Deepest Desire

by Weston Parker

  "Put me down."

  "Hush. Let me play the good guy for just a second."

  "Be careful. It's rather becoming."

  "You think?" He winked and walked me to the bathroom near the guest room. "I put a t-shirt and sweats in there. Get dressed and we'll ride behind the ambulance."

  "Will he remember any of this?"

  "No. Not from what I know of this nasty drug." He set me down and moved back. "I'm going to help them load him up. Wait for me here."

  I nodded and closed the door, waiting a second before pressing my back to the door and cupping my face in my hands. I slid to the floor as a silent scream shook me to the core of who I was.

  Killing Ashley wasn't the moment that would change me forever.

  Thinking she'd killed Nate was.

  Chapter 27

  Nate

  Two Day Later

  "Sir. There are several people here to see you." The nurse moved up beside my bed and touched my arm.

  "I don't care. I'm not seeing anyone." I kept my face toward the window. "They're not my blood relatives, and I’m not married."

  "All right, but I still think-"

  "I didn't ask what you think," I barked and jerked my face toward her as I narrowed my eyes.

  She moved back and lifted her hands as if surrendering. "Okay. I'm sorry."

  "Fuck off." I turned back toward the window and closed my eyes as pain laced the center of my chest.

  Guilt. Embarrassment. Fury.

  I couldn't look at Jenna again after what happened. There was no way. Ashley didn't want me to die, or Jenna to end up a bloody stump from being fucked across the kitchen floor.

  She wanted my dignity. And she got it.

  The door opened and I sat up and started to throw my pillow.

  "I'm not here to fluff any of your shit. Lay down and shut up." Erik walked in and dropped down in the chair next to the bed.

  "Fuck you, Bertinelli. Get outta here." I closed my eyes and rested my arm on my face. "I don't owe you shit."

  "Naw, but you sure as fuck owe that beautiful woman close to tears in the lobby. She fucked you in front of a crowd to help you out a couple of days ago. I stood by like a bastard and watched." He pressed his fingers to his mouth as I turned my face toward him.

  "You're sick."

  "No, you are." He got a faraway look in his eyes. "Did you fall in love with her when you first started going to De Luca or was it more recent?"

  "Have you been watching me?" I growled and sat up.

  "I've always been watching you, Nate. You're my best friend. I'd never let a fucking leaf fall on your side of the street." He turned his steely eyes back onto me. "You think just because you flipped me and my family off that I could walk away? You saved my goddamn life a million times when we were kids. Took a bullet in the chest for me, what? Five times?"

  "Four. You dick." I reached up and rubbed my chest.

  "You're not choosing to live right now. You're choosing to die."

  "No clue what you're whining about. I'm not in the mood though." I let the smirk slide off my face as pain wrapped tightly around my chest, suffocating my desire to take another breath. "I can't see her again. She's in danger for one, and she has to hate me. I violated her trust, killed her brother, fucked her like a two-bit whore."

  "Yeah. And?" He stood up and moved over to the bed, putting his hand on my chest. "You're a good man. You're just living in a fucked up world. Fix it, or I'm going to fix it for you."

  I turned and swallowed the burn in my chest as my eyes filled with tears. "Ash stole my pride, Erik. How the fuck do I ever get that back? Jenna deserves a man, not an abuser."

  He nodded. "Ash only stole what you let her steal. Nothing more. You have a woman who loves you waiting in the lobby. Don't turn her away." He smiled just before I closed my eyes. "I promise you that I'll pick her up and make her mine."

  "No, you won't." I reached up and grabbed for his throat as he chuckled.

  "Good. She's a little too tainted for me anyway. I swear, she enjoyed fucking you and tugging on your shit as much as you cried for more." He moved back as I reached for him again. "She loves you, man. That shit is priceless."

  "I know." I turned back toward the window. "Take her home for me. I'll see her when I get out. I promise."

  He left without another word, and I was grateful. He knew me well enough to understand that when I said my peace... I meant it.

  ***

  I drifted off somewhere in the middle of the afternoon and woke to the nurse shaking my shoulder.

