by M. Robinson
She snapped back, out of my arms. “Don’t get me started on Jackson! I fucking hate him too!”
“What?” I shook my head, confused. “Why?”
“Don’t you get it ... can’t you see ... the football team made a bet with him to get me into bed. Trigger never turns down a bet.”
All the blood drained from my face. My body instantly turned cold. Never did I expect what she said next.
How life could change with a few words.
A few seconds.
A few moments in time that would forever change the course of your life...
Breakin’ my heart into a million pieces.
Exactly. Like. Hers.
When she bit, “It was all Jackson’s idea.”
<>Jackson<>
I woke up in the middle of the night to Harley slamming my bedroom door open.
A metal bat in her hand.
Shooting straight up, I instantly questioned, “Baby girl, what’s wrong?”
“Did you know?!” she raged with fury I’d never seen before. “Is it true?!”
I shook my head, not understanding. “What are you talking about?”
“Was it your idea?”
I stood up, walking toward her. Unable to take one step, when she put the bat out in front of her, abruptly stopping me dead my tracks.
Surrendering my hands in the air, I ordered, “Gremlin, put the bat down and talk to me.”
“Fuck you!” She slammed the bat against the wall, sending drywall crashing everywhere.
“Jesus Christ, the fuck is happening?!”
“You know! Just tell me the truth! We can have secrets, Jackson, but not lies! And you’re nothin’ but a fuckin’ liar!”
“You’re not making any sense! Calm the fuck down!”
Aiming the bat toward my trophies, she sneered, “You have ten seconds to tell me the truth, or I will destroy what means the most to you.”
“You mean the most to me.”
“Bullshit!”
“Harley, I don’t understand.”
One word.
Two syllables.
Made my world come to an end, when she simply stated, “Shiloh.”
I jerked back, the wind knocked out of me. “How do you know about that?”
Her eyes watered, shaking her head. “’Cuz you just fuckin’ told me.”
“Harley, it’s not what you think.”
“Did you come up with the bet? Was it your idea that has completely destroyed her?”
“Baby girl—”
“Don’t fuckin’ call me that! You can never call me that again!” she shouted, doing what she just threatened. Sending all my trophies to the ground. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as watching my girl break down in front of me.
“We were kids, Harley.”
“That’s your excuse? Do you have any idea what this has done to her? She slept with him tonight, Jackson! Only to be humiliated seconds after they were done, by your fuckin’ friends! Your fuckin’ teammates! Men that you call your family just ruined mine!”
“I didn’t know. I had nothing to do with that.”
“You’re the reason it started!”
“For fuck’s sake, we were kids,” I repeated. “I never thought they’d even happen, but even so, he loves her. He’s fuckin’ devoted to her. You know that as much as I do. Shiloh knows that. She was never a bet to him.”
“How can she ever believe that?! I sat with my best friend while she bawled her eyes out for hours in my arms, until she passed out from exhaustion. She’s never going to be the same after this. You did this to her! Nobody but you!”
“I did it for you!”
It was her turn to jerk back, baffled. “For me?”
“Yes. For you. I wanted to be closer to you. And I knew if Shiloh gave Trigger a chance, we’d have to be near each other ’cuz of them.”
“Oh my God. You ruined my cousin, ’cuz of me.”
“No.”
“Yes! This is all my fault.”
“Harley, please don’t say that.”
“How could you do this to her? She’s your family too. Who are you? I don’t know you at all, do I?”
“That’s fuckin’ bullshit. You’re the only one who knows me.”
“You lied to me. You fuckin’ lied to me, Jackson.”
“Gremlin, I would never lie to you. I fucked up when we were kids. I’m sorry.”
“Shiloh is payin’ the price. My cousin’s dyin’ inside.”
“Trigger loves her more than anything in this world. He’ll make it up to her.”
“How?! She’s humiliated. They walked in on them, Jackson! How would you feel if they did that to us?”
