wearing the mask. I slip out of my jeans and t-shirt and then quickly dress in my uniform. Glancing in the mirror, I pull my long, wavy hair into a topknot, and I slide the little half mask over my eyes. The black against my skin makes the green of my eyes pop even brighter, drawing attention directly to them.

  Satisfied with my appearan
ce, I dart back out of the restroom and head straight to Carmen, who is currently filling up champagne flutes and placing them on a shiny silver tray. She looks up from her task and sees me standing there.

  “Perfect! Just in time. What I need you to do right now is take this tray and start circling the room. When you’ve passed off the last flute, start picking up the empties and bring them back here. Easy-peasy.”

  I take the tray from her, making sure to balance it perfectly. I head for the swinging door and go out into the ballroom.

  Wow.

  Carmen wasn’t kidding. Everything about this room screams money. The men are all decked out in tuxedos while the women are wearing expensive gowns and dripping in jewels. The décor is equally as fancy—crystal chandeliers and tables adorned in ivory silk cloths with huge centerpieces that look like miniatures trees. No surprise, the branches of each centerpiece have tear-shaped crystals dripping from them. The lights have been dimmed, no doubt to appease all the rich—and most likely, extremely vain—women in the room, making certain they’re shown in the most flattering light.

  I’m immediately thankful for the obscurity provided by the mask. I don’t belong in this world.

  I make a slow lap around the tables, and people remove glasses of champagne from the tray in my hand without acknowledging me at all. That’s fine with me. Being invisible isn’t a problem at all. In just a matter of minutes, my tray is empty, and I’m gathering up empty glasses before heading back into the kitchen.