One Reckless Night

by Helen Dickson

  The night had suddenly taken on the dark anonymity of the confessional, and a soul on the verge of losing that which has become part of them, had no time for untruths.

  ‘Because I killed him,’ Hester uttered quietly, closing her eyes tight. Oh, sweet Lord, be merciful, she prayed. ‘I poisoned him, Lucas. I have no excuse. I knew what I was doing and was fully prepared to suffer the consequences—if not by the verdict of the court then by my own hand, for I truly believed I would not be able to live with the guilt of what I had done.’

  Hester waited for his reaction, praying he wouldn’t draw away from her. He became still. She looked at him and he saw defiance in her expression. And fear.

  He turned from her, staring thoughtfully into the fire as the enormity of her confession sank in. After years of physical and mental abuse Hester had suffered at the hands of her father, of seeing the same abuse inflicted on her sweet-natured younger sisters, knowing it would cost her her own life—be it at her own hand or the hands of the law—she had killed her own father. Lucas was horrified to discover this gentle creature could commit such a horrendous crime—yet he understood fully why she had been driven to it.

  A burning anger gripped him, anger at himself for having abandoned her so cruelly, for being so blind he had been unable to see beyond his own selfish needs. How desperate she must have been. Hester—dear, gentle Hester who hadn’t a wicked bone in her body, who had put others’ wants and needs before her own all the days of her life, had been driven to commit this terrible crime. He had gone to America determined to forget her, when all the time… Dear God, how he must have hurt her. How could he have done that to her when all he had ever wanted to do was cherish and protect her? Instead he had coldly and deliberately turned his back on her. And in doing so he had lost the only thing he had ever truly wanted to possess—this one beautiful girl.

  Turning, he looked directly at her. She met his gaze as he soaked up the sight of her. How could he possibly blame her for what she had done?

  ‘So you poisoned him.’

  Lucas didn’t sound as shocked by her confession as Hester expected, but his whole demeanour had changed. Fear set her hands atremble and she clutched them together to keep them from transmitting their weakness to the rest of her body. What could she say now he knew? If she had hurt him she’d never forgive herself and if he walked away in shock at her deed and never returned to her arms, she would die.

  ‘Supposing you tell me exactly what happened—why you did it?’

  ‘Because of everything he had done—and what he was about to do. Because of the fear he instilled in me and my sisters—and Jane. Anne suffers nightmares to this day because of what he did to her—and poor Elizabeth has vowed she will never marry, that she could not bear to feel the touch of a man’s hand on her ever again. They have indeed endured great suffering.’

  ‘And you, Hester? You too have suffered.’

  ‘I could take it as long as he left them alone. Jane went home to Avery and married a good man—a man who—like you, had good reason to hate my father. Jane was brave and would not be cowed by him. She stood up to him—as I should have done. I have just returned from visiting her at Bilborough Hall. Father was incensed when she left Northampton and married his arch-enemy—he wanted her and Bilborough Hall for himself, you see. His vengeance almost cost her her life. He saw to it that she was accused of witchcraft.’ She looked at Lucas. ‘Do you believe in witchcraft, Lucas?’

  He held her gaze for several seconds without speaking, then unexpectedly he smiled. ‘No. I believe in rational thought. I do recall Jane was a herbalist, and there are people who equate healing with witchcraft. ‘

  ‘Nothing was proven and she was released, but Father was set on destroying her and her husband. Father was arrested for assaulting the local magistrate when he allowed Jane to go free, and as a consequence he was put in gaol. It was a time of intense emotion for me, where I slipped between the cracks. It is wicked to hate one’s father, but I hated him then more than ever. I am not trying to make excuses or to justify what I did, because I know it was wrong.’

  ‘I too have killed men, Hester.’

  ‘In battle, yes. That is not the same. It wasn’t premeditated.’

  ‘I know, and he was your father.’

