Deepest Desire

by Weston Parker

  I rested my head back on my pillow as I watched my husband with his daughter. It was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen. This moment made all the others before it seem so much smaller, like the day Greyson saved me from the Bravo mansion, or the day he surprised me at the hospital. This even beat his proposal.

  I wiped tears from my cheeks as Greyson slipped his forefinger into Gwen’s tiny hand. He let out a sound that wasn’t a laugh or a sob. It was something in between.

  “How am I ever going to get anything done now that you’re finally here?” Greyson asked, wiggling his finger ever so slightly. “There are going to be two girls in the house constantly distracting me.”

  “You’re in trouble, that’s for sure,” I said.

  “Big trouble,” Greyson nodded. He met my eyes. “I can’t believe she’s finally here. We did it. You did it.”

  “We,” I agreed.

  There was a soft knock on the door and I peered around Greyson to see Renee poking her head in. “Hey,” she said, “May I come in?”

  “Of course,” I said, waving her in.

  Renee came in quietly and closed the door behind her. She came to us and hovered over Greyson’s shoulder to peer down at Gwen in his arms. Her eyes instantly filled with tears and she covered her mouth. When she finally managed to speak, it was in a crackly whisper.

  “She’s beautiful,” Renee said, “She’s so perfect. Congratulations, you guys. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thank you,” Greyson and I said in unison.

  When Greyson had his fill of holding his daughter he gave her to my sister, who cooed and whispered down at Gwen as Greyson lay down beside me on the bed. He entwined his fingers around mine and kissed me. “I can’t wait to bring her home.”

  “Me too,” I said. “I could really go for some of those homemade pancakes of yours. I’ve been thinking about them since she came out.”

  Greyson threw his head back and laughed. Renee shushed him the corner and scowled. “Your daddy is so loud,” she said to Gwen, who still appeared to be sleeping soundly.

  “I will make sure you get those pancakes within an hour of being home,” Greyson said, “I promise.”

  “I’m going to hold you to that. Maple syrup has never sounded so good.”

  “You’ll have it before you know it,” Greyson smiled.

  Renee went back to Greyson’s later that night after I was told I would be staying in the hospital until the following morning. My sister promised to make sure the house would be ready for us when we got back. She ignored Greyson and I when we told her to just relax and enjoy having the place to herself.

  She had only been gone for a couple hours when Greyson drifted off to sleep in the armchair beside my bed. He had fought valiantly to stay awake, but I knew the stress of the day had taken a toll on him and he needed to rest. When his chin hit his chest I didn’t say a word. I let him drift off into a deeper sleep while Gwen lay bundled up in my lap like a pink fleece burrito.

  I traced her eyebrows with my fingers, and her lips. I explored her little ears and gums and counted her eyelashes. She was such a little wonder that everything about her amazed me. Her little fingernails were so perfect. Her hands were wrinkly and her skin was softer than what I could have imagined.

  I looked over at Greyson again.

  “You’re a lucky little girl, Gwen,” I said. “You are going to be the apple of your daddy’s eye. He’s so happy that you’re here. We both are. Your nine years on the inside are done.” I chuckled at my own joke and ran a hand gently over her head. She grunted and yawned, but her eyes never opened. Smiling to myself, I kept talking like I was talking to another adult.

  “When you get older we’ll have so many stories to tell you. Like how I was kidnapped because of your daddy,” I shot another look at Greyson. He still hadn’t moved, and I doubted he would until morning. Or until Gwen cried. “How about I tell you that story now? It can be just between us girls, and daddy can tell it to you again when you’re older. He’ll probably tell every boy you ever bring home too, just so he can make sure they know that your dad knows Vegas’ mob boss. I’m sorry in advance for that.”

  Gwen’s little feet moved as she squirmed for a brief moment. Then she settled again. I continued rubbing her head as I told her the story of Greyson and Luccio Bravo.

  “I of course had no idea any of this was going on,” I said, “So when we were on the way to the airport and the driver took us down a different road, I suspected something was amiss. I had no clue just how messed up everything was until the driver told me and your Auntie Renee that Greyson owed his boss a lot of money. A lot of money. Over a hundred thousand dollars.”

