Break My Fall (Broken)

by Chloe Walsh

  “No, wait, wait,” Kyle rushed after me, yanking me back from the front door, “That was stupid, I didn’t mean it like that.” I exhaled heavily, “What did you mean?”

  “I just want to talk to you Lee. I want to spend some time with you, where it’s just you and me. Can you give me a chance to fix this?” His blue eyes sliced through me and my resolve wavered. “What did you want to do?” I asked. My brain was screaming at me not to do this, my heart was compelling me to hear him out.

  He smiled down at me and opened the door, “I’ll do whatever you want me to do.” I dragged my gaze away from him, “I’ll let you decide,” I whispered, grabbing my coat off the back of the door.

  KYLE

  She was in my truck. This was good. It meant I had time to explain things. But so far the only words that had come out of my mouth were ‘you’re welcome’ when she thanked me for helping her with her seatbelt. I tried to focus on the road, but my eyes kept drifting over to the passenger seat.

  Goddammit she looked adorable, wrapped up in her khaki coat. She had the hood pulled up and the furry bit framed her face. She looked like an Eskimo. The sexiest fucking Eskimo I’d ever seen. “You cold?” She turned to face me; her nose was red. “Yeah, I guess I’m not used to the Colorado weather,” she said, giving me a tight smile. “This is mild. Wait until the snow comes.” She shuddered and I couldn’t help chuckle. She looked so damn cute. “So have you any plans for Halloween next week? Trick or treating?” What a stupid fucking thing to ask. God I was a douche. My plan was to keep her talking long enough that she would feel comfortable and open up to me again. I needed to know what Cam had meant. It wasn’t curiosity anymore, it was necessity. I had to know.

  “I’m not a big fan of Halloween,” she replied quietly, “I’ve never been trick or treating.” I looked at her again and she was frowning. “What? Never?” Lee shook her head, “No, have you?” Even I, the kid who’d be passed from pillar to post had been trick or treating as a kid, albeit my costume had usually consisted of a black bin bag over my shoulders and dollar store mask. Still, I had done it every year until I grew out of it. Kids loved trick or treating. “Why didn’t you?”

  She shuffled around in her seat, fidgeting with her hands. “I was never allowed,” she said softly. She looked so sad, I wanted to reach out and hold her hand. But I was too scared that she’d reject me. “Why?” I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything about her. “You would have to ask my father,” she said, “He was very…controlling.” Her lips tightened. What the fuck kind of father didn’t let his kid go trick or treating. It made me wonder.

  “Did you like school when you were growing up?” I asked as we passed the college campus. “I enjoyed the learning side of it.” She was being implicit. “What about the rest of it? You know, like going to field parties with your friends. School dances, homecoming, dating?” I was prying. I knew I was, but I had this itch inside of me to know her inside out.

  “I didn’t have any friends and I wasn’t allowed to date. My first party was when I first moved here, the night you…” her voice trailed off and I cleared my throat. She was referring to the night I’d kissed her in my kitchen. The night that had ignited this fucking obsession with her. I rubbed my hand over my chest. It hurt when she said she didn’t have friends. I felt a raw protectiveness towards her that I’d never felt for anyone in my life. I wanted to tuck her under my arm and shield her from the shit reality of life. “So you weren’t allowed to date, but did you ever sneak out? It’s hard to believe that a girl like you never went on a date.” Now I was being nosy.

  I peeked over at her and frowned. She was gone deathly pale; her whole body tensed. “What did Cam tell you?” she whispered.

  “She told me enough, I’d rather hear it from you,” I lied. I hadn’t a fucking clue what she was talking about, but from Lee’s reaction, I was on to something. “It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have gone. It truly was my own fault.” She pressed her fingers against her temples. “I don’t think it was,” I said, hoping I was on the same page as her. “Kyle, if I hadn’t gone, none of what happened afterwards would have even happened. I’d have my diploma and be in college by now.” She looked angry with herself. What the fuck had she done? Where had she gone that stopped her from graduating highschool?

  I raked my brain for the most ambiguous response I could muster, “What do you think would have changed if you didn’t go?” I was kind of proud of myself for that one.

