Break My Fall (Broken)

by Chloe Walsh

  I’m not sure what I was looking for when I checked up on her, but I was relieved to know she had no criminal record, no records drug or alcohol abuse. She didn’t smoke and had ticked single on her file info. I’d made a few calls to her highschool in Montgomery and discovered Lee had perfect school attendance for the first three and half years of highschool, until she dropped out back in April, two months before senior graduation. What confused me was why Lee would drop out with two months to go, when she had a 4.0 GPA.

  I was so engrossed in my findings that I almost didn’t notice her coming out of the building. She looked up at my truck for a moment, then slowly walked towards me. Shoving the paper into the dashboard, I pressed on a button and the window rolled down. She looked straight in the window at me and smiled shyly. This was going to sting like a bitch. “Get in. We have to talk.”

  LEE

  My heart flipped inside my chest when I saw Kyle parked outside when I came out. I was prepared for my usual walk home. “Get in. We need to talk,” he said shortly. The smile I was wearing evaporated. My heart stopped flipping and sank in my stomach. This was bad. I opened the passenger door and climbed in…well attempted to climb in.

  After the third attempt at trying to hoist myself up, Kyle came around and lifted me in. My body trembled when he touched my hips. I couldn’t tie the complicated seat belt either so he strapped me in. “How was your day?” I asked when the silence in the car became unbearable. Kyle shifted in his seat, and turned down the volume on the radio. I hadn’t realised it was on. He had rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and I was having a hard time concentrating on anything other than the light dusting of hair on his muscled forearms, his long fingers… “It was…hard,” he stopped and cleared his throat. “Lee, we need to talk.” I agreed with that. I nodded for him to continue. He sighed but said nothing. I turned to look at him and gasped when I saw the turmoil in his eyes. He looked like he was at war with himself. After what felt like a year instead of seconds, he spoke.

  “What happened between us in my office cannot happen again.” I sank into my seat. He regretted it, he regretted me. He took my silence as a means to continue torturing me. “I shouldn’t have touched you… I can’t let that happen again Lee. Do you understand why?” I nodded. No I didn’t understand but I didn’t want to hear all the reasons he didn’t want me. “I’m not good for you Lee. I can’t give you more. And you deserve more. We live in the same house, and now you’re working for me. It can’t happen again. I’m sorry if I led you on, or made you think this was more than it is.” I couldn’t listen anymore. “It’s okay Kyle, I understand,” I whispered, desperate for this car ride to be over so I could crawl into my bed and die of the humiliation. He sighed again. “I’m sorry Lee.” I nodded in response.

  I jumped out of the truck the moment he pulled up to the house. I needed to get away from him. As I slid my key in the hole, the front door swung inwards. “Lee? You’re crying. What’s happened?” Cam stood before me clearly bewildered. I barged past her and ran for my room. I couldn’t talk to her right now. I flung myself down on my bed, just as my bedroom door opened. “Lee what the hell is wrong with you?” Cam rushed over to me. “Go away,” I sobbed. This was humiliating enough with spectators. “No until you tell me what happened?” I pushed myself up on my forearms and swung my head around to look at her. She was sitting on my bed, with worry etched on her face. “Why didn’t you tell me Kyle owned the hotel? Why didn’t you tell me he was my boss Cam?” Cam’s face paled, “Who told you?” she whispered. “No one, I discovered that little piece of information all by myself when he called me into his office today.” I pulled myself up and sat facing her. “How could you not tell me? Why didn’t you tell him?” Cam scrunched her nose, “He fired you didn’t he?” I frowned. Her question sounded like more a statement, “I’m gonna kick his ass.”

  “Look Lee I didn’t tell you because Kyle is weird about people knowing. He doesn’t like people knowing how much he’s worth, it wasn’t my place to say anything. I didn’t tell Kyle because he doesn’t hire girls as young as you. He had a lot of shit with some girl a while back and it’s like his cardinal rule. When you told me you got the job, I partly guessed he didn’t know. I was just trying to have your back.” That was a solid explanation. It made much more sense than all the crazy theories I had rushing around in my brain. “Oh,” I said sheepishly. I felt bad that I overreacted. Cam always had my back, “I’m sorry for being a bitch Cam.” She smirked at me, “Don’t worry about it babe. I’d be furious if my roommate fired me too.” She stood up and stretched her back out, “I was serious earlier, I’m gonna go kick his ass.” She moved to the door.

