Destructive

by Jessica Prince

  “Is that why…” I struggle to ask my question. “All the women…”

  Gabriel’s hands shoot out quickly, wrapping around my waist and hauling me into his lap so that I’m straddling his legs. “I had a wife and a son. They meant everything to me, and when I lost them I lost a part of myself—a part I never thought I’d get back. I lost my whole world the day they died. It’s been almost five years, and until I met you, waking up each day was a struggle. I never wanted to get close to anyone because I couldn’t handle losing anyone else I cared about.”

  My tears tumble down, uncontrollably now. Everything in me hates that he had to suffer through that. To lose your spouse is a pain I’d never wish on my worst enemy. But to lose a child? It’s unfathomable. I reach up and cup his cheeks in my hands softly. “I’m so sorry baby. I’m sorry you ever had to go through that.”

  Reaching up, he wraps his hands around my wrists and pulls them down until my palms are flat against his chest. He continues on as though I hadn’t said a word. “But then I met you and everything changed. The minute I saw you I had to know you. I tried to ignore it at first. I tried not to care about you, but I just couldn’t help it. I was never able to look at you the way I did the others. You were different from the start. Being with you makes waking up each morning hurt just a little less than the morning before. When you walked into my life, it was like I didn’t have the chance to remember all the bad things from my past. You became my obsession; you were all I could think about…you are all I can think about. Waking up next to you each morning, I can finally breathe again.”

  Leaning in, I press my lips to his and kiss him passionately. I pour every emotion—everything I feel for him—into that kiss, leaving no room for him to doubt exactly how I feel about him.

  We’re both breathing heavily by the time I pull away, and I can feel his arousal growing between my legs. Grabbing my face in his hands, he rests his forehead against mine. “I love you, my bella.” His voice is low, but his words are fiercely determined. “Never doubt that. I would do anything for you, Marley.”

  Another wave of tears hits me as I take comfort in the warmth I feel at his confession. I never thought I could love someone the way I love Gabriel. I always thought I was too broken—too damaged—to be able to open myself to someone else, but he proved me wrong. I love Gabriel with every fiber, every breath. He’s become my obsession as well. “I love you too,” I whisper against his lips.

  Those four words ignite something in Gabriel. Tilting my head for better access, he kisses me with more force, more intensity than he ever has before. With every flick of his tongue against mine, I can feel the magnitude of his love for me, and I try to match it as best I can. No matter how far I push, no matter how tightly I hold on, I can’t get close enough to him. I’m desperate for him in a way I’ve never been before. “I need you,” I whimper into his mouth. “Please, Gabriel. I need you.”

  “You have me baby,” he says as he pulls his mouth from mine. “Stand up.”

  I do as he says with no hesitation. When I’m on my feet in front of him, he deftly undoes the button and zipper of my pants and yanks them down my legs, along with my panties, until I can step out of them. Without instruction, I reach for the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head quickly before doing the same with my bra. Standing in front of Gabriel completely naked, my yearning for him continues to grow as his eyes rake over my every inch of me.

  Leaning back against the couch, he undoes his pants and pulls out his cock. “I need inside you, baby. Right now.” I don’t make him wait a second longer. Taking the same position he put me in earlier, I straddle his thighs, taking his ridged erection in my hand and guide him to my entrance. I’m already so wet I know I won’t have any problem taking him this time. As soon as his head is lined up perfectly, I plunge down on his length roughly, taking every single inch in one quick thrust.

  The pleasure-pain I feel as his thick cock stretches me causes my hips to buck with such ferocity, it’s hard to breathe.

  “Christ, Marley. So fucking tight every time.”

  “Gabriel,” I moan as I continue to move, feeling the pull of my climax building.

