by M. Robinson
“It ain’t as bad as it looks, darlin’. You know me, I don’t take handouts from anyone. One day, Harley, I’ll prove everyone wrong. Startin’ with my old man.”
“Oh, I know it. You’re gonna be the most famous rock star in the world. Cash fuckin’ McGraw, everyone is gonna want a piece of him. I’ve known that since the first time you picked up a guitar.”
He smiled.
“Why don’t you consider goin’ to school? You could get financial aid, get a music degree. Might open some doors for you.”
Shakin’ his head, he stepped in my face and tightly gripped the bottle out of my grasp. “Harley, you ain’t pullin’ this shit on me too!”
I sighed. “But, Cash... I just don’t like seein’ you like this!”
“Like what? Wild and free. Livin’ my dream of bein’ on stage? Even if it’s only for a few people. There’s nothin’ like the feelin’ right before I strum the first chord. The lights dim. The audience gets quiet. They all wait for me to take them away. From their jobs, their daily routine, their kids, their bullshit of everyday life. The hustle. The grind. My guitar, my voice, my music has the power to silence it all. Even if it’s only for a few minutes, nothin’ else matters but me. It’s the best feelin’ in the world. The quiet space between chaos and melody. No matter how big an audience, the moment always exists, and I wouldn’t trade that for anythin’.”
I bit my lower lip.
“You know who showed me that?”
“Who?”
“You.”
“How?”
“Since the first time I picked up a guitar and started playin’, not havin’ a clue what I was doin’. There you were dancin’, singin’, cheerin’ me on. You showed me how my love for music can be loved by others. You were always there, showin’ me what my music could do for people. You were my first fan, little miss Harley Jameson, my very best friend. So please, darlin’, that’s what I need you to be right now.”
Before I knew what I was doin’, I pulled him into a tight hug. “I’ll always be here for you, Cash. We’re family. Always. No matter what.”
I meant every last word.
Chapter 24
<>Jackson<>
Now: Twenty-five-years-old
Ever since the night we ran into Cash a month ago, Harley started distancing herself more than before, if that was even possible. Pretending as if I didn’t exist unless Bailey was around.
I couldn’t take the cold shoulder any longer. I dropped our baby girl off at my parents for the night, so Journey could take her to watch the new kids movie.
I went straight home, needing to face my wife once and for all. She was sitting at the kitchen table with her head in between her hands.
Looking so lost.
So alone.
So fuckin’ beautiful.
Teddy came over to me, excited I was home again.
“Hey, buddy.” I crouched down, scratching behind his ears. “What’s wrong with Momma, huh?” Not allowing her solemn appearance to deter me, I announced, “We need to talk.”
She gazed up at me, looking exhausted.
Was she even sleeping?
“Is that why you sent Bailey away?”
I nodded.
“Jackson.” She squeezed at her temples. “I can’t do this right now. I have a splitting headache.”
I didn’t falter, pulling Advil from the cabinet. Only to slam it down on the island in front of her, causing Teddy to haul ass out of the kitchen.
Leaving us alone.
“Jesus, Jackson. What’s your problem?”
“You! You’re the fuckin’ problem.”
She grimaced. “Excuse me?”
“Ever since we saw Cash, you’ve completely shut me out! After all these years, he’s still coming between us!”
Her eyes widened, winded. “What do you want from me?”
“Everything! All of you! It belongs to me!”
“See! That’s all you care about! I’m a trophy to you! This competition you have in your head with Cash has been there since we were kids! And I’m so over it! I’m not a prize to be won, Jackson! I’m a human. I have feelings. My own wants and needs. I’m not just your fake fuckin’ wife!”
“It’s never been fake for anyone but you! I’ve tried to give you everything you’ve ever wanted. This house. Your car. Your clothes. Your workshop. Even your fuckin’ dog!”
“What?”
“You heard me. Why do you think he loves me so much? Chooses me over you? He remembers my scent, ’cuz I bought him for you.”
