Green: a friends to lovers romantic comedy

by Kayley Loring

  “I was still technically with Andrew. Or I guess I was legally with you, but still secretly with Andrew. I don’t know,” she waved one hand in the air dismissively, “you know what I mean. So it never occurred to me that these feelings I had for you would ever be something I needed to act on because you’ve never shown any interest...”

  I started to interject, to reiterate why I hadn’t shown any interest.

  “I know, I know, just let me get through this. When things ended with Andrew, I felt so vulnerable with you that it felt necessary to get over you. So I tried to. I almost did. I really wanted to.”

  “So…if you aren’t over me then why is it so important that you get away from me?”

  She finally looked up at me. “I said I’m almost over you.” She pulled a face and attempted an adorable, terrible Al Pacino Godfather 3 impression: “Just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in!”

  I don’t know how I managed to keep from grabbing her and kissing her, but I managed. Years of practice.

  She reached out to hold one of my hands and played with my fingers. “I have thought about this. A lot. Believe me. You are my best friend. But I don’t know this other side of you. And I don’t want to live with you again until I know if I want to live with you like this. In a new way. Until we both know for sure that it’s what we both want. I can’t just flip a switch. Or maybe I’m afraid to. Andrew and I just fell into a relationship because it was the easiest thing to do. We grew up together and it was what people expected. I don’t want to make that kind of mistake with you. You always said you’d help me out, whenever I need something. So if you really want me.” She took in a deep breath and pushed it out before continuing. “As more than a friend. I’m going to need you to figure out a way to make this work. I love you and I don’t ever want to lose you, but I’m not one of your fangirls. I need you to woo me. You’re going to have to work for it.”

  Wow. The friend side of me wanted to high-five her for that little speech. The would-be lover side of me was used to defending myself against that kind of demand from a girl that I was pursuing. She bit her lower lip and looked up at me through her eyelashes, and she was getting no argument from me.

  “Okay.”

  “Really?”

  It took her by surprise when I pulled her in towards me and rested my hands on her waist.

  “I mean. I don’t want you to move out. Let’s clarify some things. Are you saying that you don’t want us to be friends while we try to date?”

  She placed her trembling hands on my chest, pressing her forehead against them. “I don’t know how else to do it.”

  I touched her chin and tilted it upwards so we could look into each other’s eyes. “So we’re going to pretend that we aren’t friends and we’re going to pretend that we aren’t legally married so that you can mentally and emotionally handle dating me.”

  “Well it sounds weird when you say it like that but it makes sense to me. When I’m totally redecorating a room I have to strip it as bare as possible so I can see it in a new way and get a fresh take on it.”

  It made me happy that we had the same sort of approach to rebooting our relationship, but I couldn’t refrain from grinning at that. “So stripping bare is on the table.”

  I nearly lost my balance when she held my gaze and grinned back. “Like I said. You’ll have to work for it.”

  Game on. I lowered my lips to her ear and whispered: “I just hope you can handle how long and hard I work.”

  “And I hope you can handle how hard I’m going to make you.” She covered her mouth and pushed herself away from me. “Work. How hard I’m going to make you work is what I meant! I have to get out of here.”

  I stayed where I was, trying to process everything.

  She ran back to her room and came out again carrying her laptop, suitcase and handbag. “Text me when you’ve left the house so I can come back and get more stuff, okay? I haven’t watered the plants, so you need to remember to water them on Sunday and I made sugar water for the hummingbird feeder--it’s labeled in the fridge and you have to remember to change the nectar every three days and rinse out the feeder. Plus add birdseed to the feeders in front and back if they ever get low.”

  “Done. Hey, hold on.”

  “I can’t talk to you anymore.”

  “Then just listen to me. I want to say one thing.”

  She paused, still facing the front door, away from me. I went over to her.

  “Can I say goodbye to my best friend before you take her away from me?”

  Her shoulders slumped. She sighed. “I’m not taking her away forever.” She slowly turned to face me.

