Purgatorium

by J. H. Carnathan

  I see we are pulling back up beside the truck carrying glass again. “You like Tredstones?” he asks me. I look at Gabriel smiling as if it were one big joke. “I know what you might like.”

  He takes out another popsicle from thin air and extends his arm to let me see it. “How about a Madi pop?” I see that the popsicle looks like Madi.

  I slap the popsicle out of his hand, hitting the inner windshield.

  “I see you like your popsicles the way you like your women…slapped!”

  Gabriel uncontrollably laughs while all I can do is just stare at him, confused. I grip my fingers together, making a fist. I wait a few seconds, glaring at him, until I punch him. He takes control of himself.

  “You will get the joke later on. Listen, I am going to need you to calm down, bipolar. Be…what’s the word you always liked to use?” Gabriel thinks for a second.

  He better not say what I think he’s gonna say.

  “Content! Be content,” Gabriel happily says with a grin.

  My anger explodes. I grab the steering wheel again, jerk it hard to the right, and slam into the truck. The glass shatters and breaks off into pieces, spraying the road.

  “Are you kidding me?!” Gabriel yells. Our vehicle swerves dangerously out of control, fishtailing and veering to the right. Suddenly, the whole van jerks to the left and starts to flip over. aI become completely disoriented and terrified as the vehicle rolls, broken glass flying everywhere.

  The van tumbles right off the highway, down a sharp incline to the right. After what seems like an eternity of sheer terror, it comes to a complete stop about fifty feet away from the coffee shop. I can hear the music still eerily playing from inside the van along with my watch alarm.

  15 Minutes

  Gabriel yells, “Fifteen minutes!” in my ear. Apparently unhurt, he starts hitting me. “Are you freaking kidding me?” After hitting me a few times, Gabriel looks in the rearview mirror and puts his ear close to the window, listening. He forces the driver’s side door open with his shoulder, runs around to the passenger door, and yanks on it. The door goes flying. He pulls me from the van, getting me onto my feet.

  A shrieking sound can be heard, getting louder. Dark figures become visible, also getting larger with time. I look at Gabriel, and Gabriel at me. We both run for the coffee shop front door. The reapers continue shrieking. I see one ahead of the others heading directly for us. Gabriel is just ahead of me, but trips, falling down to the ground.

  He screams like a little girl that just fell off a bike, then gets back up and sprints behind me for the front door. The reapers are close on our heels. Gabriel and I make it just in time, slamming the door behind us. The reapers stop just in front of the coffee shop windows, hovering for a minute, and then fly off.

  Why are they leaving?

  Gabriel stands behind me and says, “Right place, right time.”

  I look down to see that it is 16:03. I am where I need to be at this given time.

  “Destroying one of the flaws might bring them down but it’s not enough for them to stay around. Now if you destroyed two of the flaws THEN they wouldn’t care if you were in the right place at the right time. They will keep coming for you and never stop until your mind is theirs for the erasing.”

  Fear takes me again. How foolish am I for believing that it was going to be that simple to get back home?!

  I turn around to find the coffee shop is once again deserted as Gabriel takes hold of me. “Let me tell you something! They don’t want just you! They want anything that disturbs the balance in this place—including me! It doesn’t matter if I am an angel. They are the timekeepers, the enforcers, the mind erasers, the voice takers, the alpha and the omega! Do not mess with them! At least not yet. And I’m going to get you back for that. Count on it! Now...how can someone get some food in this place?” He lets me go as he searches around the area.

  Gabriel takes out a Rubik’s cube from his pocket and throws it at me. I barely catch it. Then I remember that I had seen Gabriel throwing it out the window. I think, Could he really be so fast that he caught it outside the car and came back in without me even noticing it?

  Gabriel tries to calm himself when he walks back toward the kitchen.

  A few minutes pass. My attention is back to the Rubik’s cube. I feel like I have done this before. Maybe there is a method to his madness and whatever was in that glass was something the reapers didn’t want to be smashed. Maybe Gabriel isn’t so crazy. My watch beeps.

