Purgatorium

by J. H. Carnathan

  After a few seconds he gains back control of himself. “Though, I must know why and that is the reason I am going to let you go.”

  I look at him in shock.

  He walks over holding the door in front of me, putting back in his knife. “No tricks. I will even go first, so that it will bring you clarity and good faith. See you at the finish line. Stay frosty, David.” Michael leaves.

  I quickly run back into the maintenance room. I look at the gauges, seeing that everything is in the clear. I turn on the valve and watch the H2O flow out of the hose into the water system. “Pray to God this works.” I switch the control that turns on the sprinkler system and hightail it out of there.

  I wait a few seconds and walk over to the door. Nothing but the falling snow, sticking to the cold steal of the restaurant, can be seen. Without thinking too deeply about what just happened, I quickly jump all the way down. I make my way to a half-cracked manhole on the other side of the street and push the lid off. I look down the long dark tunneled abyss.

  35 Minutes

  A big light flashes from inside the manhole, allowing me to see through the long narrow 100 feet drop leading to the subway tracks. I stand, readying my stance, breathing the cold air out. The head of the subway car flashes across from inside the manhole. I bring down my mask from over my head, thinking it will deflect a little of the cold wind’s pressure once I touch down on the train.

  I bury any fear I have in deep, repeating to myself, “God is good, God is great. God is good. God is great.”

  I jump up in the air and pencil dive into the manhole. I close my eyes, keeping my arms held in, legs straight, and feet pointing out. The gush of wind gets heavier the farther I drop. I feel myself reach the end of the narrow tunnel as my body suddenly collides on top of the subway car in motion. Rolling against the frozen slippery hood of one of the subway cars, I try to stabilize myself by attaching my hands to anything that they can grab onto. But the whole top portion appears to have been frozen over.

  The cold winds blows towards me at about 40 miles per hour. The pressure flips me around like paper in a hurricane. The furious winds roll me all the way down to the second to last car. It sends me off the top of the train, down to the bottom, falling in between the two cars. Just as my face is about to reach the train tracks, my leg gets caught by something. I look up to find a person wearing a Queen of hearts mask pulling me in.

  “I can’t believe you actually did it! It only took you 17 years!” she says, pulling me back up. She takes off her mask, unveiling to me that she is Stephanie.

  I turn to her, seeing she has changed her clothes into something more fitting. Though it could be Michael, mirroring her. I say a phrase that only she would understand.

  “Time is too short to stay serious for too long or getting a little mad ever so often,” I say to her in question.

  She responds back, “Do you mean, mad as in crazy or mad as in angry?”

  “Does it make a difference?” I conclude, knowing it’s really her. “Thanks,” I say, as my heart rate calms down. “Where is he?”

  “In the next subway car,” she informs me. She hands me back the lamb pistol, smiling as if expecting a compliment.

  “You are one in a million,” I say to her, taking the gun and standing back up.

  “I think I should wait here,” she says. “Michael said some things that I couldn’t tell the whole truth about. He might also see you as a threat too. So best watch yourself.”

  “I will go in and talk to him. When I give the signal you can come join us,” I say to her. She nods and goes in the opposite subway car.

  I now hear shrieking at the tail end of the train. I walk into the subway car and see my gambit waiting for me inside. I slide through the door and suddenly I see him aiming the gun at me.

  I need to come up with something fast before he shoots, I think. The door to the left of me slowly freezes over. The reapers are here. I look in my hand, remembering I am still holding on to the pistol.

  When I look back up, I hear a gunshot. In a split second, I feel the pressure behind the bullet send my head back. My body begins to lean right into the frozen entrance door. I crash through, flying off of the railing into the darkness that awaits me outside the train.

  The sounds of the reapers’ screeching voices wake me. I appear to be lying on the outside of the tracks. I turn my head to see the subway car is long gone ahead of me with reapers trying to force themselves in. I can now feel my head hurting.

  “So was that the signal?” Stephanie says, appearing out of the blue, looking over me. “Looks like your mask has spider webbed.”

  I take off my mask, noticing the cracks along the side of it. Makes me think back to the painting of the mask where it was painted cracked. I lift my head up, hoping God is listening and jokingly think, Nice foreshadowing there.

  I try to get up but Stephanie holds me down. “You need to rest for a minute. He almost shot your head off, you know. By attaining your equilibrium back, that sort of pain comes more naturally to you, remember that? The cold isn’t all you have to worry about. Who knows how much pain it would have inflicted if that actual bullet would have went through that noggin of yours.”

  I nod to her, knowing well enough that it still wouldn’t have killed me even if that would have been the case. But the pain would have been unbearable to say the least. I do need to learn to slow it down.

  After a few seconds, she helps me back up and we begin walking down the tracks.

  “So what was it that Michael said to him again?” I say, looking at the cracked mask.

  “Just that me and you were the cause of him losing his memory. Which is kinda true,” she says as she sees the hole through my shirt. “How are you not dead?!”

  “He shot me with the lion,” I say, showing her that I am still holding on to my lamb pistol.