  I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a big long friend-hug. She relaxed into it. Eventually.

  “Get ready, because I’m gonna woo you like you’ve never been wooed before.”

  “Well I’ve never really been wooed before. So you’ve already got a running start.”

  “I think we both know I don’t need that.”

  She pulled back, clearing her throat.

  “I’ll call you.” My eyes took a long slow stroll from her confused face down to her shifty feet. I liked everything I saw and it felt good to really look at her, for a change, but I wanted to see so much more. Now that I had the green light to officially think of her not-just-as-a-friend, my brain was flooded with absolutely filthy thoughts and images. “Yeah, you’d better go before I start working hard on you right here and now,” I growled.

  She was out the door before the words “hard on” had escaped my lips, which was probably a good thing.

  I couldn’t believe she told me she was in love with me. How did I not see that? How could she have been so good at hiding it? Or did I just have my head up my ass this whole time? Was that why she was always so mad at me?

  She needed to be seduced, and I’m the guy who’ll give her whatever she needs, no problem. But the wooing? It felt new to me. She was right, I was spoiled, but I could still remember the last time I had to work for it to try to get a girl to go out with me. It was the tenth grade. I spent a week psyching myself up to approach Serena Birdsong at her locker and ask her to go to a movie with me. I’d sent her a Candy Gram, let her cheat off of me in Algebra, and did her physics homework once. She was a total film nerd so I thought for sure she would say ‘yes.’ She did not. She didn’t even bother to say why. I was crushed. I was humiliated. But that was when I started running. I started running to silence the sound of her saying “Nope. I don’t.” in my head. I kept running because I started picturing some faceless wonderful girl running ahead of me, and I just wanted to catch up to her.

  Now that this girl was a woman with a face, she was still somehow out of reach. But I would pace myself. I’m a marathon runner. I knew I’d get there.

  14

  Gemma

  It was unbelievably difficult for me to say what I said to Theo, but once I’d finally said it out loud to him and gotten out of that house, I realized that it was so much easier than keeping my feelings a secret for such a long time. A weight had been lifted and I felt great, but I also had butterflies in my stomach. I loved them. Those lovesick stomach butterflies were finally free.

  I realized my self-imposed exile was hard to understand on many levels. I knew how much I was going to miss having Theo as a best friend during this weird transitional phase, but I didn’t want to be the girl who Swiffers to Justin Bieber and offers to marry him while doing the dishes. I wanted to be the girl he drives to pick up for a date, who makes his palms sweaty when he sees me in a new dress, who says things like “you aren’t going to believe how hard I’m going to make you” and doesn’t run away screaming. I was hoping that girl would be able to handle him looking at me like he wanted to devour me. Because that was how he was looking at me in Palm Desert, and right before I fled from his house that night.

  I was just starting to get a handle on the fact that I wanted to be devoured by him. And that I was afraid of it. And that I was just as a
fraid of losing myself in him as I was afraid of losing him.

  But I was twenty-five, and he was hot and I was horny and what the hell, right? Soon I’d be too old to use my youth as an excuse for my mistakes, and I hadn’t made nearly enough mistakes yet. I was primed for making some really juicy ones.

  I had left the wedding rings in their boxes in the drawer by my bed. I never wore them, but I liked having them near me. It already felt weird not being there. I loved Chloe and Ethan and really liked their new apartment, but after over a month of long workdays, what I really needed was to collapse into my own bed at home. This wasn’t home. Theo had been my home for years, I knew that. But as much as I had gotten used to living with my secret feelings for Theo—there definitely wasn’t enough room in that house for me, Theo, my newly-open feelings for him, his weird sudden onset of jealousy, his freaking beautiful bare chest, the memory of us making out on the sofa, the growing attraction between us, and my own sexual frustration. Los Angeles County may not have been big enough to house that last thing.

  Three seconds after I got into bed, in Chloe and Ethan’s home office/guest room, I was greeted by a text from Theo.

