Purgatorium

by J. H. Carnathan

  I stand up holding the snow globe, look around, and notice that I am on the rooftop. The snow appears to be freezing in midair. I look straight up, watching the reapers fill the sky, drifting around me. I turn my view back on to the roof to find the elevator door closed. My exit door.

  I hold up the snow globe and gaze at it, smiling that I finally got what I deserved. To finally have a life of my choosing.

  45 Minutes

  I move away and stare out at the city view. Looking down at the snow globe in my hand, I smirk at how this all feels like deja vu. The tail end of the aurora lights leaves my sight, letting me know the time.

  Something that can never be taken away, only given, I think back to myself. I look down at the snow globe in my hand. Examining it, I notice that underneath is a turning dial.

  I whistle once again, mimicking the music that it played when rotated. The memory of the tune brings with it a calm breeze and the sound of the ocean waves, crashing upon the shore.

  “Now for your final choice: go home or save her?” I hear a little girl suddenly say, bringing me back to reality.

  I turn and look at her, standing on the ledge of the roof. Save her? Save who? Who’s her? I wonder to myself.

  “Remember one must go up for the other to see her.”

  Her who?

  “Your wife,” she says with empowerment.

  Madi? But that would mean she is in a coma too. This was his main purpose the whole time. He wanted to save Madi. But how did he know that Madi was in a coma? The little girl could have been lying to try and get the body for herself.

  The little girl continues standing on the ledge, not moving, not reacting. How does she know so much? I wonder.

  “What is your choice? Walk?” the little girl says, pointing to the elevator. “Or fall,” she says, now pointing down off the roof.

  I clear my throat, walk to her, and stop. Now smiling, I lean my head back and release, shooting a spitball straight into her face. Calmly, I say to her, “Love and lost sounds much better than to be lost in love. I have an empire that needs to be built.”

  “I wasn’t talking to you,” the little girl says to me. Wiping the spit away from her pure-hearted face, she tells me, “It isn’t your choice to make. It’s his,” she points behind me.

  “His? His who?!” I scream, turning my head at where she is pointing at. I see the elevator doors opening. After a few seconds of no one coming out, I turn my head back to her, but she is already gone.

  I am startled to hear a pistol hammer cocked back from behind me. I turn around to find Barachiel standing over the elevator. He appears to be still wearing the mask.

  “This is deja vu at its best. Wouldn’t you agree old friend?” I say. Snow continues to fall very slowly between us. Barachiel continues to say nothing.

  “You remember, I feel like it was just yesterday when you left me cold and wet. Left me here for the reapers to come and bend me over?” I raise the snow globe up in front of Barachiel and speak aloud, “Good remembering you again.Your Greed says hello, …David.”

  Saturday

  Barachiel

  I wake up from a nightmare that I have dreamt more times than I can possibly count. I begin calculating the time in the back of my head, a little trick I taught myself. I breathe out, watching the cold air being released from my mouth. I have grown accustomed to the cold. It neither brings me pain nor a chill. All I can feel now is what I have always felt—numb.

  But today that changes. Because today is my baptism, when my sins will be cleansed from me and my second chance will start.

  I rise, grab a small mirror, and focus on my face. I repeat three times, “I am David.” It helps bring clarity and understanding to who I am and what I want to strive for everyday.

  Looking down, I see that I’m still wearing my stylish tailored clothes. I look up, feeling glad to see that I am still here from when I closed my eyes last night. I breathe out the cold air, smiling, thankful the air conditioning in this ice cream van lasted the week. I turn facing the front to see a sealed compartment blocking my view to the outside. Its purpose, to keep the cold air inside. To keep me off the reapers’ radar. To keep me locked in so no one could see me.

  I look at the thermometer next to me. It is still cooling below 35 degrees. Not enough to hide my full heat temperature, but enough to where if I don’t move, the reapers will think nothing of it. I turn to look into the mirror. I see my face, not the mirrored image of a man I hardly knew. Just me. I stare at it one last time before mirroring my face to look like Barachiel.

