by Tanya Mindo
She tries to avoid eye contact by bowing her head down.
Oh no, I can’t look at him in the eye. This is annoying!
“Hey, you okay? Nervous? I know there are a lot of people here, but they will be busy with other stuff. They will barely notice us.”
“Won’t that be worse?”
Kaito cups her chin so she would look at him. And with a grin, he says, “We don’t play to be famous.”
Kaito pulls his hand away. He is bouncing from foot to foot.
“You look excited.”
“I am. I’ll play in front of a lot of people. They will hear me. You. Us. Isn’t it exciting?”
Kaito is eager, and as much as Zoe doesn’t want to feel pressured, she feels her heart pick up speed. She can’t mess up. She has to do well for Kaito.
“Are you sure you want me to sing with you?”
Kaito frowns. He scratches the back of his head before leering at her.
“Zoe, I am. I wouldn’t ask you to join the club or even practice with you if I’m not. I know what you’re thinking. You will not mess this up. You have talent.”
“I’m not as good as Yui. Maybe she can—”
“But you’re good enough. I’m not asking you to be Beyonce or Taylor Swift. I’m asking you to be you. Like how we practiced.”
“But I’m nervous.”
“Who isn’t?”
“You?”
Kaito laughs. “I am nervous! But I am more thrilled to be doing this.”
He pats her right shoulder, and she feels a tingling sensation.
“With you.”
She bites her lower lip, hating what his touch made her feel.
“You’re not only doing this for me, Zoe. You’re doing this for yourself.”
Zoe draws a deep breath. She nods as she looks back at Kaito. “Yes, you’re right. Let’s do this.”
Zoe sits at the corner with Kaito, watching Yui’s performance. She ends her set with a Japanese song that Zoe doesn’t know, but she is nonetheless mesmerized. Numerous people also stand by and listen to her. They clap and cheer. Zoe’s muscles tense up.
What if nobody listens to me?
“You’re making that face again,” Kaito whispers to her as he hangs the guitar strap on his shoulder.
“What? What face?”
“That crumpled angry face,” he says, pointing to her face.
She blows out of her cheeks. “I just thought that Yui’s so good, and we’re playing after her. She raised the bar. We should have performed first. It could have appeared as an opening act.”
Kaito lets out a frustrated groan.
“Zoe, do you think I’m good with my music?”
“Yes, you’re brilliant,” she replies immediately. It is true anyway.
“Then you shouldn’t worry. I got this.”
She scoffs. “Are you seriously bragging right now?”
Kaito smirks. “If you don’t believe in yourself, then at least believe in me.”
For some unknown reason, the way Kaito’s eyes glistened when he spoke calmed her down.
He’s happy.
And she smiles. This is not about her. She isn’t doing this just for herself, but for Kaito. He has stayed by her side since the day she arrived in Japan, and it is time to pay him back.
When Zoe stands in front of the microphone, she feels all eyes pinned on her, making the hair on her body stand. Her eyes scan the audiences, hoping for familiar faces, then she sees Marie, Jesse, Taylor, and Naoki running toward them. She becomes calmer. Because she knows that whatever happens, their friends will cheer them on. Zhi Ming also comes running from the opposite direction. He waves at her happily.
Zoe looks at Kaito, and he smiles at her, his grip on the guitar tightening in excitement. His eyes speak to her in words that he doesn’t need his mouth to say: You can do this.
She draws a deep breath then faces the audience.
“K-Konnichiwa. Watashi wa Zoe desu. Kore wa Kaito desu.”
She reddens, her Japanese is basic, but some of the Japanese students smile.
Kaito chuckles in surprise. He didn’t expect her to try speaking in Nihongo.
Jesse gives her a thumb’s up. She exhales deeply and nods at Kaito as a cue. He starts to pluck his guitar beautifully to the tune of Weak by SWV. She listens as she takes the microphone, her hands wrapping on it firmly.
Her heartbeat is loud and deafening, and her knees shake. Closing her eyes, she begins to sing.
The first stanza sounds better to Zoe’s ears than what she expected. She sings the words exactly as they practiced, and her knees gradually ceased to shake. She focuses on the sound of the guitar and strives to remember the right lyrics. She doesn’t want to forget them like the first time. This isn’t a rehearsal. This is the real deal.
It’s Kaito’s moment.
She opens her eyes. The audiences are still there.
Listening. To her.
Okay, so far so good.
She looks at her friends, and they smile supportively at her. Marie clasps her fingers in delight. They appear so proud.
She’s never felt so free in her life.
As she approaches the chorus, Kaito assists her as her back up singer. There is a split second that their gazes meet, and in that brief moment, Zoe feels as if they are the only people on the ground, oblivious to the fact that more people are coming and stopping by to listen to them.