  "Mr. Hayes. There's a cop here that wants to talk with you." She rubbed my shoulder softly.

  "What?" I jerked up, only to have her push me back. My dreams left me sweating like a whore in church. Jenna strapped to a bed while I violated every part of her. I let out a long sigh and turned to watch a tough-ass-looking guy walk in the room.

  "I won't take up much of your time, Mr. Hayes."

  "It's Nate, man." I ran my hand over my hair. "Can you hand me that jug of water over there? This shit they're using to clean my system is leaving me so dry it feels like my fucking eyeballs are going to crack."

  He chuckled and turned. "I'm Cole Matthenson. I'm new to the area."

  "Oh yeah. You're the cop that was up at Kadia. Someone mentioned you'd stopped by." I reached for the jug and shook my head as he tried to hand me a glass. "I don't need that." I chugged most of the water, not giving two shits that the guy might be grossed out by me. Fuck him if he was.

  "That place is... interesting."

  "You can say that." I wiped the back of my mouth and handed him the jug. "Thanks."

  "Sure. Can I ask you a few questions about what happened with you and your girlfriend?"

  "Jenna's not my girlfriend." I leaned back as sickness rolled in the pit of my stomach.

  "Oh. All right. She said she was." He smirked. "Women."

  "What do you need to know?"

  "Can you give me the details on where I could find a Miss Denise Webb? Jenna mentioned the girl's name might actually be Ashley. I'm not sure which it is, but it would seem that she was involved in all of this stuff."

  "I have no clue where she is. You guys should check my apartment and probably Darek Webb's place. She was his wife."

  "The late Darek Webb, correct?"

  "Yeah." I leaned back and let the weariness I was holding back roll over me in thick waves. "Make sure you guys keep an eye on Jenna. She's not safe."

  "Who should we be concerned about coming after her?" He lifted his pad of paper. "A Mister Erik Bertinelli?"

  "Naw. Erik's a good guy."

  The cop chuckled. "Really? That's not the information I'm able to pull up."

  "We all got shit on our record around here. Something you good guys wouldn't understand."

  "You'd be surprised," he mumbled and glanced down at his notepad as he took a few more notes.

  "Where is Jenna?"

  "She left with Mr. Bertinelli earlier from what I understand." He shrugged. "Do you guys sell Zandra out of Kadia?"

  "Nope. You need to talk with Fredrick-"

  "Carrington. I know. I have. Several times. The guy is hoping to get me to join his staff, but he's not hearing me.”

  “Seems a little odd that the boss man would be recruiting from the local police force.” I lifted an eyebrow. Was this guy for real?

  “He’s a powerful man. He knows that my uniform doesn’t fit right. My past won’t let it. Besides, my day of clubs and crime are long behind me."

  I smiled. "You say that until you start to miss it. There is freedom in the darkness that will never be found anywhere else."

  "Yeah, and sanity in the light." He tapped the pen to the paper. "Anything else you might want to let me in on? I've heard the main details about what happened. You didn't take the third pill, did you?"

  "No. I would have to save Jenna from the horror of what that shit did to me, but I couldn't find the goddamn thing." I let out a short sigh. "I'm tired if
you're done with your questions."

  "Sure. We'll send a patrolman to watch over Miss Webb. Her father might have already requested one. It wouldn't surprise me much."

  "I like her father. He's a good guy."

  "Yeah, but he's been through hell lately. I'm pretty sure the whole damn state is about to get in an uproar about this drug you suffered from."

  "Maybe they should. Who knows?" I shrugged. "It's fantastic in small doses, but toxic when you OD."

  "Most things are, right?" He nodded. "Thanks for your time, Nate. I'll be in touch if we have any follow-up questions."

  "All right." I leaned back and watched him go as fear permeated the center of my chest. I needed to get the fuck out of the hospital and get over to Jenna's place. I wouldn't go in and let her know I was watching, but someone needed to keep her close. Ashley wouldn't rest easy without knowing that she'd finished the job and completely smashed my heart.

  Maybe the only option was to find Ash and wrap my hands around her throat. To watch her squirm beneath me until she stopped breathing.