  I lift open the cooler and take out a case. I flip it open and stare down inside to find my flintlock pistol lying beside a cartridge box and six lead balls. I look at the lamb at the edge of the gun and then back at the mirror. I want the last thing they see to be my face. I turn my head slowly, looking around at the scriptures I have written, surrounding the whole inside of my van. I look at one in particular.

  “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”

  I unravel the loading tools on the floor beside me. I take a spherical lead ball and wrap it around a paper cartridge and pour gunpowder propellant inside of it. I seal the end of the cartridge opposite from the ball with a mere twist of the paper.

  I then tear off the twisted end of the cartridge with my teeth and spit on it. I watch as my saliva lubricates the paper. I roll it in my hand to make sure everything is stuck together. Placing the now paper cartridge down, I do the same thing to each of the lead balls. I find my dark green marble bag in one of my compartments and roll out two special lead balls into my palm. I stare at each of them with a designed plan in mind for both of them. I roll them back in the bag and into my pocket.

  I continue, “…I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

  I take out my flintlock pistol from the case, pull the hammer back to half-cock, and pour a small amount of powder from the cartridge into the priming pan. I close the frizzen so that the priming powder will be trapped, then pour the rest of the powder from the cartridge down the muzzle of the pistol. Holding the cartridge ball, I insert it into the muzzle, with the remaining paper shoved into the muzzle after it. This makes the paper act as a wadding to stop the ball and powder from falling out when the gun is lowered.

  “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies,” I continue.

  I draw the ramrod from the loading tools set. I insert it about one inch into the muzzle, and ram in the wadding, bullet, and powder down to the breech of the barrel. Then I remove the ramrod.

  “Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,” I continue.

  I place the gun behind my back and put the rest of my paper cartridges inside my jacket pocket. I stick the King of spades card in my pocket and comb my hair to the side.

  “And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen.”

  I take my right hand and stick out three fingers. I touch across my body from right to left, kiss my right hand, and bring it down, tracing the shape of the cross.

  I close my eyes, clouding my thoughts and building a wall over my mind to keep my sin from coming in.

  I exit through the sealed compartment. My necklace with my hourglass pendent, attached to the bottom of it, dangles around the rearview mirror. I take it off, stick it in my pants, and leave out the door. I close the door, staring at the view of the run-down coffee shop. I look at the half-filled hourglass in the window’s reflection. I smile, knowing the time in my head matches with the hourglass.

  I head inside and sit at one of the booths. I reach into my pocket and bring my hand back up, staring at the coin tethered to my necklace. I kiss it, instantly ripping out the coin. I drop the coin on the shiny marble table and I watch it spin.

  Gabriel emerges from the coffee shop kitchen carrying a pizza in one ha
nd and a napkin in the other. He sees me sitting at a booth near the front of the coffee shop. Walking to the table, he sits down across from me.

  “You rang?” he says.

  Gabriel looks at me as if something’s off. He picks up a piece of pizza and takes two bites. I say nothing. I look into my gluttony’s green eyes as I hear my coin about to topple over. I turn back, snatching it before it lands, and drop it down again. It continues to spin once more. I watch it, patiently waiting.

  5 Minutes

  “I look at you and you want to know what I think?” he says. “I don’t know if I should be calling you Greed or Barachiel? I mean, why would I ever think that? It must be because I have forgotten what day it is today. I guess I should call you Greed because as I am looking around I see no David, so it must be okay to call you by your true name. Which would be making today Sunday, right? I mean, it can’t very well be Saturday, no, no, no. If it were Saturday, I would be addressing you by Barachiel. To keep up with the act. While you would be teaching our little soul survivor a new trick to get him ready for the big race tomorrow. Instead of you sitting here, spinning your silly coin, unless today is actually Sunday. Though on my calendar, I remember seeing today clearly as being Saturday. I am feeling faint with this predicament, please solve this pickle I’m in. Should I call you Greed or Barachiel?” He takes another bite of his pizza as I watch the sauce drip all the way down to his expensive tailored suit.