  Theo: I need to ask you something.

  Oh God, now what?

  Me: Proceed.

  Theo: What exactly is it about The Departed that makes you horny?

  Me: How do you know it makes me horny?

  Theo: *raises eyebrow* Come on. Is it DiCaprio or Damon? Just tell me. One word.

  Me: Sheen.

  Me: It’s Martin Sheen and all that talking. I will never watch The West Wing in front of you, because it’s basically porn to me.

  Theo: Liar.

  Me: Fine. It’s everything. I don’t know what it is specifically. It’s the whole package.

  Me: Okay, I lied. I just lied again.

  Me: I’ll tell you what it really is about The Departed that makes me horny.

  Theo: Proceed.

  Me: Watching it with you. I watched it with Andrew once when I was visiting him and it just didn’t do it for me. It’s you. Watching all those violent filthy-mouthed Boston alpha males with you.

  Theo: I really fucking wish you were here with me right now.

  Theo: Naked.

  Theo: Good night.

  Me: xo

  It was a miracle that I was able to sleep that night, and a testament to how exhausted I was, but I slept for ten hours straight. I had the next day off, and would have lost my mind being at Chloe and Ethan’s alone all day while they were at work, but I kept myself busy by rearranging the furniture in their living and dining rooms, and posting my progress on Instagram. That would have been rude and crazy, had they not asked me to.

  I kept my phone on me all the time, constantly checking to see if I’d gotten a text from Theo and cursing myself for wanting so badly to hear from him now, after being so annoyed by all of his texts the week before.

  It wasn’t until mid-afternoon when I got a message from him.

  Theo: Is it okay for me to call you now?

  Me: Yes, Mr. Canada, you may call me now. You don’t have to be so polite now that you’re an American, you know?

  Theo: You can’t handle me not being polite to you.

  Me: Try me.

  I didn’t answer his call until the third ring, because I was trying to get into sexy phone voice mode. “Hello, this Gemma speaking,” I said, sounding like a very sexy animated chipmunk.

  “Hello there, Gemma.” His voice was huskier than usual. “If I had actually done the things that I just imagined doing to you, you would not be able to speak at all right now.”

  Suddenly, my mouth went dry, my palms were sweaty and I started coughing like a sexy idiot.

  I could hear him quietly laughing like a sexy jerk. “I’d apologize and ask if you’re okay, but—”

  “I’m fine.” I can do this. “Why don’t you tell me a little more about what you imagined doing to me?”

  “I’d rather show you. When the time is right. I called you for another reason.”

  “Do tell.”

  “The closing night party for the tech summit thing I’ve been going to is tomorrow night. I’d like you to come with me.”

  “As your date?”

  “No, as my chauffeur. It’s being held on the Warner Brothers lot, so wear something pretty but casual. All the men there will be wearing jeans and expensive sneakers.”

  “Why, will there be a Jerry Seinfeld lookalike contest?”

  “Cute. It’ll be a bunch of wealthy investors and tech people, like me.”

  “I’ll wear my very best yoga pants for them.”

  “Only if you promise I’m the only one who gets to see your downward dog pose.”

  “Not on the first date.”

  “Fair enough. So you’re free tomorrow night?”

  “Probably?”

  “I’ll pick you up at six-thirty. Don’t worry, it won’t be a late night. And it won’t be super exciting. Rich people talking about investments and tech stuff.”

  “Wow, don’t talk it up too much or I’ll be disappointed.”

  “You won’t be disappointed. There’ll be a DJ and food and all that, you know.”

  “Great! I’ll carry a big purse and some sandwich bags to bring food home in—don’t worry, I’ll be a ninja.”

  “Bring a big purse filled with your business cards. I’ll be introducing you to a lot of wealthy people with big houses that need decorating.”

  “Is it sexy to say that I just peed myself a little?”

  “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. I’ll be busy at the conference all morning but I look forward to seeing you at six-thirty tomorrow.”

