Full Circle

by Lynne, Donya

  Karma remained quiet, listening intently. She wasn’t sure she liked humanizing Carol. It was so much easier to remain detached and pissed off at her when she was two-dimensional. But she’d wanted to learn more about the woman. She was getting what she’d asked for.

  “For two years, Adler and I kept in touch with her. We went to her competitions, took her and her aunt to dinner, got to know them, and . . . well . . . her story touched us, especially me. I’d always wanted a daughter, but it just wasn’t in the cards for Adler and me.” She sighed wistfully. “After she graduated high school, her aunt agreed she should come to Chicago to study with us. I promised her I would take care of Caroline as if she were my own. And I meant it.”

  She turned her gaze back to the photograph. “And then she met my Marcus.” She pressed her lips together. “He fell so hard so fast. He was still in business college, but he worked at the studio, too, teaching, helping out. He was the first dance partner we paired Caroline with, and they began dating immediately.

  “I won’t lie,” Giada continued, “part of me wanted to see if matching him to such a talented partner would push his own dancing to a new level and convince him to give professional competition a shot, but it became apparent that Carol’s talent was even greater than his, and while Marcus was clearly interested in dancing with her because of their relationship, his heart just wasn’t in competing. It wasn’t fair to either of them for us to keep forcing them to be partners.

  “That’s when we found Antonio. He was extremely talented, and we paired him with Carol. It was magic.” She lifted her shoulders and flicked her eyes upward. “The two of them together made the perfect partnership.” She angled her head toward Karma and lifted her elegant eyebrows. “I just never knew how perfect until it was too late.”

  Giada blinked and lowered her gaze, pausing introspectively. “You know, I think her father’s death was one of the reasons for what happened between her and Marcus. She’d been lost when they met. She hadn’t had a strong male figure in her life for nine years and latched onto him. He’s always been steady. Solid. With a strong personality. He was her first serious boyfriend, and in hindsight, I think she saw him as a replacement for her father. Someone she could admire, look up to, even idolize.” She shook her head. “But that’s not what creates everlasting love. There has to be more to it than that. Yes, admiration and all the rest play a part, but it can’t be all one-sided and starry-eyed. There has to be a genuine connection . . . an honest give and take. Between Marcus and Caroline, he did all the giving, and she did all the taking. Not because she was selfish, but because she didn’t know how to give back to him. That wasn’t the type of relationship they had. He was more a savior than anything. A man who briefly grounded her again. That was his purpose in her life. To show her that people come and go . . . that it’s normal to experience love and loss . . . that it’s nothing to fear.”

  Giada let out a heavy exhale, stood, and crossed to the picture of Mark and Carol. She picked it up, and her expression tightened as she stared at it. “Marcus and Caroline were only meant to be stops along the way for each other. They were never one another’s destination. I realized that after their relationship ended.”

  Karma remained seated, not knowing what to say. So she remained silent.

  Giada lifted her gaze and grinned affectionately at her. “You’re the destination, dear. The same way Antonio was the destination for Carol.” Her eyes twinkled. “Marcus is different with you. Better. Happier. Complete. The moment I saw him today, I sensed it. He’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him, and I know you’re the reason.”

  Karma’s face heated as she smiled. “He’s done the same for me. I’ve never been this happy.”

  “I can tell, dear. It warms my heart to see the way you look at my son.” Giada winked at her then glanced at the picture of Mark and Carol again. “You know, some have asked me why I never kicked Caroline out of our studio for what she did.” Giada turned to face her again. “But how do you kick out someone you love as a daughter—someone who’s already been kicked around enough in life, and who you promised to take care of—and still show devotion to your son?” She set the picture down and brushed her fingers down the glass as if she were caressing both Mark’s and Carol’s faces. “She hurt Marcus, but I still love her. I still want what’s best for her. And I still want what’s best for Marcus.”

