by M. Robinson
“So what’s up? You ever gonna tell me why you came to see me?”
I took a deep breath, rememberin’ why I was there in the first place.
For a moment, I completely forgot. I grabbed a chocolate donut from the box in front of us, needin’ the comfort it would provide, and sat down next to him. Stuffin’ a huge piece into my mouth.
“Eatin’ your feelins’, darlin’?”
“You could say that,” I griped with a mouthful of food.
“What did the fuckin’ quarterback do now?”
“How do you know it’s about Jackson?”
“You get this look in your eyes when he hurts you.”
I winced, hatin’ that he did. “It started with Shiloh.”
“Is she okay?”
“No.”
With concern written all over his face, he questioned, “What happened?”
“It’s a long story that I don’t even know yet ... other than Trigger takin’ her virginity and the football team catchin’ them.”
“Oh shit.”
“Yeah, it gets worse.”
His eyes widened.
“Cash, she was a bet that Pierce started.”
I don’t know what hurt more, the fact that Jackson was behind it all, or that Cash responded with, “Yeah, I know.”
Breakin’ my heart...
All over again.
<>Jackson<>
I’d been sitting in her dorm room on her bed since six o’clock that morning.
Fuckin’ raging from the inside out. Hanging by a very thin thread.
After I saw Shiloh leave with a duffle bag over her shoulder at sunrise, I used the key that Harley gave me to let myself into their dorm. She didn’t answer any of my calls or texts all fuckin’ night. Pissin’ me off further.
The only way she’d talk to me was if I made sure of it.
Except, she wasn’t home.
Her bed was still perfectly made.
Meaning she hadn’t come home after she left my apartment.
She spent the night out, and I didn’t have to wonder who the fuck she was with.
I knew.
We were just connected that way.
I swear it took everything inside of me not to run to the door when I heard it open.
Waiting.
Again, patience was never my fuckin’ virtue.
As soon as she opened the door to her bedroom, and I took one look at her...
Her hair a mess.
Smeared makeup still on her swiftly shocked face.
Wearing the same clothes from the day before.
Looking hungover as fuck.
The string I was desperately hanging onto snapped. Loud and clear. Making me see nothing but fuckin’ red.
She gasped, “What are you doin’ here?”
In one stride, I was in her face. Looming over her petite frame, I seethed, “Where the fuck have you been?” Dreadfully needing to hear her say it.
“None of your business.”
Jaw clenching, I cocked my head to the side. “Who the hell do you think you’re talking to, Harley?”
“You. That’s who. Get your ass out of my dorm room!”
“The fuck I will. I called and texted you all night! I’ve been worried sick about you!”
“Shiloh broke my phone when I tried to call Trigger’s stupid ass before I knew what happened. It doesn’t matter, though. You’re the last fuckin’ person I wanted to hear from! I wouldn’t have answered you regardless!”
“Answer my question, Harley! Where the fuck have you been?”
She didn’t miss a beat, wanting to hurt me. Probably as bad as I hurt her.
“With Cash!”
Even though I already knew the answer, it didn’t take away the pain.
The sting.
The fuckin’ devastation it stirred within me.
If anything, it made it worse. It was like she just kneed me in the balls full force and with no remorse.
She went to leave, but I grabbed her arm, yanking her toward me.
“I can smell him on you.”
“Then maybe you should let me shower.”
“Did you fuck him?”
She jerked back, not expecting me to ask that.
“Did. You. Fuck. Him?”
Her eyes glazed over, showing me everything I needed to know without her having to admit it to me.
I couldn’t help myself, I was too far gone. “You fuckin’ slut!” Regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth.
However, it wasn’t until my head was whooshing back from the impact of her fist punching my face that I realized she’d hit me. With my hand on my jaw, I moved it around. Tingling from the blow.
Our eyes locked, hers filled with so much sorrow and agony. Mirroring mine, I was sure.
“What?” I spitefully spewed. “Needed to get fucked? Couldn’t wait for me to do it?”
“Oh no, Jackson, you certainly fucked me nice and hard in other ways. By fuckin’ my cousin over!”
“We were kids!”
“It doesn’t matter! If Shiloh finds you in here, she’ll kill you. You need to go.”
“You fuck Cash to get back at me?”
“Of course not. You would think that, though. Everythin’ is always about you.”
I shook my head, eyeing her up and down with an expression of utter disbelief. “After everything we’ve been through, you fuck the one person I hate more than anyone in this world.”
“It wasn’t like that. He’s like a brother to me, and I’m like a sister to him. We drank a bottle of whiskey and blacked out. I woke up nak—”
My hand went up in the air, silencing her. Unable to hear or stomach the rest.
“We don’t even remember what happened, Jackson. I couldn’t tell you a damn thing about what went down. The last thing I remember was we were seein’ who could walk in a straight line. Cash don’t even remember us doing that. The last thing he can recollect is talkin’ about your baby sister.”
“He’ll stay the fuck away from my girls if he knows what’s good for him.”
