Love You Now (Book Two: Love Hurts Duet)

by M. Robinson

  “Harley, take a look around. I can’t bring a baby into this world, and you’re still in school. We can’t be parents. This is never goin’ to work out between us. It ain’t fair.”

  “Are you suggestin’ we give it up for—”

  “No... I was thinkin’ maybe... I mean ... fuck,” he scoffed out. “I can’t even bring myself to say it.”

  My mouth dropped open. A sense of loss settled over me. “If you can’t even say it, how the fuck do you think I could even do it!”

  He abruptly stood up. “Jesus Christ, Harley. What the fuck am I supposed to say? I can’t even feed myself right now. I can’t provide for a baby I don’t even remember makin’.”

  “No shit, Cash. While this baby may not be the product of marriage, it is a product of love. Our best friend love we have for one another. It’s part you and part me. I can’t just get rid of it. I’d never be able to live with myself, and you couldn’t either! Don’t try to pretend like you could go through with gettin’ rid of an innocent life you created.”

  I couldn’t see straight.

  I wanted to scream.

  I wanted to punch somethin’.

  Hearin’ him exhale a huge remorseful breath didn’t take away the emotions of wantin’ to hurt him. I wiped away the tears on my face that seemed to keep fallin’, while absentmindedly rubbin’ my stomach. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten that day.

  I watched as he walked over to the window by the far corner of the room. With his back now to me, he professed, “I have to prove everyone wrong, Harley. We’re too young to do this. You know it’ll ruin our lives.” Defeat was the only thing laced in his tone.

  Unexpectedly, I found myself feelin’ alone in all this. I didn’t know what he’d say, what his reaction would be, however, I never envisioned it’d be this.

  How could he want to get rid of somethin’ we made together? Punish a human life for our fuck up.

  My heart was shattered, crushed on the filthy floor.

  “I can’t believe you’re sayin’ this to me.” With fresh tears swellin’ in my swollen eyes, I muttered, “Who are you right now? ’Cuz this man standin’ in front of me, sayin’ these ridiculous things ... he’s not my best friend. The boy who always protected me, where did he go?”

  It physically pained me to watch the emotional detachment of everythin’ I said to him.

  It was like he was here, but he wasn’t. Incapable of lookin’ me in the eyes. My fists clenched at my sides. My anger takin’ control, seepin’ out of my blood onto the man I thought I knew.

  “I am protectin’ you from makin’ the biggest mistake of our lives.”

  It was like a monster had replaced the first boy I ever loved. Tears fell down the sides of my face, feelin’ like he was stabbin’ me over and over again with an imaginary knife.

  Words could hold so much power with the ability to cut you open like blades. There was no goin’ back, only forward, and he said his piece in all this.

  “I’m keepin’ it.”

  “You can’t be serious. You have your whole life ahead of you. This is just gonna fuck it all up.”

  “Well, this baby is my fuck up, you selfish asshole!”

  “I can’t be part of this, I’ve come too far. You have no idea what I’ve been through to just be standin’ in this piece of shit apartment. If you do this, Harley, you’re on your own ’cuz I want no part in it.”

  My heart dropped.

  It was loud.

  It was clear.

  It was everything that was left of me.

  Words couldn’t describe the sentiments surgin’ through my body, the turmoil and devastation takin’ residence inside of me. Reality set in, I’d be raisin’ this baby by myself.

  The last piece of my heart was taken away from me.

  By Cash.

  My very best friend.

  A part I knew I would never get back. No matter how much I wanted to. No matter how many times I’d prayed.

  The burden was mine to carry.

  I made my bed, now I had to lay in it.

  Adding to the endless pile of things I didn’t have anymore. Things I could never get back. The damage was already done.

  “Don’t you worry, Cash fuckin’ McGraw. No one will know it’s yours. I’ll raise it on my own. Is that what you want?”

