Hard To Love (Rockin' Country #4)

by Laramie Briscoe

  “I have a son, you asshole. A son that I want you to know; I want you to be a part of his life, because you’re my best friend. You, Jared, more than anyone, molded who I was as a kid and a teenager, because we’ve always been each other’s right hand…when mine was gone? Fuck that shit, man.”

  “I’m sorry,” Jared told him.

  “Fuck the ‘you’re sorry’. Make a change and make it stick. I am not going to raise my son showing him pictures of his uncle and telling him what a kick-ass dude you are if we have to visit you at a grave site. You got that? Not because of some stupid shit you did.” Reaper continued on, stepping up onto the treadmill and putting himself close to Jared, so that he could hear him. “And I guarantee you, a ten like Shell, she won’t stay single forever if you’re a dumbass and throw it away. But above all, man, do it for you. You’re worth it, Jared. Do you hear me?”

  Jared faced forward, trying to control the emotions that were making his throat close. Garrett reached down, turning the treadmill off, and forced Jared to face him.

  “You. Are. Worth. It.”

  Jared shook his head.

  “No, fuck what people have said in the past. We want you here.” Garrett’s voice went hoarse. “I need you here. Who’s gonna teach EJ about Pantera and Dimebag?”

  Jared chuckled. “That’s gotta be Uncle Jared.”

  “It does.” Garrett nodded. “So make sure you stick around, huh?”

  Jared heaved a sigh of relief. “Yeah, I’m gonna.”

  Garrett clapped their hands together and gave him a man hug. “You make sure that you do. You’re loved, bro. You are fucking loved.”

  Chapter Twenty

  * * *

  Nervous energy coursed through Jared’s veins. It was the best kind of high, the only kind of high he would be getting from now on, if things worked out the way he was determined they would. He stood off on the side of the stage, going over in his mind the show they were about to play. His legs shook, his hands shook, and he felt like he was going to hyperventilate, but damn he’d missed this.

  “You good?” Reaper asked as he came over. He was in full concert mode; the sunglasses and swagger were on.

  “Yeah.” Jared grinned, and he meant it. He hadn’t felt this alive in such a long time. Even back over the summer, before his relapse and OD—things had felt off for him. It was something he couldn’t explain, and he hadn’t told anyone about it. How could you tell someone what you didn’t know yourself? Now though, he felt like he could conquer the world.

  “I can’t wait to get out there with you, Train.”

  Train. It had been a million years since he’d heard that name. He’d never again let it be that long because he’d been a dumbass. Seeing this through new eyes was making all the difference in the world.

  * * *

  As soon as the curtain dropped and he saw the thousands of people who had packed the arena, he knew he was meant to be here. Everything he had been through, everything he had put the people in his life through was culminating in this.

  Not missing a note was his goal, interacting with the crowd was his pleasure, and being on stage with his best friends? That was his life. They were nearing the end, and he was sweating like he’d run a 10K, breathing hard too, but it was the best kind of exhaustion he was feeling.

  “So y’all know we had to cancel a few shows last year, and we had some personal stuff come up,” Reaper was saying to the crowd. “One of the things that came up was my son.” He smiled widely, and the crowd went insane as a family picture flashed on the screen.

  Jared glanced up, smiling himself at the picture of Garrett, Harmony, EJ, and Havock. They really were the perfect family in his eyes. No, they didn’t always have everything together, and sometimes they fought, sometimes Garrett made her cry, but he always apologized and they always worked it out. That’s the kind of family he wanted, the kind of relationship he wanted to be in.

  With a clarity he hadn’t had in a very long time, he realized he was in that kind of relationship. He’d made Shell cry; hell, he’d almost died on her, and she’d accepted him back, not with open arms, but she’d eventually let him somewhat in. They weren’t perfect, they yelled at each other, and he knew there would be a lot more yelling before this was all said and done, but she hadn’t left. She. Hadn’t. Left.

  Reaper was still talking. “The other thing that happened was our man Train over here got into some trouble. He’s been in rehab, and we’re standing beside him one hundred percent.” The two of them faced one another, and Reaper put his arm around Train’s shoulders. “He’s gonna need everybody in here to think some good thoughts for him. This is his first night back on stage. He’s gonna need a round of applause.”

  The force of the crowd clapping, whistling, and stomping their feet almost knocked Jared down. When they started chanting Train it was everything he could do not to emasculate himself and cry. The love that came from this group of strangers was like nothing he’d ever felt in his life.

  Reaper came over, leaned down, and repeated the words from earlier. “You are worth it.”

  And damned if right now he didn’t feel like he was.

  * * *

  “How was the show?”

  Jared smiled tiredly at Shell. “It was great, like nothing I’ve ever played before in my life. I wish you could have been here.”

  She smiled back at him, propping the phone up as she continued getting ready. “I wish I could have been there too, but there’s too much going on here.”

  “Where are you going again?” he asked as he lay down in bed and got comfortable. That long not touring always made him a little sore the night of the first show back and the next day.

  “I have a few demos to work on, and then I have to go to the library and get some research done for a paper. Then I’ll probably come back here and see what Hannah wants for dinner. She’s napping right now because EJ’s napping,” she explained, putting mascara on her lashes.