  "Stop it," I groaned and pressed my hand to my face. I hated who I had become. The guy in the coffee shop that fell in love with the DA's daughter didn't exist. It was time to start acting like he was buried six feet under.

  No more trying to resurrect the dead. I was who I was, and I got what I deserved. Play with fire, get your ass burnt.

  Chapter 28

  Jenna

  I rolled over on the couch and pressed my fingers to my mouth, trying hard to keep myself from crying. What had he wanted me to do? Just let him fuck himself to death? Swallow the goddamn pill and have a heart attack right in front of me?

  "Jenna. Let it go." Erik walked around from the kitchen and sat down on the edge of the coffee table beside me.

  "You don't have to stay here, Erik. I'm fine. If the bitch comes for me, I'll kill her."

  "I'm not staying here to babysit you. I'm staying until you're strong enough for us to finish this shit. It's not over until we say it's over."

  I sat up and pushed my hair behind my shoulder as my tears dissipated. "Are you serious right now? Do you even know where she is?"

  "Sure do. She's in a small house in the woods outside of town. We can be there in a few hours if you're ready." He tilted his head to the side, looking like beautiful death. Grace was in love with him for a reason, and I honestly couldn't blame her one bit. He was her Nate. Everyone deserved a love like that.

  Everyone except me, apparently.

  "I'm ready." I got up and walked toward the back of the house to change. "Do you think he'll come back to me?"

  "No. Well, I don’t know for sure. He's not the kind of guy that can lose his pride and get over it that easily." Erik stopped outside the bedroom. "You changing?"

  "Yes." I pulled my dress over my head and changed into a pair of jeans and a black shirt before pulling boots on my feet. "I would die for him, Erik."

  "Good. You'll need to prove that before this shit will turn around."

  "Why?" I walked out and moved past him, ignoring the deliciously dark scent of his cologne. Nothing mattered but Nate. "Haven't I done enough?"

  "He thinks he hurt you. That he raped you." He moved toward the door and opened it.

  "Then he's an idiot. I raped him if nothing else."

  He snorted. "Let's tell him that. Actually, let me tell him. I'd love to break that news to him."

  I smacked him in the chest and walked down the hall toward the elevator beside him. "In what world would I be hanging out with a mafia hitman on a Wednesday night?"

  "In our world?" He offered me his arm. "I'm thinking if I keep impressing you with my boyish good looks and my charm that you'll set me up with Grace."

  "You just want sex. I'm not doing that to my best friend. She's a good woman."

  He moved into the elevator and held the door open for me. "I want you to do me a favor."

  "What's that?"

  "I want you to tell her how long you pushed me out of her bed the first time I get into it. She'll hate you for life."

  My turn to laugh. "You're kidding me, right? You're not that good. Grace loves me."

  "Maybe, but she's going to worship me." He licked his lips and closed his eyes. "So many things I'm going to do to her."

  "She dresses like my grandmother." I moved through the open door and thanked the stars for our silly conversation. It kept me from thinking too much about where we were headed.

  "Yeah, but sweet girls like her always dress like that. She's got something naughty under that bulky sweater and horrid skirt. And she wants to break free. I can see it all over her."

  "You're disturbing." I glanced over at him, realizing that I was starting to like being around him. Maybe he and Grace should give things a try. Maybe.

  "You love it." He opened the door to his black Jag and moved back. He closed the door and smiled as he walked around to the other side and got in. "Do you love him enough to go after him when we're done with Ashley?"

  "Of course I do."

  "Good. Then make him jealous. You like to dance, right?"

  "Love it. You?"

  "I'd rather kill a child."

  "I'm not sure if that means you do or don't like dancing."

  He chuckled. "Bitch."

  ***

  "How do you know she's here, Erik?" I took the gun from his hand and took a shaky breath.

  "We have eyes everywhere." He nodded toward the weapon. "Lift it up like you're going to fire it. I want to see how steady your grip is."

  I lifted the gun and it bobbed around seeing that my hands were shaking so damn bad. "Ugh. I can't do this."