  Grabbing hold of my hips, he lifts me up, only to slam my body back down on him as hard as he can, making us both moan with pleasure. I might be on top, but just like every other time, Gabriel is in complete control. I surrender to him as he picks up the pace, lifting and lowering me, his hips rising up to meet mine. My head falls back as the sensation builds higher and higher. Every part of Gabriel owns every part of me—possesses me—and that thought alone sends me over the edge, crying out his name as I spiral down, trembling and shaking uncontrollably, surrendering completely to the earth shattering release. “I love you,” I pant over and over as he continues to move beneath me.

  Completely depleted, I fall forward onto Gabriel’s chest as he continues to worship my body with his once. Seconds later, he thrusts into me one last time and stills, yelling out his own release as he fills me. It’s absolutely perfect.

  As we come down, I stay resting on him, lulled into peacefulness by the beating of his heart. I’ve almost dozed off when he gently lifts my face from his chest and stares into my eyes. “I love you, Marley.”

  I lean in and place a soft kiss on his lips. “I love you too.”

  ***

  Gabriel stays at my apartment, refusing to sleep without my by his side. As we lay in my bed, my head resting on his chest, I recall the heart clenching revelation from earlier.

  “Gabriel?”

  “Hmm,” he mumbles as he runs his fingers through my hair.

  I lift my face, resting my chin on top of my hand, and look up at him. His free arm is bent, propped behind his head giving him the perfect leverage to look down at me.

  “How did it happen?” I ask quietly. “I know it’s an intrusive thing to ask, and if you don’t want to tell me that’s fine—”

  He stops petting my hair and places a finger over my lips to silence me. “It’s all right, baby.” At his words, my body relaxes back into his. “They were shot.”

  My mouth opens on a gasp. I’d assumed it was a car wreck or something along those lines. But never once did I consider something as horrible as what he just said. “When my father was alive, there were people that were jealous of his success. People who didn’t want to have to work for what they felt they were owed. After he passed, I starting making some changes in how the company was being run, but there were still some that harbored resentment for the fact that Bertozzi Enterprises continued to thrive under my leadership. The company actually began doing even better than it had before. There was one man who didn’t like that the company didn’t crumble to the ground when my father died. He was always jealous of my family’s wealth and success, but he was too fucking lazy to try and create something of his own. He wanted revenge on the Bertozzi family.” Gabriel sucks in a deep breath like he’s having trouble getting the next part out. “He killed my wife and son to get that.”

  “Did they catch the man who did it?”

  He tenses beneath me before responding, “No. He was never caught.”

  I blink rapidly to try and prevent the tears that had built during his story from falling, but it’s useless. “Gabriel, I don’t know what to say. ‘I’m sorry’ just doesn’t seem like enough.”

  His hand begins rubbing my hair again and he releases a deep sigh. “There’s nothing to say, my bella. I wish I could undo the past, but I can’t. At least now that I have you I’m able to look forward to the future again.”

  My heart swells and I smile brightly. “You know, I never looked forward to the future until I met you. I just took each day as it went. Being with you has given me something to be truly happy about.”

  The smile the spreads across his lips lights up his entire face. “I know just what you mean, baby.”

  Turning my face to the side, I snuggle further into his warmth. “Do you think, one day, you’ll be able to tell me about them? Yo
u loved them and they were important to you. I’d like for you to be able to share that with me.”

  “Yeah, my bella. I think I might be able to do that eventually.”

  “Good,” I whisper just before sleep envelopes me.

  Winter has officially grabbed hold of Chicago, coating the city in white. Freezing temperatures keep some indoors, while the rest of us, are forced to bundle up and brave the elements. Fletcher’s has been close to dead over the past few weeks due to the weather, giving me some much needed study time. Winter break is only a few days away, which means I’m using every spare second I have to study for mid-terms.

  Things between Gabriel and I have been great since that night at my apartment almost a month ago, and I know I should be happy about how my life is progressing, but there’s this niggling doubt in the back of my mind, telling me it’s not going to last. Most people just accept the good times for what they are and appreciate them while they last. Me, I find myself silently waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve never really had good before, and I can’t get rid of the feeling that I should be bracing for the bad to rear its ugly head again.