  ‘Sentiment had no part to play in my world that day. He was an evil, vengeful monster. But instead of feeling better—liberated afterward—it laid open more wounds. I never expected they would put his death down to a seizure. Expecting to be arrested, I didn’t know what to do. I’ve been flailing around in dark territory ever since. There’s a battle going on inside me. With each new dawn I ask myself—how can I bear it?’

  Lucas looked at her. Her face was intensely sad, her cheeks wet with tears. ‘You can bear it,’ he said gently. ‘I will help you. For both our sakes, you have to.’

  ‘But you’re so strong. I feel so weak. I pray that this burden might be given to someone else.’

  ‘Do you think I wouldn’t take it from you if I could?’ Taking her hand, he raised her up and drew her to him. ‘I wronged you when I left you here. If not for my damnable pride, I might have broken my guise of stoic reticence and gone back for you. My leaving put you up against problems with which you had no way of dealing, so who am I to judge your performance? If you did wrong, how can I compound it by blaming you?’ Hester pressed her face against his chest. His hand stroked her hair. ‘Do you regret what you did? Are you sorry, Hester? Repentance is a part of what we do. If we have done wrong we ask God to forgive us.’

  On a sigh she pulled away from. ‘I have—so many times, but my conscience is by no means at rest.’

  ‘You still haven’t told me what brought you here.’

  ‘My crime has been discovered. When I left Avery, I went to stay with a relative in Goodmanchester. The coach arrived in Northampton at the same time as one from Cambridge. Two men got out and I heard them talking. One of them I recognized as being a warder in the gaol. Clearly he was suspicious about the manner of my father’s death. Further investigation would have revealed he was poisoned. I took him food, so I am a suspect. They have come here with the firm intention of delivering me up to the law.’

  ‘Are you certain it was you they were talking about?’

  ‘It is no coincidence that they have come here. Perhaps now you will understand why I could not go home. That was when I thought of the Grange.’

  ‘Which makes me question why you left after we had made love.’

  ‘Because I couldn’t tell you what I had done,’ she whispered. ‘I was too ashamed. I couldn’t bear to have you look at me and hate me. So—so I decided to…’

  ‘Give yourself up?’

  She nodded.

  Grasping her arms, he dragged her to him. ‘You little fool. You must know how much you mean to me. Could you not trust me enough to tell me? Thank goodness I found you in time. You must keep your wits about you and stay out of sight. Those men won’t stay here long if they cannot find you.’

  ‘I think they will stay here as long as it takes. I believed I would be unable to live with the burden of my guilt and that it would be a mercy to end it all—but now I—I’m frightened, Lucas. I’m not as brave as I thought I was.’

  This simple confession almost tore Lucas apart. His arms tightened about her. Her loveliness had flowered and blossomed in his arms, and his masculine desire for her was intense. ‘You are mine, Hester,’ he said fiercely. ‘I need you. Do you think that now, when I know you are my very life, I would let anything happen to you? I’d fight man and beast for you. So would you trust me enough to let me help you as I want to do?’

  ‘How can you do that?’

  ‘By taking you back to America with me—to Virginia when I leave in a week’s time. I’m almost done here. We’ll make a home together.’

  Pulling away, she stared at him incredulously. ‘You truly are the most wonderful man, Lucas. I do not deserve you. How can you still want me? I am unworthy—a murderess. I
t is madness.’

  ‘Don’t say that word,’ he uttered fiercely. ‘And of course it’s madness. But who says to love someone is logical?’

  Hester became still. She looked at him, unable to believe what he had said. ‘Love? You love me?’

  Lucas put his hands on her waist, pulled her against him. ‘I do,’ he said, his voice husky with emotion. ‘More than life. I love you enough to trust that together we can solve whatever life offers us. You have my heart, Hester, and I can only pray you trust me with your own, to keep and cherish it forever.’

  With a cry, she flung her arms around his neck, lifting her face to his. ‘And I love you, Lucas, beyond the urges of the flesh. I love you for your honour—and your persistence, for I have not made it easy for you.’