  “Long story short, I spent a lot of time in a room in the basement of the Bravo mansion. I made a new friend down there. Her name is Nikki. You’ll meet her one day, and I think you’ll like her. She’s a little crazy, but in a good way. Anyways, your daddy showed up to save me and the others. I felt a bit like Lois Lane when he opened the door and came in. You’ll also learn who she is one day.”

  “He swept in and took us away from that place, and he’s been saving me ever since. There isn’t a better man on this planet who could be your daddy. You just wait and see.”

  I continued telling Gwen stories well into the night. A nurse came in and offered to take her around midnight, but I turned the offer down. I knew I should sleep, and I was definitely tired, but after waiting for nine months to hold her I just couldn’t put her down. I wanted to be as close to her for as long as possible, and just one night wasn’t nearly enough time.

  The nurse was wiser than me, though, and she returned an hour later and offered to take Gwen again. “I’ll just put her next to you in a bassinet so you can get some sleep, okay?” The nurse offered. “Baby needs a well-rested mom, trust me. Tomorrow is a big day for all of you and dad has the right idea of getting some shut eye,” she pointed her chin at Greyson as she leaned over to take Gwen.

  I reluctantly let her take Gwen and watched as she lowered her into a plain bassinet and rolled it right up beside my bed. “You just rest, dear,” the nurse said, “We’ll come in and check on her. If she cries I’ll come in and help, okay?”

  “Okay. Thank you,” I said.

  The nurse gave me a warm smile before leaving.

  Without having Gwen in my arms I found it quite hard to keep my eyes open. Staring at her and holding her had proven to be something I could do and would never tire from. But now, with empty arms, the exhaustion set in.

  I rolled my head to the side to look at Greyson. His chest was rising and falling slowly and every now and then he let out a soft little snore. I smiled to myself.

  As I closed my eyes I eagerly thought of returning home with our new family member. I dreamed of pancakes and sleeping in my own bed with my husband curled around me and our daughter sleeping in her bassinet beside one of us.

  Greyson

  Gwen was crying. I opened one eye, wondering if I was lucky enough to have only been dreaming. But her wail came again and I felt Skylar roll over beside me.

  “What time is it?” She mumbled, her voice thick with sleep.

  I glanced at the clock. “Six.”

  She sighed and pressed her cold feet against my calf. “I’ll go get her. She ate at three. She probably just needs a diaper change and some formula.”

  I patted Skylar’s thigh as she made to roll away from me and to the edge of the bed. “You stay in bed a while longer, I’ll go.”

  Skylar propped herself up on her elbows as I got out of bed. She watched me in the pre-dawn light as I pulled on a pair of sweatpants. “You’re sure?” She asked.

  I nodded. “Of course I am. Sleep some more. I’ve got her.”

  “Okay,” Skylar mumbled before collapsing face first down on the mattress. “You’re the best husband in the world.”

  I patted her ankle as I walked by. “I know.”

  She had fallen back asleep before she had the chance to answer me.

>   I made my way down the hall to the nursery. We had painted it yellow. It was bright and airy and there were animal stencils on the walls. I leaned over the side of the crib and peered down at Gwen, who was still sniffing and crying but not as loudly now. She knew things were about to get better.

  “Well, good morning grumpy pants,” I said, reaching into her crib and dancing my fingers across her belly. I earned a laugh out of her and it made me smile. “Do you need to get out of that diaper?”

  I scooped her up and the smell of the contents of her diaper followed her. “Oh my Lord,” I said, staggering over to the changing table as my nostrils threatened to seal themselves to protect my body from the stench. “That’s just terrible.”

  I put her down and unbuttoned her sleeper. “How such a tiny thing can make such a mess, I have no idea. You’re a poop machine, kid. It’s been six months of this. How long until you can change yourself?” I paused as if she were answering me and nodded knowingly. “A few more years, hey? I guess I can handle that. It’s just a good thing you’re cute.”