“I ain’t your girl. Not anymore. I didn’t cheat on you, Jackson. We weren’t together. Remember? It’s kinda like when you fucked Willow. Except I caught you mid-thrust. Trust me, it’s taken me years to forget the image of you balls deep inside of her.”
“So that makes this okay? My girl fucked another guy when my dick was the only one that’d been inside of her.”
“I. Ain’t. Your. Girl.”
“The fuck you aren’t, Gremlin.”
I didn’t think twice about, heading straight toward the door.
“No!” She blocked me. “You leave Cash out of this! This is between you and me. Besides, don’t worry, asshole! I told him I hated him, he told me he hated me for saying that to him. We got in a huge fight. He knew about the bet too. So now I hate both of you.”
“I know. I told him.”
All the blood drained from her face. “Wait, what?”
“Like I’ve been telling you, we were fuckin’ kids. We were drinking or some shit at a bonfire party one night, and he made some comment about how he couldn’t believe how happy they were. How much they loved each other. Saying he never thought it’d work out between them, but he was happy for Shiloh. That’s all he wanted for her. And to show face, I told him I was behind it all. Betting Trigger to get with her, so he would really pursue her.”
“Holy shit, Cash protected you and never said anythin’ to us about it.”
“You and Shiloh are the only ones who don’t see what’s right in front of you. Trigger fuckin’ loves her. Nobody wanted to come between that. Even your best friend could see it. There was no need to tell her. They were happy. In love. End of story. Now get the hell out of my way, so I can go murder the motherfucker.”
“You don’t even know where he lives.”
“I’ll drive the streets of Nashville until I find his ass. Lay him the fuck out.”
“What will that prove, Jac
kson? You think stormin’ out of here to go confront Cash is going to fix things with me? If so, you are dumber than you look, Rudolph.”
“You called me Rudolph, does that mean—”
“It doesn’t mean anythin’. How do I know everythin’ you have ever said to me isn’t a lie? That it wasn’t you tryin’ to win some challenge you and your fan club have goin’.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“I don’t know anythin’ anymore. That’s what happens when trust is broken. You’re wastin’ your time. You win, Jackson Pierce. Game over. I quit. I’m done fightin’ this battle we’ve had since we were kids. You’ve finally managed to affect every important aspect of my life all at once. You are the reason I’m pickin’ up the pieces. You are the reason Shiloh is wrecked, and you are the reason I drank too much to forget how badly you hurt me! I fucked my best friend and don’t remember it! And YOU are the reason it happened! I want nothin’ to do with you! Now get the fuck out! I hate you!”
She was right. No matter how bad it hurt, I shoved her over the edge into Cash’s arms. Exactly how I always did. Thinking back to what he said all those years ago as if he was saying them to me right now.
At this moment.
“I have the peace of mind of knowin’ every move you make just secures my position on her field. I’m her best friend, I’ll always be the guy in her life. You’re nothin’ but the boy she fuckin’ hates. So do what you do best, Pierce, go push her away some more. ’Cuz let me tell ya, nothin’ tastes better than kissin’ away Harley’s tears.”
I stood there shocked, not recognizing the girl standing in front of me.
“Fine. I’ll leave.”
She turned but wasn’t quick enough. I gripped her wrist, holding her in place in front of me.
“You're not going anywhere. Not until I say you can, and Gremlin... I won't.”
“What more can I say to you? I don’t want you here!”
“Please, don’t do this! Please, don’t fuckin’ do this!”
“Let go of me! Do you hear me?”
I did, and she immediately opened the door to her bedroom, nodding for me to leave.
“If you love me as much as you say you do, you’ll leave me alone.” Despite her brutal words, a tear escaped from her eye, quickly wiping it away.
“You don’t want this. Your tears prove that, Harley.”
“I can’t look at you right now, Jackson. I’m so fuckin’ mad at what has happened in the last twenty-four hours ’cuz of you. It hurts too much to be in the same room with you.”
I looked at her one last time, speaking with conviction, “I know you’re hurting, Harley. I’m fuckin’ hurting too. You choosing to push me away doesn’t mean I can’t fight to keep you.”
With that, I left, knowing in my heart and soul...
I should have told her...
How much I loved her.
Chapter 26
<>Harley<>
Then: Twenty-years-old
Six weeks.
Forty-two days.
A month and a half.
How long since my world got turned upside down by somethin’ I didn’t even remember.
Shiloh walked back into my bedroom, eyein’ me like I’d lost my mind. It was partially true, I totally had.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?! I’m tryin’ not to be pregnant!”
“By jumping up and down?”
“Yesssss!”
“Harley, I don’t think that’s—”
“I don’t need your negative energy right now, Shiloh. So either you stay and help me be unpregnant, or you can go.”
She sighed, shook her head, and closed the door behind her. “What do I do?”
“You can serve me another glass of milk.”
She peered over at the counter, seein’ seven empty glasses sittin’ there. “Let me guess, drinking milk makes you unpregnant?”
“Oh my God! So you know? It’s legit?”
“Have you lost your mind?”
“Again with the negative energy, Shiloh!”
“Harley, the only way you won’t be pregnant is if you get an—”
I gasped. “I would never.”