  20 Minutes

  Gabriel walks out, yelling, “Twenty minutes!” I look at the pictures again. “Doesn’t that beeping drive you mad? I remember the last version of you before your reaping. You knew this place like the back of your hand. Didn’t even need your watch anymore. You used the flaws of this place to guide you to where you needed to go next. Very soon again, you won’t need that watch.”

  Gabriel reaches inside his coat pocket and takes out an apple, rubbing it clean against his sleeve. He sits down, waiting patiently.

  “I do declare! An apple for the teacher. I think I must,” Gabriel says. He bites down, gleefully.

  I get to the picture that shows the coffee shop window. I point at the window and look at Gabriel, who smiles and nods, implicitly confirming that there is something there. He takes the picture and licks its back, then places it on the coffee shop window.

  So that is where another flaw is located, I think. I still try to find what is reflecting off of it, but I cannot.

  “If you cannot see the flaw then breaking it would be pointless,” Gabriel says, taking another bite of his apple.

  I get irritated and walk out the front doors of the coffee shop. I look on the other side of the window. Still nothing. Gabriel walks out still eating his apple.

  “One by one we fall from heaven, down into the depths of past,” he says, looking at the window. “And our world is ever upturned, so that yet some time we’ll last. What am I?” Gabriel asks.

  I try to concentrate on Gabriel’s riddle, but my attention is drawn by the beauty of the white blanket of snow covering the entire park. In the middle of the open expanse stands a solitary deer. I continue walking into the park toward the deer, Gabriel just a few steps behind me. I hear his mouth crunching down on the apple with every step I take. I wish I never gave him that apple.

  He quickly takes me by the hand and runs us towards the Ferris wheel. “This looks like fun!” He throws me in the passenger car and sits next to me. Our feet are soon off the ground as Gabriel takes another bite of his apple.

  “You know what’s ironic about this apple and this reflection problem you’re having?” Gabriel asks. “You don’t understand the meaning behind them. Stop me if you have heard this one before. In the beginning of the Word of God, God made two humans—Adam and Eve. He also made a place called the Garden of Eden. A place full of peace and clarity with only one rule: don’t eat the fruit. The fruit symbolizes humanity at its best—the right of choice, change, and free will, free spirit. Now take this place as your Garden of Eden. The reflection in the window is the fruit. A big change comes, a big sacrifice occurs. You sometimes have to break the rules to find your own humanity again.

  Gabriel takes a bite of the apple as we make it to the top. I can see my apartment from here.

  “Eternity is endless, but time is measured by a beginning and an end. No amount of time can atone for one’s sins. But accepting them and moving on is another story. Once you begin to understand there is a way out, there will be.”

  Gabriel points down at the dead oak tree. Michael told me I wasn’t ready but I couldn’t help myself. It was like a force beyond my control that was telling me to go in.

  “You know how I know that this time is going to be different? Because each time so far it has taken you until the fifth ‘day’ of this seven-hour week to walk through that door. Never have you done what you just did, ne
ver. What you saw in there may not make sense to you now, but it will soon enough.”

  The ride ends and we get out. We continue walking and stop near the statue holding the glass box. I take out my stack of pictures. I get distracted when I see the dead oak tree is just off to the right of me. I look over at the tree, thinking I need to go back in.

  “Well…?” motions Gabriel.

  I hand him the picture that shows the glass box. I look back at the box in the statue’s hand and watch Gabriel stick the picture on the box.

  I keep my eyes on the tree. Gabriel runs his hand over my face to distract me no less. But all I can think about is my sin that is hiding inside of it. I begin to wonder how Michael’s gun is going to kill my sin? Sin is merely a mental act of a consciousness mind, not physical in form. A bullet can’t stop a thought.

  “Your sin is in the form of a demon,” Gabriel says while chomping hard on the apple. “Did Michael teach you nothing? Jesus!”

