Bella: The Ending: A Sagatori Family Saga

by Kimberly Soto

  “You smell so much better.” Chase bumped my shoulder, offering a soft smile.

  Tony had been very quiet. “You good?” I leaned into his side for a moment. “I thought you were going to New York?”

  “I’m sending Sal. He’s leaving in a few, had to take care of something first.”

  “Good. You’re much better company than him these days.” I laced our fingers.

  “Bella!” Chase snapped, pushing me toward the open doors after they’d opened.

  “Jeez,” I rolled my eyes at his notable rudeness.

  “Funny.”

  I yawned and stepped gingerly into the backseat of the Denali. Tony jumped into the driver’s seat and Chase slipped into the passenger seat in front of me.

  “Seatbelt,” Chase insisted.

  “Taking this whole bodyguard thing serious, huh?”

  He grunted, “I get the frustration.” He turned to Tony, who laughed in response as he slipped on his silver mirrored aviators.

  I shrugged and shook my head as I slipped my airpods in. “Ha, ha,” I said sarcastically as I turned up the music drowning inside of Think by Kaleida.

  I watched out of the window of the bulletproof SUV trying not to think of anything that would make me sad or angry. I just wanted to be happy for one day. And maybe I didn’t even want to be happy, but I at least wanted to feel something other than what I’d been feeling.

  I’d known for a while I’d be living a life filled with hard times. But Jax had always been there to soften the blow. He wasn’t by my side any longer, and I couldn’t put the dark, uneasy feeling out of my mind that something wasn’t right. Albeit nothing was as it should have been, but this was different, and I couldn’t shake it.

  Ten songs through my playlist later, and we were on the airplane. I sat in my usual seat with Chase and Tony on the other side of me. I didn’t feel as uneasy in airplanes as I used to, and I was grateful about that. But it was still nice to have them close by, in case I lost my resolve.

  I’d kept the air pods in through half of the flight before removing them to use the bathroom. They were beginning to hurt my ears anyway, so I thought it best to take a break.

  “Hey,” Tony said as I slipped back into my seat. “You doin’ okay?” He lifted the armrest and pulled me into his side. “You know it’s gonna be okay, right?”

  Did I know that? “No.”

  “You gotta be positive.”

  “I used to be. I want to be, but…”

  “But what?”

  But I don’t think this is gonna go how everyone thinks it will. “Something just doesn’t feel right.”

  “Like what?” Chase leaned back in his seat with his eyes closed as he asked.

  “You’re gonna think I’m crazy.”

  They both laughed.

  “Too late, we already know you’re crazy.”

  “Never mind.”

  “We’re kidding, tell us.” Tony playfully leaned into me.

  “That doctor, Sal’s behavior. I don’t know what it is, but something’s off, and honestly...” I didn’t want to say it, but the thoughts I’d had were difficult to ignore, “…I don’t want him around Jax.”

  I hadn’t thought it until that moment, but Sal wasn’t himself either, and I wanted him away from both of us. “Adam too. I don’t want him there either.”

  Chase still laid back in the seat. “Okay.”

  “Really? No one’s ever agreed with me that quickly.” I’d usually have to cause a scene to have anyone see my reason.

  He yawned and shrugged. “I agree with you. We won’t send them and I’ll send Sal to do something else.”

  “He’ll be pissed.”

  “He’s already pissed,” Tony responded quietly.

  ***

  Detroit was its usual and, honestly, I hadn’t missed it much. I did get a little flutter as we passed a few of the places I went as a kid, but other than that, it was just another place to me. Didn’t feel the same anymore, not without Papa.

  Chase leaned to the side of his seat in the front. “You hungry?”

  “Yeah, I guess I could eat.”

  “Good.

  Tony and Chase argued over where we would eat before the war was won when we pulled into Galleys. I laughed quietly to myself.

  “Damn it!” Chase hissed.

  “It’s good.” I smiled.

  Tony parked at the front door letting Chase out.

  Thirty minutes later we were pulling up to the estate gate.