  She returned to the couch and settled beside her again. “Marcus loved Caroline, and she did love him, at least for a while. In her own way. But they were too young. Neither really knew what they wanted. But the way she ended things left Marcus badly wounded.” Sadness filled her eyes. “For a while, I thought I’d lost my son. He was no longer the Marcus I raised but this angry, withdrawn stranger, leaving and coming home at all hours. But after a while, my Marcus began to come back to us. But he never fully returned to who he’d been before. There was always a darkness hovering over him, even when he was smiling.”

  Karma thought about the shadows that occasionally crossed Mark’s face. “I’ve seen it. That darkness, I mean.”

  “So you know how concerning it can be.”

  “Yes.”

  Giada took her hand. “Back then, I never knew what would set him off. The most unexpected subjects affected him badly. I can’t say he got angry or upset. He just became . . . well . . . ambivalent. As if he’d shut off that part of his heart.”

  Karma imagined what Giada had witnessed were Mark’s first steps into the disconnected lifestyle that eventually brought them together.

  “Carol’s name was the worst, of course,” Giada said. “I used to be so nervous trying to talk to Marcus about her. He would grow so moody and agitated then turn off completely. I learned to avoid talking about her. I never knew what to say, so I said nothing to keep from upsetting him.”

  “I know the feeling.” Karma looked down at her hands. “I don’t like to say her name around him even now.” She glanced back up and shrugged sheepishly.

  Giada’s shoulders slumped. Not much, but enough for Karma to notice. “She’s still causing trouble, isn’t she? Still interfering with his happiness after all this time.” Her eyes sliced into Karma’s. “Tell me I’m wrong. I want to be wrong.”

  Karma couldn’t tell her what she wanted to hear. Carol was still interfering. She was still in Mark’s mind, even if he didn’t admit it.

  “I can’t.” Quiet agony laced her voice. “Because I think she is.”

  Giada murmured something in Italian that sounded like verbal disappointment then took Karma’s hand in both of hers. “He loves you. You know that, right? I can see his heart in his eyes when he looks at you. I can feel the love he feels for you. A mother knows such things.”

  Karma nodded. “I know he loves me, but . . .” So many of her old insecurities had been stirred to life tonight.

  “But what? Tell me, dear.” She gave her hand an encouraging pat. “I can tell something worries you.” Her eyes were kind, her words gentle, not prodding.

  At the moment, everything worried Karma. The money, Carol, the wedding that might never happen because Mark wouldn’t set a date.

  Tears stung her eyes. For weeks, she’d held her fears inside. She’d kept them hidden, trying to appear strong while inside she suffered. Now, with just a few kind words and the discerning eye of a wise matriarch who wasn’t blind where her son was concerned, her protective shield fell.

  “He won’t set a date,” she quietly blurted with a sniffle. “He keeps pushing it off.”

  “And you fear Carol is the reason.”

  “Yes. It’s like he can’t let go of her. Carol is always there. Always in the shadows. Always between us.”

  Giada let out a heavy breath. “Marcus has always been one to feel things deeply. His emotions run deeper than those of anyone I’ve ever met. Not only does he love deeply, which is why I know you two will find your way through this, but he hurts deeply, too. He internalized the pain of what Carol did to him at such a profound level
it nearly destroyed him. He became a Marcus I no longer recognized after Carol left him at the altar. I feared for him. I really did. Then he met you.” Her face filled with happiness. “And you brought back the son I knew and remembered. For the first time since Carol, I recognized him again. He was my Marcus. My boy. All because of you. You’re good for him, and he knows it. So don’t give up.”

  Karma glanced around the room. “I don’t want to, but I’m so confused right now.”

  Giada’s forehead creased as she frowned quizzically. “What do you mean?”

  “It’s not just Carol, or the fact that Mark’s dragging his feet to set a date, but . . .” How could she say this tactfully? “I’ve never dated a man like Mark. A man who has so much . . . um . . .”

  “Money?” Giada offered with a suggestive tilt of her head.