  Every night since finding out about Gabriel’s past, I’ve found myself in his bed. Being in his arms every night has been nice, but it hasn’t kept the nightmares away. I’ve been plagued by them incessantly. I’m constantly walking on eggshells, waiting for the night Gabriel actual wakes up to witness one. These constant worries stem from the fact that I’ve yet to open up to him about my past.

  I’ve tried so many times, and so many different ways, but every time I open my mouth to tell him, my body freezes up and the panic takes over.

  “Marley,” Gabriel calls when he walks in the front door of his apartment.

  I blink my bleary eyes and call out, “Living room.”

  I’ve been staring at the small print in my text books for so long all the words are beginning to run together. My eyes sting from the hours of studying, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just a few more days and I have a nice little break from school for the winter.

  “Jane called me on the way home. Said you’ve been killing yourself with those books. She said if I don’t make you take a break she’s not gonna make me breakfast for at least a week.”

  “Two, if you don’t force her to put something in her belly! That girl’s wasting away!” Jane yells from her post in the kitchen, earning a laugh from both of us.

  I lift my arms over my head and stretch my body as far as I can then start to get up, letting out a groan as my muscles protest. Sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table isn’t the most comfortable position. I think every muscle in my legs has fallen asleep from being hunched up for so long.

  “Almost over baby,” I say, placing a kiss on Gabriel’s frowning lips. “Just a couple more days and midterms will be over.”

  “I don’t like seeing you so exhausted.” Gabriel’s lips are drawing in a tight line, his brows furrowed, causing a deep crease.

  “I’m fine.” I wave off his concern as I head for the kitchen. Jane’s right, I can’t remember the last time I ate anything, and my stomach feels like it’s gnawing at my backbone.

  “You aren’t fine,” he insists as he trails behind me. I go straight to the fridge and pull it open, grabbing a bowl of fresh strawberries despite the fact Jane is in the middle of making dinner. I can’t wait. If I don’t eat something soon I’ll pass out. “You go to school, you work full time, plus take as many extra shifts as you can to continue to pay for that shit-hole apartment! If you’d just break your goddamn lease and move in here you wouldn’t have to kill yourself working doubles all the fucking time. You’ve got bags under your eyes. And don’t think I don’t know about the nightmare.”

  Fuck. I guess he’s been waking up after all.

  “I’ve told you, I’m not getting rid of my place, Gabriel. I’m not having this argument with you, get over it,” I snap. I immediately feel guilty for being so harsh with him. He’s right, I’ve stretched myself too thin and it’s really starting to weigh on me. I just keep telling myself that the winter break will replenish all my dwindling energy.

  “You’re being difficult.”

  “And you’re being stubborn. What a shocker.”

  I can hear Jane snickering from her place at the stove and have to bite the side of my cheek to keep my own laugh at bay.

  Seeing my failing attempt to not laugh, Gabriel’s scowl deepens just before he turns and storms out of the kitchen. Just a few seconds later a door slams, letting me know he’s closed himself up in his office. Too tired to fight with him, I resign myself to allowing him to calm himself down and go about my evening.

  ***

  “Where’s the rest of it!” the angry man’s voice demands.

  “That’s all there i-is! I s-swear!” My mother’s voice cracks as she continues to sob uncontrollably. Terror grips my chest so tightly that I’m having difficulty breathing. From my little hideaway inside my closet I can hear the arguing.

  “Search the house,” A deep voice demands. I curl up tighter, one hand over my mouth to stifle any sound, the other wrapped tightly around my legs.” I don’t dare breathe as the sound of heavy footsteps echo through our tiny house, going room to room.

  It seems like hours have passed, but in all honesty, it’s probably only been a handful of minutes since the three men dressed in all black and wearing ski masks kicked in our front door.