  ***

  “I’m so happy you’re here.” Emily snuggled up to me on her gold seventies couch. It was old but the most comfortable thing I’d ever sat in. “Pizza?” She eyed me mischievously.

  “I wouldn’t be opposed to it.” I grinned.

  “Well,” she shrugged as she grabbed her wine from the glass coffee table, “if you can’t drink with me, we can at least get fat together.” She lifted her brows and laughed.

  An hour later our pizza had arrived and we were preparing to watch a movie on Netflix, curled up on her couch in our PJ’s. Being with her felt like home, and honestly, it was the safest I’d felt in a long time. I’d had to fight with Chase and Tony when I told them I was going to be staying with her while we were in Detroit. After walking into the estate it just felt bad. Negative energy and sadness hit me the minute I walked in, and I had to leave. I’d decided right then and there that for Ennio’s sake I needed to fill my life with something more positive.

  They didn’t like it when I denied their request to stay with me, but Emily didn’t need guards at her home. She had a good life. One that she’d done really well creating for herself, and I didn’t want to mess with that.

  I groaned while tossing my unfinished pizza crust into the box. “I shouldn’t have eaten five pieces. Ugh.”

  “I think I’m gonna be sick.” Emily rubbed at her pizza baby. She leaned back into the couch laying her head on a pillow. “How long is he gonna be in treatment?”

  I traced my fingers over the buttons of the remote control. “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “They won’t tell me anything.”

  “Why do men always leave us in the cold?”

  It was the truth and my case was no exception. “I miss him. I dream about him every night, then I wake up and he’s gone… again. It’s like a nightmare that never ends, ya know.”

  She turned away blinking several times. “Are you happy with him?”

  I watched her fingers dance slowly along the rim of her wine glass. “Of course, there’s no one I’d rather spend the rest of my life with. It’s just hard always being away from him.” I looked down at my wedding ring.

  “I get it.” She offered a kind smile.

  We hashed over the baby shower that honestly, I didn’t think was gonna happen. I didn’t need a baby shower. I had the means to provide for Ennio’s arrival, but it would’ve been nice to have our family together for something good. We hadn’t been together since we’d told them I was pregnant, and that was too long not to be with family.

  I went over a little of what had happened in Russia, but she only stared with uncertainty. I saw bewildered fear in her eyes… she worried. What had happened not only affected my life but hers as well. The pain I saw in her eyes came from grief that she’d thought I’d never come back and truthfully… I didn’t think I would to some extent.

  ***

  I stepped over the threshold of Emily’s apartment with the handle of my suitcase in tow. “Be good.” I smiled, lifting my arms around her neck. “I’ll see you soon.”

  She studied me for a long moment before leaning into the embrace and sniffled. “It’s never enough time.”

  “Thanks for everything.”

  “Bye!” She waved goodbye until I disappeared around the corner.

  “Hey.” I slipped inside the SUV and rested my sunglasses over my eyes. “Miss me?”

  Tony and Chase laughed to themselves. “It was quiet.”

  “Honestly, I can't believe you let me stay
here for two days without a guard.”

  Tony turned toward Chase lifting his brows, and I shook my head. His face was unreadable, but I knew them leaving me alone was too good to be true. I sighed, leaving it at that.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  —Jax—

  “New York lookin’ like it’s for good?”

  My penthouse was just one of many in this city. Same shit different day. Nothin’ felt good to me in New York.

  I didn’t respond.

  I didn’t fuckin’ need to.

  Chase combed his hand through his hair before sitting back in the black leather chair in the dining room. “She’s due soon, you gonna call her.”

  I hadn’t seen Bella for thirteen days. I look down at my watch. Yeah, thirteen days, two hours, and seventeen minutes—post high time. I couldn’t see her right now, lookin’ her in the eyes and seein’ the pain I’d caused her. She didn’t need the hell I’d brought into her life. I couldn’t do it.

  “I can’t,” I finally answered.