  He held her tightly, soothing her fears as best he could. ‘It’s over now, my love,’ he murmured. ‘You’re safe here in my arms and I won’t let any harm come to you.’

  With a heart full of love and gratitude, hope began to flow anew inside Hester. ‘Tell me what it’s like?’ she asked softly.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Virginia.’

  Lucas sighed, resting his cheek on the top of her head. ‘It’s truly beautiful in its complexity and completeness. The rain is gentle, bringing the hills to life with green splendour. There’s space and peace—the peace of working, of keeping on in the untrammelled beauty in a wild and untamed corner of the earth. There are flowers in the hills, bright purple, pale amber and virgin white. You will not be disappointed, I promise you.’

  ‘And what do you do in this wonderful place?’

  ‘I’ve bought some land and I’m in the process of building a house. I intend to try my hand at farming—and if I fail I can always go back to what I know—curing and tanning leather.’

  ‘I’m sure you’ll succeed in whatever you decide.’

  ‘We’ll succeed, Hester. Now more than ever you need me. I’m not leaving you behind this time.’

  She pressed herself against him, thinking of this new land, this new life. And now she felt the thrill of the challenge. On reaching her decision, she raised her head, resolute. ‘If you really want me to, Lucas, I will go with you to America.’

  Cupping her face in his hands, he lowered his head to hers. ‘We will be together. Always I will keep you safe.’

  His lips travelled down her neck until they hovered above the hollow at the base of her throat. She smiled. ‘I could ask for no more than that.’

  Chapter Four

  Lucas took her to his bed. Gently, inside the gossamer tent of her tumbled hair, Hester’s lips met his in a slow, languid kiss of sweet contentment. One hand caressed the swell of her breasts, arching her backward over his arm, while his other hand raised her one remaining garment and stroked the roundness of her buttock and shapely thigh. There was a haste in him to touch every part of her.

  Glowing waves of pleasure spread like quick fire through Hester’s body. His eyes met hers with an intensity that took her breath away. They were in a world alone. With one swift movement he had removed her petticoat, and with a quickness that foiled the eye, he divested himself of his own garments. His eyes swept her pale, slender body in one long passionate caress.

  For Hester, her hair falling freely about her naked shoulders, the shock of his bold, manly flesh was renewed and remembered, and was just as awesome as the other times he had made love to her. Now there was nothing between them. Like a cloud on the breeze they drifted down to the soft comfort of the bed, fragrant and embracing, their mouths clinging, their sighs mingling into one breath.

  ‘Oh, Lucas,’ she murmured, arching to him, wanting him. ‘Are you going to love me or is this some kind of torture you’ve devised for me?’

  His ragged whisper came against her lips. ‘This is no torture, my love. I promise you.’

  The amber flame in his eyes flared brighter. His mouth lowered to savour the sweet, heady wine-nectar of her lips, his tongue chasing hers in provocative play that traversed the warm cavities of their mouths. Hester moaned softy under his exploring, practised hands, his fierce, fevered kisses, and clung to him as she gave herself wholly to his passion, becoming so involved in its intensity that she found herself returning it with a wild abandon that amazed her as well as him.

  She felt his erection against her, gently searching. Boldly she assisted the teasing member in its search, and Lucas responded with passion and encouragement as she guided it to its goal and she felt the full searing heat of him within her sheath. She looked at his face, and he appeared as some splendid being. She saw his features sharp and hardened with excitement.

  The moment was one of tenderness and they both luxuriated in the intensity Murmuring her love for him, she slid her slender arms around his neck, drawing his head down and kissing his mouth without reserve, her tongue penetrating between his lips and pressing her soft breasts into the mat of black hair that covered his broad chest.