  A demon? Demons are real too? It shouldn’t really surprise me anymore. I am beside an angel trying to eat an apple, no less.

  Suddenly something catches my eye just to the left of the tree. That same little girl that I saw on the subway is standing there, her eyes teary as she looks at me. Gabriel looks over also.

  “Poor lost soul! Go find someone else to cry to!” Gabriel shouts, throwing the apple at the little girl. A look of displeasure comes over Gabriel’s face. He turns to me. “Remember when I was explaining the difference between a lost soul and a soul survivor? Everyone has a choice to live, stay, or take a redo and try again, and I mean everyone.”

  I look back over to find the little girl but she is gone.

  Gabriel continues, “If someone chooses to stay, then their demon can take their human body and use it as their own. Doing so makes them a lost soul. You see, lost souls are souls who win their specific trial to either stay or change lives. What’s the difference, you ask? The ones that choose to stay believe that their punishment is never ending. That whatever sin they had done is something that they can’t forgive within themselves, or that their demons were able to convince them to stay. Demons can get inside their head like that. Instead of changing their life, they ask for them to go find a new life. You see, most lost souls become lost souls to take another soul’s body. Once their demon goes up and takes control of the soul’s human body, the soul gets cast out. It can move from one soul’s mind prison to the next. If a lost soul decides to stay in one soul’s mind prison for a huge amount of time, it usually means they want your life. They can get it too. So that waitress or that little girl that you are so fond of could be here for one purpose and one purpose only. To take your life away from you. So keep your eyes on them when you reach your finish line. They are as much of a threat to you as your demon.”

  I can’t believe it. The waitress and a little girl would do that to someone?

  “They let their sins get the best of them. Their demons tempt them with false promises and hope. Once they get a taste, it doesn’t matter what angels have to say to them. They’ve already made up their mind. We angels despise lost souls,” Gabriel states. “Souls that give in to their demons deserve what they get.”

  Well that explains Michael’s torment over the waitress yesterday. But what happens if a lost soul enters the soul’s body? What would then happen to the soul? To me?

  Gabriel looks over at me, excited. “A lost soul, you would forever be, amigo. At least until your human body passes away.”

  Gabriel takes out a popsicle that looks like the waitress. He licks it and quickly spits. “Has a kinda bitter taste to it. Go figure.” He continues licking it not minding the bitterness.

  I sit and wonder what would happen if a demon entered my body.

  “Just like a lost soul taking your body. Once a soul survivor overcomes their trial, they are given a choice. If the soul chooses to be content…”

  I cringe from the use of that word again. Gabriel stops after noticing me. I don’t let my anger win me over this time. I calm myself back down. Gabriel looks as if he is about to say something about it but instead he continues on.

  “…with where they are, then up goes the demon and down goes the soul-made reality world, forcing the soul to inhabit other soul-made mind prisons. The soul then has to wait until their actual human body dies or decide to take another soul’s human flesh for a go.”

  After the body dies, then what?

  Gabriel says with ease, “Hell, of course.”

  And if I were in the middle of doing my trial and my body flatlines in the hospital bed, then what? Hell?

  Gabriel nods. “Your heart and soul might have been in it to win it but a runner that can’t finish a race isn’t called a winner. That is why you need to keep focus and work with us so that won’t happen.”

  It almost seems unfair.

  Gabriel gets into my face. “Unfair? Angels coming to help you out would be considered unfair, wouldn’t you say?! Especially when you fail over and over again! I still haven’t heard a thank you come out of your mouth for any of this! Letting you know that your plug is about to be pulled is kinda a big deal to be telling you. We ain’t suppose to give out personal information about your outside life so you better recognize!”

  Gabriel walks away from me in a heated mess. “You got my stomach boiling. Where is there a fast food joint around here when you need one?!”

  I follow Gabriel to the door of the tree. I must try and solve what my sin is as Gabriel continues talking, not letting me ponder even a thought of what it could be.