  It literally hurt me to say that to him. I stood there on pins and needles, waiting for somethin’

  Anythin’.

  For him to choose us over his dreams.

  When he turned to face me, his internal struggle was written clear across his tormented expression.

  He swallowed, and for a split second, I thought he was goin’ to say no, he didn’t mean it.

  He’d be there for me.

  For us...

  Instead, he killed me.

  Replyin’, “I’m sorry, Harley. I can’t be your hero this time.”

  Chapter 27

  <>Jackson<>

  Then: Twenty-one-years-old

  I hadn’t seen or heard from Harley since the morning I found out about Cash and their drunken night together. Longest two months of my fuckin’ life. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months without my girl.

  My everything.

  Leaving an empty shell of a man walking through the motions of daily life. Submerging myself in nothing but football and classes.

  Alone.

  Day and night.

  Summer was in full effect, and I was back in Oak Island, staying with my parents for a week before heading back to start football camp. I knew Harley was there. It was the only chance I’d get to see her on neutral territory.

  Knowing exactly where I’d find her. The only place she thought I wouldn’t dare to go looking for her.

  My feet moved of their own accord up the empty beach until my heart dropped to the sand beneath me. Crumbling right then and there when I spotted her and all her beauty from a distance. My whole world came crashing down in a matter of seconds. Everything I thought I had under control, everything I wanted to believe, all of it ... gone.

  I saw her.

  And I fuckin’ knew.

  My girl sat there on a blanket with her arms wrapped around her knees, hiding her face. The tiny frame I adored so much shook uncontrollably. Only heightening the deepest sobbing that escalated with each passing second.

  It was such an intimate moment, not to be shared with anyone, especially me. Harley didn’t cry. Yet there she was, bawling her fuckin’ eyes out. Shaking me to my core, slicing me whole, making me feel like I was dying inside. Carving a memory within me I would take to my grave.

  There was no going back...

  I would forever close my eyes and see her falling apart in front of me.

  I found it hard to breathe.

  Hard to move.

  Hard to say one damn thing.

  My feet were glued to the goddamn sand as she continued to weep, sob, bawl, violently sucking in air that her lungs were denied.

  I accepted it all.

  Each tear that fell from her face became a piece of me. Circulating through my blood and veins, flowing endlessly like a river of her sadness and sorrow, mixed with all our bullshit over the years.

  There was no beginning or ending to her cries, just an infinite current, flooding the hole where my heart should be. The shadow of her trembling, petite frame reflected off the water, leaving a trail of regret in its wake.

  Mine.

  Hers.

  Ours.

  There was always that one moment in life where things could have been different.

  That one moment that changed the course of your life or the direction you could have taken.

  That one moment that could forever change you and everything you wanted to be true. Everything you wanted to believe in.

  One simple decision could alter your entire future.

  My entire world.

  I gave her the only comfort I could in her moment of despair.

  Speaking w
ith nothing but conviction, “I’ll say it’s mine.”

  I would forever remember this moment for the rest of my life. This was the moment that changed everything. This was the moment when I took another direction, another road that led me to everything I ever wanted.

  Her.

  Them.

  Mine.

  She instantly froze from hearing me say that. Not turning to face me, she questioned, “How did you know?”

  “’Cuz our souls are connected.”

  That made her spin around to face me. “Have you lost your mind?”

  “Not yet.”

  She jerked back from my response, regretting her words immediately. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  I stood there with my hands in my pockets, nodding, knowing she didn’t.

  “I’m serious, Jackson. I didn’t mean it like that.”

  I nodded with understanding again, never breaking our intense stare. She looked like she’d been through hell and back. I’d know, I followed her there.

  “Does Cash know?” I asked, fighting with every fiber in my being to keep my shit together.

  For her.

  “Yeah.”

  “And what did pussy boy have to say about it?”

  She bowed her head, fresh tears falling down the sides of her beautiful face. “He wanted me to get rid of it,” she cried, tearing at my insides.