“Well, jumping up and down and drinking milk will just give you a stomachache. Maybe heartburn.”
I flopped on the floor, exhausted. “Ugh! What am I gonna do? My daddy is gonna murder me. You think I could seek refuge under witness protection?”
“I mean”—she plopped next to me—“Cash’s daddy is a detective.”
“I fucked up so bad.”
“It takes two to tango, Harley. Have you told Jackson?”
Bowin’ my head, I hid my eyes. Not ready to tell her the truth yet. Shakin’ my head no, unable to say it out loud.
Technically, it wasn’t a lie.
I hadn’t told him. I’d just found out that mornin’ with Shiloh in my bathroom. My period was late, and I was never late. She drove us to the nearest drugstore, and six pregnancy tests later...
It was clear as day. I was knocked up with my best friend’s child, and neither of us had any recollection of it happenin’. I didn’t even think about seein’ if we used a condom. Since Jackson was in trainin’, and with the stress of mid-terms, I forgot to refill my birth control. Thinkin’ it’d be in his best interest anyway by sayin’, “No protection, no makin’ love.”
Jackson would still kick ass on the field.
Goddamn it.
I was a statistic. I spent my whole life tryin’ not to be like everyone else.
“Harley, I hate Jackson. I hope his dick falls off, although, that doesn’t take away from the fact he’ll be there for you.”
Yeah, if only it was his.
“He’ll do right by you.”
Sweat pooled at my temples, and my heart beat out of my chest. Desperately tryin’ like hell to not scream out, “It’s Cash’s spawn!”
“You know I’ll help too. That baby will be so loved by our entire family. I wouldn’t worry too much about your dad. He’s going to murder Jackson, not you.”
“Facts.”
“I know this wasn’t in your plans, but you always wanted to have kids. It’s just happening a little earlier than you expected.”
“A lot earlier.”
“Everything happens for a reason. You’re a firm believer in that. We’ll make it work. Schedule our classes apart, so I can watch the babe while you’re in school. You’ll finish college, Harley. We’ll make sure of it.”
I started cryin’. “You’re the best cousin ever, Shiloh.”
“I know.” She pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m pretty awesome.”
“Trigger called again. He left like five messages on the voicemail.”
“Fuck him.”
“Are you ever gonna hear him out?”
“Nope. Never. As far as I’m concerned, he can eat shit and die.”
“Shi—”
“I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”
“Okay.” I laid my head on her shoulder, snifflin’. “We can talk about how I might be growin’ a penis inside of me.”
“You think it’s a boy?”
“I don’t know what I think.”
“You need to tell him, Harley. The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be.”
“I will. After I confirm with my gyno.”
“Alright. I’ll go with you.”
“What did I do to ever deserve you?”
“I love you too.”
A few days later, the OB-GYN confirmed what we already knew.
Pregnant.
To say I didn’t bawl my eyes out in the doctor’s office would be an understatement.
I cried.
And cried.
And cried some more.
One week later, there I was...
Standin’ at Cash’s door.
Once again, sweat pooled at my temples and my heart was beatin’ its way up my throat. We hadn’t spoken sin
ce our massive fight the night we told each other we hated one another. I didn’t know where we stood anymore which was the scariest feelin’ of all.
As soon as he opened the door and saw me standin’ there, he instantly tugged me into his arms. Welcomin’ me with a big ass hug, squeezin’ the hell out of me.
“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Harley. I swear I just didn’t wanna fuck up what they had. Shiloh was happy, they were in love. It didn’t matter how it started, and to be completely honest, I didn’t remember until you brought it up. You know I wouldn’t let anythin’ happen to either of you.”
“I know,” I replied, feelin’ guilty Jackson said almost the exact same thin’ about Trigger and Shiloh.
He pulled away, and our eyes connected.
“You been cryin’. What’s wrong?”
“We gotta talk, Cash.”
“What did that motherfucker do now?”
I shook my head. “It ain’t Jackson this time.”
He nodded for me to come in, closin’ the door behind me. I didn’t hesitate, I couldn’t.
Blurtin’, “I’m pregnant.”
His eyes widened, stunned to the max. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “It was confirmed by my doctor.”
“Does Jackson know?”
“It ain’t Jackson’s baby.”
All of a sudden, the blood drained from his face, and he jerked back.
“His team has this thing where they can’t have sex durin’ trainin’. Some shit about needin’ testosterone for the field, and his coach doesn’t want any of them losin’ focus. The baby is yours, Cash.”
His eyes widened again, lookin’ like he was gonna pass out or throw up.
“Maybe you should sit down.”
Movin’ toward the couch, he did exactly that, cradlin’ his head in between his hands.
“Will you please say somethin’?”
Liftin’ his gaze, with sad watery eyes, he stated, “I’m so fuckin’ sorry this happened. I never in a million years—”
“No.” I shook my head profusely. “I know that. I’m not blamin’ you. We’re both responsible for this, Cash. I’m as much to blame as you are.”
“So what now?”
“I’m still takin’ things one day at a time.”
He raked his hands roughly through his messy long hair. Fightin’ an internal battle I had started.