  I wait patiently silent, continuing to spin my coin. Gabriel’s sunglasses give off a glare as he continues to stare at me. I can feel him trying to enter my mind but I won’t let him. I keep my wall high and my thoughts safe.

  I lick my lips, clear my throat, and say, “Call me whatever you like, just don’t call me benevolent.”

  A sour look comes across Gabriel’s face. He leans in towards me and suddenly laughs. “You have got to teach me how you do that. But knowing your greedy self, I feel like you’re gonna keep that trick all to yourself.”

  “I heard you dropped something,” I say.

  I take out a napkin and unwrap it, showing Gabriel’s used gum inside of it. I place the napkin next to him. He quickly picks it up off the napkin. An excited Gabriel puts the gum in his mouth and wipes the tomato sauce off of his lips.

  “I was looking all over for that,” says Gabriel. He gazes back at me, squinting his eyes, “What do you want? There is always a price. So spit it out then.”

  The coin is about to topple. I take it up and drop it back down, making it spin once again. I look at the coin and say, “Just don’t tell the others that I am playing hooky today is all.”

  Gabriel laughs, “Playing hooky to your own self-made plan, that’s as selfish as it gets, bro. But I expect nothing else from you.”

  I pick up the coin and throw it down again. As it spins across the marble, I glance over to the reflection in the window. I watch the sand on top of the hourglass fall down, instantly turning into snow. It has started, I think.

  “A question presents itself,” says Gabriel, smiling at me. “When he nears the end, all bets are off. As you well know, only one of us can take up residence in his body. So I guess the question is… who will it be? I will not be giving up so easily, as you well know. I suspect you and I are on the same page about that at this point. But David does know how to slow us down. Did you keep your half of the deal?”

  I glance at the hourglass turning over, watching the snow make its way now to the bottom. Almost looks like a snow globe, I think.

  I reach behind me and bring out the pistol, laying it down on the table in front of me. Gabriel’s mouth falls open, his eyes go wide.

  “Where did you find it?”

  “He kept it hidden in the waitress’ fridge,” I softly reply. “Smart lad. He knew keeping it in cold temperatures would make it hard for us to track. Anyway, he won’t be able to use it against us now.”

  I continue spinning the coin, not caring what he is saying.

  “Wonderful! Simply wonderful!” Gabriel answers, beaming at me.

  “This makes us square now, you helped me and now I helped you,” I tell him.

  “Well...all that’s left to say is no hard feelings for tomorrow. May the best demon win!” says Gabriel, holding his hand in front of me.

  I pick up the coin and raise my hand up, hitting his hand back to him and tossing the coin back on the marble table. It spins, making Gabriel a little flustered.

  Gabriel smacks the gum in his mouth as if he were trying to calm himself down. “You know what’s been bothering me though?” Gabriel says. “Any time I was with David, I could swear I heard someone talking to him—like inside his head. I thought at first he finally lost it. The reaper erased a lot more than his memories, you know? But the things I heard….It kind of reminded me of…” He looks to me. I quickly read his demonic thoughts as he thinks of the word ‘Greed.’

  “It’s probably nothing,” says Gabriel. I know that Gabriel knows the truth and he is trying not to show it.

  “Would you like to see a trick I just came up with?” I say to Gabriel. I scoop the coin, flip it up in the air, and watch it go down on to the table, still spinning.

  Gabriel looks at the spinning coin with amusement, but then a troubled expression comes over his face. He slams his hand down, stopping the coin from spinning. Then he raises his hand. Leaning over to inspect the coin, he sees it is David’s hourglass pendent. The confusion on his face is priceless, I think. Gabriel quickly turns to look at the hourglass. Just then, I see him starting to get sick to his stomach and doubles over in pain.