  I took a moment to compose myself, experiencing rage in a way I never had before.

  “Fuck him, Harley. You don’t need him. We can do this together.”

  She peered up at me through glossy eyes. “Why would you want to help me? You hate Cash.”

  “It may biologically be his baby, but that kid growing inside of you is mine. You said it yourself—you got blackout drunk ’cuz of me. I’m the reason that baby is in there. It’s mine, exactly the way its mother is.”

  “Jackson.” She shook her head. “I can’t let you do that.”

  “You have no choice. This may be the only chance I get to have a family.”

  “What? That makes no sense. You can have your own family.”

  “Can I? ’Cuz if I do, I’m cursing them with a life they may not remember. I’d never do that to my child, make them go through what I do every single day. Dying like my mom did, like I may too.”

  By the expression on her face, my words stunned her in ways she never expected.

  “Jackson, just look at the res—”

  “Take it or leave it, Harley. ’Cuz I’m not discussing that topic with you any further.”

  “I’m leavin’ it. I can’t let you do this. It’s not right.”

  I was in her face before the last word left her mouth. My knees hit the sand, crouching in front of her to hold her face in my hands.

  “I’ll tell you what’s not right. The fact that you’re bawling your eyes out over a baby that’s a blessing. Do you have any idea how much I hated my baby sister before she was born? The moment I laid eyes on her, I begged God for forgiveness. She’s my mother’s legacy. I see her every time I look into Journey’s eyes. Her pregnancy may have made my mother die faster, but I wouldn’t trade Journey for anything in this world. I love her with everything inside of me, the same way I already love the baby growing inside of you. ’Cuz it’s a part of you. And I don’t care who the biological father is, that baby’s a part of me too.”

  She burst into tears, and I wiped them away with my thumbs.

  “I fucked up so bad.”

  “No, you didn’t. I never thought I would say this, but Cash did me a favor. He gave me the family I always wanted but couldn’t take the chance to make on my own. Not with my genes. They’re a curse I’d never wish on anyone. Especially my child. Our child.”

  “Jackson, you don’t know what you’re sayin’.”

  “I have never been so sure of the words coming out of my mouth. I want to do this with you, for you, for us. Please, Harley... Don’t take this away from me.”

  Her pouty lips puckered, and I resisted the urge to claim them with my mouth like I’d done hundreds of times by this point.

  “I always knew Cash was a fuckin’ pussy.”

  “I don’t know what I expected from him, but it wasn’t that. He couldn’t even look me in the eyes when he said it, though when he did. I don’t know what was worse, when he wasn’t lookin’ at me or when he finally did.”

  “Does he know you’re keeping it?”

  She nodded. “I told him. He doesn’t want any part of it.”

  “Good.”

  She winced, not trying to hide it.

  “It’s the truth. He doesn’t deserve you, he never did. Neither does our child.”

  “Jackson, stop saying that. It makes me feel like you’re tryin’ to influence me to be a liar. I couldn’t lie to everyone. I hate lyin’, it would kill me.”

  “I don’t see it as a lie. I already told you that baby is mine.”

  “I can’t believe you’re sayin’ this to me.” She held my wrists. “I thought... I mean... I thought you’d... I just... I don’t know what I thought... I’m so confused.”

  “We can do this. I want to do this.”

  “I can’t lie, Jackson. You of all people know that. It would change me. Us. I’m not made to be that person.”

  “All that matters is we’ll be together as a family. Nobody has to know. Not even the baby.”

  “Jesus, Jackson. You’re askin’ a whole lot of me right now. I’m still mad at you about Shiloh. I haven’t even worked through that yet.”

  “So be mad at me. Nothing new.”

  “I just...” She shook her head. “I need to think. I can barely see straight.”

  “Have you been resting?”

  “When I’m not throwing up. I don’t know why they call it morning sickness when it lasts all day.”

  Her stomach grumbled.