  “You mean apart from the fact that I wouldn’t be a highschool dropout?” She was angry. I needed to thread carefully, “Yeah, apart from that?” Lee sighed, and I could hear the quiver in her voice. This was upsetting her. “I wouldn’t be here for one,” she said and I flinched. Ouch, that stung like a bitch. “I’d still have nightmares, but I’d only have one monster to run from,” she whispered. I knew about the nightmares. They were fucking scary. One monster? How many monsters did she have?

  “And I wouldn’t be terrified and fearing that every time a man came too close he was going to try and rape me.” I couldn’t see. I couldn’t fucking breathe. My mind couldn’t focus on anything other than that one word; Rape. Someone had tried to rape her, Lee, my Lee. Mother Fucker…

  LEE

  I hated Cam for telling him. I hated Kyle for making me tell him again. Cam I would forgive, but not Kyle. Not now, that he was ignoring me again. He’d asked me and I told him. It wasn’t the worst secret I had, but it was a close second. “You can let me off anywhere here,” I told him. We were driving down a street I was familiar with. I could find my way back to the house on foot. He didn’t respond, or slow the truck down.

  “Kyle, I said let me out,” I snapped. I was done. I was so done with all the bullshit. I should have never gotten into his truck. I was a glutton for punishment. I looked over at him. He had his hands wrapped around the wheel so tight; I thought the skin around his knuckles might crack. His jaw ticked and as swallowed hard. “Just give me a minute,” he said between closed teeth. “No. Let me out now.” He rolled his neck, and inhaled deeply though his nose. What was wrong with him? “Lee, baby I’m having a hard time tryna stay calm right now, a real fucking hard time. If you get out of this truck, I’m gonna lose it.”

  My mouth dropped. Awareness struck my smack in the chest. “Cam didn’t tell you anything did she? You tricked me.” His eyes flashed to mine and I could see the guilt in them. I could also see crazed fury. There was no point in asking him to let me out; I knew he’d have more questions. “Who was he?” he asked vehemently.

  I debated telling Kyle to go screw himself, but I couldn’t. Whatever we were now, there was a point in time when he had been my friend. “Why should I tell you anything about my life?” I argued, “It’s not like you trust me to confide in.” He grinded his teeth, “Just answer me Lee and I’ll answer anything you want.” I contemplated his gruff words. I could tell he was trying to control his temper. “Perry Franklin.” I said shakily. He nodded excessively. I could tell he was filing the name away in his head somewhere.

  “When?” I look up in confusion, “When?” Kyle slammed his palm on the steering wheel. “Yes when Lee. When did this happen? When did this guy attack you? And when the fuck, were you going to tell me?” He didn’t give me a chance to answer before the truck swerved to a stop, and was pulling me into his arms and telling me everything would be alright.

  I knew it wouldn’t, but the story from that night spilled from my lips. I found myself telling Kyle everything about that night. I opened my soul and let all the pain and suffering I felt that night out. I found myself revealing much more to Kyle than I had to Cam. How I was tricked by Perry to go to prom with him. How I had found out, he had asked me as a dare from his other teammates. How it felt when his rough hands groped me and I had wanted to die. I wasn’t sure why I told Kyle, but it felt like he could heal me. In that moment, it felt like Kyle carter could break my fall. He could give me back that piece of me Perry had brok
en. I didn’t tell him about my father. Not even Kyle could fix that piece of me. I left him hold me. I left him kiss my hair and rub my back. I left myself cry in his arms and be comforted by his words. I felt like a weight had lifted. Kyle was here, and he believed me. Kyle might not love me or want me the way I did him, but he did care. He cared and I was safe. I imagined this would have been how it would have felt, if someone had believed me at the time.

  KYLE

  She was pulling away again. I could feel her withdrawing. We were sitting beside each other on the back step of the house, drinking coffee. She hadn’t said a word in the twenty minutes we’d been back and I knew she was overthinking things. I wanted to make her feel better. I wanted her to know that I didn’t judge her, or blame her for that asshole. I raked my brain for something, anything that would bring her back to me. “I grew up in foster care.” Well that wasn’t something I’d ever imagined coming out of my mouth, but there it was. Lee’s eyes widened as she turned to face me. “But you’re rich?”

