Shiftr: Swipe Left for Love (Ryzard) BBW Bear Shifter Romance (Hope Valley BBW Dating App Romance Book 9)

by Ariana Hawkes

  Before long, he was back on his porch steps, gulping down the burning liquid. But it didn’t numb his pain and anger. Instead, it increased his appetite for self-destruction. Somehow, the TV got smashed after all, and the fridge, and pretty much every single thing that could be broken. His bear roared and howled, and at some point he shifted and did some damage to the surrounding area with his claws. He didn’t recall passing out, but when he was awake again, it was full daylight, and he was lying beside the empty whisky bottle, in the midst of his destroyed home. The events of the day before lurched back to him.

  “Just like your old man,” he mumbled, holding up the empty bottle and staring at it in disgust. And now the clan’s found out what a loser I am – the only bears who ever wanted me. He threw the bottle into the rubble of the house, hearing it smashing.

  You’ve got a mate, his bear told him. “Yeah. Sure I have. I screwed that one up good, too.” The words he’d said to that girl rushed back at him and resounded around his skull. I threatened to kill her and her family? He shook his head violently. How did those evil words come out of my mouth? The guys are right – I do deserve to get kicked out of the clan. I’m not worthy to be their brother. Loneliness washed over him. I should just go right now. Take off in my truck. And never come back. Why do I need a home anyway?

  As he continued to stare at what used to be his cabin, lost in misery and self-loathing, a car rounded the bend of the dirt track that led to his yard. He shielded his eyes from the bright sun and peered at it. It was a classic sports car, dark blue and expensive looking. A tall woman climbed out, shaking loose her long chestnut-colored hair.

  “Yoo hoo!” she called in a ringing voice. It was the woman who designed the stupid Shiftr app. Who organized all those big parties. If he’d had more time, he would’ve hid from her, but it was too late. She waved and he lifted a hand in reply.

  “Good heavens! It looks like you had some party in here!” she exclaimed, delicately stepping over the broken things littering the yard.

  “A party for one,” he said, too broken down to try to make up some story. The woman cast an intelligent eye around, taking everything in.

  “Happens to the best of us,” she said kindly. “You are okay, though? – Ryzard – is it? I was just passing when I saw that your cabin had – uh – suffered some damage, so I wanted to check that nothing terrible had happened.” She indicated what remained of the porch steps, he nodded and she sat down.

  “I’m fine,” he said shortly.

  “You don’t look fine, if you don’t mind me saying so.” He scowled at her. Why wouldn’t the damn woman leave him alone? “I’m used to you bears being a happy bunch. Is something happening in the clan?”

  “The clan’s fine. Or it will be, once they get rid of me,” he grunted. Tamika’s eyebrows shot up.

  “Whatever do you mean?”

  “I ruined everything. I always ruin everything. They’re probably going to kick me out. But I’m not going to hang around for that. I’m leaving Hope Valley. It’s better for everyone that way.” When he saw sympathy flash in Tamika’s eyes, he scowled even more. He didn’t want sympathy. Didn’t deserve it.

  “Nothing’s ever ruined, Ryzard. It’s obvious you feel bad about what you’ve done. I’m sure whatever it is, you can make amends, and the clan will forgive you.”

  “I let a human see me shift,” he spat, fixing her with a hard stare. “Because I was drunk. Because I’m a deadbeat.” Tamika didn’t quake at his fierce expression, or look disgusted at what he’d just told her. Instead, she continued to look at him with understanding.

  “What happened?” she said. And to his surprise, he told her the whole sorry story, beginning with meeting a beautiful woman in a bar, and ending with the clan’s fury at him.

  “Looks like my app got you into a bit of trouble,” she said with a mischievous expression on her face.

  “Yeah. I never even wanted to try dating. But the guys pushed me into it.”

  “Why would they do a thing like that?” Ryzard shrugged.

  “I guess they think I’ll be happier with a mate and cubs. But they’re wrong. It’s not for me.”

  “But Shiftr picked you out as a very good match with this girl. That means that she’s your mate.”