“I’d fuckin’ kill them.”
“Exactly!”
“Harley, we’re not Trigger and Shiloh. Let them work it out for themselves.”
“She’s my cousin. My best friend. I’d do anything for my family, you of all people know that. I can’t let this go. She’d never forgive me. I’d never forgive myself.”
“Please ... don’t do this ... don’t fuckin’ do this to us...”
“I don’t trust you. I can’t trust you again. You fuck it up every time!”
“Gremlin ... please...”
“I hate you, Jackson Pierce. Do you hear me? I fuckin’ hate you.”
“You don’t mean that. You’re just mad at me.”
“I hate you for destroying us! You did this. Not me.” With that, she turned around.
In two long, determined strides, I grabbed her arm and didn’t see it coming. She hadn’t done it in years.
Kneeing me right in the balls.
My body fell to the floor, groaning in pain. Instantly seeing spots.
“Don’t fuckin’ follow me,” she rumbled, throwing the bat down next to me.
“Harley, don’t do this.”
She didn’t look back, leaving me there.
Helpless.
Hurting.
Feeling like a fuckin’ failure.
For the first time, I watched her walk away from me in what felt like forever.
Except, this time...
She took my heart with her.
Chapter 23
<>Harley<>
It felt as if I aimlessly drove around for hours, until I was parkin’ my car in front of a dive bar in Nashville. I breathed out a heavy sigh of relief, fully conscious of where I was. Recognizing the half-lit sign hangin’ off the buildin’.
Despite the way I was feelin’ inside, I smiled before walkin’ up to the front entrance. Showin’ my ID to the bouncer who gave me a quick nod before steppin’ aside.
The soft strummin’ of a guitar immediately assaulted my senses as soon as I stepped into the bar, but that wasn’t what made the hair on my arms stand at attention. I closed my eyes needin’ to check my emotions and thoughts that attacked the forefront of my mind at rapid speed.
The strummin’ of the guitar was effortless and defined. I would recognize it anywhere. No one could play like he could.
No one.
His voice was smooth like silk but raw enough to give you chills. His God-given gift would be a permanent reminder of my childhood, our tight ass bond that nothin’ or no one could ever break.
The lyrics and beat took me back to another time, another place, when we were kids. Livin’ our best lives.
I remembered it all, and I hadn’t even seen him yet. I didn’t have to.
He was engrained in my mind.
In my heart.
In my soul.
He sang the chorus over again. The emotions bleedin’ off the strings of his guitar and vocals. Makin’ the crowd scream and cheer for his talent. His energy was fuckin’ contagious, it always had been. Always would be.
He was born to be on stage.
I felt it all around me, even though I still hadn’t opened my eyes to take him in. His voice dropped to a soft tone, as did his guitar. The song ended, and the crowd went wild and ravenous for him.
&nb
sp; “Let’s give a warm welcome to my very best friend, who just surprised the shit outta me by showin’ up!”
They hollered higher and louder.
“Harley Jameson, get your ass over here and give me a hug.”
I laughed, I couldn’t help it.
Cash McGraw was my very best friend too, and I needed him now more than ever before.
The crowd shouted again, whistlin’ and clappin’. I opened my eyes, immediately lockin’ them with his. I hadn’t seen him in months, but it was like I’d just seen him yesterday.
He looked the same, his dirty blond, wavy, long hair that was a little past his shoulders now. His familiar deep-set tantalizin’ hazel eyes. With his small button nose, thin lips, and slim jawline. The dimple of his chin was always my favorite thing about him.
Makin’ my way up the stage, he pulled me into a tight embrace. Throwin’ my arms around his neck felt so damn good.
“Holy shit, I’ve missed you,” I breathed out into his neck, stirrin’ up emotions of our childhood.
We may not have been blood-related, however Cash would always be my third brother.
“You feel good in my arms, darlin’. Missed the fuck outta you too.”