  “Roger that. I’m gonna go finish posting this living room makeover on Instagram.”

  “Cool. I’m gonna go think about all the different ways I’m going to make you come.”

  He hung up.

  I had to check my recent calls list to confirm that it was, in fact, Theo Walker who had just called me, because that was nothing at all like our previous phone conversations.

  I grabbed a bottle of water and paced around for thirty seconds before texting Chloe. I had been sending her and Ethan pics of their new living and dining room arrangement for the past couple of hours, but apparently my message conveyed distress nonetheless.

  Me: Hey! How’s your day?!

  Chloe: What’s wrong?

  Me: Nothing?! Just checking in. I love your place. Thanks so much for letting me stay here and post this stuff on Instagram.

  Chloe: What’s wrong?

  Me: Nothing

  Chloe: Gem I don’t have all day I’m in a meeting

  Me: Should you be texting in a meeting?

  Chloe: It’s an industrial design firm not the White House

  Me: Fine. I can’t do this.

  She didn’t even have to ask what I was talking about.

  Chloe: Yes you can.

  Me: I don’t know if I can handle it.

  Chloe: Yes you can. You’d be surprised how much the vaginal walls can stretch.

  I nearly spat out my water.

  Chloe: Mother Nature wants us to accommodate big dicks. #survivalofthefittest

  I placed my water bottle down on the counter, because I didn’t want to choke to death before finding out if that was true.

  Me: I think I saw that on a bumper sticker once…Can you meet me at Nordstrom?

  Chloe: YES.

  Me: I didn’t say when.

  Chloe: I can ALWAYS meet you at Nordy.

  Me: I might need help picking out an outfit.

  Chloe: FOR A DATE WITH THEO?! I WILL HELP YOU PICK OUT THE SLUTTIEST OUTFIT IN LA!

  Chloe: Which would basically be naked with the word SLUT written in red lipstick across your tits.

  Me: That doesn’t sound like me. Maybe pink lipstick.

  Chloe: LOL

  Me: Okay but I don’t want to make a big deal out of this because I’m already nervous. I will not wear a slutty outfit.
>
  Chloe: Fine…

  She didn’t send another text for a couple of minutes, and in those two minutes I almost convinced myself that I should text Theo and tell him I wouldn’t be able to make it to the party.

  Chloe: My boss just asked me to read aloud our text convo. She says you need to go slutty or go home. She’s right about everything. Meet you at our spot at the Grove at seven. Gotta go. Xo

  I was in the dressing room at Nordstrom, trying on a pretty sundress, and trying to figure out why the woman in that mirror was so much fatter and uglier than the one in my mirror at home, when a hand that belonged to Chloe shoved a little black dress in my face.

  “This is the one. Put this on.”

  I could tell that it was made from at least ten percent spandex, and it had a bustier top with a cutout back.

  “This is bordering on slutty.”

  “Shut yo mouth girl. Nordstrom does not sell slutty. It’s a body-con dress. So Theo will be conscious of your body in it. Put it on.”

  “I am not pro this body-con dress.”

  “Put. The. Body-con. On.”

  I removed the pretty sundress and searched for a zipper on the little black dress. No such luck. I stepped into it and tried to pull it up past my hips, but the dress was like—no.

  “You slip it on over your head,” Chloe stage whispered from right outside my dressing room.

  “I don’t think this is casual enough for the event.”

  “It will be if you throw a loose blouse over it. But you let Theo see you in just the dress first. Know what I mean?”

  I struggled to get the stretchy rib knit dress down past my thighs. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  Somehow, Chloe knew that I was talking about Theo and not the dress. “Okay, well how about we do a pros and cons list regarding you and Theo dating. I’ll list the pros. One. He’s legally your husband. Two. He’s your best friend. Three. He’s your best friend who is also legally your husband. Four. He’s fucking hot. Five. He’s worth millions. Six. He is crazy about you. Seven. You haven’t had sex in what—a century?”