  “No. She hates my guts, and that’s all there is to it.” Tamika’s delicate lips pursed.

  “Okay, putting all of this aside for a moment – your clan cares about you. They won’t kick you out, surely.”

  “I’ve pushed them too far. I’ve been drinking and fighting for too long.” He hung his head, overcome with embarrassment at his own behavior.

  “And do you want to get kicked out of the clan?”

  “Not at all!” Ryzard said, more forcefully than he’d intended. “The clan are my brothers. They took me in and made me feel like I had a family for the first time in my life.”

  “Then show them that your problems are in the past. It sounds like you were heading in the right direction when you signed up to the app. It’s just unfortunate that these events happened yesterday.”

  “But how could things have been different? Ever since I shifted in front of this girl, I was done for.”

  “Well, imagine if you’d recognized her from her Shiftr photos, and apologized to her instead of trying to flirt with her?” Ryzard was quiet for a moment.

  “Maybe she wouldn’t have come over like a rocket, all mad, and told everybody what I did?”

  “Exactly.”

  “I think I see what you’re saying.”

  “I’ll leave you to think. I often believe that the answers we’re looking for lie inside us.” Tamika took a business card out of her purse and handed it to him. “Call me anytime, or drop by my office. I’m here to help.” She got to her feet and squeezed his shoulder. “In the meantime, take care, Ryzard. You’re a good guy.”

  He watched her leave, wondering why in hell that pretty lady with the nice manners was troubling to be nice to him.

  I’ve got to show the clan that my problems are in the past, he thought. He got to his feet and began to walk around in a slow circle. But how? He’d never been good at thinking. His thoughts tended to get disorganized and go off in all directions. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, opened the app and stared at Marilyn’s photo. She deserved the best things in life. Not a husband who cheated on her, followed by some asshole screwing her, then turning into a bear right in front of her eyes, and freaking the hell out of her. He looked at her profile, reading about her interests and personality. When his gaze passed over the 95% compatibility indicator at the top of the screen, his heart sped up a little. “She could be mine,” he murmured and his bear let off a long purr of agreement. And then he closed the app abruptly. No. Not my mate. I’ll only screw her life up like I’ve screwed up my own. His bear let out a howl of desolation. Its disappointment with him wracked his whole body. He collapsed onto the ground and lay there for a long time, watching the clouds chasing across the sky.

  Some time later, he sat up abruptly, as an idea struck him: Marilyn would never be his mate, but there was no reason for her to go on hating him. I’ve got to show her that I’m sorry. That’s it! He opened the app again and began tapping out a message to her, word by laborious word, explaining how sorry he was for what he’d done and how he’d changed since then. When he was done, he hit send before he had time to change his mind, and put the phone down.

  To his surprise, he felt a little lighter. And he realized that he was hungry, and thirsty. He stripped off, shifted, and headed into the forest to hunt.

  When Ryzard came back, he picked up his phone reluctantly, but unable to stop himself from checking to see if she’d replied. But to his dismay, there was a message from Shiftr, saying the recipient of this message cannot be located on our system. He let off a rumble of frustration. It had cost him a lot to write that message, and now it hadn’t even been delivered. But why? He didn’t get technology at all. Where was that business card that Tamika ha
d given him? He located it in his shorts and dialed her number.

  “Oh, I’m sorry to say this, Ryzard, but it looks as though Marilyn might have blocked you from seeing her profile on Shiftr, which is why your message hasn’t been delivered.”

  “She’s not even going to see it?”

  “No, I’m afraid not. Looks like you might have to try a more direct approach.”

  “I’ll find out where she lives and go see her.”

  “N-no that wasn’t what I meant exactly. I think you’ve got to do something more, to prove to her – and to your clan – that you’ve changed your ways, if you really want to convince them.”

  “Like what?”

  “Both the clan and this girl think that you’re not stable and serious about things, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then show them that you are.” Ryzard gazed at his surroundings. Then he scanned his ruined cabin in dismay. He didn’t even have a home anymore, never mind all the other things that guys used to attract mates. Hopelessness washed over him again. “Are you still there?”

