The Spring I Met You

by Tanya Mindo

  Is her ‘boyfriend’ that great?

  “Anyway, this is getting too personal, sorry,” Marie says, her lips pressed into a thin line. “We’re just curious.”

  Zoe gives a dismissive wave of her hand. “Oh no, it’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it.”

  She doesn’t mind, but it makes her feel stupid to be ignorant about her relationship. That is why she regrets expounding on the topic.

  “Well, just so you know, we’re all uncommitted,” Taylor says. “At least Marie is now, too.”

  Zoe shoots a curious look at Marie.

  “Mm, I did have a boyfriend when I came here. But some things just don’t work out. It’s different when you’re so used to having someone around, and that person suddenly goes away. Can’t blame him for leaving.”

  Marie toys with a lock of hair.

  “Anyway, long boring story,” she says laughing, then she finishes her glass of beer.

  The next questions are thrown at Jesse. They learn that Jesse has never had a boyfriend and does not plan to date in the near future. So far, Zoe is the only one in a relationship.

  At 9 PM, she starts receiving messages from Seth asking her to go home. Zoe knows that he’s just worried about her. Seth doesn’t know them, and Zoe doesn’t know them that well either. But it’s why she wants to hang out with them. It’s only been three hours, but she can tell that they are good people.

  Truthfully, Zoe wants to stay. The group has been discussing differences in culture and even politics. It’s how she imagined studying at a premier university. Everyone can formulate smart arguments. She wants to be part of an intellectual community, and here it is unfolding before her eyes.

  Zoe replies and tells him that she’s okay. He doesn’t answer.

  She uncomfortably shifts in her seat as she glances at her phone from time to time. She keeps on checking if Seth has even read her messages as she listens to Taylor’s tirade against the current president of his country. He hasn’t, so she is fidgety, unsure if she should still stay. She will feel better if he says something.

  Give me a reply, Seth.

  At one point, she looks up and accidentally meets Kaito’s gaze. He narrows his eyes at her.

  Zoe doesn’t want to spoil everyone’s fun, but she doesn’t want to fight with Seth as well. She’s still ecstatic about everything. A fight will ruin her mood.

  I guess I should just go.

  Zoe sighs before getting up. Their discussion is interrupted.

  “I’m sorry everyone, but I’ll go ahead,” she mumbles apologetically. She puts on her jacket.

  The disappointment in their faces is palpable. Her insides twist into a knot.

  “Oh, are you sure? It’s still a bit early,” Taylor utters, glancing at his watch.

  “Mitaka’s pretty far… And I’m still jet-lagged from my flight.” She sounds like a child, but it’s the best excuse she can come up with. She can’t blurt out that Seth wants her to go home.

  Naoki turns to Kaito. “Are you leaving with her too, Kaito?”

  Kaito’s eyes fall on Zoe for a second, waiting for her to say something. He doesn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, but he’s aware that it’s late. Japan is relatively safer than their home country but…

  “Oh no, it’s okay. You guys can have fun,” Zoe interrupts right away.

  “But it’s your first night out. Take her home, Kaito.” Taylor nudges. Kaito sneers at him.

  “No, I’m not teasing. I just want to make sure that she’s home safe for her first night out,” Taylor says, his hands up.

  Zoe studies Kaito’s reaction. It is blank. Still, he stands from the couch and puts his coat on.

  “Alright, let’s go.”

  She wants to protest, but before she can open her mouth, Kaito already stands next to her.

  “Alright, take care, you two,” Marie says, waving her hand.

  Everyone else waves goodbye. Kaito gives a slight nod and walks ahead, leaving Zoe no choice but to follow him. As soon as they get out of the bar, she blocks his way.

  “You should stay, Kaito. You don’t have to come home with me.”

  “We stay in the same dormitory, Zoe. What’s the problem?”

  She doesn’t answer. In truth, she prefers that he’s coming home with her.

  I’m still a big baby.

  Despite that humiliating fact, she continues to convince him to stay until they finally arrive at Shibuya station. It is filled with people even at 9:30 PM. They tap their cards on the ticket gates, then they wait for the train. Kaito’s face is blank since they left the bar, and it makes Zoe feel guilty toward him.

  Once again, she apologizes timidly. “I’m sorry I spoiled your fun.”

  “It’s fine. I’ve been hanging out with them since I got here.”

  “But still…”

  “Don’t think about it too much. Nobody forced me, alright? I want to rest early.”

  Zoe chews her bottom lip.

  “They’re really nice.”

  “Yeah, they are. But ignore Taylor. He’s just messing around.”