  The sound of the wood splintering just before it bashed against the wall jarred me from my sleep. My mother’s startled screams warned me that whoever just entered our house wasn’t someone she knew. She had been in the kitchen cutting the cocaine for Eduardo’s men to pick up in the morning when all hell broke loose.

  Sneaking from my bed as quietly as possible, I’d tiptoes down the short hall and watched as three masked figures tied my mother to one of the kitchen chairs. I knew there was no way I’d be able to help her, and the only phone in the house was sitting on the table in front of the men. I was helpless. Knowing that, I did the only I could, I hid.

  Sitting in a curled up ball on the dusty floor of my little hideaway, I listen closely as the men yell questions at my mother.

  “I swear to god, bitch. If I find out you’re holding out on us, I’ll drag this out as long and as painfully as possible. You understand me?”

  “Y-yes,” Mother sobs. “I swear this is all of it.”

  “When’s Almaraz supposed to pick up this shipment?” another man asks.

  “T-tomorrow. Please, please. Just take it. I won’t tell, I swear.”

  “Fucking right you won’t, you stupid junky whore,” the angry man says. “Cause you won’t live to tell about it.”

  “You find anything?” the deep voice asks.

  “All clear,” a third voice tells him.

  “Is there anyone else in the house?” the deep voice asks. I can only assume he’s talking to my mother.

  My stomach revolts and bile rises up in my throat and I have to swallow it back down. This is it. This is how I’m going to die. I just know she’ll tell them where I am in an attempt to save her own life. She’ll try to sell me to these men to save herself. It’s what she’s always done.

  “No.” The firm voice that comes from her isn’t anything I’d ever recognize. Her response shocks a small gasp from me, but the hand covering my mouth muffles it. “There’s no one else here. Just me.” I’ve never heard her speak so clearly in my life.

  Tears stream down my face as I sob silently.

  “Good, less bloodshed,” the angry man says just before the loud bang of a gun going off shoots through the house. Somehow, by the grace of God, I manage not to scream when the shot is fired. One shot, just one single shot and I know the only parent I’ve ever had is dead. And her very last act on this earth was to do the one thing she’d never done before. She protected me.

  Shuffling ensues and the men move around. My only guess is they’re collecting the drugs they demanded from my
mother. Eduardo’s drugs.

  “Burn it,” I hear the deep voiced man say.

  Fear takes over. I’m stuck in this hole while I listen to footsteps and the sounds of something wet being poured onto the floor. I’m going to burn to death in the place I’ve considered my refuge my entire childhood. I always assumed it would be at the hands of Eduardo or one of his men. I never, in my eighteen years thought it would be like this.

  A scratching noise sounds just seconds before I hear the whoosh of flames. Squeezing my eyes as tightly as I can, I sit and wait for death.

  All I can think is that I’m not ready yet.

  I awaken to the sounds of someone screaming and shoot up in the bed, drenched in sweat. Arms band around my waist and I begin thrashing around, trying to get away from whoever is holding me down. The sounds of someone yelling my name break through the screams, and it takes me several seconds to realize the screams are coming from me.

  “Marley! Fuck, MARLEY! Wake up, baby. Wake up!” Gasping a deep lungful of air, I try to calm down, choking on sobs as I desperately try to catch my breath. “It’s okay. It’s okay, my bella. I’m here. I’ve got you.” Gabriel’s arms tighten even more, rocking me back and forth as his soothing words finally break through the memories that are currently threatening to suffocate me.

  Back and forth, back and forth. The hushed sounds of Gabriel’s voice and the steady rocking begin to comfort me as he holds my trembling body in his strong embrace.

  It feel like hours pass before I’m finally able to breathe normally again. This dream is the worst. The night of my mother’s death—the night I was so certain my own life was coming to an end, only it turned out to be the night I was granted my freedom. The same night I lost everything was the night I was reborn—given the chance to start over. But what it took to get there will haunt for as long as I live.