  "Then I'll do it." He pointed his gun at my face and watched me. "See. Steady. I could care less about this bitch."

  "Or you've just killed a million people and this girl is no different."

  "Does it count that I've slept with her a handful of times?" He closed the car door and walked toward the small house tucked back in the woods.

  "Gross. Has Nate... You know what? Don't answer that. I don't want to know."

  “We fucked her together a couple of times. You know… when we were bored." He glanced over his shoulder and chuckled. "We could show you first hand if you-"

  "Stop. Please. Gross."

  "Us fucking her, or me wanting us to fuck you together?"

  "Both." I reached out and slipped my arm into his. "I don't wanna fall."

  "I'd catch you." He glanced over and winked.

  "You're not nearly the bad ass you pretend to be, are you?"

  "Oh, I'm a dick. I promise. I just like you. You remind me of my little sister. Makes me wanna be a little bit nice."

  "Where is she?"

  "Dead." He walked away from me and walked toward the house. I wanted to apologize, but it seemed like being quiet was the better option. Erik's story had to be beyond interesting, but I wouldn't be asking for the extended version. Too much death and dismemberment. Too much loss.

  "Is she-" I started to whisper as Erik stopped and lifted his hand.

  "Ashley is a cunning bitch, Jenna. She's going to be prepared for you. Watch your back just in case."

  "Okay," I whispered. My heart almost stopped in my chest when he took off for the side of the house. "Erik! Where are you going?"

  "Go in the front. I'm not here. Remember that."

  "Shit." I walked toward the front door and tucked the gun in my back pocket. I didn't know how to break into a house, how to sneak into someone's place.

  I knocked on the door and let out a long sigh. If it was my time to die, so be it, but the bitch was going with me.

  She opened the door and stepped back with a surprised look on her face. "Wow. I figured you would come, but I remember you saying something about a knife in my back."

  I stepped forward and punched her twice in the face, surprising myself a little. "Yeah, well, I left the cutlery at home. Forgive me."

  "You sorry bitch." She reached for her back and I tackled her, knocki
ng her to the ground as she screamed. I had to wrestle the gun from her hand and it went off twice before Erik walked in calmly.

  "Stealth would be nice." He leaned against the wall.

  "Shut up." I reached down and wrapped my hands around her throat. "You sorry bitch. Killing my brother and then you try and take Nate from me?"

  "He'll never belong to you." She laughed as I tightened my hands around her throat.

  "I could shoot her for you," Erik offered.

  "I need to do this." I felt something inside me break. She was right. Nate wasn't ever going to be mine because of what happened. The light in his eyes died that night as if he'd truly become the monster the drug made him think he was. "I hate you so much. I hope hell welcomes you with torture beyond anything you can imagine."

  "Jenna. Killing someone will change you. Let me do this." Erik pulled out his gun and moved to stand beside us as I tightened my hands as much as I could and banged her head on the ground a few times, screaming at nothing. At everything. "Jenna."

  "Back the fuck off." I glanced up at him and lifted up to press my full weight on her throat.

  She scratched and clawed at me, but I couldn't force myself to back up. Erik should have killed her. He was the murderer, not me.

  "Please. Please, Jenna. I didn't know. It was all him. It was all Nate. Check it out," Ashley whispered roughly as her face turned a sickening shade of blue.

  "I don't care who it was. You're dying for it." I dug my nails into her neck and arched my back, wanting to hear her choke out more than I wanted my next breath. "I hate you. Sick bitch."

  "Jenna." Erik touched my shoulder and I jerked my head up.

  "I'll kill you next if you don't back the fuck up."

  “No, you won’t.” He pushed at my shoulder and knocked me back before firing his weapon twice.

  “Why?” I scrambled to my knees.

  “Because… someone was paying me something far more than a few favors to get it done, and that someone isn’t you, baby doll.” He winked and offered me his hand.

  “What? Who?” I glanced down at Ashley’s bloody face and turned my back to her as a cry lodged in my throat. “I almost killed someone. They’re going to find her and they’ll have my prints all over her throat. What am I-”