  “It’s fine. It doesn’t bother me.”

  More people are arriving. The background noise is getting louder. She moves closer to Kaito so she can hear him talk.

  “You’re in your fourth year, right? How does it feel to come here when you’re supposed to be done with university?”

  “Yes, I’m in my fourth year. I know I should be writing my undergraduate thesis so I can graduate this summer. But I left before my final semester. Seems stupid, right? I’m usually not… Reckless. I just want to do something different. Aren’t you in your fourth year, too?”

  He shakes his head. “Nah. I’m still in my third year. I got delayed for a year.”

  Zoe doesn’t bother asking why. Getting delayed in UP is a common thing.

  “Oh okay… Anyway, although I came here and stirred my path toward a different direction, I’ll come back to a certain track. I like to be organized.”

  “Ah. You like to be certain about the future huh? So why not law school then? You seemed like you didn’t want it, but it is a certain path, right?”

  “I would like a certain path… Of my choosing.”

  “I see,” he says.

  “Uh, so... Nobody is dating anyone aside from me?”

  Kaito shakes his head. “It’s one thing we all have in common.”

  “Now I feel like an outcast. I don’t meet the criteria to be part of the group then?”

  “Well technically, you’re single.”

  She winces. He chuckles in return.

  “We just think that relationships are messy. And we’re all here temporarily. It wouldn’t make sense to build something knowing that it would end.”

  “I guess dating someone during this exchange would be a bit difficult,” she says. “But Marie…”

  “Broke up with her ex,” Kaito fills in. “It’s just a waste of time. We’re young. We have time for that later.”

  Zoe nods slowly. “I guess. It’s too early to settle anyway.”

  He folds his arms. “Huh. I didn’t expect that to come from you. Earlier you sounded like you’ve settled already. I’m pretty sure I heard wedding bells.”

  Zoe rolls her eyes.

  “I can’t say otherwise. I want to believe it wouldn’t end,” she reasons out. “It might be a bit early, and yes, we’re young, but I also think that it isn’t impossible for me and him. I’m not afraid of committing.”

  “Oh yeah? Even when it’s hard?”

  Zoe blinks twice, surprised by the question. She wonders if she gives out a feeling like she is having a hard time.

  Zoe clears her throat. “Especially when it’s hard.”

  Kaito acknowledges her response with a nod.

  “I don’t know about you, but I don’t give up on people. I try to work things out.”

  “Huh. Then what if it fails after all that effort?”

  She grins slightly. “Then I guess that’s it. I
get hurt. I mean, it’s part of it. It can’t always be rainbows and unicorns.”

  “What if it’s not worth it?”

  “You ask too many ‘what ifs’,” she snorts. “How would you know that it’s worth it if you don’t even try?”

  Kaito scratches his nose. “Until when should you try?”

  “Until there’s nothing left to give.”

  Kaito pauses for a second before he shrugs nonchalantly. He averts his gaze from her.

  “What? You think I’m an idiot or something?”

  “Not really. Maybe old-fashioned,” Kaito answers. “I can’t imagine myself being as faithful as you are.”

  She huffs. “Yes, I’m old-fashioned.”

  “Just remember to love yourself first, alright?”

  That puts a smile on her face.

  “I just don’t like wasting my time, you know? I want to give what I can so when all else fails, I wouldn’t have regrets.”

  Kaito presses his lips together. “But you can give your all, and things will still feel… Wrong.”

  She blinks twice. “What?”

  “Oh well, not that I know anything about it,” Kaito says, chuckling. “But Zoe… I’m just curious.”

  “About what?”

  He clears his throat. “Are you that sure about him? Do you see yourself walking along the aisle and spending your entire life with him? Have you thought that far?”

  Zoe pauses because honestly, she hasn’t. Kaito caught her off guard.

  When she doesn’t reply, he adds, “Anyway, four months is quite some time. Who knows? You might become like us after this program.”

  She elbows him.

  “Oow!”

  “Or you guys would become like me. In love.” She wiggles her eyebrows. Kaito shakes his head with a grin.

  The train arrives shortly. They wait for the people inside to come out before they enter. Luckily, they find seats near the door.

  “I doubt it,” Kaito utters, continuing where they left off. “You were talking to him earlier, right? He’s the reason why you suddenly wanted to go home. You looked so stressed and fidgety.”

  Her cheeks turn hot. She clasps her fingers with each other.

  “You seem to be going toward a good direction when it comes to handling your future. I admire how you came here, unsure of what’s going to happen, despite being, as you put it, organized,” he compliments.

  “But?” Zoe asks. “I know there’s a but.”