  “A house,” he said. “I need a house to live in.”

  “Yes! I think that’d be an excellent first step.” All of a sudden, ideas started to crowd into his mind.

  “I could build one. A nice house, like the other guys. Maybe with separate rooms. And put some nice stuff in there.”

  “I think that’s a great idea. Why don’t you make it nice and big, with plenty of bedrooms?”

  “Really?”

  “Trust me on this one.”

  “Do you really think it’ll work?”

  “I have a strong suspicion that it will.”

  Ryzard’s head was full when they ended the call. But not in a bad way. He had plans! One thing at a time, he told himself. Something his life on the road had taught him was that you can only go in one direction at once, and sometimes you have to be patient and wait for the ultimate destination to reveal itself. He surveyed the mess of his shack and blew out a long breath. There was a lot of work to be done.

  He went inside and began to take it apart, piece by piece. Anything that wasn’t wood, he threw in the back of the truck to take to the waste disposal unit. The wooden panels that used to be the walls and roof of the cabin, he piled up to use as fuel at a later date.

  It took a few hours, and when he was done, there was only a small heap of his personal possessions in the middle of the forest floor – a wash bag, a holdall full of clothes, a music player. How had he lived so long, and only owned these few things?

  Now, the next step was to build a new place. But the thought of constructing a multi-room cabin was mind-boggling. He’d always been happy living in a single-room place. He’d had a bed and a stove for making coffee, and that was enough for him. But Tamika had told him to build a big place and that was what he was going to do. He sat on a tree stump and stared at the bare patch of earth where his home used to be. He couldn’t do this by himself. He was a trucker, not a carpenter. Unlike most of his clan. But he couldn’t ask them for help. He had no favors to call in because everyone was sick of him. And then he remembered Jacko. Jacko owned a lumberyard where he made deliveries sometimes. He’d helped him out a few years ago when his car had broken down on the way to his daughter’s wedding. He’d told Ryzard that he’d give him enough wood to build a house, any time he wanted. Ryzard picked up his phone and went through his business contacts. He found Jacko’s number and dialed it.

  7

  Twenty-four hours later, Ryzard was driving his truck back to Hope Valley, carrying enough cherry wood to build a two story house with four bedrooms. Jacko had hugged him like his long-lost brother and had been excited to discuss his plans for the cabin. He’d even helped him to draw up an architectural plan and advised him exactly how much wood he’d need. Ryzard had tried to pay for it, but Jacko waved him away.

  “If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve missed my only daughter’s wedding, and she probably wouldn’t be speaking to me anymore, or letting me see my wonderful grandchildren,” he said with a grin.

  Ryzard’s chest filled with elation as he pulled up beside his plot of land. He had done something good for someone else, and in turn it had brought something positive into his life.

  He sat on the tree trunk again and laid the plans on the ground in front of him. Jacko had explained how to lay the foundations, and the right tools to use. Once he was certain he knew what to do, he took out his tape measure and started marking up the plot.

  The day went fast, and by the time the light was fading, he’d made little progress. He collapsed onto the tree stump, soaked in perspiration. This was going to take weeks, maybe months. He couldn’t do this on his own. It was too much for a simple bear like himself to fathom. He needed help.

  But the clan were the only carpenters working for miles around and they all hated him. He thought of each of the members, one by one. Was there anyone who didn’t hate him? None of the guys who’d seen him shamefully attacking Niall the other day. Not Connor, who had probably already decided to kick him out of the clan, although he hadn’t heard anything from him. Bruno was a firefighter, not a carpenter. Logan was too close to Connor to risk asking him. Leigh? Leigh was real independent. He didn’t live in the forest with the others, but at the foot of the mountains with his fiery Scottish mate, Adaira. He tended to be reclusive and stay out of trouble. He’d ask him. And what about Timo? Timo was the softest of the bears. He had a generous spirit. And he was also blissfully in love with his new mate, Raven. He’d ask him too. What if they’ve been told not to have anything to do with me? He sighed. Then he had nothing to lose. He dialed their numbers.