  Karma winced and dropped her gaze. “It’s such a culture shock. I don’t want him paying for everything. He’s already given me a set of credit cards. He’s hinted that he wants to pay off my student loans. He chartered a private jet to fly us to Saint Lucia for Christmas. I don’t want to leech off his money. I don’t want to be seen as a gold digger, because I’m not. I want—”

  Giada grabbed her hands and clutched them to her chest. “Dear, you are not a gold digger. The mere fact that you cringe at the idea is proof enough you’re not. And Marcus would never have fallen in love with you if you were.”

  “But—”

  She held up her hand. “Hear me out, dear.” She scooted closer. “You’re not making Marcus pay for anything. He wants to take care of you. It’s how we raised him. To be the provider. To be responsible for his famiglia. Providing for you is his purpose. Do you understand?”

  The look on Karma’s face must have conveyed she didn’t, because Giada pursed her lips and turned her gaze upward as if searching for a better way to explain.

  “Okay,” she said a moment later, standing. “Think of it this way.” Her accent stroked her words in a way that made her sound wise. “You’re two dancers. Man and woman. Together.” She lifted her arms and swayed smoothly side to side. “The man is the foundation. He’s the rock. Without the man, the woman has no support.” She halted and met Karma’s gaze. “Now, you may be asking yourself, if Mark is your foundation—your rock—then what are you to him?” Giada paused only a beat before continuing, speaking slowly, dragging out the words to give them weight. “You are what gives him purpose.” She lowered her chin pointedly. “Without you, Marcus is just an empty frame. No purpose. Nothing to hold. Without him, you are a piece of silk on the wind, nothing to keep you grounded. But together, you are art. You are beauty. You are strength.” She placed her soft palms on either side of Karma’s face, a wistful expression in her eyes. “As one, you are breathtaking.” She took her hands away and lifted them as if she were catching rain. “With support, a woman can leap higher.” She spun once. “She can spin faster.” She bent to the side. “She can bend more deeply.” She straightened and clasped her hands loosely in front of her. “She can do all these things because he’s there giving support. She can do more because of him.” Giada sat down beside her once more. “The two of you are synergistic. Better together than apart.”

  Leave it to a dancer to create such fabulous imagery.

  “Some people . . .” Giada bobbed her head toward the bedroom door to indicate the people they’d left in the ballroom. “They let their money go to their heads. They become entitled, thinking happiness and materialism is owed them. That they’re somehow better than those with less and should be treated differently. As if they’re special.” She scoffed. “Mark isn’t like that. That’s not how we raised him, and he knows better than to think that way.”

  Karma understood completely now why she’d never noticed how much money Mark had until he’d started spending so much of it on her. He wasn’t one to show off his financial status. He never held himself the way the others downstairs did. And he never looked down his nose at poor people. And he didn’t do any of those things because his mom and dad had raised him better than that.

  “I just don’t want to lose my identity,” Karma said.

  “You won’t. You’re simply building a new one with Marcus. You’re still you, and he’s still him, but together, you’re becoming someone new. A pair instead of two individual people.”

  Giada took her hand again. “One more thing, dear. If Marcus is buying you extravagant gifts, it’s because he feels you’re worthy of his money. He’s never been one to squander his fortune. Marcus is very responsible. For him to spend so much on you means he sees a future with you. A long, fulfilling future he wants to invest in. Trust me on this.”

  “Then why won’t he set a date for our wedding?” This conversation had been such an eye-opener, but in some ways she was more conflicted now than she’d been an hour ago.

  Giada’s gaze drifted back to the picture on the shelf. “If I had to guess, I’d say he’s still battling old ghosts.”

  “But how long will he be battling them?”

  She shrugged. “That I can’t tell you. But just be there when he’s ready. He’ll come to you. I know he will. He sees his salvation in you.”

  The question was, salvation from what?

  * * *

  Mark heard voices coming from his bedroom and made his way down the hall.

  “Karma? Mamma?”

  It took a moment for an answer to come, and then his mom said, “In here, Marcus.”