  “You lookin’ all hot for someone?” he joked, but there was a little bit of true question in his voice.

  She tilted up the side of her mouth. “Myself, and I thought maybe if this guy halfway around the world wasn’t asleep when I got home, maybe we could FaceTime.”

  “Call that dude; he’ll wake up for you. Not an issue.”

  Her eyes softened. “Seriously, I don’t want you to wear yourself out.”

  “I won’t,” he promised. “I’m in better shape now than I’ve ever been, and to be honest,” he ducked his head, licking his lips on purpose. He watched as her eyes followed his tongue. “I really fucking miss you.”

  She stopped what she was doing and picked up the phone so that she could concentrate on him. “I really fucking miss you too. By the way, I really like the stubble you’ve got goin’ on. Maybe you could do that for me once you get stateside.”

  His dick hardened. A flirty Shell was a fucking hot Shell. “You flirting with me?”

  A bored grin on her face, she winked. “It’s been a while, but I hope I haven’t lost my touch.”

  “Nah, sweetheart, you still go it.”

  She smiled widely at him this time. “Then I’ll be calling you later, but right now I really gotta go.”

  “Alright,” he moaned. He wanted to talk to her all night and not think about any of the hundred guys that she would probably run across before he got to see her again. “Be careful, and have fun.”

  “I will.” She tilted her head to the side. “You forget, I’ve been taking care of myself for a while now.”

  He copied her, tilting his own head. “Oh, I know, but I’m telling you right here and now, I want that job back.”

  He didn’t give her a chance to refute or ask questions—he cut the signal and lay back, a satisfied smile on his face. That had felt amazing.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  * * *

  Sinking deep into his bunk on the bus, Jared sighed. They’d just played their sixth show of their twelve show tour. To say he was
tired was an understatement; he still wasn’t completely acclimated to the time change and figured he would get there the day they left.

  He’d been a little more to himself this time than he’d been in previous tours, but part of that was because he was focusing more on his life. Usually they were all out partying together and staying up late, writing music. This time, Garrett was missing his family, Chris was focused on finishing his degree, Brad was constantly trying to talk to Stacey, and he was doing his best to keep his relationship with Shell going.

  He checked the time. It was midnight where he was, meaning it was ten in the morning where she was. Deciding he had nothing better to do, he pressed a few buttons on the phone and waited for it to connect.

  * * *

  Shell laughed as EJ splashed her. “Look, dude, I know you don’t like bath time, but you’ve got to do it!”

  As she reached over to grab the soap, her phone went off. Heart skipping a beat as she saw Jared’s smiling face, she answered. “Hey!”

  “Hey,” he answered back.

  She heard him. He looked tired, and his voice was hoarse. “You okay?”

  “I’m good, just tired. You know how it is.”

  Shell did know; she could remember being so worn out with Hannah. It had been a while, but she could still feel the stress and the tiredness that had permeated her body. “You feelin’ down tonight?”

  He sighed. “Fucking exhausted. To be honest, I just want you here in bed next to me. That was something that always grounded me, no matter what. I need that grounding tonight,” he admitted.

  “Too bad for you, some other guy’s got me.” She winked, moving the phone over so that he could see EJ.

  A smile spread across his face, and he moved a hand behind his head, showing his tattooed bicep. “How’s he doing?”

  “He misses his daddy. Anytime Hannah talks to Garrett on FaceTime, he sits there like it’s the most amazing thing in the world. He watches like he understands what’s going on.” She rolled her head on her shoulders. “He finally slept through the night last night for the first time since y’all left.”

  “Have you been getting up with him?”

  She nodded as she continued scrubbing him down. “Yeah, Hannah’s got enough on her plate with worrying about Garrett being over there. There’s some things the record company wants her to do too, so she’s got a lot going on. I figure getting up with him during the night is the least I can do.”

  “Then why are you giving him a bath?”

  “See,” she laughed, “what happened was…I thought it’d be a good idea to give him some juice, and you know he’s started to hold his stuff up pretty well. This bottle was a little heavy, and before I knew it, juice was everywhere.” She wrinkled her nose. “You know how sticky juice is?”

  He laughed along with her, yawning. “I can’t wait to get back home,” he said quietly. “I need my routine.”

  “Are you having a hard time?” she asked, finishing up the bath for EJ and wrapping him up in a towel. Suddenly she felt scared, her nerves rattling.

  “No,” he answered, and it was the truth. They’d been too busy for him to have a hard time; plus he was as focused as he’d ever been. “I’m just ready to get home to you and work out in a place that’s familiar. I never thought Nashville would be my home, but I’ve never felt more at home than I do there.”

  “That makes me really happy,” she admitted, trying not to get her hopes up. Getting her hopes up with him hadn’t always worked out, but she was willing to play it out—however it was going to. For once in her life, she wanted to have no regrets. She would see this through until the end, no matter where that took them.

  He yawned again.

  “Why don’t you go to sleep? I’ll talk to you later?”

  “Only a few more days, and then I’ll be home.” The promise was in his voice and on his lips.