  I laughed at her innocent accusation. “I wasn’t always.” She didn’t say anything, which was both comforted and confused me. Was she afraid to ask? Did she not care? “What are you thinking?” I wanted to know. She sighed, “Honestly?” I nodded. “I want to ask you a million and one questions, but I’m not sure if you want me to.” I smiled at her answer, “Why don’t you ask me one at a time and we’ll see how it goes?” She turned her body towards me, cradling her cup between her fragile hands. “How did you go from being in foster care to owning a string of hotels?” Good question, “It’s a long story,” I said, pondering the best way to tackle it.“My mother was sixteen when she had me. I didn’t know my father; I don’t think she did either.” I watched her face for her reaction, she didn’t look horrified or disgusted, she looked at me with accepting eyes.

  “I don’t remember her clearly, just that she was blonde and beautiful. She died from a drug overdose when I was three. She had no family and my father was a John Doe so I was turned over to the state.” I felt her hand rest on mine. “Don’t ask me how, but when I was eight my father’s father found out I existed and he filed for custody of me. When he died, he left me everything.”

  Lee blew out a breath. I kept my eyes on her face, gaging her reaction. I couldn’t believe I’d told her. I hated talking about my past. It was humiliating. It was fucking upsetting and I didn’t want anyone’s pity.

  Cam squeezed me hand, “Do you miss him?” I didn’t expect that question; I’d never been asked that before. “He was a hard man, not the soft fuzzy type of grandparent, but he saved me from a life of being passed around like a fucking parcel. I’m more grateful than anything.” Lee shifted closer to me, and I wrapped my arm around her.

  She nuzzled into my side, “Do you see him now?” I knew who she meant, and stiffened. She noticed and snuggled closer into my side, nuzzling my side with her cheek, until my body slowly relaxed. “He has his own life and family. I see him occasionally, but I don’t acknowledge him as anything more than the man who donated his sperm.”

  Lee stretched up and kissed my cheek, I frowned at her, “What was that for?” She smiled softly, “For being Kyle Carter. For enduring what you have and becoming the best man I know.” I could not say answer her. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears that threatened to fall. She’d know how much her words meant to me. Fuck, she was making me feel things; I was losing control.

  LEE

  I wanted to ask him a million other questions, but I didn’t. I could tell it was a huge deal for Kyle to tell me what he had. It was a huge deal to me. More of the pieces of the Kyle Carter jigsaw slid into place.

  He was brave, and he was proud. He didn’t like to show weakness, I don’t think he liked to feel weakness. I loved him for doing this for me. He exposed himself to ease my pain. He was incredible.

  “Hey Kyle, you wanna go shoot some pool…oops sorry.” I jumped up from the step to see Derek at the kitchen door, grinning mischievously. Kyle stood up slowly and stretched. “Never mind, I can see you guys are busy.”

  I got up and went inside, “No we’re not; I was just going to bed.” Derek raised his brow in surprise. “She means alone asshole,” Kyle said as he went to the sink and rinsed his cup. “Whatever you say dude, I can smell the sex vibes from here though.” I blushed and ducked under Derek’s arm, heading for the stairs. “Goodnight princess,” I heard Kyle say, just before Derek cried out in pain. “Ow, dude? What the fuck?” I chuckled.

  “Goodnight Kyle.”

  KYLE

  I stalked around my room like a mad man. I was nervous, and she was late. “Dude, what the fuck are you wearing?” I turned around to see Derek bent over in my doorway sniggering. “If you tell anyone about this, I’m gonna kick your ass,” I warned.

  This was the most degrading moment of my life. I blushed like a fucking girl. “Couldn’t you have gone as someone manlier,” he laughed, “like Batman or Arrow?” I looked down at the green tights I had and cringed, “Fuck you. Her favourite book as a kid was Peter Pan.”

  Derek staggered over to my bed, holding his stomach. “You are so pussy whipped dude. And you’re not even gonna get your dick sucked for this.” He wiped his eyes, “That’s a whole lot of effort for a girl who’s just a ‘friend’.”

  I glared at him, “Ha ha. You think you’re fucking hilarious don’t you? Keep talking dude, and we’ll see how much Cam likes the sex tape you made with Julie Wilson in junior year.” Derek’s face paled and I knew I had the fucker’s silence. “You’re a cunning bastard.” I snorted, “I do what I have to.”