  Holding her close, Lucas trembled under the fiery heat of her kiss, struggling not to go too quickly, trying not to be rough in his eagerness, but the violence of their passion consumed them both and they forgot themselves in its mounting storm. Hester realized that she was crying out, begging him not to stop before she was lost inside the whirl of pleasure, flying through the blissful spasms as Lucas drove her onward, exploding in his own fierce climax. Finally they collapsed, breathing hard in one another’s arms, utterly and happily spent once more

  The candle flame flickered in the draught that stirred the curtains at the windows and bounced eerie shadows across the ceiling as it illuminated the figures within the bed. Hester lay back against the pillows, her limbs entwined with his, feeling strangely disembodied, as if she floated on a cloud somewhere, detached from the world around her. Her eyes were closed and a dreamy, contented smile curved her lips as Lucas lightly traced his finger over her face.

  ‘Do you love me? Really love me, I mean, Hester?’ he asked, idly running a finger from her shoulder downward across a breast and around the pink peak thrusting forward impudently.

  Trembling under his touch, she sighed, nestling closer to him. She laid her cheek against his shoulder as she gave his question serious thought. ‘Yes,’ she said, turning her head and placing a kiss on his chest. ‘I do love you, Lucas. I love you so much it hurts. This time we have been together has been glorious. Do you love me? I know you’ve told me—but I like to hear you say it.’

  ‘Oh, my darling, I love you deeply. I have waited for you for a long time. I have never known such bliss, tasted joy so sweet before.’

  The words, softer than the crackling of the flames, echoed in the fullness of Hester’s heart, filling her with a melody too sweet to be sung, a mingling memory of harmony and desire.

  Having lowered his head, Lucas was watching her, his gaze penetrating, as if he could see her very soul through her eyes. She was vibrant and rosy after their lovemaking, her fair hair flowing over her shoulders.

  ‘I don’t want to lose you,’ she said softly.

  ‘You won’t. There is a bond between us which is special and can never be broken.’ He laughed. ‘I’m of the opinion that you are a witch, Hester. What am I to think? You have used magical arts to lure me in.’

  Hester tilted her head back and smiled at him. ‘Do you know what?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m hungry—ravenous, in fact.’

  Lucas laughed. ‘I just happen to have some food in the house—if very little else.’

  Wrapping themselves in blankets, they returned to the hall. After feeding more logs into the fire, Lucas, carrying a candle, disappeared into the kitchen, returning a moment later with a plate of bread and cheese and cold meats. He placed it between them on the floor, pouring wine for them both. Hester began to eat with relish. She hadn’t realized just how hungry she was. Never had food tasted so good.

  Replete, again they made slow, glorious love and slept, for their appetite for each other was insatiable. When they awoke the rage
of the storm had passed over. The sky was a brilliant blue, the trees and the landscape sharply defined, the sunlight catching the turning leaves and changing them to burnished gold and crimson and tawny. The prolonged torrential rain had raised the river levels, high enough to inundate the surrounding pastures, and trees blown down by the wind lay strewn over the land.

  Lucas went outside to fetch more logs for the fire, and in the sparkling light, on a skein of wild geese flying overhead, sending their triumphant cries echoing across the rain-drenched countryside, he pulled the body of a young woman from beneath a tree blown down in the storm.

  There was nothing he could do for her. He carried her into the house and laid her down, her face having taken the impact of the blow. Hester came up behind him and looked down. Recognizing the shawl and what was left of the girl’s face, her heart twisted with sadness.

  ‘I know her. She was on the coach yesterday.’

  ‘Do you know her name?’

  She nodded. ‘Ruth Henshaw. I gave her directions to Widow Hobbs’s cottage. Apparently Widow Hobbs is her aunt. Her parents had died and with no other relatives and quite destitute, she told me she was to make her home with her aunt.’

  ‘That’s unfortunate.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Widow Hobbs died three weeks ago. The poor girl must have found the cottage empty and was on her way back to town.’

  ‘What shall we do? We can’t leave her here.’

  Standing up, Lucas became lost in thought. A plan had begun to form in his head. It would need some careful thought and organization, but he thought he could pull it off.

  ‘Lucas, what are you thinking?’