  Kaito grins. “But I think it’s different with your… I don’t know, relationship? Frankly, the way I see it, it’s as if you’re here… But not really here. Well, this is just me, but if dating someone meant not being who I want to be, or not being able to do what I want to do, then I don’t want any part of it.”

  His honesty doesn’t offend Zoe.

  “Hah, so you think that I’m not being who I want to be?”

  “Tell me if I’m wrong. I’ve only known you for two days.”

  She winces.

  Yes, he’s known me two days, but he’s seen through me.

  “What? You just want me to lose myself here?”

  “Maybe,” he mutters. “But it can also be about finding yourself. You won’t be able to do that if you do things half-heartedly. I’m not saying that you should start a fight with him or whatever. Again, I don’t know much about relationships. But I think you should be able to enjoy your time here.”

  Their eyes interlock for a second. Zoe is the first to break eye contact. She doesn’t like the buzzing feeling his stare is giving her.

  “You don’t understand. Seth’s just worried about me. I’m sheltered,” she confesses. “I’ve never done something like this in my entire life. I always have… A plan.”

  “You’re sheltered no more,” he says. “I think you’re doing just fine.”

  “By what? Clinging unto you?”

  “Yes,” he answers with a grin. “But you underestimate yourself. You came here and survived on your own today. I’m proud of you.”

  He lays his palm in front of her. She gives him a high five, her heart throbbing.

  Kaito is strange. He criticizes her but also praises her. He’s friendly yet straightforward and unreserved.

  She can’t figure him out.

  “Look. I want you to have fun in this adventure,” he says out of nowhere, his gaze on the floor. “I want you to find whatever it is that you’re looking for.”

  “What do you mean?”

  The train stops at Kugayama station. More and more people get off, and the train is finally empty except for Kaito and Zoe, and two Japanese men in black suits and ties.

  He lifts his head and then he looks at her.

  “Didn’t you come here because you’re looking for something? Your passion? Your purpose?”

  She is silenced.

  I don’t know. I really don’t know.

  “Everyone has their own story about why they’re here,” he utters.

  “Then what about you? What’s your story?” She leans back. “Have you found what you’re looking for?”

  He lowers his eyes once more, his expression turning rueful. It revives her curiosity.

  “I haven’t,” he admits in a low tone. “It feels like I’m chasing after nothing. Like it doesn’t want to be found.”

  “How can you say that?” she asks, brows drawn together.

  “Because… It’s too late. It’s over,” he replies indifferently.

  Zoe slightly grins, recalling what he just told her earlier.

  “Whatever that is, it’s only too late when you think that it’s too late.”

  Kaito chortles. “Touché.”

  Chapter Six

  For some inexplicable reason, Zoe likes the bicycle ride home. The cold weather numbs her toes and fingers, but the tranquility of the narrow alleys lighted up by the orange street lamps soothes her heart. The branches of the trees are clustered together, making noises as the wind blows. Happiness dances through her thoughts.

  She gazes up. The stars above glimmer so beautifully. She smiles to herself.

  Kaito and Zoe ride together side by side. He leads the way in a shortcut so they won’t need to take the main road. They cycle through the dark, but the route is easier to take with the absence of cars, buses, and people walking. The residential streets feel safe.

  Zoe mulls over what Kaito has said, but the topic is obviously off the table. His eyes tell her that that is the end of it. So, she decides to settle on a less serious topic that will still let her get to know him better.

  “Kaito, Japan is such a beautiful country. Why didn’t you want to live here instead?”

  He doesn’t answer right away.

  She takes a glance at him but is unable to see his facial expression in the dimness of the street.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to. I just can’t,” Kaito says flatly.

  Zoe detects bitterness in his tone. She scowls at herself. She fails to make it less serious.

  “My Mom lives here with my sister. I live with my father in the Philippines.”

  “Oh… I see.”

  What can she possibly reply?

  Kaito casually revealed that he comes from a broken home. It’s not like she can understand. She isn’t in any position to say anything to comfort him.

  Bad mouth, Zoe!

  Kaito chortles.

  “You look so uncomfortable.”

  She gulps. “No, I just… I don’t know what to say. We just met, and I don’t want to give you the impression that I’m poking my nose into your business.”

  “You’re not.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Why do you keep asking me if I’m sure?”

  Her lips part. “I don’t want you to think—”

  “Maybe you should stop worrying about what other people might think.”

  Zoe frets. “Kaito, it’s not that easy. I care what other people think about me. I know it’s annoying, but it’s the way I am.”

 
; “Mm. Are you happy?”