  “Now remember, reapers can and will intervene. If a reaper touches you, the trial starts over again and your memory gets sponged. If that were to happen again with you…”

  I know, I know. Hell.

  “And if you feel content….”

  I cringe again at the word.

  Gabriel looks strongly at me as if he knows what that word does to me.

  “If you feel at peace on letting your demon take over your human vessel after the race is over, then you are giving it permission to take your body. If it somehow tricks you into saying it, that counts. Do I make myself clear on the matter?”

  I follow what Gabriel is saying, but find it all to be unbelievable. Who have I met in the real world that’s really a demon? I wonder, flabbergasted. I can’t believe I’ve probably met a demon—maybe even more than one. I think of people who could not conceivably have been demons in the real world, but then I remember that I don’t have my memories to even guess. People can’t be that cruel in real life though, can they?

  “Really? People aren’t that cruel in real life?” Gabriel responds to m my thoughts. “I can give you a list of examples.”

  Not wanting to believe Gabriel, I look back at the tree. The answers to what sin binds me here is in there. But I remember that I will also have to enter the tree to understand more about my own past, especially about Madi and me.

  “If you go now, you won’t see her again,” says Gabriel. “You got lucky last time, but you can’t handle the truth about your past just yet. We must stick to the recipe and continue cooking.”

  I see the door right in front of me. I grow eager to get it over with.

  Gabriel turns to me. “Your demon is waiting for you in there. He is faster, stronger, and can hear your thoughts like we can! If you let your thoughts slip and it found out that your last day of living is just a few days from now, do you really think it is going to go easy on you? You really don’t want to tick it off this early in the game, do you?”

  My watch beeps.

  25 Minutes

  I turn away from the tree and follow Gabriel as I walk further into the park. He yells out, “Twenty-five minutes!”

  I walk at a faster rate, not wanting to feel the urge to head back. Gabriel runs up next to me with a smirk on his face.

  “Now where were we? Ah
yes! You wanted examples! Well you see, demons are everywhere. They’re not as ubiquitous as we might all think, but they are relatively common—like fancy top-of-the-line cars. Like the one you like to drive. Not everyone has one but we’ve all seen a couple.” Gabriel shrugs.

  Where is he getting at with all of this? I just can’t believe that demons take over coma victims’ bodies. It sounds too much like science fiction for me.

  Gabriel steps in front of me while walking backwards. “A three-year-old boy was hit by a speeding car and fell into a coma. Once awake, he started developing new characteristics. He became addicted to cigarettes and later left home. Parents haven’t heard from him since.” Gabriel stops and pauses a second, looking at me.

  I immediately stop in my tracks.

  “An 84-year-old granddad fell down a manhole, wound up in a coma for a month, and woke up. He became a sex addict and died of a heart problem at a strip joint.”

  I walk around him, not wanting to believe anything he is saying.

  Gabriel runs up next to me. “Oh! How about this one? A 20-year-old girl came out of her coma, knocked three nurses out, and broke her doctor’s arm. Ruthless, that demon was, probably was the girl’s Wrath.”

  Do demons only think of chaos? What is their end game after all the chaotic destructions inflected on that person’s life is over? What more can they do?

  Gabriel turns to me, listening to my thoughts, and concludes, “Death. But not by the host it has taken over, but by the people around it.”

  Stunned, I look at Gabriel, confused by his answer.

  Gabriel looks back at me, explaining, “The mind can only take so much mayhem until it eventually cracks. A demon’s mind, just like ours, has a breaking point. Their motives are all very different in the beginning, mostly pertaining to the host’s once desires in life. After accomplishing their goals of ruining said hosts life, they begin to surround themselves off the sins of the world. The demons drink it in like water. Eventually they grow even more thirsty, wanting to consume more pain onto others. Listen up, because this is the point were every demon comes full circle. To put the term loosely, they all become blood-thirsty killers. Mass panic killing sprees is at an all-time high this year. All due to souls, like yourself, too scared to face up to their own sins.”