  “But a holy lead ball can’t be fired from the lion, I thought.”

  “You are correct. I constructed two lead balls out of forks and spoons thinking one of my demons were gonna pull a fast one over me. Didn’t think it was going to be him that shot me, though.”

  To our right, there is a dark set of stairs leading up and out of the subway tunnel. Stephanie says, “He is almost there, do you think he will make it?”

  “He has too,” I say, turning and walking up the dark narrow staircase. Stephanie follows right behind me.

  I open the door at the very top and look out at a snowy forest clearing. The full moon lights up the sky, making the woodsy area a little easier to see. I draw my gun and gaze out to find no reapers in sight. I wave Stephanie forward and begin walking down the snowy path.

  She points at my necklace. “So…are you finally going to tell me what that means?” I look at it and say nothing to her.

  She swiftly gets in front of me, forcing me to stop.

  “You still have time to change your mind,” she says, looking concerned.

  “I have spent 17 years of my life with that question,” I say, looking into her eyes, “and each time my answer to myself has always been, she would have done it for you. Because that’s how big her heart was…is...and that’s the kind of person I want to be.”

  “Not to sound cheesy, but you already are,” she says, trying to play it off.

  Without warning, she throws her arms around me and holds on tight. “You know if I could, I would, right?” she says, trying not to tear up. I put my arms around her knowing what she meant. It would have made things a lot easier, I think. But nothing is ever easy, especially when it comes to second chances.

  I stare ahead, thinking only of Madi. Stephanie smiles, seeing the determination on my face. We continue walking through the dark snowy forest as the light from the full moon shines down to the snow, reflecting a shimmering glow for us to see better.

  “Remember all those times you thought you were seeing
flashbacks of you and your wife’s life together,” she replies, looking in the direction I am looking, “and it turns out it was her all along? All because your comatose bodies are lying side-by-side in the hospital room, listening to an album that your wife made from the best moments you spent with one another. It’s like the music, somehow, is guiding the both of you together.”

  Stephanie pauses, looking back at me. “It’s kinda magical, besides the whole being trapped in your mind with your sins ripping at your soul every sixty minutes,” she says, trying to force a smile. “But what I would like to know is, who’s the one playing the music for both of you on the other side?”

  I smile, knowing it has to be my Anna. I get sad, thinking how she is all grown up now. How I didn’t get to watch her grow and leaving her all alone with no one to take care of her,” I think. I then remember my intention on salvaging what I have done as I continue to think, That will soon all change. Because after tonight, my sins will burn and I will find my way home.

  We stop as we come across the back of a tall billboard sign. The sounds of the wind blows up against the front portion of the billboard with extreme force. The falling snow is sucked up in a whirlwind of vast proportions, almost making it hard to see. We run across each other, getting on each side of the billboard.

  “Where did the bridge go?!” I hear Stephanie yell to me. I look out, squinting my eyes, then am stunned to see the bridge has been replaced by several tall glaciers. It’s as if the bridge somehow collapsed into the dam, I think to myself, trying to explain the weird occurrence. Suddenly, the wind calms as the snow falls slowly along the full moon night.

  “He must have just been here. Probably followed by a ton of reapers, from the way this snowstorm was acting,” she concludes.

  40 Minutes

  I get out from under the sign, making my way to the frosted streets. I look yonder to my right and see frozen reaper corpses spiraled out around the icy street leading all the way to the apartment building.

  I look back over and Stephanie is gone. Turning my head every which way, I don’t see her. Are the reapers here? Did they get her without me knowing?

  Suddenly, I hear a loud noise coming from a ways down the street. It almost sounded like glass was breaking. It must be coming from the apartment building! My gambit must have already reached the final hourglasses!

  I run down the street and around the corner to see that my gambit’s apartment windows are all broken. I hear something from the bushes to my right.

  “We better hurry, before Michael unlocks the token and leaves. Which I kinda forgot to tell you,” Stephanie says coming out of the bushes.

  “Where did you go? I thought the reapers had taken you!”

  She blushes, “Lost souls have to use the bathroom too. Geez!”

  Embarrassed, I change the subject. I look to her and say with a troubled heart, “There is more to the token than just my name. I am sorry for letting you believe that it was merely that this whole time. I just didn’t know who to trust.”

  “You lied to me?” she says, still with her head down. “That’s so…,” she then pops her head up smiling, “That’s so…wonderful!” Stephanie hugs me again.

  “You’re not mad?”I say as she unfolds her arms around me.

  “Mad? Are you crazy?! You were right not to tell me! I’m nuts!” she says with a crazy smile across her face. “Now let’s go kill us a demon.”

  She puts the mask over my face and runs ahead of me, pretending she’s an airplane. I can only smile, knowing that I am so close to the end. I start to run after her as my smile turns back to serious, hoping Michael won’t do anything surprising.

  I put the mask over my head again and we walk down the frosty winter street together, free from the reapers of the night. I hear the music starting to play from up above.

  “You hear it, don’t you?” she says to me.

