Reclaiming Us

by Richard, Nicole

  No, no, she fucking hadn’t. I shook my head, not trusting myself to answer without snapping.

  “What happened?” With both our hands locked together, I brushed a wisp of her blonde hair behind her ear. She let out a deep breath, glancing out to the water before she answered.

  “When I came back looking for you, I was ready to give everything up. All I wanted was to be your wife—for us to be a family. Nothing else mattered anymore but you and our baby.”

  She lowered her voice. “You weren’t there, so I drove back to school. The night I lost the baby, I didn’t know what was happening at first. I don’t think I’ve ever been so terrified in my whole life. I think that’s why I don’t remember much after Evin called the ambulance.”

  It felt like my heart plummeted to the cold earth.

  “I never really moved on, you know?” She moved to sit up, but I held her close. If I saw her eyes, I would never have the strength to tell her this. “I merely existed.” There was no way I would let her believe I ever broke our promise. I was the careless one. Had I acted rationally, the outcome might be different. “At the time, I thought I was doing you a favor by disappearing. I had a strong feeling you would get homesick at some point, and I didn’t want to be the reason you changed your mind—if you did.”

  This time when she gently pushed against me, I let her have some space. “RJ, I’m sorry for leaving the way I did—”

  “Hey, we’re passed that already. I get it. I probably would have revolved my life around yours, and I’m pretty sure you would have gotten sick of me hanging around so much.”

  “No, I—”

  “Yes, you would have. This was a new time in your life, new experience. I hated that I wouldn’t be there to share them with you, and it was making me crazy. I didn’t handle anything right. However, I wish I had known about the baby.” Cupping her cheek in my hand gave me a sliver of comfort. “If I had known, all bets would have been off. I would have found a way to be there for you—with you. There was no way I would have let you go through any of that all by yourself . . . I’m so sorry.”

  She nodded, her forgiveness seeping out of her.

  “It’ll all work out somehow. I’m so damn glad I have you here with me.”

  “I hope so, but this all feels so surreal. It’s almost like we’re in our own bubble.”

  “It kinda does, doesn’t it?” She nodded. “I packed blankets and a thermos of hot chocolate, what do you say we snuggle in the bed of the truck?” I leaned forward, craning to see if the stars were out. “Look,” I pointed out the windshield. “The Georgia stars are shining for you. They always do.” I chuckled, thinking about the night I chickened out on our game of Truth or Dare. Remembering the words to “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” couldn’t have come at a better time.

  “Okay, meet you in bed.” Addie laughed quietly and scooted to her side of the truck so she could climb out.

  “You’re gonna meet me in bed all right.” I smiled through the words as I pulled the thermos and the blankets from behind the seats.

  “Looks like you planned tonight pretty well.” She grinned, pointing to the futon mattress and pillows I had put in the bed earlier before she dropped the tailgate and took a seat.

  If I remembered correctly, my knees and back would ache like a son of a bitch each time we had “hung out” back here. “I did.”

  “I love how you try to remind me . . .”

  “Babe, I could never forget. We were so good together—we are good together.”

  Then she slid her arms around my neck and kissed me. My hands found their way to the tops of her thighs, where my thumbs rubbed slow circles against the soft fabric of her leggings. For the life of me, I could not resist this girl. All the years of hurt and anger seemed to simply melt away.

  The kiss was long and thorough. Our tongues tangled, and when Addie finally pulled away, swallowing her breaths, her eyes were glazed with lust, and her lips were irresistibly swollen.

  “How do you do that to me?”

  “I told you we’re good together.” I inched my fingers up higher on her thighs, teasing her. “Why don’t we open that up and get cozy?” Once Addie had scooted back, I hopped onto the bed of the truck and pulled her close to me.

  You got her, bro. Now, take good care of her.