  “He didn’t fire me.” He just gave me the time of my life in his office, before ripping my heart to shreds in his car. Cam swung back to face me, “For real? What happened when he called you into his office?” I ducked my head to cover my burning face, “Uh, nothing. He said job was safe for now.” Her eyes narrowed, “Did anything else happen?” I shook my head.

  “No, nothing.”

  KYLE

  I didn’t see Lee around much after our talk. Well my talk, she hadn’t said more than a few words. I couldn’t figure out what she was thinking when I told her that we had to stop. But it was pretty obvious from her absence around the house that she was avoiding me. I saw her at work but I kept my distance, I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable. Linda had her doing a few shifts waitressing in the main restaurant. I wanted to tell Linda to fuck off and keep Lee upstairs out of harm’s way, and out of view of all the bastards who ogled her. I also wanted to rip the tight little black server skirt and white blouse off her hot little body, but I couldn’t do a thing. Linda was already suspicious as to why I kept Lee instead of firing her as I originally planned.

  I couldn’t be angry with Linda for being suspicious; the woman had razor sharp intuition, and she knew my ass better than anyone. She was on to me and I knew it. I never could hide much from Linda, not even when she showed up at the McMullen’s house with my grandfather, to take me away my fifth and final foster family.

  I had been a lonely eight-year-old kid, with a dirty mouth and even worse attitude. I never told anyone that I thought saw was an angel that day, sent down from heaven to save me. From that day to this, Linda had been a mother to me. She was all I had in the world that I could call family. I had blood relatives in the form of my father, his wife, and their son. However, I’d rather chew my fucking arm off than concern myself with them. I could barely tolerate them. I had no remorse for feeling like this.

  My ‘father’ didn’t deserve remorse, and only feelings I had for him were of pure hatred, hatred for knocking up a sixteen-year-old girl with a fondness for white powder, and walking away without a care for the repercussions. Well I was a big motherfucking repercussion. It was no wonder I was such an asshole. Having a cold-hearted whore for a father didn’t exactly bring the warm fuzzies out in a person.

  I felt like bastard for pushing Lee away, for being the reason she locked herself away in her room as soon as she came home from work. I guess the apple never falls too far from the tree. However, it was better this way. This way she wouldn’t get hurt. As much of a heartless prick that I was, I never wanted to hurt Lee. Cam was right in what she had said; Lee was fragile. I knew from Derek that Lee had been out with Cam and him. It just put proof to pudding that it was me she was avoiding. I should feel relieved that she was keeping away from me, but instead I just felt….empty.

  My phone rang, and I answered it without checking the screen. “Hey handsome.” Her voice said in her usual fake sultry tone. It sounded like someone was scraping their nails down a chalkboard when she spoke like that. “What’s up Rachel?” I leaned back in my chair, shifted my feet to rest on my desk, reminding myself to check my fucking screen in future. “I’m in the lobby. I thought we could have lunch?” Yeah right. Having lunch with Rachel meant she was looking for something. And that something usually came with a big fat price tag. “
Grab a seat in the front bar,” I muttered, dejected, “I’ll be there soon.”

  LEE

  “What can I get you?” I stood with my notepad and pen braced to take their orders. Kyle was sitting in a corner booth with Rachel. She was sneering at me. He was staring wide-eyed and fumbling with his keys. I focussed on keeping my breathing even. I wanted to run away and cry.

  “How’s your hand little girl?” I didn’t dare make eye contact with the evil redhead. She really didn’t like me. It didn’t take a genius to figure that much out. I pretended not to hear her and focussed my attention on Kyle instead. It was the first time I’d faced him since the office incident. He had the decency to blush.

  “I’ll have a milkshake, and the soup, please Lee.” I nodded and wrote his order down. Rachel clicked her fingers against the table and I forced myself to look at her with as much of a smile I could muster. “Lee? What kind of a name is that for a girl?” I cringed, my face glowing with embarrassment. “It’s short for Delia. It was my mama’s name. I was named after her.” She smirked, her green eyes gleaming, “Well then your mama’s name is disgusting too, just like you ‘Delia’.” The pen fell from my hands as I struggled to reign in my temper. That bitch crossed the line, bringing up my mother. “Would you mind taking my order? I know you’re a little slow on the uptake, but that is what your job entails.”