  I nod, letting her know. I bow my head, closing my eyes as I try to block out the sound. The area around me begins to break away like puzzle pieces. I stabilize my mind, body, and soul to all work as one with each other. I dig in deep and push my soul out from my outer shell. I can now look at myself, as if I am going through an outer body experience.

  Still closing my eyes, I begin to see through the darkness at a glowing yellow light. Come on now greedy, take it slow for me, I think to myself. The yellow light begins to transfigure itself into a demon. It then enters into my outer shell. My soul’s equilibrium instantly blocks away the sounds from above. I can hear the music fading away.

  Opening my eyes, I can see the puzzle pieces forming back together. I lift my head, seeing Stephanie standing in front of me, waiting in the middle of the frosty street.

  “I have always wanted to know something,” she says with her eyes wide and full of wonder. “How did you let your greed enter your body inside your memories, and somehow were able to take control of him?”

  I take off my mask, walk around her, thinking all the while that it’s not that I don’t trust her, but it’s hard to give up the trick that took me years to accomplish. I think back to the lighthouse room where the same question drove Michael mad with rage. He wanted to know so badly that he, for some reason, let me go. I stop and finally wonder why exactly he did that.

  I look down trying to figure out Michael’s plan. My eyes make their way to my mask where my lesser self had shot me. I begin to suddenly realize that Michael was trying to mislead me right into a bullet. If Michael hadn’t have known about the difference between the lion and lamb pistols, my memories would have been erased by now. Michael seems to be more than just brawn, he might actually have a brain after all.

  “We need to hurry,” I say to Stephanie, “Michael might be a little smarter than we give him credit for,” I conclude, walking faster.

  “Do you think he has found out about the token being fake yet?” she says doubling her pace.

  I begin to jog, thinking out loud on what my wrath, Michael, would try to do next. “Once he realizes the token is fake, he will go after my gambit.”

  She jogs her way next to me and says, “Can you not just un-mute the music in your mind and beam it back into your past memory? Like you already have done it before with your nightmares. You can do it again, right?”

  I close my eyes and try to focus back onto the music. I let the rhythm of the beats find my way into my gambit’s conscience. Out of nowhere, I feel something in error and I open back my eyes.

  “No, something’s blocking me from getting inside his mind.”

  “It’s Michael,” she says with serious judgment. “Michael must have found a way to mimic your technique. Could Michael harm him in any way now?”

  “Michael is nothing more than a phantom, a specter, an apparition, an intangible being that only my gambit can see. The only harm he could ever cause is through his words. But the power of persuasion is a nasty habit that Michael has a talent for. If he truly has mastered my technique, then we better hurry and kill his body where it lies before he does something extreme to my gambit.”

  Stephanie immediately stops. “But why? Your gambit thinks the token is your name too. There’s nothing else Michael could even say to him that would be of any mkind of gain.”

  Before I could speak she starts again, “Unless your greed knew of something.”

  I can see her trying to solve it in her head. She looks up at me and says, “Does Greed know what your token is?”

  “To be honest with you, I don’t know,” I say remembering how it all went down. “Everything happened so fast, I can’t really know for sure of what it actually heard. We just need to hurry and get to him before Michael opens his eyes to the truth.”

  “Let’s split up to cover my ground! You take the high-rise, I will take the roof! He would have to be somewhere in between there.”

  Without notice, she runs inside the exit door to the apartment b
uilding. I am about to run after her until I see my watch reading 43:50.

  Instantly, I run down the road, through the revolving iced-over doors, and across the slippery lobby that has been iced over from the ceiling down. I get to the elevators as the door slides open before me and I get in. I hit the button to Level 6, the doors slide close, and I ride up.

  The elevator stops, doors slide open, as I regain my thoughts to the situation at hand. I walk out onto the hallway, taking out my paper cartridge with my last lead ball concealed within it.

  As I walk, I remove my pistol from behind my back, loading the ball wrapped in a cloth patch in the muzzle of the gun. I pour some gunpowder inside and ram the ramrod down the barrel. I get to room number six and look to find the door to be frozen over.

  I touch the frosted six with my hand, remembering the casino night and the lustful affair I committed in this dreadful room. I put on my mask and cock the pistol tightly as it holds a sharp piece of flint rotating to half-cock, making the sear fall into a safety notch on the tumbler. I kick the iced-over door in and make my way inside.

  I look around the living room, noticing that everything has been frozen over. I get to the bedroom to find Michael and my gambit lying on the ground. The full moon casts a light around the living space through the shattered glass wall in the corner. The still snow surrounds the air as I reach my hand up and grab a flake. I look down to see the bailsong knife on the floor, lying right beside Michael’s masked face.

  I walk over slowly, lean my body down, and reach my right hand to pick it up. My left hand touches the floor for stability. I then notice the flask near my left hand. It appears to have been tilt over. I pick it up, finding out there isn’t a drop of water left in it. All the water must have accidentally flowed out onto the carpet, I think. Suddenly, I see Michael waking up. I quickly back away and out of the room before he can see me. I stay within the shadows of the hall, gazing in.