  It wasn’t the first time I had thought I heard Ty’s voice. I knew better than to search for him, so I just smiled. It would probably freak anyone else out to hear their dead best friend talking to them, but not me. It was strangely comforting. Ty’s voice invading my thoughts left a funny feeling in my chest. In my mind, it was as if he had a hand in bringing Addie and I back together. It was impossible by rational standards, but in my heart, I knew something bigger was at play.

  “Do you think”—she craned her neck to look up at me—“that maybe Ty had something to do with us getting back together?” Hearing the words come out of my mouth made me feel like an idiot. “Don’t answer that.”

  “Fat chance of my not answering that.” She laughed. “The thought has passed my mind a time or two.”

  “Really?”

  “Yup. I’m pretty sure we both went out of our way to avoid one another after I came home. That changed after his passing. It has to mean something, right?”

  “Right.”

  “How about we agree to agree that he did. Even if it’s a crazy thought, it’s still a good one.”

  “I’d like that.”

  She completed me, and as we sat and stargazed, I wanted to tell her I loved her in the worst way. That I never stopped loving her. There was no other reasonable explanation for the feelings that imploded my heart. I knew it was too soon for her to hear the words, so I forced myself to hold them back, dropping kisses along her neck to keep my lips busy.

  “Why don’t you scoot back a bit?”

  She nodded and kissed my arms once more before reaching for the blankets. I grabbed the thermos, toed off my shoes, and settled onto the foam mattress with my knees pulled up in invitation. Addie smiled and sat between my legs, resting her back against my chest and covering the two of us with the thicker blanket.

  I unscrewed the lid off the thermos. “Want some hot chocolate?”

  “Thank you.” She took the container from my hand. “Ummm, I haven’t had hot chocolate in . . . I don’t know. This is perfect, thank you.” She handed the thermos back to me.

  “You’re welcome.” I grinned like a fool, proud of myself for thinking ahead before taking sip of my own.

  “You know, I feel relieved that you finally know about what happened. That was a big part of the grudge I carried around toward you . . . not that I got pregnant, but because I felt like you weren’t there when I needed you,” she admitted. “Where did you go when you left?” The question was spoken so softly, I almost could have ignored it and claimed ignorance. As much as I didn’t want to talk about it, I knew I had to. So, I closed my eyes and laid it all out for her to know.

  “I took off for Virginia the day you left. It was kind of a stupid decision since right after basics, Ty got stationed back in Georgia at Moody Air Force Base.” I shook my head at my own stupidity. “Regardless, I decided to stay for a while, but a few weeks turned into six months before my brother and Dad showed up threatening me.”

  “Threatening you?” She scoffed, probably trying to picture AJ yelling at me.

  “I deserved more. I was fu—” I pressed my lips together for a second. “Sorry, I was screwing up, and at one point, I spent a week or two on the streets. My parents hadn’t heard from me in months. My dad cut me off, thinking that would bring me out of hiding and back home. It didn’t. So, he went to AJ and said that if he didn’t tell him where I was, he would ‘take matters into his own hands and that was something none of us wanted to see’.” After I came back, I had wondered what would have happened if we called my dad’s bluff. John Watson was a good man, but my father was not a man to be tested. “Anyway, my lack of communication had my mother sick to her sto
mach in a constant state of worry. She suffered a few anxiety attacks at my expense, and that alone pissed my dad off beyond measure.”

  “Well, it should have.” Addie smacked my leg lightly. “You were always a mama’s boy. How could you not have thought your disappearing wouldn’t affect her the way it did?”

  “I see that now. But I wasn’t thinking straight back then, and coming home didn’t change that. I was still screwing up. Eventually, my mom talked me into going to see someone—try to work through the anger and anxiety. The guy was a quack, but he helped in his own way. I was put on antidepressants and something for the panic attacks, which helped for a while. I’m off them now. ” This was the part I didn’t want to admit, but knew that if I didn’t get this off my chest, I would carry its weight for as long as I lived. “Well, it certainly wasn’t my finest couple of years—can we leave it there?”