She jerked back, blown away.
“I knew you’d never buy a pure breed, and there was no way in hell one would just show up at the pound you were working at. It was your sixteenth birthday, you were still mad at me, and all I wanted was to make you smile. I found him from a private breeder and paid for him with the money from my YouTube channel.”
“Jackson, that dog costs more than two grand.”
“Twenty-two hundred to be exact. Not counting the two hundred I paid Arnold to say he found him.”
Her pouty lips parted. “I had no idea.”
“I know.”
“He’s eight years old. Why have you waited this long to tell me?”
“You took so much pride in saying you adopted him. I couldn’t take that away from you.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Gremlin, even when we were kids and I was bullying you, it was still my favorite thing to do. You’ve always been the most important person in my life. No matter how many times I tried to make you cry.”
“I cannot believe you’re just now tellin’ me all of this.” She pointed in between us. “Jackson, this is the biggest problem in our dynamic. You keepin’ shit from me.”
“Oh come on! I can’t win with you, Harley! I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. There is no happy medium with you. You’re always against me. No matter what I do, you find fault in it.”
“That’s not true.”
“That’s nothing but the truth. I did right by you.”
“That’s exactly it! You just said it yourself! You did right by me. You married me out of obligation, not ’cuz you wanted me to be your wife.”
“You’ve gotta be shitting me! Do you honestly believe that?”
“You’ve never let me believe otherwise. You’re so quick to forget up until a month ago, I thought you were fuckin’ other women! Your groupies! For over three years, Jackson Pierce! Knowin’ it hurt me! Why? ’Cuz it’s the only way you knew I still cared about you, right?! See, you’re always, always thinkin’ about yourself! To this day, you still think you deserve some sort of award for bein’ a dad and providin’ for us, when I never asked you to do that. You took it upon yourself to take that on.”
“You’re right, I did, and I’d do it again if I had to.”
“Exactly. If you had to.”
“For fuck’s sake, now I’m being punished for whatever bullshit you’ve created in your head to push me away?”
“It’s not bullshit, it’s the truth.”
“The truth as you see fit. How convenient for you. I fucked up, you’re right I should have never let you believe I was fuckin’ around on you, but Jesus Christ, I just wanted you. I thought... I mean... I just thought it would make you realize you love me, and it backfired against me.”
“I spent so many nights thinkin’ of who was in your hotel bed this time around. I can’t just forget all of that at the snap of your fingers.”
“I know. I’m sorry, but you still can’t forgive me for shit that happened years ago.”
“I can’t believe you’re bringin’ that up right now.”
“Why wouldn’t I? It’s where everything started, was it not?”
“Jackson...”
“We’ve never talked about it since the night you trashed my room, ’cuz Bailey happened right after.”
“What do you want me to say? Huh? You betrayed me! I loved you!”
“You st
ill fuckin’ love me. I know that as much as you do.”
“Who cares! My loyalty was to my cousin! My blood! My fuckin’ family! I couldn’t trust you anymore. Shiloh still hasn’t recovered from that. I don’t give a shit who she’s with, she’s never gotten over Trigger and you know it!”
“For fuck’s sake, Harley! You really want to know why I never told you about the bet we made when I was fifteen years old?! ’Cuz it didn’t matter to him! Or me! It never did. If she would have let him explain for one goddamn second over the years, she’d know it too.”
“Then how did the football team know that was the very night she’d be sleepin’ with him for the first time if he didn’t tell them ahead of time? Huh? Explain that one.”
“’Cuz he never lied about it! They fucked with him all the time in the locker room. How he couldn’t get it in. Close the deal with Shiloh. They ridiculed him, harassed him, embarrassed him, but he never gave two shits about it. He was in love with her. Jesus Christ, he still fuckin’ is. You know how guys are, Gremlin, you grew up with two brothers who are the worst of them all. They were waiting for him to seal the deal. Who the fuck knows how they knew. He was on constant watch, and they probably heard them. He had nothing to do with what those savages did, and neither did I.”