  “You want her to give birth to your child, alone?” Chase snapped through closed teeth.

  I stood, scratching at my unshaven face. “No,” I shook my head, “but I can’t be there… Not like this.”

  He followed, standing from the table. His expression was folded and maniacal. “Okay, so you’re just gonna abandon her?” He shook his head and popped his knuckles. I knew what was comin’, and the truth was I deserved every bit of it. “All the shit she’s been through for you, with you, and you’re just gonna be a dick in the end.” He stood close enough I could smell his toothpaste as he spat with anger. “I won’t leave her alone, Jax. I’m gonna be there for her. Be the man you obviously don’t wanna be.”

  I dropped my head. “You want my wife?” I laughed, but there was nothin’ funny about the question.

  He shrugged, but he wasn’t backin’ down from me. “Maybe I do. What do you care? She’s amazing, why wouldn’t I want her?”

  “Because she’s my fucking wife!”

  “She waits for you every day—to come home, call, anything. She waits for a man who doesn’t ask how she is. Of course, I don’t tell her that. She’ll figure it out on her own soon enough.”

  There were always two sides to a story. My side was blurry, but I did love her. I cared about her more than anyone could imagine. That was the only reason I stayed away. She didn’t deserve to have a junkie husband.

  I was numb, and my mind was all fucked up; how could I put that on her.

  And with all that, she was still MINE.

  Chase’s face was red as he goaded me. “Touch what’s mine and I’ll gut you.” I wouldn’t think twice, I wouldn’t feel sorry for him. I’d do it without a single thought.

  He laughed and shook his head. “You want her to be alone and miserable?”

  No… I didn’t want that.

  I padded my bare feet across the room pouring a drink. I’d been off the heroin since I’d been here. I was close to the cusp of relapsing and would at any fuckin’ minute. I needed a drink to burn whatever need bled through my mind even if I wasn’t supposed to drink.

  “Heart of stone.”

  “Yeah,” I answered with a large gulp of Brandy. “Sure is.”

  “If you’re not gonna be there for her, I will be. I don’t give a shit what you have to say about it.”

  “You think you can give her happiness?” I knew he was serious, but doubted he would actually act on it. I knew he loved her from the minute his eyes set on her. I could see it in them, but I never doubted Bella’s love for me. She was loyal—probably the most loyal woman there’d ever been.

  “Maybe I can. Pretty sure that drink isn’t gonna make all your fuck ups go away though; might wanna think ‘bout cleanin’ up before your son sees what a fuck up his daddy is.”

  I finished the Brandy with his last words pounding into me, but I couldn’t let him see that I knew how right he was. He walked out of the penthouse and slammed the door without another word.

  I pounded my fists on the wall until they bled. I loved my wife, I was nothin’ without her, but she would be better off without me.

  I dropped to my knees and fell forward as the hot red blood dripped from my hands.

  “Jax?” I heard the doc call my name, but I ignored her. “Oh my God, Jax what’s happened?” She dropped to the floor pulling my hands into her lap. “Are you okay? Where’s this blood coming from?”

  “I’m good.” I lifted onto my feet, ripped my shirt off, and used it to cover my hands.

  She cleared her throat. “Did you?” His eyes followed to the broken wall.

  “What I do in my own fuckin’ house has nothin’ to do with you. Mind your fuckin’ business.” She stood from the floor, sweeping her hands over her… fuck! “Get out.”

  “Jax,” she swallowed, “it’s okay, we all have moments when we get out of control. Moments when…” she slowly approached me, “…we want to show the world what we’re made of. These moments are all normal human behaviors.”

  I cocked my head to the side and narrowed my eyes on her. Her body was plump and juicy; God, what I wouldn’t give to sink myself inside of her just to get some of this frustration out of my head.

  “Do you like what you see?” Her fingers slid across her breasts.

  I wanted to conceal the need I had. A need that had nothing to do with her. I wanted to throw her the fuck out and be done with her, but I needed to fuck my way sane. Just five minutes and I’d never see her again. “Yes,” I answered. I felt ready to fuck her pussy. That’s all I needed… her pussy for five minutes.