  “Of course.” Addie sat up and turned to face me, wrapping the other blanket around her shoulders.

  “Are you cold?”

  “A little.”

  “You wanna head out?”

  “No.” Her words were rushed as she shook her head.

  “How about some more hot chocolate?” I grabbed the thermos from where it sat at my side, unscrewed the lid, and handed it to her.

  “Thank you.” She took a sip and then another before covering the container and holding it close to her chest.

  “There’s actually something else I should mention. It’s not one of my prouder moments, but I don’t want any secrets between us.”

  “Okay.”

  “I have a record.”

  “Like a criminal record?” she asked like it was so hard to believe.

  “Yes.”

  “So, what happened? What did you do to get you arrested?”

  “I had dated someone who was apparently dating someone else at the same time. I found out and thought ‘he could have her.’ It was my twenty‑first birthday. Ty was on leave, so we did the barhopping thing to celebrate. She was there with the other guy. I wouldn’t give her the time of day, which pissed her off.” How could I have been so reckless? “Anyway, she told her man that I attacked her out in the parking lot and almost raped her.”

  Addie sucked in a large breath that looked like it blew her eyes up to the size of golf balls. “What the fuck?” She blurted, and I laughed. I laughed hard at the sound of Addie’s pretty little mouth saying such a dirty word. “What?” That warranted her smack on my chest. “Why are you laughing? That woman could have ruined you with that kind of accusation. What a bitch.”

  I smirked. “That she is.”

  “What happened after that?”

  “The guy came over, got in my face, and started running his mouth, accusing me of complete and utter bullshit. Ty and I were already pretty drunk, so we didn’t really think before we reacted.” I stalled for good measure, watching Addie’s lips part and her eyes grew wide again. The urge to laugh at the way she held a breath made me want to laugh again, but I didn’t.

  “Will you tell me already,” she scolded when she realized what I was doing.

  “Okay, okay.” I gave her a quick kiss. “Turns out the guy was an off‑duty police officer, so after I took my first drunken swing, he cuffed my ass and threw me in the back of his buddy’s cruiser.”

  “No,” she gasped.

  “Yup, the bitch knew exactly what she was doing. I was charged with assault on a police officer and public intoxication. Thankfully, they couldn’t charge me for what she said since that was her word against mine.” Addie gasped louder this time. “I know, right.” I took a second to think about how all this made me feel. Not that I made these events topic of normal conversation. Though irritated thinking about it, I was surprised that I no longer held any kind of anger or animosity.

  “I spent three days holed up in that filthy shithole they called a jail cell. My dad refused to bail me out after I called, said he needed time to cool off before he saw me, and that was the final straw.” I stopped for a second, thinking about how angry my father was and the words he didn’t say. “And believe it or not, all of that and the legal bullshit I had to go through was nothing compared to the damage I did to my family.”

  “Really? Three days? Why so long?”

  “My birthday was on a long weekend that year, so I had to wait until Tuesday before I could see the judge. Thankfully, the charges were dropped, but it still sucked. I never felt like such a loser. Not your leaving, not my failing my ASVAB, nothing compared to the words my father seethed through gritted teeth.” I closed my eyes. This was the one thing that could possibly take me over the edge. The hurtful words my father told me that day not only gutted me but made me realize how much I had fucked up. I inhaled slowly through my nose; I didn’t want to let on how much it bothered me. When I exhaled, I spilled the words that I never wanted to hear again—ever. “He told me that I was a disgrace. That he and my mother never raised his two sons to be such disappointments, and the path I had chosen was not only disrespectful to him and my mother, but to myself.” When I looked at Addie, it pierced my heart to watch her chin dip, trying to hide the tears sliding down the side of her slightly pink cheeks. “Hey, it’s okay. That’s all in the past. Honestly, if my dad was even half as honest as he was that day, I might not have changed my ways. Although his words cut deep, looking back I needed to hear it or I might have continued on a destructive path.”

  “I wish things were different, too. Are you and your parents okay now?”