Hearin’ him say those words to me with so much love and familiarity triggered me to burst into tears.
“Hey...” He grabbed my face in between his hands, wipin’ my tears away with his callused thumbs. “What’s goin’ on? Is it your parents? Did somethin’ happen?”
“No, nothin’ like that.”
He grabbed my hand, leadin’ me off the stage. “Come on.”
He guided me toward the back of the club, down a long narrow hallway, and up a set of stairs. Pullin’ a key from his back pocket, he unlocked what looked like a small, rundown studio apartment.
“Home sweet home,” he announced, lettin’ go of my hand. Throwin’ the keys into a bowl on the counter by the door, he strode over to his fridge. Leavin’ me by the door to inspect his place.
“Wow,” I breathed out, surprised by what I was seein’.
There was a mattress in the corner of the room, rumpled sheets, and pillows spread on top of it. A couch that appeared like it’d seen better days was in the center of the small space. Covered in stains with a spring poppin’ outside the cushion.
In front of the piece of shit was a worn-down coffee table, with duct tape around one of the legs holdin’ it in place.
As I took in my surroundings, I noticed the walls had patched up holes. Where someone did a half-ass job leavin’ the drywall unfinished. The old black and white dial television sittin’ on the floor caught my attention next. Along with his clothes that were scattered throughout the room, dryin’ over the heat vents.
Lookin’ into his vibrant hazel eyes, I asked, “Cash, do your parents know you’re livin’ like this?”
He handed me a beer. “Fuck them.”
I winced at his blunt response, rememberin’ what had happened between them.
“What about your sister, Giselle? She know?”
He nodded. “She mails me money all the time. I never cashed her checks, so she started sendin’ me cash. I donate it to the homeless shelter up the road. They need it more than I do.”
“Have you taken a look around, Cash? You weren’t raised in an environment like this.”
“It ain’t that bad.” He shrugged. “Beats sleepin’ at the shelter I donate money to.”
My eyes widened, burstin’ out of my head. “You’ve been stayin’ at shelters?”
“Not since I got this dig. The owner, Margot, has been lettin’ me stay here for the last month rent-free, as long as I play a few times a week for the after-hours crowd.”
“Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad? You always made it sound like you were okay.”
“I am.”
“Cash, this is not okay. This is beyond okay. I’m certain I just saw a roach—”
“That’s Roger. He’s my roommate.”
I frowned.
“Relax, I’m fuckin’ wit’ you.” He plopped on the couch, throwin’ his feet on the table. “Did you lose your sense of humor on the drive over here?”
“I’m not convinced I won’t need a shot when I leave here.”
“Since when is my best friend scared of a little grit and grime? That fancy college rubbin’ off on you?”
“Since her best friend is livin’ in it.”
“Come here.” He patted the cushion next to him. “Tell me what’s goin’ on. You alright?”
I shook my head no, eyein’ the filth.
“Harley, you want to sit on my bed instead? Probably the cleanest thing in here.”
“I highly doubt that. I saw the way those women were lookin’ at you out there.”
He grinned. “I’m a starvin’ musician. This place doesn’t exactly make panties drop for me, darlin’.”
I took a few swigs of my beer, needin’ the alcohol to try to forget what happened tonight. From Shiloh to Jackson, and now Cash...
It was one thing right after another.
“How long you been strugglin’ like this?”
He shrugged. “Since I dropped out of school and moved out here.”
“Cash, that was almost three years ago.”
“What do you want me to say, Harley? You want me to lie?”
“Of course not. You could call your par—”
“I know you didn’t drive all this way to talk about my parents disownin’ me.”
“I still hate it happened in the first place.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t peaches and cream for me either. My jaw still ain’t right.” He chuckled, blowin’ it off like it was nothin’.
“Your dad didn’t mean it, Cash.”
“He laid my ass out on the ground when I told him I was droppin’ out of school to move here. Whatever happened to supportin’ your kids no matter what? I guess that just flew out their fuckin’ window.”
