Reclaiming Us

by Richard, Nicole

  “Hi, Drew.” Addie picked Maddie up from her chair and bounced her in her arms. “This is a really nice place you have here.”

  When our eyes met, a sliver of hope unveiled in her baby blues. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same.

  “So, are you guys hungry?” she asked.

  I was hungry all right, but not for what she had in mind. I still nodded, answering her actual, verbal question. “How about I order pizza, we can play video games while we wait, and then watch a movie or something?”

  “I love pizza and video games.” Drew cheered, excitement spreading across his cheeks.

  “All right, it’s a done deal.” I clapped and rubbed my hands together, ready to get this night started.

  Thirty minutes into coaching Drew through Pac‑Man, the pizza had finally arrived. I went to get it, and when I came back holding forty dollars’ worth of pizza, Addie was already in the kitchen. I stood, burning the ever‑loving daylights out of my fingertips on the hot boxes and watching Addie rummage through my cabinets. She had Maddie propped on one hip and effortlessly moved around, collecting plates and napkins. She looked so natural in my space. This was where she belonged, but how was I going to get her to see that?

  “Oh, hey, I hope you don’t mind my helping?” she asked sheepishly when she spotted me watching her.

  “Help away, you look good in my kitchen with a baby on your hip.” Her eyebrows almost touched her hairline. I just couldn’t stop the compliments. I knew they made her uncomfortable, but it seemed that, with her, there was no filter. Maybe I was subconsciously trying to push her. I wanted to say these things to her. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was and how good she looked in my kitchen. I wanted to tell her to leave her fiancé and give us another chance, and the reason I hadn’t been telling her that this whole time was because I was afraid she would stop talking to me. Well, I had said some of them, and she was still here, in my kitchen, hanging out with me. I decided right then that I wasn’t going to just roll over and let her go. No, I was going to keep dropping the words until she started to see me again.

  I turned away and mentally gave myself a fist bump. If that look in her eyes were any indication, I would have her defenses broken down in no time—no time at all. She will be mine again, fiancé be damned.

  Thinking about it, where the hell was this fiancé anyway?

  Back in the living room with everything needed for an indoor picnic, we feasted on pizza and Coke and scrolled to find a movie we could all watch.

  “Let’s watch Big Hero 6.”

  Turns out, the Disney movie with a big white blimp‑looking dude was Maddie’s favorite. Five minutes in, I was left in utter astonishment as Maddie crawled her way to sit in her brother’s lap so she could snuggle with him as she drank her bottle and watched the movie.

  Quickly moving on to popcorn and M&M’s, I dumped some candy into my hand and picked out all but the green ones before holding my palm out to her. “Want some?”

  She flinched at the sight and shook her head. “Uh . . . n‑no thank you,” she stuttered.

  That was odd.

  “Are they not your favorite anymore?”

  “No,” she answered firmly.

  After staring at her weirdly for a second, I shrugged it off and tossed the whole handful into my mouth. Drew, who was busy demolishing the bowl of popcorn, was completely enthralled with the movie, and I sat there, hoping Grace wouldn’t kill me in the morning for filling her son up on all kinds of junk.

  “Hey, buddy, take it easy there on the popcorn. I wouldn’t want you to get a stomach ache.”

  He nodded and mumbled over a mouthful of popcorn.

  Knowing she was thinking the same thoughts, I glanced over at Addie, but something felt off. She’d been silent for a while, and I wondered what caught her tongue. I set the remote down and gently grabbed her arm. “Hey, are you sure you’re okay?”

  Her eyes fluttered closed, and she nodded. She swallowed hard and when she opened her eyes, she admitted, “I think I’m allergic to the candy. I had a bad reaction once.”

  “That sucks. Those were always your favorite.” It was also a complete lie. I’d watched her eat green M&M’s by the handful. Maybe she didn’t eat them anymore because they reminded her of the same thing they reminded me of. I let it go.

  She nodded nervously again, and in that moment, it didn’t feel right with her sitting so far away. An unsettling impulse to pull her into my arms and have her settle into my side like old times was almost overwhelming. She wasn’t ready for that yet.