  “Never better,” I answered honestly, smiling about how far my relationship with my parents has healed. Not many people knew about their decision to hand over ownership of their company to AJ and me, but that spoke volumes about how much faith they had in me. I had always figured it would be AJ they handed it over to when they were ready, but when they sat us both down and told us the news, I had never been so proud.

  “Well, that explains a lot.” Addie leaned into me, resting her cheek to my shoulder.

  Thankful all of this was out in the open, I wrapped my arms tighter around her waist, and like other times before, I blurted out something I probably shouldn’t have. “I love you.”

  Her body didn’t tense, she didn’t move away from me, and she didn’t ramble off all the reasons why it was too soon for me to say that her.

  What Addie did was worse.

  Radio silence.

  “I love you.”

  My thoughts spun out of control, stealing my breath and words. I loved him, too. It was just that I knew RJ had a way of saying or doing things on impulse, so I hoped that this wasn’t one of those moments. He would panic and take it back like when he asked me to marry him right before leaving for college.

  “Addie, say something, please.” His voice trembled.

  Reaching to press my hand to his cheek, I kissed his lips, and when I pulled away, I spoke softly and with conviction, “I love you, too. I loved you then, I love you now, and I’ll love you forever. I promise.” I blindly reached for his finger, locking our pinkies together. Our symbol of love and a promise that no matter what happens in this life it could never be broken.

  RJ’s tense body relaxed as I rested my head back against his chest.

  “I love you so much. I don’t think you even realize how much.”

  “I think I have an idea.” A light and happy feeling filled me from the inside out, and I moved so I was straddling him. He gave me one of his knowing, familiar smiles as I lowered my lips to his. Seeking entrance, I pulled his bottom lip between my teeth, and his lips parted. When he flicked his tongue around mine, teasing my senses, my heart sang. His strong hands dug into my hips and pulled me closer into him as he deepened the kiss.

  He rocked against me, showing me just how much he wanted me, and I groaned.

  “Come home with me,” he said, wrenching my mouth from his so he could speak.

  Without any warning, a string of loud thundering booms barreled across the sky, and I jumped. A flash of lightning lit up
the darkness, and in the next second, a heavy raindrop fell onto my cheek.

  “Asshole,” RJ cussed. “Sorry, babe, not you.” He pulled me into his arms, using his body to keep mine dry. “He does it again.” RJ laughed, and I knew he was talking about Tyler.

  We both clambered to get inside the truck, making it just as the first drops of rain started to splash the windshield. When he turned to face me, the fire burning in his eyes ignited a blaze through the cab, heating our bodies. “You’re so damn beautiful.”

  RJ wrapped his hand around my ponytail gently pulling back, exposing my neck. “I need you,” was all he said before his lips connected with my sensitive flesh. The heat from his mouth drinking the water droplets from my skin. The groan that rumbled from his chest mixed with the vibrations against my skin shot a jolt of desire straight to my core. I grabbed onto his thigh, using it as an anchor as I pulled myself closer to him.

  Need, want, longing, and lust rippled through me. I snuck my hands under his shirt, itching to feel his sexy body under my growing hot skin. “Let’s go back to your place.” I said the words, knowing I needed to stop touching him so we could actually leave, but my hands kept roaming the expanse of his chest. After a playful nip to my shoulder, he was the one to pull away. He made me buckle my seatbelt, but I still leaned toward him, resting my head on his shoulder, and tracing circles on his stomach as he drove.

  My hand didn’t stay there, though.

  “Addie.” RJ groaned as I brushed over his bulging cock before moving to the button of his jeans. RJ struggled to get my name past his lips. Ignoring him, I snuck my hand down his boxer briefs to find him warm and hard before I freed him. “What are you doing, babe?” I didn’t answer, I was too fixated on what my hand was doing and the way my mouth watered to taste him. I didn’t get the chance to, though. RJ pulled my hand from his pants and locked our fingers together.