  I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my face. They were angry tears. I bent down to pick up the pen. “Back off Rach,” I heard Kyle say quietly, making me cry more. “Are you okay Lee?” Mike bent down and handed me my pen. He must have seen what happened. I couldn’t talk. I shook my head. “Why don’t you go take your break? I’ll serve these two.” I nodded grateful for the escape. I heard Kyle call my name but I was too annoyed to stop. I shuffled to my feet and fled.

  KYLE

  “Keep your bitch on a leash Carter,” Mike snarled, as he glowered at us, “Lee doesn’t need your skanky girlfriend in her face.” I was up and in his face in seconds. “Say it again asshole,” I warned.

  Mike sneered at me and I wanted to stick my fist down his throat. I hadn’t realised Lee and Mike knew each other. The thought made my blood run cold. “Oh my boys, are you fighting over me again? I thought we did that already?” I glared at Rachel. She was enjoying this.

  “Why don’t you get back in your coffin Rachel,” Mike snapped. Rachel stood up; I could feel the anger rippling off her in waves. “Screw you Mike,” she hissed. “You already did that sweetheart and it wasn’t that memorable,” Rachel hissed and stormed past the both of us. “Stay away from her,” I warned. Mike focussed his attention back to me and smiled darkly. “Who, Rachel? You can have her.” He turned and headed back to the kitchen.

  “That’s not who I meant,” I shouted. He turned and grinned, his brown eyes full of malice, “I know.”

  LEE

  I was exhausted by the end of my shift. I finished stacking the chairs on top of the tables with a heavy heart. I picked up the mop bucket and headed out back to empty it. Walking past the office I noticed the light on inside. Huh, I thought everyone had left. I was closing up tonight. Thank god, I was rostered on for the morning shift for the rest of the week. These late night shifts had me beat. I knocked on the door and poked my head round the door.

  Linda was sitting at her desk covered in papers, Mike was sitting on the chair on the other side of the desk, with his foot propped on the desk. She looked exhausted. “Is it okay if I take off Linda?” I asked, blushing when she jumped. I had clearly startled her.

  Linda stood up and stretched “Of course I’ll lock up. Thanks again for covering that extra shift.” I smiled and went to leave when Linda called me back. “Hun, I heard about what happened earlier.” I froze waiting for her to chastise me. “I’m sorry that happened to you, that Rachel is a shark. I’ll put you on the housekeeping shift for the rest of the week.” Mike smiled at me with a guilty look…So he had told Linda. “I’m still rostered for morning shift from tomorrow though right?” “Yes, yes,” Linda said. “Okay thanks, see you both tomorrow.”

  I was by the front door when Mike stopped me. “Is somebody collecting you tonight or can I give you a ride.” We ate lunch together every day, but I didn’t know Mike enough to take a ride from him.

  “My friend Cam is waiting on me,” I lied. “Oh that’s too bad,” he muttered, “I was thinking we could have dinner some time, grab a movie?” Wait, was my Mike asking me out? “You barely know me?” I blurted out. Smooth. “But I want to know you.” Mike had a great smile, but I didn’t feel anything when he smiled at me, not like the way I felt when Kyle did, not that Kyle smiled at me very often. “Um maybe. Goodnight Mike.” That was not going to happen any time soon. I did not need any more compilations in my life.

  KYLE

  “Come on Kyle, it’ll be fun. You do remember the meaning of fun, don’t you?” Cam joked as she pulled on her coat. “Ha Ha,” I retorted. She clapped her hands, “Very good,” she praised in an over excited voice. She was a wise ass.

  It was Friday night, and that usually meant hitting up few bars, and a club or two. I wasn’t feeling it tonight. “No, go on without me. I’m wrecked tired.” Cam frowned, “Dude, I swear you’re sounding more like Lee by the minute.” I forced a laugh, but my chest hurt when I thought of Lee.