Zoe sings the chorus. Those who know the song begin to sing along, and some even clap. She tears up happily, careful so that her voice does not strain. When the song ends, Zoe finally realizes that a lot of people, even more than the time when Yui was performing, surround them. Kaito gazes at her tenderly.
He is sincerely happy for her.
Meanwhile, Zoe stands there, frozen, unable to digest that she managed to sing properly in front of audiences who don’t know the slightest idea about her.
Her friends applaud first, and then everyone else follows. Like how she felt that day she sang in front of the members of the music club, her heart can’t contain her emotions. She shouldn’t overreact, but the attention makes her blissful and proud.
It was just singing.
But never in her twenty years of existence had she imagined doing this. She shoots an astounded look at Kaito who grins at her merrily.
He’s satisfied and happy.
She recalls how she embraced him last time. Her cheeks turn pink.
I won’t do it this time.
She is content standing close next to Kaito and making his passion turn to reality.
“A-Arigatou gozaimasu!” she says to the audience. Her eyes brim with tears, so she shyly wipes them away. She hates to look too emotional over something so small.
“Are you ready for the next one?” Kaito asks.
Zoe smiles sweetly at him, and with a more courageous heart, she nods.
Zoe and Kaito finish their first set, and they are scheduled to return in the afternoon. Zoe is still buzzing with excitement. Kaito, on the other hand, seems more relaxed.
He is secretly ecstatic to perform in a crowd as well. It wasn’t his first time. He had performed back in high school as well. However, this time, he really felt like a musician. But he sets aside his satisfaction. He is happier to watch Zoe break free.
Zoe runs to her friends who greet her cheerfully. Kaito returns the guitar to the tent first before following Zoe. Jesse and Marie hug her.
“That was really good! You didn’t tell us that you sing so well,” Marie says.
She blushes, glancing at Kaito who gives Taylor and Naoki fist bumps.
“My man, Kaito, you were amazing,” Taylor says as he wraps his arm around Kaito’s shoulder as usual.
“It’s just a hobby. I hope I didn’t sound so bad. It’s my first time so my voice was kinda shaky,” she mumbles, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Of course not! It was a great performance,” Jesse reassures her. “You’ll play again later, right?”
Kaito replies
, “Yeah. But now, we have time to hang out with you. Where do you wanna go?”
“I saw some food stalls that sell takoyaki. I want to buy some drinks too,” Taylor answers.
“Yeah, I’m sure Zoe would like a drink,” Marie says. Zoe nods timidly.
The group wanders around the campus. They purchase snacks and drinks. More and more visitors enter the campus, and only a few of them are leaving. It doesn’t feel like the festivities will die down anytime soon.
They sit near the pond close to the building where Zoe and Jesse first met. It is a small pond with trees and bushes surrounding it.
“Finally, some peace,” Jesse mutters, noting that there is only a small number of people hanging out at the same place.
Taylor plays with rocks by throwing them into the water.
“So, who selected the songs?” Marie asks.
Zoe and Kaito exchange looks with each other.
“Well, it was tricky. We scanned a karaoke book left at the music room, and we pinpointed those we like and know. Then we searched for guitar chords and tried whether my voice would fit the songs,” Zoe explains. “It took a while. Did you like our song selection?”
“Yeah. You chose the really popular ones.”
“It’s important that listeners would be familiar with the songs at least. Especially the Japanese locals,” Kaito adds. “If they didn’t have the slightest clue of the songs we were playing, then I doubt that anybody would stay.”
“We’ll still listen,” Taylor says, snatching a rock from Naoki’s hand.
“You guys are a given,” Kaito says.
“Are we?” Naoki questions teasingly.
Kaito punches his shoulder lightly. Naoki laughs.
“I’m glad you found a partner, Kaito. I felt bad when I rejected your offer,” Marie says.
It shouldn’t have affected Zoe in any way, but she feels a knot in her belly.
So he asked Marie before.
“You pestered Marie so much last semester,” Taylor adds. “Why did you reject him anyway?”
Marie looks toward the pond, her teeth clenching. Kaito pokes his tongue on his cheek.
“Oh, you know, it’s not my thing,” Marie replies, then she puts her hand on Zoe’s shoulder. “And Zoe’s here now, she’s way better than me.”
“Well that’s true,” Taylor quips. Marie slaps his shoulder, laughing.
While everyone else seems to ignore that short moment of awkwardness between Marie and Kaito, Zoe remains curious. And annoyed.
Zoe hates herself for feeling that way toward Marie. Marie has always been nice to her. But the possibility that there’s something going on between Marie and Kaito bothers her.