  Changing the diaper was more than unpleasant. All the while I resisted the urge to gag. Gwen seemed pleased the entire time, because she kicked her legs and let out a couple squeals of delight once she was all clean again. As I was putting a new diaper on her she gave me a big toothless smile. “Don’t look at me like that,” I said, bopping her on the nose. “I’m already powerless to the smile of one girl, I don’t need two of you ganging up against me. I stand no chance. Is that what you want?” I tickled her ribs once I had the diaper on, and then pressed my mouth to her belly and blew a raspberry against her.

  Gwen giggled and squirmed and I grabbed a different sleeper from one of the drawers in the changing table. Once I had her in it I scooped her up again and walked from her bedroom to the kitchen downstairs. I bounced her in my arm as I set to warming up a bottle of formula from the fridge.

  “You hungry, monster? Huh?” I asked, bouncing her a little more energetically. “Daddy’s kind of hungry. Not that you care, I know. You have more important things to worry about. Like planning your next diaper bomb, am I right?”

  Her only answer for the posed question was another giggle.

  Once the bottle was warm I checked the temperature on my wrist. Concluding that it wasn’t too hot or too cold, I made my way with Gwen to the couch. I sat down and put my feet up on the coffee table, and then laid her down on my thighs with her feet resting against my stomach and her head between my knees so she could see me.

  She drank eagerly when I put the bottle in her mouth. “One thing’s for sure, you have my appetite. Look at you go.” I chuckled to myself and dabbed runaway formula from her chin. Her hair was thicker and somehow darker now, and her eyes were big and green just like Skylar’s. “You’re going to be the death of me, kid.”

  After Gwen finished eating I swayed my legs back and forth and started humming a lullaby my mother used to sing to me when I was young. I had long since forgotten the words, but I remembered the tune, and sharing it with my daughter made me feel closer to my mother than I ever had. I wondered if she had sat how I was sitting now with me on her lap.

  Soon the lullaby morphed into other songs, and I went back and forth between humming and singing for a while, until suddenly I felt like I was being watched. I fell silent and looked over my shoulder.

  Skylar was standing at the bottom of the stairs. There was a smile playing on her perfect lips as she came to join me on the sofa. She was wearing a matching pajama set in shades of purple, and she had pulled her hair into a ponytail.

  She dropped down beside me and peered down at Gwen. “She likes when you sing to her,” she said.

  “I don’t know if anyone really likes when I sing,” I said. “I think it’s more of a she can’t get away from it kind of thing so she falls asleep.”

  “Oh stop it,” Skylar laughed, “You have a nice voice. I’ve always thought so.”

  My cheeks felt hot.

  “Are you embarrassed?” Skylar asked, leaning back to look at me with wide but amused eyes. “Oh my gosh, you totally are. I never thought I would see the day where Greyson Kline was ever embarrassed about anything. I wish I had a camera.”

  “Funny,” I said, before sticking my tongue out at her.

  “And so mature, like always,” Skylar teased. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned against my side. “She ate?”

  “Like a horse,” I said. “She filled her diaper up pretty good, too. Maybe we’re feeding her too much. Sometimes… sometimes it’s just not right, you know?”

  “It was a bad one?” Skylar asked. I heard her muffled laughter.

  “It was terrible,” I said. “I should have let you get up.”

  “I have a stronger stomach than you when it comes to smells.”

  “Smells? I don’t think it could be classified as a ‘smell’. It was definitely a stench. I think I could see it on the air too. Like a cartoon.”

  “Stop it,” Skylar giggled.

  “What? We made a stinky kid. You win some you lose some.”

  “Well, we definitely won this one, despite the smell.”

  “Stench,” I corrected.

  “Alright, alright. Stench,” Skylar amended. She leaned in and gave me a kiss, then rested her head on my shoulder to look down at our daughter. “I’m really happy, Greyson. Are you happy?”

  “I am,” I said, wrapping an arm around my wife and holding her to me. “I can’t think of anything that would be better than this right here. I have my girls. What more could a man need?”