  My eyes lingered on her beautiful face before tracing every detail of her flawless skin, finally tracing over that spot close to the back of her neck that would drive her mad, more so when she was writhing under me. My eyes ended on the swell of her breasts. Shit.

  I tried to be discreet as I shifted and mentally talked my throbbing cock down. Obviously, I didn’t think tonight through.

  “They’re so cute, aren’t they?”

  “Very.” With my gaze intent on her, my lips moved before I told them to. “Are you planning on having children?”

  Addie whipped her head toward me, eyes narrowed, and her pretty lips pressed into a straight line. She didn’t even have to say a word for me to rush my apology out, “Sorry . . . shit—”

  She cocked one eyebrow, quickly glanced at the kids, and then back at me. I mouthed another sorry and watched as the hard lines on her forehead slowly disappeared.

  “Maybe we should stay away from the heavy stuff . . . don’t you think?”

  Not having the right answer, I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and nodded.

  For the next hour or so, we kept the conversation light as we secretly snuck glances at one another. The sound of the kids giggling lifted the heaviness from the room.

  “Could I use your restroom?”

  “Sure, down the hall, first door on your left.”

  I shamelessly watched the sway of her hips as she walked away from me, but once she was out of sight, I shifted my attention to Drew and Maddie and watched as her little eyes fought off sleep. I got up and carried her back to the couch, gently rocking her in my arms. I had no idea how I knew to do this, but it felt oddly natural.

  Minutes later, sexy toned legs came into view. I looked up and made it in time to see a scowl disappear from Addie’s face.

  “Do you know you have a huge hole in your bathroom wall?”

  “I do.” And left it at that.

  She reached for Maddie, stealing her from my arms. I should have protested, but I enjoyed seeing how easy it was for her to care for a baby.

  “What a bunch of lightweights,” I teased softly, nodding to Maddie, who was sound asleep in Addie’s arms. Then I pointed to Drew, who was sprawled out on the living room floor, his mouth was hanging open, and drool was sliding down the side of his cheek.

  “He’s barely seven, and it is almost eleven. What time are Grace and AJ coming by to pick them up?” Addie asked, entranced with a sleeping Maddie in her arms. She gently brushed her thumb across Maddie’s forehead, whispering to her sweetly.

  “Should we put her down in the guest room? Her playpen is in there.” Addie’s brows pinched. “They’re spending the night. I told my brother not to pick them up until tomorrow. They needed a night off, and I wasn’t doing anything.” She nodded, smiling at my explanation. “Did you want to stay over and join the slumber party, too?”

  My words were innocent, but by the way her body stiffened and the alarm flashed in her eyes, I would have thought I asked her to have wild sex all over my house. “I’m not asking you to sleep with me, Addie.” I laughed and shook my head. “Come on, I know you think more of me than that. You can have the bed, and I can sleep on the couch. Or you’re more than welcome to take the bed in the guest bedroom and Drew can bunk with me.”

  She glanced down at Maddie and whispered, “How about I put her down, then maybe I should get going. It’s getting late.” Lifting her eyes to meet min
e, we sat there staring at one another. After releasing her bottom lip from between her teeth, Addie stood. “Want to show me to her room?”

  I stood and my hand automatically went to the small of her back. The way her body released a tiny shiver under my touch had me thinking very heavy thoughts. Testing the water, I leaned in close to her ear. “It’s the second door on your left.” Her head fell a little to the right, as if she were granting me access to that secret spot on the back of her neck.

  When I pulled back, I mumbled, “Then turn right and let me remind you where you belong.”

  Addie did a quick over the shoulder glance and smiled. Confirmation she didn’t hear a word I said before I turned and went to get Drew. I’d have the two siblings share the guest bedroom and hopefully continue with a little more adult conversation. I wasn’t ready for Addie to call it a night yet. If I could have my way, we’d forgive, forget, and pick up where we left off.