  Derek rose and walked to the door, “Fine I’m going, I’m going,” he muttered. He stepped into the hall and jumped in the air, clicking his heels together, “I wish I was a boy. I wish I was a real live boy.” I lunged for him but he was faster, “That’s Pinocchio you asshole,” I growled, chasing him down the stairs. “Dude, I didn’t realise you were such a fan of Disney?” I caught him on the bottom step and tackled him down, just as the door swung open.

  “Oh my god,” Cam laughed, as she stood in the doorway. “Kyle what the hell are you wearing?” she asked through fits of laughter. I climbed off a laughing Derek and shifted around awkwardly. “Surprise,” I muttered. I focussed my attention on the motive for this ridiculous outfit.

  “Kyle? What are you doing?” Lee asked as she moved away from the doorway towards me. Thank fuck she wasn’t laughing at me. I didn’t think my male pride could take it. She touched my outfit with an awestruck look on her face. “Why are you dressed as Peter Pan?” I shrugged, and tried to ignore the smart-ass comments coming from my roommates. “You said you’ve never been trick or treating. I thought we could go?”

  Lee gazed up at me, with glassy eyes and a huge smile. “Dude you are twenty two years old. You cannot be serious?” Derek piped up from behind me. Lee’s smile fell and I wanted to kick him. I glowered at him, “I fucking am. If Lee wants to go trick or treating then we’re going trick or treating.” I turned to look at her, “Do you want to go Lee?” I asked calmly. She nodded eagerly. “But I don’t have a costume,” she said, pulling her lip into her mouth. “Yeah you do,” I said, nudging her towards the staircase. “You don’t think I’d dress like this by myself? Go get your ass ready Tinkerbelle. Before all the good candy’s gone.” I shouldn’t have done it but I gave her ass a little slap. She squealed excitedly and sprinted up the stairs. Cam followed Lee. I stood there motionless. My heart was bursting with a million different emotions. Derek slapped a hand on my shoulder, “You’re in deep trouble buddy.” Didn’t I know it?

  LEE

  I didn’t think it was possible for me to love Kyle more than I already did. I was wrong. When Cam had opened the door and I’d seen Kyle dressed in that Peter Pan outfit, I thought my heart was going to explode. He had done it for me. He made a complete idiot out of himself just to make me happy. I had donned my Tinkerbelle costume and gone trick or treating with Kyle. We looked ridiculous walking knocking on
doors, looking for candy at our ages but Kyle hadn’t seemed to care, so neither had I. He had a knack of putting me at ease and I had known in that moment, while we stood outside a decorated house waiting for candy that I would always be in love with Kyle Carter. It was all his fault. Kyle had a way of turning my world inside out and upside down, blowing it to pieces, then putting it back together again. It was a dangerous thing, to love a man who had the ability to destroy me. He had ruined me for every other man and I did not care. I would never want anyone but him.

  “I think we have enough candy to see us through until thanksgiving,” Kyle said when we reached our street. He was smiling and holding my hand as we walked towards our house. I loved that he was carefree tonight, usually he carried such a weight around. “You’re just a big kid at heart aren’t you?” I mused, grinning up at him. “Oh I’m big alright,” he joked, “And strong too, you want to test that theory?” He winked and my mouth fell open, Kyle burst out laughing.

  “Come on my little fairy, I’ll give you a ride home.” Kyle hunched down, “Hop on, you’re chariot awaits you.” I giggled excitedly as I climbed on his back. “You know, I think that’s from Cinderella?” I said, wrapping my arms and legs around him. He gripped under my thighs, his hands straying dangerously close to my butt. “It sounded good though,” he chucked, as he straightened his back. “Come on, spider monkey,” he said as he took off running. I squealed and clutched him for dear life, “That one is definitely from Twilight. You have no originality.”

  We were still laughing when he opened the front door and stepped inside. My laughter died when I took in all the people inside. Kyle tensed; his hands fell from my thighs. I took that as my queue to get down. I wiggled down his back, as a voice broke through the loud music. “Well isn’t this sweet, Peter Pan and his little fairy whore.” I glared at Rachel from behind Kyles back.