  I fucked up big time today. I had left Rachel talk to her as if she was a piece of shit off the street. I had done nothing. I owed her a super-sized apology with side of grovelling. Yeah she could hate me all she wanted, but she needed to stay the hell away from Mike.

  LEE

  I picked up a large cheese pizza from a 24-hour deli on my thirty-minute walk home. It was past eleven when I reached our front door. Letting myself in, I tossed my bag in the hall and kicked off my sneakers. Friday’s were the biggest party night in my housemates’ lives, so I knew the house was empty. No one was ever here on a Friday night, except for me. I grabbed myself a bottle of water from the fridge, and headed into the living room. Finding Kyle sprawled out on the couch was not something I had anticipated, or was thrilled about. I was still upset about earlier.

  I debated turning around and running upstairs, but I forced my feet to move forward. I was going to have to get used to being around him. He was my roommate after all, and my boss…“Hey” he croaked, pulling himself up to make room for me “You’re late tonight.” His eyelids were heavy. I had woken him up. “I know, I just finished my shift. Linda had me cover Theresa’s shift.” I sat on the other side of the couch, as far as I could from him.

  “Again?” he asked stretching, “That’s the third time this week.” I nodded, surprised that he would know that information. “Linda needs to get her shit together. I’ll have a word with her.” I grabbed his arm in alarm, “Please don’t Kyle,” I begged, “I like Linda, she’s good to me. I don’t want her upset with me.”

  Sighing he patted my knee, “Okay, relax I won’t bring it up. Just make sure that you say no if you’re too tired Lee. I don’t want to wear you down.” I plopped the pizza box in between us, needing a little space. I felt too worked up by the fact that Kyle was talking to me to worry about work. I wasn’t sure why he was even speaking to me. He usually ignored me. Pathetic as it sounded, I craved his company. “Hungry?”

  We sat side-by-side gorging on pizza and watching some crummy sitcom rerun. It was…nice. “How come you’re not out tonight?” I asked between bites of my pizza, turning my head to face him. “I’m just sick of drama. I am in desperate need of a chick free night”. He answered through chews. “In case it slipped your attention I happen to a vagina,” I mumbled as we both went for the last slice. I immediately blushed from my outburst. I would have never spoken like that back home. I could feel the heat burning from my cheeks. Did I just say vagina to Kyle? I felt like running.

  Kyle made a choked noise as he tore the slice in half and handed me the bigger half, my stomach grumbled in appreciation. He looked over at me smiling and poked me in the side. “I
am well aware that you have a vagina, but you’re different.” He sighed heavily, “I need to apologise to you about earlier Lee.” He stretched his hand toward me and rubbed his thumb across my chin. “You have a little tomato sauce just there.” I lowered my burning face, and I could have sworn he stuck his thumb in his mouth.

  I was wondering if he would bring it up. I didn’t because I was too afraid he would leave. I really was pathetic. I tucked my legs underneath me and turned to face him, listening to him. “Rachel was being a bitch. She shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” Rachel being a bitch to me was nothing new. She had a snide remark every time she saw me. “It’s fine Kyle.” He frowned, his brows burrowing. “No, no it’s not. She made you cry and I did nothing. I should have said something.” I shrugged. Yes, he should have, but he never did. I wondered what was going on with them. Why did he bother with Rachel? She was just plain nasty. Whatever was between them couldn’t be worth the hassle of staying with her. Kyle could do so much better than her. “It’s okay, it’s not like you talk to me anymore anyway. I’m used to being ignored.” He flinched and I felt bad immediately. “Is that how you feel? Like I ignore you?” Of course, that’s how I felt, that’s what he did every time he saw me. I nodded.

  “I’m sorry princess, I don’t mean to… I don’t want you to feel like that.” My heart skipped when he called me princess. It had been a long time since he said it. “Kyle it’s okay, honestly. I overreacted. Rachel just touched a raw nerve, bringing up my mother.” He scooted closer to me. “I’ve never heard you talk about your mother. Why is that?” I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. “Uh that’s because I never knew her. She died giving birth to me.” I heard him exhale sharply, but I kept my eyes focussed on the television. “Shit, I didn’t know that.” I smiled at him. He looked truly upset. “How could you? Don’t worry about it. I’m going to get some more water, you want anything?” When he didn’t answer, I went and got myself another bottle of water.