She knows that they suit each other better. They’ve been friends longer, too.
But no matter how much she tries to dismiss it, her chest still tightens.
It hurts.
Chapter Sixteen
“Zoe, let’s go,” Jesse calls her attention. Zoe blinks and looks up; Jesse’s hand is laid out in front of her. The others have walked ahead.
“Y-Yeah, sorry.” She grabs Jesse’s hand and pulls herself up.
They start walking together. Jesse flicks her short hair and shoots a concerned look at Zoe.
“I always see you spacing out. Is something troubling you?”
Zoe flinches. “Uh, no. I’m… Alright,” she answers with a toothed smile. “I’m just thinking about the next performance.”
How can she tell Jesse that she isn’t okay with the idea of Kaito and Marie together? It will be embarrassing and spiteful. They’re her friends.
“You did great. The next performance should be a piece of cake,” Jesse says.. “But... You can tell me if there’s anything else, alright?”
Zoe nods with a small grin. “Thanks, Jesse.”
The gang spends the rest of the day playing games and eating Japanese street food. Zoe distracts herself by buying from every food stall. She likes the takoyaki she purchased for only 300 Yen. She also takes pictures and sends them to her parents.
They reach the center of the campus and watch several groups sing and dance on stage. The music comes from enormous speakers, with people cheering and dancing as if they are in a concert. Zoe and her friends join the crowd. It is hot and sticky because of the cramped space, and more and more people are flocking in front of the stage.
A few minutes later, Kaito scans the crowd to look for Zoe. It is almost time, and they still have to prepare for their next set.
He finally sees her dancing next to Jesse. He excuses himself and makes his way between two men, then he taps her shoulder.
“We have to go!”
Zoe stops jumping and turns to look at him, visible sheens of sweat roll down her temples. “Ah, yes. Alright!”
“Jesse, we’ll be heading out first. We gotta prepare for the next set!” Kaito yells as he tries to battle against the loud stereos and people’s voices.
“Yeah, go ahead!”
“Follow me!” Kaito tells Zoe. She nods.
Kaito walks ahead, careful not to bump into people or step on anybody’s foot.
Zoe trails behind Kaito. She tries to squeeze herself in to catch up with him, but the place is jam-packed. Somebody steps on her feet, and she whimpers, staring down on her boots. It looks dirty.
Zoe raises her chin with a wince, then a girl accidentally hits Zoe’s forehead with her elbow. She whimpers again, the pain making her dizzy. She ducks and protects her head with her arms.
“Zoe!” She hears Kaito call her name. She lifts her gaze. He extends his hand right in front of her.
“Grab my hand, come on!”
She freezes.
“Zoe!” he hollers impatiently. People are crashing against each other. Zoe feels another whack on her shoulder, but she can’t move.
Desperate, Kaito inches forward and grabs her arm, then he pulls her together with him.
When they reach the end of the audience, the two of them try to catch their breath.
“What was that?” Kaito asks, gasping for air. “Those people are monsters.”
“S-Sorry. I slowed you down.”
“You okay?” Kaito lets go of her arm and cups her face with both hands to examine her forehead.
“You have a tiny lump,” he utters, a tinge of concern in his voice.
Zoe blushes, her heart racing.
“Let’s go. I think we have an icebox in the tent.”
Zoe quietly follows Kaito. She touches her arm where Kaito had grasped, and she can still feel his touch.
She takes a deep breath.
Calm down, Zoe. What’s wrong with you?
They reach the tent set up for the music club members. Kaito immediately asks Yui for the icebox. Yui gives him directions and then he rushes inside the tent. Zoe stays outside, dazed and confused. Kaito comes out with an ice pack and hands it to her.
“Just sit for a while,” he says, pulling a folding chair.
Zoe doesn’t move.
Kaito squints at Zoe, wondering what’s going on with her. She seems out of it.
“Zoe?”
Zoe opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. She sits down and dabs her forehead with the ice pack. She watches as Kaito enters the tent once more.
The ice relieves the pain, though it also makes her feel woozy. Her throat is also dry due to all the jumping and yelling. She wonders if it is going to affect her voice, so she sings one line from a song. She sounds alright.
But she is still thirsty. She stands up from the chair and follows Kaito inside the tent.
Kaito is changing. Zoe catches a glimpse of a long scar on the left side of his abdomen.
He raises his eyebrows at her, pulling his shirt down.
Zoe realizes what just happened, and she quickly looks away.
“S-Sorry!”
“No, it’s cool. A guy spilled juice on me earlier,” he explains, folding his turtleneck neatly before throwing it into his bag. He takes a step toward her.
She gazes back at him. Kaito is now wearing a dark blue polo shirt.