  His steps quickened until he reached his old bedroom and pushed open the door. Karma and his mom were sitting on the couch he’d fallen asleep on many times in his youth while studying. Two half-eaten pieces of cake sat on his old desk.

  “What are you two up to in here?”

  His mom stood and gave Karma a wink. “Just getting to know my future daughter-in-law better. You’ve kept her hidden from me far too long, honey. Shame on you for that.” She gave his arm a gentle swat. “But we had a fabulous visit, didn’t we, dear.”

  With a nod, Karma smoothed her palms down her pant legs. “Yes. It was very . . . educational.”

  He frowned and cast a suspicious glance between them. “Okay, what were you two really talking about up here?”

  “You know better than to ask your madre such a question,” his mom said, playfully chastising him. Then she turned toward Karma, patting her hand. “Just a little girl talk, right?”

  Karma stood and joined him, wrapping her arm around his, and shared a secret glance with his mom. “That’s right. Girl talk. Top secret stuff.”

  Something about the way her eyes sparkled made him smile. She looked utterly adorable. Coquettish yet innocent, a combination that always lit his fire.

  His mom gathered the plates and carried them to the door. She stopped, stacked one plate on top of the other, and put her hand on the doorknob. “I’ll leave you two alone.” She pulled the door closed.

  As soon as the latch clicked, he pulled her against his body. His conversation with Rob dissipated in a blink, leaving only his love and the intense chemistry he and Karma shared. She was his home base in a game of hide-and-seek. The place he could come back to time and again and find safety from the shit running after him from his past.

  Her compassionate gaze, so full of love, met his. Whatever she and his mom had talked about had hushed whatever discontent was left over from his surprising announcement last night and his continued avoidance of the subject of their wedding date today.

  “I told you my mom would like you.” His arms settled around her waist, holding her close.

  Her palms skimmed up his chest, coming to rest just below his shoulders. “I think I’m her new best friend.” She let out a soft laugh. “She seems very happy we’re engaged.”

  His mom had witnessed in one way or another the residual effects of Carol’s betrayal, including the long string of women he’d dated but never let himself get involved with beyond a certain point. For her, seeing him finally settling down was probably an answer to a prayer.


  “I think she was beginning to think I would never fall in love again.” He sighed. “And, honestly, so did I.”

  She snuggled closer, pressing her pert breasts against his chest. “Only because you wouldn’t allow yourself to love and be loved.”

  Trailing the tip of his finger down her exposed shoulder, he pushed the loose fabric of her blouse even lower, revealing more skin. “I didn’t allow it with you, either, but you got through anyway. I still fell in love with you.” He tucked his chin, bringing his face within an inch of hers. “Hard.”

  Her fingers linked at the back of his neck and pulled him even closer as she turned her face up to his. The moment her lips brushed over his, a waterfall of heat poured over his body. His eyes drifted shut, and his arms coiled tighter around her lithe form.

  He deepened the kiss and sought her tongue with his, inhaling her breath. And again, deeper still, he invaded her mouth, his arousal rapidly rising. When she moaned a moment later, hot shivers danced down his spine straight into his scrotum.

  He pulled away, already breathless, his right hand under the back of her shirt, pressed firmly against her skin.

  “You ready to leave?”

  She nodded, bottom lip caught between her teeth.

  “Me, too.” Searching her face, he forced himself to take a step back and wrapped his hand around hers. “Let’s go back to the hotel so I can show you just how hard I’ve fallen.”

  “I’d like that.” She hesitated, blinking up at him, eyes doe like and beguiling. “Maybe we can . . . you know . . . rent a movie?” Her eyebrows rose suggestively.

  “What? You mean, like a dirty one?”

  She nodded, her cheeks flushing red as she lowered her eyelids a split second before she ducked her head and tucked it against his chest.

  He chuckled, stroking her hair. “It’s too late to go all shy on me now,” he said. “You’ve already planted the seed. This is a done deal.”