  I felt Skylar’s cheek swell against my shoulder as she smiled. “Good answer.”

  Gwen gave a great sigh in my lap and licked her lips. Her nose scrunched up and I froze. “You’d better not be brewing another gift for mommy and daddy,” I said.

  Skylar laughed. “The next one will be mine, don’t worry. You’re such a diva.”

  “I just don’t like poop, okay? If that makes me a diva then fine, I’m a diva.”

  Skylar shook her head at me but never took her eyes off of Gwen.

  “Hey, I forgot to mention to you yesterday that Meek called. I invited him over later today to see Gwen. He misses her. And apparently he has a little something for her.”

  “Hopefully it’s better than his last gift,” Skylar said as she stood up and stretched.

  “What? You didn’t like the baby mop?” I asked as I looked up at her.

  She planted her hands on her hips. “You mean the onesie we were supposed to put our daughter in that’s covered in mop strings?”

  “Yeah,” I shrugged, “She could keep the floor clean when she crawls. I think it’s very practical. And think of how much time we would save.”

  “No,” Skylar said firmly. “She’s not wearing it. Not ever.”

  My composure cracked and I laughed. “I agree. Don’t worry, we’re on the same page. But maybe he’ll get her something really cool, like a baby dishwasher. I hate doing the dishes.”

  Skylar laughed and rolled her eyes. “You are impossible.”

  “You married me.”

  “Well, when a guy sweeps you off your feet and runs away to Europe with you, what are you supposed to do?” She looked down at the ring on her left ring finger and smiled. “Of course you say yes.”

  I grinned up at her.

  “I have a new recipe I’ve been wanting to try,” Skylar said, “Call Meek and tell him to come by around six. I’ll make us dinner. Also tell him that if his gift has anything to do with making our child clean he can leave it at home and bring it to the next baby shower he’s invited to.”

  “Will do,” I said.

  “Promise?”

  I bit the inside of my cheek. “No.”

  Skylar threw her hands in the air. “You men are impossible. We don’t need more stuff to throw away. I don’t know why people feel the need to keep buying her stuff. Don’t they know she already has everything she could possibly need because her father treats her like
a princess already? I hate to think what her first car will be with you as her dad.”

  “Well it has to be something cool,” I said as if that were obvious.

  “How cool?” Skylar asked. Her hands were on her hips again.

  “I don’t know if I want to answer that. I think I might get myself into trouble.”

  Skylar narrowed her eyes. “How cool?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Skylar laughed. “I can tell when you’re lying. Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you. How cool is this car going to be that you’re going to get her?”

  “I was thinking she should drive something a little older. Classic. You know. Something Kline-esque.”

  “Good God,” Skylar breathed, “Just spit it out.”

  “A fastback. Maybe a sixty seven.”

  Skylar widened her eyes.

  I stared back at her.

  “Oh,” she said, “You’re not joking?”

  “No,” I shook my head.

  Skylar pursed her lips for a moment. “Huh. Okay. Well we can table that discussion for another time. Wait, Meek isn’t showing up with a car for her today, is he?”

  I burst out laughing. “No, Meek’s a nice guy, but he’s not that nice.”

  Skylar sighed with relief. “Good. Call him. He has to be here at six. Tell him I’m making pulled pork.

  I nodded. “Will do. And I’ll tell him not to bring his present if it’s stupid.”

  Skylar frowned at me. “Maybe don’t say it like that.”

  “He won’t understand if I say it any other way.”

  “Fine,” Skylar said. “Coffee?”

  “Yes please,” I said, and I drew Gwen up into my arms and followed her mother into the kitchen, where I watched her brew a pot of coffee. The smell wafted into the air as it filled the pot, and Gwen grunted into my chest as she dreamed. Skylar handed me my mug once it was full and the two of us sat together in comfortable quiet.

  “Hey,” I said, and Skylar looked over at me. She looked a little tired, which was normal now with a baby. I always looked tired, too. But her eyes were still the brightest shade of green I had ever seen, and her smile still made my heart soar the same way it had the first day I saw her. “I love you.”