By the expression on her face, she believed me.
“Jackson, they killed her spirit. I can’t help but feel responsible for that. You would have never bet him, if it wasn’t for me.”
“So what, Harley? She’s miserable, so you have to be miserable too? That’s not fair.”
“I can’t help how I feel. Every time I look at her, talk to her, I’m around her ... my best friend isn’t there anymore. She understood why we were gettin’ married, I got pregnant, but I think a huge part of her can’t forgive me for it. Marryin’ the man who was responsible for destroyin’ her.”
“Shiloh and I have talked, we’ve worked it out.”
“She did it for me. Not for herself. Why do you think she doesn’t come here? It hurts her to be around you.”
I tugged back my hair, wanting to rip it the fuck out. “How much longer am I going to have to pay for this? I fucked up. I lost you. Isn’t that punishment enough?”
“It’s so much more than that. We both suck at communication, and the only time we do have it out is when we’re either bein’ spiteful or we’ve reached our boilin’ points. You know I have trust issues. I have since day one with you! Yet you still keep lyin’ to me, and we still keep lyin’ to everybody! I’m fuckin’ exhausted from all the lies! I can’t take it! I keep telling you over and over again—I can’t do this anymore! It’s killin’ me! All these lies! We need to tell our families the truth!”
“The fuck we do.”
“It’s too much! I’m dyin’ inside! The panic attacks, the stress. Can’t you see? I’ve distanced myself from my family, my friends, all for these lies! I can’t keep livin’ like this! This isn’t life, it’s mental torture! Jackson, it’s not fair! To me, to you, to Bailey!”
I fervently shook my head. “Leave her out of this.”
“How? When it’s her I feel the most guilt about.”
“Harley, don’t. Don’t you fuckin’ say it.”
“Say what, Jackson?! The truth! The one that stares us in the face every single day. The one we try to ignore, but we can’t ’cuz every time we look at her, every time she says a word, every milestone, every moment, every birthday, it leads us back to the truth!”
“Gremlin, don’t you fuckin’ dare!”
“She deserves to know the truth! I can’t do this to her!”
“Harley, she’s mine. She always has been. I’ve been here since day fuckin’ one! I’m her fuckin’ father!”
She didn’t hesitate in breaking my goddamn heart, shouting the truth that had become my nightmare...
“YOU’RE NOT HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER!”
Chapter 25
<>Harley<>
“Hmmm,” I groaned, the sun beatin’ on my face.
I immediately grabbed my poundin’ head before I even opened my eyes. Reachin’ for the covers, I threw them over my head. Needin’ the darkness to engulf what could solely be described as the worst hangover of my life. It was only then I noticed...
The sheets didn’t feel like my silk ones.
The pillow was hard, not soft like mine.
The scent all around me wasn’t my usual strawberries and vanilla.
It smelled like ... Cash.
“Aw fuck!” I heard him rumble, throwin’ up in the bathroom near me.
I guess I wasn’t the only one who drank too much.
Damn whiskey.
I groaned again, feelin’ my stomach gettin’ queasy. “Ugh!” My hand flew up to my belly, tryin’ like hell not to throw up in his bed.
Oh, God. Please no...
Inch by inch, I rubbed my bare tummy up toward my breasts.
I woke up in my best friend’s bed.
Naked.
Sore.
And hungover as fuck.
NO!!!!
My eyes shot open, and I sat straight up. Holdin’ the covers over me, instantly experiencin’ dizziness and nausea from the abrupt movement.
The toilet flushed, followed by the sound of Cash brushin’ his teeth. I didn’t move. I don’t even think I was breathin’. My heart was poundin’ out of my chest, louder and harder with each passin’ second until Cash finally walked back into the room.
“Shit, did I wake you?” he questioned, wearin’ only a pair of gym shorts. Appearin’ exactly how I felt.
I shook my head no, unable to form words.
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head no again, blurtin’, “I’m totally naked.”