  “I can’t wait.” And she couldn’t. She felt like a piece of her was gone without him around. She’d had enough of that to last a lifetime.

  They disconnected the call, and she wished with everything she had that he would be coming home the next day. This Jared, she could get used to.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  * * *

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the airport?” Shell asked Hannah, trying her best to be polite.

  For the first time ever, she really didn’t want to. She wanted to have this time to herself with Jared, not have to worry about whether or not Hannah and EJ were taken care of. For once she wanted to be selfish and enjoy her time with her boyfriend.

  “I’m sure.” Hannah shifted EJ, putting him over her shoulder. “It’s late, and Garrett doesn’t want me getting out with EJ. You go and have a nice reunion with your boyfriend. We don’t need the added stress of possible paparazzi. I’ll be fine waiting for him to get here.”

  “I hate leaving you here.” That much was true. As much as she didn’t want to be responsible for Hannah and EJ, she hated that they were going to be at home while the rest of them would be with one another.

  Hannah walked over and hugged Shell. “I thank you for what you’ve done for us the past few weeks, and I love you for it. Now go get your man.”

  Shell laughed, throwing her head back. “Yes, ma’am.”

  * * *

  As Shell parked at the airport, she pulled down the visor and checked her makeup. Tonight, she was excited that he was home. They’d left things so emotional, and sometimes it was hard to keep up the anger towards him. Many times in the past few weeks, Jared had done something to remind her that he hadn’t always been an asshole. A sweet text or a nice phone call had reminded her of the letter he’d written her that Garrett had delivered, telling her he loved her. That was the Jared she wanted to remember—and tonight, the only Jared she wanted to remember.

  Getting out of the car, she smoothed the hem of the sweater she wore over her jeans. Late March was still cool in Music City, and she’d paired a long sweater with jeans and riding boots. They came up over her calves, almost to her knees. Once, when she’d worn these with a dress, Jared had told her exactly how much he’d loved them. Her momma didn’t raise a fool; she wanted his attention tonight.

  We just landed, they’re getting our baggage and they’re holding us in the same lounge we were in before. But I’m out back of that, smoking a cigarette.

  The text that came through from him made her heart race. Suddenly she was breathing as if she’d run a hundred-mile race. Making her way through the airport, she kept her head down, not wanting to see anyone she knew. Now wasn’t the time for her to get stopped and asked about Harmony. She had a one-track mind, and that was to get to Jared as quickly as possible.

  Rick stood outside of the lounge door and smiled widely at her. “You can go through that door.” He pointed across the hallway. “It leads directly to where he is. That way you won’t be waylaid by the guys.”

  “Thanks.” She grinned over to him. “I’m beyond excited.”

  “He is too,” Rick assured her.

  She made her way over to the door as quickly as possible, pulling it open and stepping out onto the concrete. “Jared!”

  His head had been bent over his phone, checking something as he took a drag off his cigarette. When he heard her voice, his head popped up, and a smile the likes of which she’d never seen spread across his face.

  She took off at a run, squealing when he caught her.

  * * *

  This was the welcome home he’d secretly wanted when he’d come back from rehab but knew he hadn’t deserved. Pulling her legs up, he let her circle them around his waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on tightly.

  “I missed the hell outta you,” he told her, angling his head so that their lips could meet. The kiss was out of control before it even got started. He desperately needed something to lean against, because she was eating him up with her lips.

  Jared let himself stumble, holding tight to her thighs unti
l his back hit the hard surface of a wall. Once there, he let the structure take their weight and moved his hands up her thighs, past her ass, up under her sweater.

  “Tonight.” She gasped when his hands went further up her shirt and came around to the front to cover the silky material of her bra. “I don’t want us to do what we’re supposed to. I don’t want it to be about what happened a few months ago.” She moaned when he used his thumb and forefinger to tweak one of her nipples. “Tonight, I want to be Jared and Shell. I need to know we can still be that together.”

  He was right there with her, ready to make that dream a reality. There was nothing more he wanted than to show her a good time. It had been too long, and he was sick of rehashing things that weren’t going to change. They could work on their relationship tomorrow after the sun rose. Tonight, he wanted to spend the darkness with her. He wanted her to be his light.

  “Come home with me,” he whispered, breath heaving as he pulled away from her lips. “Spend the night. Fuck everything we’re supposed to do.”

  She gave him a saucy smile. “I’d rather you fuck me.”

  He pushed his hips against hers. “I’m right there with you, sweetheart. I am totally on board with that. What do you say?”

  She thought for a minute, throwing caution to the wind. “I have my vehicle. Let’s go.”

  Setting her down on shaky legs, he grabbed her hand.

  They were crazy for doing this, and they both knew it. But love was sometimes crazy, and it didn’t always make sense.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  * * *

  Sitting in the passenger seat of her car wasn’t something Shell did very often. Normally when she was in either her car or Hannah’s, she was the one doing the driving. Tonight was very different. Jared sat in the driver’s seat, navigating them through the late-night Nashville traffic. One of his hands sat on her thigh, the other one was wrapped firmly around the steering wheel.