  Drew was way heavier asleep than he was awake, and I almost misjudged the turn through the doorway. Thankfully, I didn’t bonk the little man’s head, and Addie just missed the moment that would have ended my babysitting career. She pulled back the comforter on the bed, and I laid him down, careful not to wake him. He turned on his side, snuggling into the extra pillow and Addie tucked him in tight.

  “Are they going to be okay in here by themselves?” she whispered.

  I leaned close to her ear, wanting her to feel the warmth of my breath on her skin. “They should be fine, but I’ll keep the door open.” I placed my hand at the small of her back again. “After you.”

  Walking down the hallway, she bypassed the living room and headed straight for the front door, but I caught her hand, stopping her and turning her toward me.

  Feeling bold, I tucked a strand of her soft hair behind her ear and slowly moved closer, cautiously pulling her in for a hug. Addie’s arms lay limp at her sides, and I squeezed tighter.

  “Do you love him?” I held my breath, praying she said no but I had to know. There was no way she could love him like we loved each other—like we promised. Addie’s hands came to rest in fists in the center of my chest. I knew she was fighting the riptide slowly drawing us together. “Tell me, Addie Mae . . . do you? Is he enough for you?” I sighed. “I don’t even hear the smile in your voice anymore, especially at the mention of him.”

  “I’m engaged, RJ.” There wasn’t even a ghost of happiness in her words.

  “That’s not what I asked you.”

  Tilting her head back, I saw an ocean of emotions swirling in her beautiful blue eyes. Longing, sadness, love, even regret—every emotion one person could feel was shared between the two of us in a matter of seconds. With calculated movements, I carefully lowered my lips close to hers. Close enough to feel her breath on my skin.

  Her soft sigh blew against my face. “Addie.” Should I even be doing this? Could I do this to her?

  Stalling in thought, I came to the conclusion—yeah I could. She had been—no, she was mine. Time and distance be damned. That temporary distraction of a fiancé meant nothing—he meant nothing. I wouldn’t make a dishonest woman of her.

  A slight shift in movement caused my cheek to brush against hers. “You never answered,” I repeated softly.

  She tightened her fists, gripping onto my shirt, and her forehead fell to my chest. “I thought I did . . . love him.” She stumbled through her words. “So much is happening at once, I’m not sure what to feel or what the heck is going on.”

  Completely understanding and feeling confused at the same time, I ghosted my fingers up her back, ending with them spread out through her hair. Tilting her head back a little so I could see her face, I asked her once again. “Do you love him? It’s a simple yes or no answer.” I searched her eyes for what I knew was waiting for me, but her lids lowered, shutting me out.

  Her body quivered under my touch, and she pulled her lower lip between her teeth—a tic she knew drove me mad. A lone tear slid down the side of her face, and all my efforts to win her over made me feel like complete shit. It was never my intention to make her cry or cause her any kind of heartache. I needed to know if we still had any kind of connection—if any of her feelings remained.

  Struggling against the wave of emotion, I gently kissed the side of her eye and whispered, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push.” When I moved to lower my hands, her delicate fingers wrapped around my wrists and held me in place.

  Timidly, she shook her head. “No . . . I’m not sure what the right answer is here.”

  She looked up, and although they were sad, her eyes mirrored the hope that I held out in mine. There was definitely a force we were struggling against. The push and pull was real. Breathing required a little more effort as I closed the distance and barely brushed my lips against hers. Addie’s breath hitched, and her eyes slowly opened again.

  “You feel it, don’t you?” I whispered, my lips just brushing against hers as I spoke.

  She didn’t answer right away, but when she did, the single word, which was barely an exhale, sounded like a gunshot. “Yes.”

  After what should have been an innocent evening of babysitting, the line between friendship and. . . something else had been rendered indecipherable. The little glances, his touch, and the sincerity in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed. I knew what he was doing. He was chipping away at each layer I had set in place. Being that close to him again felt odd and exhilarating—comfortable. It was that comfort that shook me the most.

  I spent weeks warning my heart away from going down that road. The thought of my leading him on or making him think there was any kind of possibility that the two of us would reconcile our relationship was too much. I was engaged to someone else and had given that man my loyalty, even if I seemed to conveniently forget to wear my ring.