“They just want what’s best for you.”
“They have a shitty fuckin’ way of showin’ it.”
“Cash, you put them through hell, and you know it.”
“’Cuz they were always against everythin’ I wanted to do. It didn’t matter what it was, it was constant. If it didn’t fit into the perfect image of what they wanted for me it wasn’t allowed. It wasn’t good enough. My old man is a detective. Do you have any idea how hard it was to be perfect for him? He lives by a wrong or right code, and if he thought it was wrong ... there was no gettin’ through to him.”
“You’re tellin’ me they haven’t tried to make amends? After all these years?”
“I wouldn’t know, I have no phone.”
“Oh my God.” My hand flew to my forehead. “You always told me you didn’t have a cellphone ’cuz you hated the damn things. Not ’cuz you couldn’t afford one. How could I be so stupid?”
“It’s mostly ’cuz I hate the damn things.”
“And you have no social media.”
“Harley, social media is for people who want to show off their lives. Does it look like I have anythin’ to show?”
I was about to reply, except I was rendered speechless when he leaned forward and pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket.
“Whoa. When did you start smokin’?”
Lookin’ around the room, he patted his jeans for what I assumed was a lighter. Yankin’ out a pack of matches instead to light up his cigarette.
Damn, he couldn’t even afford a lighter?
He took a long, heavy drag and blew the smoke out toward his left, away from me. Knowin’ how much I hated those cancer sticks.
“Curves my appetite,” he simply stated, almost causin’ me to burst into tears again.
“Oh my God, Cash. How did I not see this? How could I not hear it in your voice when we talked on the phone from the random numbers you’d call me from every Sunday? You’re like my brother, and I didn’t know this was the reality of your life right now. What. The. Fuck. This is not okay.” In
less than three strides, I was carefully sittin’ on the coffee table in front of him. Not puttin’ all my weight down on the flimsy wood.
“Listen.” I took the cigarette from his fingers and stubbed it out on the disgustin’ floor. “I get scholarship money from school every month that I don’t need. My daddy takes care of everythin’ for me. You can have it. We can get you a decent apartment, groceries, get you back on your feet. I’ll help you, Cash.”
He narrowed his eyes at me, slightly smilin’. “Still got that heart of gold, I see, but I don’t need your money, darlin’.”
“I don’t give a shit what you think you don’t need. Take a look around, Cash! I can’t keep lettin’ you live like this. This is probably why you never ask me to come visit.”
Tuggin’ his long blond hair away from his face, he ignored my question and asked his own, “Why are you here?”
“I needed my best friend.” I threw his own question back at him. “Why are you here? Why are you doin’ this to yourself? Is there somethin’ you aren’t tellin’ me? You better not be usin’ fuckin’ drugs, or I’ll drag your ass home right now!”
He busted out laughin’. “Ohhh, Harley, I sure did miss you.”
Followin’ his lead, I drank my whole beer down while he went and got us somethin’ stronger.
Whiskey.
“Oh man, are you tryin’ to get me drunk, so you can tell me you’re addicted to drugs? Is that why your eyes look so red? Are you fucked up right now?”
He laughed again, big and throaty. Sittin’ his ass back down on the couch, he took a deep swig off the bottle and handed it over to me.
“It ain’t funny. This is some serious shit.”
I downed a long pull, instantly coughin’ from the liquor burnin’ its way down my chest. “Ugh! You made that look way too easy.”
He scoffed out a snicker, takin’ the bottle out of my hands.
“I know it’s serious. I deal with it every day. You think there are things I don’t miss, Harley? If I told you some of the places I’ve had to look for a meal, you might question my sanity.”
“Like dumpsters and shit?”
“You’d be surprised what you can find in ’em.”
My mouth dropped open. I tore the bottle from his hand and stood, pacin’ around the room, drinkin’.