  “Our baby wants some food.”

  “Jackson—”

  “Just let me fuckin’ feed you.”

  “I can’t keep anything down.”

  “Come on.” I grabbed her hand, lifting her up with me. “I know what you want.”

  To my surprise, she let me take her. I drove us to her favorite diner to eat at when we were growing up. Ordering her two grilled cheese sandwiches with extra cheese.

  We didn’t talk.

  We didn’t need to.

  There was nothing left to say.

  “Here,” I stated, handing her a new iPhone.

  “Oh my God.”

  “You need a phone, and you haven’t replaced your old one. I would know, I’ve been calling you every day.”

  “You’re going to make me cry in my grilled cheese.”

  Reaching for her new cellphone, she turned it on. Syncing it with her old one and setting it back on the table.

  “I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

  “If you don’t come back in five minutes, I’m coming in there.”

  “What if I’m throwin’ up?”

  “Then, baby girl, I’ll hold your hair back.”

  She rolled her eyes, hiding back a smile.

  When I made sure she was gone, I went through her contacts. Hoping like fuck I’d find what I wanted.

  I did.

  Placing it back where she left it, I waited for her to return. Counting down the seconds, prepared to go in after her. She didn’t take long.

  “The baby likes the grilled cheeses. Thank you, Jackson.”

  “All I’ve ever wanted is to see you smile.”

  “I find that hard to believe, considering how many scars I have on my body ’cuz of you.”

  I shrugged. “Had to leave my mark on you at an early age.”

  “Ugh. Don’t remind me. You remember that time you squirted me with the water gun you peed in.”

  “Just marking my territory. Considering how many times you’ve squirted on me in the last two and a half years, I’ll call it even.”

  She giggled, and it was still the sweetest soun
d I’d ever heard.

  Once she was finished, I paid the bill and drove her home to her parents. Hating that our time was over, however eager to get going.

  I had a long drive ahead of me.

  “Jackson, I haven’t told my parents. The only people who know I’m pregnant are Shiloh and Cash.”

  “It’s not the right time.”

  “It’s never going to be the right time. My daddy is gonna be so disappointed in me.”

  “He’ll get over it. He loves you. He’ll love our baby too.”

  “You’re not going to give up, are you?”

  “Does that sound like something I would do?”

  Ignoring my question, she opened the door and stepped out of my truck.

  “This is far from over, Harley.”

  “It is for now. Goodnight.”

  “Night.”

  I watched her leave, making sure she was safe inside before I drove away. Pulling into the gas station, I filled up my tank and grabbed a Monster. Ready to get on my way.

  Almost ten hours later, I was pounding on the motherfucker’s door.

  It was barely open when I slammed it against the wall. Barging into his face.

  “Been expectin’ you,” he spoke. “I’m surprised it took this lon—”

  My fist collided with his pretty boy fuckin’ face, causing his head to whoosh back from the unexpected blow, and taking half of his body with him.

  He stumbled, shaking it off.

  “This how it’s gonna be?” he asked, spitting blood onto the ground.

  “Hell yeah, it’s go-time, motherfucker. I’ve been waiting all my life for this moment.” I charged him, ramming my body into his torso, taking him to the ground.

  Except, he didn’t fight back, nor did he stop me. Which only made it easier to do what I came here for. To lay this son of a bitch out, once and for all.

  “You piece of shit!” I hit him. “You fucked her!” I hit him again. “You knocked her up!” I hit him twice more. “And then you have the fuckin’ balls to tell her to get rid of it!” I hit him three more times. Face. Stomach. Ribs. “That you want no part in it! Fuck you, pussy boy! That’s my baby inside of her! Not yours, you son of a bitch. She’ll be raising it with me! Not alone how you want it!” I hit his ribs and face one more time. “If you ever come home, or near her and my baby again, I will fuckin’ destroy you with my bare hands! Do you understand me?!” One last hit to his stomach.