His eyes widened.
“Did you wake up totally naked too?”
He slowly nodded, realizin’ what I was as well.
“Oh fuck.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
“Did we?”
“Harley, we were both black-out drunk. I can’t even answer that question, ’cuz I don’t remember shit. We killed a bottle of whiskey.”
“The last thing I remember is seein’ who could walk in a straight line, touchin’ the tip of our nose better.”
“Fuck, I don’t even remember that.”
“Cash... Oh God ... how did this happen? How the fuck did we let this happen? You’re like my brother! Oh my God! I had sex with my brother!”
The expression on his face mirrored mine, feelin’ the exact same way I was. Rubbin’ the back of his neck, he shamefully bowed his head. Probably tryin’ to relieve the sudden tension of the unexpected situation we found ourselves in.
“I think I’m gonna throw up.”
“Yeah, I just did that.”
The sudden silence was deafenin’ between us, both of us not knowin’ what to say or do. Bein’ beyond embarrassed was an understatement.
“Uh... I’m gonna go get us some coffee and donuts or somethin’.”
“Yeah, sure. That’d be good. I have money in my pur—”
“Harley, I just fucked my best friend, and I have no memory of it. At least let me buy you a coffee and some food.”
I bit my lower lip, noddin’.
Without meetin’ my eyes, he quickly left, and I walked just as fast which was really slow to the bathroom. Threw up what felt like my intestines and tried to wash my face as best as I could, feelin’ a little better once I was done and dressed.
When I walked back out, Cash was already sittin’ on the couch. Smokin’ a cigarette, drinkin’ his coffee. Lost in his own thoughts.
Before I said a word, he gazed deep into my eyes. Statin’, “Harley, I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I don’t know where things took a turn last night. I would never... I mean, you know... I’d never take advantage of you.”
I jerked back, stunned he was even thinkin’ that way. “Of course I know that. Cash, I don’t remember shit either. I wasn’t expectin’ to wake up naked in your bed. I feel like we
committed incest or somethin’.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
“I don’t want things to be weird between us now. I mean ... neither one of us remembers what happened. So can we just pretend like it didn’t?”
The sudden relief in his eyes blatantly showed me he felt the same way.
“Then we’re good?”
“Yeah. I hope so.”
“Oh, thank fuck,” he breathed out in one exhale, as I grabbed my coffee.
“I love you, Cash McGraw, but not like that.”
“Ditto, Harley Jameson.”
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Things kinda got blurry after talkin’ about Journey.”
I smirked. “You mean June?”
He snickered. “She was a kid. Fuck, she still is.”
“You wouldn’t think that now if you saw her. She’s ridiculously beautiful. I’m talkin’ model material. She would be gorgeous, though, her momma was a beauty and her dad... Well, Uncle Aiden had most of my girlfriends swoonin’ anytime he was around. Journey definitely won the lottery of genes from her parents. She’s almost nine, but I swear she acts thirty.”
“She’s always been an old soul. Does she still shake her ass everywhere she goes?”
I laughed. “You know it. Also still has the biggest crush on you. Anytime I see her, she asks me how you are, what you’re doin’, so many questions. Always tellin’ me to tell you hi and she misses you.”
“She was always fuckin’ adorable.”
“Her birthday is next month. Maybe you should go see her... You know, the family misses you too, Cash. Not all of them agreed with your parents.”
“Nah, it ain’t the right time yet.”
“Yet? Does that mean you will eventually show your face in Oak Island again?”
“When I make somethin’ of myself, you bet your ass I will.”
“Journey will love that.”
“Harley, she’s a kid. Stop romanticizin’ somethin’ that ain’t gonna happen.”
I shrugged, grumblin’, “She won’t always be a kid.”
“She will in my eyes.”
And just like that...
We were back to Cash and Harley again, best friends forever. I’d be lyin’ if I said I wasn’t relieved. Neither one of us meant to end up in bed together, and the reality we didn’t remember made it easier to act like it never happened.