  The following morning, as dawn was breaking, Ryzard uncurled himself from the nest of leaves he’d been sleeping in. He yawned, stretched, and ran into the forest to catch enough breakfast for three. When he returned, two huge bears were waiting for him, and they eagerly devoured the pile of rabbits he’d brought.

  When the three of them had digested, they shifted, and Leigh and Timo stood in front of him in their muscular human forms.

  “Thanks so much for this, guys,” Ryzard said. Timo slapped him on the back.

  “You’re still our bro, Ryzard. Even if you do get a little out of control sometimes.”

  “You saved my life up on that mountain, dude,” Leigh said, referring to the time when he’d been attacked by a pack of wolves when he’d been living in isolation on a mountain top, and the clan had arrived at the last moment and saved his life. “I’ll never forget that.” Timo and Leigh had already promised not to tell the other bears that they were working for him, unless they were asked a direct question.

  A flood of relief and gratitude washed through Ryzard as they all got to work.

  In a couple of weeks, the cabin was finished, and it surpassed Ryzard’s wildest dreams. It was beautifully made, and huge. Big enough for a whole family of bears. Every day, when the guys had finished work, Ryzard stayed up late, shopping for furnishings, and creating a garden of flowers and vegetables that went all around the cabin. He badly wished that he had Dalton there to advise him which plants to use, but he did the best he could, researching on the internet, and sneaking over to Dalton’s place to look at his garden.

  Ryzard surprised even himself with his work. A month ago, he never would have imagined that he was capable of creating something like that. But it was the thought of Marilyn that kept him going. He dreamed of showing her the house; that it might help her to realize that he wasn’t the asshole she thought he was.

  When they’d added the finishing touches to the porch, Ryzard started up the barbecue and brought out some beers. Just as they were finishing eating and drinking, a familiar sports car roared up the driveway and Tamika emerged from the driver seat. Ryzard rushed over and stood in front of her, wanting to hug her, but suddenly too shy. She took the initiative instead, wrapping her small arms around his waist.

  “Ryzard, this is fantastic! You boys have done an amazing job,” she sa
id. Ryzard grinned.

  “It’s all thanks to these guys,” he said gruffly.

  “I think it might actually be the nicest cabin in the forest. I can see that you’ve really poured your heart and soul into it.” He nodded.

  “I have.”

  “The only thing to do now is to tell your mate about it.” Ryzard stood stock still, his jaw jutting forward.

  “What do you mean? I don’t have a mate.” Tamika let out a tinkling laugh. Ryzard, you don’t think you’ve been building this big house just for yourself, do you?”

  “Huh?” He scrubbed at his forehead with the flat of his hand.

  “Marilyn is your mate. You feel it, right?” His bear immediately let off a rumbling purr. It had been insisting non-stop that she was his mate, and the memory of their hot night together all those months ago had begun to crystallize in his mind. It had been incredibly hot – but more than that – it felt like they fit together. But still he shook his head, no. He didn’t deserve a woman like her.

  “I just want to show her I’m sorry. That’s all,” he said gruffly.

  “Ryzard, listen to me. Shiftr says that you’re mates, and my little app is never wrong. You just need to believe it in your heart. And look what you’ve done already. Now, it’s probably not going to happen all at once. But start by apologizing to her, then slowly try to win her trust. And then I’m sure the clan will welcome you back as well.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I do,” Tamika said with a kind smile. Something inside Ryzard lifted, and for the first time in a long time, he felt a spark of genuine excitement for the future. But how was he going to find Marilyn now?

  “Ryzard, you know I care about all of you bears a lot, and I can’t wait to see you all mated, with oodles of cubs running around,” she continued. At her words, Ryzard’s breath caught in his throat. The image of him standing in the forest, with his arm around Marilyn’s shoulder and three or four little cubs running around their legs burned brightly in his mind. And knowing that this lovely lady was rooting for him gave him a glimmer of hope that it could happen. He stooped down to Tamika’s height and kissed her on the cheek.