Break My Fall (Broken)

by Chloe Walsh

  “Which hospital Derek? I’ll find her either way.” He sighed loudly, “St.Lukes.” I nodded, taking a left, “I’ll be there in twenty.”

  “Kyle, you might want to brace yourself dude, there’s something you need to know…” I needed to get to Lee not listen to Derek and his bullshit. “Spit it out dude, I’m tryna drive.” He paused for a moment, and then I heard him speak the words that tore through my heart with the force of a hurricane.

  “Kyle, she’s pregnant.”

  LEE

  I woke from an unsettled sleep to raised voices outside my room. Cam who was asleep in the chair beside me jerked awake, and darted outside the room. “Get out of my way Derek.” Oh god, no. “All I’m saying is come back tomorrow let her sleep. She’s fucking fragile right now dude.” That was Derek’s voice of reason.

  The door of my room burst open and Kyle marched in. I clenched my eyes shut and feigned sleep. “If you upset her Kyle, I’ll kill you, I mean it,” Cam warned, “We’re gonna go grab a coffee, you better not be here when we get back.” I heard the door close and the chair beside my bed scraped against the floor. His warm hand gripped mine.

  “Oh baby wake up please,” he whispered, “I’m sorry, so fucking sorry.” When his hand touched my stomach, I twisted away, pulling my hand away from his. I opened my eyes and focussed them on him. “Why are you here?” I asked coldly. His eyebrows jolted up in surprise. “I had to see you, make sure you were okay. My battery on my phone died, I didn’t know you were here, until I got home.” I stared at him, “I want you to leave.” He flinched. I didn’t care. “Lee don’t do this. You’re having my baby? Talk to me please.” He reached his hand out for mine but I pulled back. “I want you to leave Kyle. I’m not ready to speak to you about my baby.” He shifted helplessly. He looked at a loss for words, “Please don’t block me out of this baby, I’ve been going out of my mind with worry.” I bet he had. “You’ve been going out of your mind?” I choked, anger and tears pouring out of my soul. “Have you any idea how afraid I was last night?” He flinched. “I’m so sorry…” He grabbed my hand, but I pulled back. “Don’t,” I warned, “Don’t you dare say you’re sorry.”

  I was bawling now, big, fat, ugly tears. “I nearly died last night Kyle. While you were with Rachel, I nearly bled to death on the bathroom floor. No matter what happens, she always comes first doesn’t she? She’s your weakness Kyle.” Tears fell from his eyes. Well good, I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to feel my pain. “Rachel? No baby she is not my weakness. She’s my fucking punishment. You baby, you are my biggest weakness.” I wanted him to open up to me. I needed him to tell me the truth. “Why? Tell me why you left with her last night?” He was shaking, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left you,” he sobbed, “I needed to talk to Rachel, finish things. There are things you don’t know, things you don’t understand. But it doesn’t matter. I’m here now.” I balled my fists, “You’re too late,” I whispered, “You should have finished things with Rachel months ago. But you kept me your dirty little secret instead. I’m not stupid Kyle, I watched you keep our relationship hidden. There’s no apology in the world can make up for the fact that you knowingly left me, sick and alone. I didn’t know until today but yes, I am pregnant, and it’s yours in case you might think otherwise. And I didn’t mean for it to happen, in case you think I tried to trick you. I know how low your opinion is of me.” Anger carried me forward, “I might be carrying one of your babies inside of me, but do not for one moment forget that I lost another.”

  He laid his head in his hands, on the bed beside me. His shoulders were shaking. My hand reached out to comfort him but I snatched it back. I couldn’t comfort him, not now. “Is it… is the baby okay?” He was trembling, “Are you?” He lifted his and looked at me. I turned my face, unable to look at the sadness in his tear filled blue eyes. I had never seen someone look so guilty. “I need to rest right now. Getting upset isn’t good for the baby.” He stood up slowly, nodding. He wiped the tears from his cheeks with the back of his hand. He cleared his throat, “Can I come see you tomorrow?” I shook my head. “I need some space Kyle, to get my head around everything. I need time.” He shuddered, and nodded slowly. Inhaling sharply, he bent down, and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes. It was too painful to watch him leave. He moved to the door, and looked back, “You’ll never know how sorry I am.” Then he was gone. I left out the scream I had been holding in, allowing the sadness to envelope me, as I cried for my lost baby, and for a man who would never love me.

  KYLE

  I made it to the truck before I dropped to my knees. I collapsed on the ground. It felt like my life was train wrecking before my eyes and I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it. I had finally done it. I had fucking ruined Lee, in more ways than I had ever imagined humanly possible. That frightened girl in the hospital bed. I had done that. I had broken her. And this time I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t make things better for her.

  I cried hard, and loud. I didn’t give two shits if anyone saw me. My world was broken. I felt an arm go around me, pulling me up. “Kyle, come on bro, get up, let’s get out of here.” I staggered to my feet. “It’s gonna be okay man,” Derek said, opening the door of my truck. I sat in, and he hopped into the driver’s seat. “I’ve destroyed her Derek.” He turned on the engine. “No you haven’t. She’s not broken Kyle. She’s grieving.” He patted my knee, “And so are you man.” I did not deserve his sympathy. “How can I be grieving for something I didn’t know I had?” He sighed, “Just because you didn’t know you had it, doesn’t mean you didn’t want it, and don’t miss it now it’s been taken away from you.” I didn’t feel shit comparison to Lee. She should have Derek’s sympathy not me.

  “I don’t deserve to feel sad, if I had been there…” I started but he interrupted, “No dude, there was no hope. This would have always been the outcome. The baby could not survive in the tube. Lee is lucky to be alive. It’s a fucking miracle it didn’t kill her.” I shuddered blocking the thought from my mind.

  “But one positive thing is that she’s still pregnant.” He looked at me seriously, “This could be it for her man, since they removed her tube.” Shit I had not thought about that. “Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit.” Derek smirked sideways, “Are you finished displaying your wonderful comprehension of the English language? ‘Cause I wanna know the plan.” Plan? “What plan?” Derek sighed in disgust. “The plan where you find a way to fix this dinosaur sized pile of shit you’ve buried yourself under.” I couldn’t think straight. My mind focussed on the fact that Lee was pregnant. She was alive and carrying a baby, my baby inside her. “Got any ideas?” I didn’t care what I’d have to do. I was going to get her back. And when I did, I was never going to let her slip away from me again.

  ######The End.######