  “So where did you say you found my gum?” Suddenly he realizes what I have done to him. With sheer panic in his eyes, Gabriel tries to move but seems unable. He looks down at the napkin. It’s wet and there is a puddle of water around it. He spits out his gum, trying to speak, but is only able to stammer. “W…w…wait!!”

  I quickly pick up the pistol and force it in his mouth. I pull the lock to full cock. “How about you chew on this for awhile!” I pull the trigger and the gun fires a shot into Gabriel’s mouth, knocking his head back.

  I show Gabriel my true face. Gabriel looks shocked as I reach over and remove the King of clubs card from his jacket. I walk toward the door, forming my face back to look like Barachiel again.

  Looking back behind me, Gabriel starts to fall to his side. His face begins changing to look like my face, and then his body proceeds to slowly freeze over. It turns orange as its demonic form is finally seen. Once frozen, it tumbles over heading straight to the floorboards and immediately shatters on impact.

  I take my necklace out from my pocket, sliding back my hourglass pendent into it and tie it around my neck. As I exit through the front door, I see the hourglass reflection in the window, knowing it reads 6:30.

  I walk out to find Stephanie licking a popsicle, leaning up against my ice cream van. “He is actually doing it!” she screams out in joy. She lifts her hands, throwing the popsicle up in the air. “This is so exciting!” she says with her mouth full.

  I get closer to her, noticing a mask over her head. She swiftly takes off the mask and hands it to me. “Found this sitting by the curb of the apartment. Figured you might want to wear it.”

  I look down to see that it’s the Jack of hearts mask. I stare at it, remembering what I did on that unfaithful night. A night that has haunted me for too long.

  “Blessed are you, O David; Who, like me, is saved by the LORD, Who will wear the mask as a shield of hope. So your demons will cringe before you, while you are treading upon their high places.”

  I take the mask from her hand, gazing at the mask’s face, looking at the Jack-like appearance of it. “I think you might have treaded a little on Deuteronomy 33:29.”

  “Just a little,” she says with a gentle smile.

  I outline the heart at the left side of the mask with my thumb, wandering back to th
at unfaithful night. I will use this mask as a symbol. To show my demons that I have come for my retribution.

  I put on the mask, letting it cover over my face, fading away the image of Barachiel along with it.

  “Also!” she says with glee, turning around and taking something out of her bag. “I got a mask too!” She turns, facing me wearing the Queen of hearts mask over her face. “We are kinda like Bonnie and Clyde now! But more on the righteous path than the wrong one.”

  I slide the mask on top of my head. “We need to hurry before we start to see snow over the horizon,” I tell her.

  “Cool! I’m driving!” she yells, running inside the driver’s side. She starts the engine. I hop in and sit on the passenger side. I go to close the door as she stomps the gas. She takes a sharp turn, making my door quickly close itself. “Seat belts!” she screams. I quickly attach the belt around my waist, remembering how she drives.

  “Can I play the ice cream man music?!” she says with glee. “It could be our battle cry to let all the reapers that hear it know…” She turns to look at me and continues, “That we may not have any more ice cream sandwiches but instead we have a whole lot of knuckle sandwiches we can throw at them! Yassss!”

  “We can’t draw attention to ourselves, remember?” I say to her, calmly. She shows me a smile, giving me the thumbs-up.

  She drives the van over the hill and through the park, speeding like a bat out of hell. “How did my lesser half look?”I say.

  “Wait, I thought we had already discussed that we were calling him Gambit? Since he’s like your trump card in all.”

  I face her, showing that I am not in the mood for playing around.

  She turns to me and says, “Your gambit looked ready, yes.” Out of nowhere she stomps on the brakes. The seat belt holds me in as I look out the window to see the sinful dead tree right beside me.

  Stephanie jumps out and begins wrapping the tree with a wire that is tied to a set of many paper cartridges that I concocted with a lot more gunpowder added. She finishes layering the tree with the self-made explosives and brings the extra wire over to me.