  My phone rang. I’d plugged it up earlier; it’d been dead for two weeks.

  I didn’t move and eventually, it quit.

  I took a deep breath and ran my hands over my face. What the fuck was I about to do?

  “I’m yours, Jax, if you want me then take me,” she whispered.

  I shook my head tryin’ to figure out why the fuck she was talking to me like that. Yeah, I had a moment where fucking her sounded like an out from reality, but that was just my dick wanting to get laid, stress and all that shit.

  My head was so fucked up! This was one of the many reasons Bella deserved better than me.

  My phone rang again taking my attention where it laid charging. When I turned back to her, she watched as she unbuttoned her top.

  One.

  Two.

  Three… buttons.

  The phone kept on, ring after ring. I walked to it, picked it up, and saw Bella’s name flash on the screen. I hit ignore and tossed it back to the table.

  Fuck!

  “Get out,” I demanded.

  “Jax, you think your urges aren’t normal? We are human. Having sex is normal human behavior. Giving and receiving pleasure is okay. And this could be really good for you.”

  “How’s dickin’ you down good for my recovery?”

  “I want you to use me to get back your control. Doing what it is you do.”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “Is it your wife? Is she the reason you hold back from life… from me? Does Bella hold you back?”

  “Bella? You’re asking shit you got no right askin’!” I yelled.

  “And yet… here you are, watching me.”

  “Get out!”

  “You’ve been clean for less than two weeks. You need me to stay, get you through this. My methods might not be what you expected, but they do work. And, if you give it a chance, you’ll see that too.”

  “One addiction for another?”

  She laughed “It’s not like that, Jax. It’s so much more. Do you really believe that you have control over anything in your life?” She waited for me to respond.

  “I have control over everything!” I growled. I wouldn’t admit my weaknesses to anyone.

  “Are you afraid of what you might feel when you touch me?”

  “No!”

  “I know you want to”—her expression filled with confidence, but she was wrong—“t
ouch me.”

  I didn’t want to touch her. I knew what I wanted, and it wasn’t her. “I don’t.”

  “Fine.” She quickly buttoned her blouse. “Your phone needs to be turned off. Having connections to the outside world isn’t what we agreed on for your therapy. And the alcohol is going in the trash. Oh… your brother can’t come back. Not until I say. It’s clearly had a negative effect on you.” She gestured toward my hands.

  I didn’t want to have a connection with anyone on the outside of this penthouse. Her telling me I couldn’t didn’t mean shit. And despite having a lapse in judgment for a second, I could never betray Bella that way. Not on purpose.

  “I’ll let you stay, get me fixed, but I’m not fuckin’ you. We clear?”

  “Who said we had to fuck? You’re very closed minded aren’t you, Jax? Open the box a little, you’d be surprised what’s inside. I could make you come without even slipping my pussy over your cock. I wouldn’t even need to suck it with my mouth. I could do it from right here, with my clothes on. Would that be so bad?”

  She wouldn’t shut the fuck up and it infuriated me. I stepped toward her with my fists tight at my sides. “Let’s get somethin’ straight! There is no woman in the fucking universe that I’d ever cheat on my wife with.

  Her smile surprised me; she seemed completely unaffected by it. I drew a deep breath feelin’ my dick twitch, sure she saw it as her tongue slid over her lips. “I could come, just like this, never having dipped my fingers inside my pussy; unless you wanted me to. Do you want me to, Jax? Would that make you come?” She slipped her fingers inside her mouth, wetting them.

  I reached for her throat unable to control myself. I tightened my fingers over her flesh and felt as her heart pulsed hard starving for oxygen, but her expression never faltered, only growing bright red. She was definitely crazy. Did she think just because I was now a drug addict that I’d fuck her with no remorse for my actions? I shook my head needin’ to clear it.

  “You don’t know what you want right now, but you will.”

  She wasn’t what I wanted or needed.