  But when I heard the tremble in his voice and felt the warmth of his body, I wavered. The young, handsome boy I was in love with at one time was there, holding me. His eyes, lips, and smell were right there—flesh and blood. His eyes darted to the door then back to me. The hopeful smile he had pulled at the corner of his lips had me wanting to close the distance between us and beg him to never let me go. I wanted to cry and scream about how he should have followed me or, for God’s sake, returned my calls so I could have told him what was happening, that I never should have left him in the first place.

  I lowered my eyes from his, and realization punched me in the gut as they landed squarely on the diamond sitting on my finger. One thing I knew for certain, I was content being in RJ’s space. It was easy to have his lips barely an inch from mine.

  Nothing good could come from the two of us being friends if this was what I was going to have to fight against. I didn’t think it was possible for us to just move on—not with the past we shared. Only then did I force myself to drop my hands from his wrists.

  “I should go,” I whispered.

  RJ tucked both of his hands in his pockets. “I know.” Then he cleared his throat and added, “Thanks for spending the evening with us. Maybe we can do it again sometime?”

  That was a bad idea. I knew it. He knew it. Heck, everyone probably knew it.

  “I’d like that,” I said anyway, turning into a walking, talking contradiction when I took a deep breath, reached up, and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Goodnight, RJ.”

  As his house disappeared from my rearview mirror, my mind took over warning my heart that things were definitely about to change. But this time around, I wasn’t sure who would end up being left behind.

  I made it back to my place safely after being on autopilot. Just as the lock on my front door clicked, I hurried inside, pulled my phone from my purse, and called Jase. “Hello?” I asked after hearing noise, but no answer. I tossed my keys on the entry table and headed straight for my bedroom.

  “Hey, you okay? You sound like you’re out of breath.” Jase said.

  “I’m fine, just got in.”

  “I didn’t know you were out.” The sound of anno
yance in his voice had me rolling my eyes.

  “I was out babysitting for Grace.” I didn’t technically lie to him, but if he pressed I would have to.

  “Oh. Well in that case—”

  “Hey, come here for a second will you?” I heard a woman’s voice on the other end of the line, and Jase cleared his throat. Voices became muffled, and the line filled with a rustling noise, as if he had pressed the phone against his shirt.

  “Are you out?” I asked, curious as to whom that voice had belonged to. When he didn’t answer, I repeated, “Jase?”

  “Yeah, I’m here. Sorry, that was some dude’s wasted girlfriend thinking I was her man.” He rushed out in one breath.

  She didn’t sound wasted. In fact, I heard her clear as day.

  “For some reason, I assumed you were at home. Don’t you have to work tomorrow? I thought they switched your schedule around?” A strange feeling nudged my intuition awake. I sat on my bed and stared at a framed picture of the two of us on my dresser.

  The thickness grew quick in my throat, and my unease grew at the sound of that same whiney voice again, but this time it seemed closer and she slurred a bit. Not completely being able to make out what she said, it faintly sounded like “bay‑bee . . . take meee home.”

  “Shhh,” Jase pressed.

  Sitting up with my back stiff as a board and my feet planted to the floor, I demanded, “Jase, where are you?”

  “Hang on.”

  I waited, listening to the bits and pieces of the broken conversation Jase obviously didn’t want me to hear.

  “Sorry about that. Chicks are crazy around here.” He chuckled, but something in his voice hinted sin. “I’m at Winston’s with Craig and Johanna and some of the guys—” Voices became muffled again until Jase clearly blurted out “What the fuck!” and a loud crash sounded. Then he came back on the line. “Uh, Addilyn, let me call you later.”

  The line went dead, and I sat there in my dimly lit bedroom beyond confused and staring at my phone, wondering what in the world happened. While I believed he was at Winston’s with everyone he named, it was what he didn’t say that I questioned. Every single word he spewed in the matter of five minutes, alongside the people in attendance. Suddenly, my little white lie of omission didn’t seem so shameful after all.